If It Were Only This Easy
by Crimson1
Summary: THE END! An AU with the characters from normal Saiyukiverse looking in as invisible observers. I already told you, it's the end. : I hope you love this as much as I do. Yaoi!
1. The Whirlwind

IF IT WERE ONLY THIS EASY

* * *

When daily life consists of routine--such as driving along a never-ending path that will undoubtedly lead to some form of opposition before the day is done--anything falling outside that routine can often come as a very real shock. Stumbling across someone who does not end up threatening your life by the end of the encounter is often shock enough, but stumbling across opposition that cannot be fought or even properly faced…now that can be devastating.

Especially if the opposition comes in the form of a dream that is far more desirable than reality.

"Ano…Sanzo…I'm not entirely sure how to address this matter, but…"

"What is it, Hakkai?"

"…well…it would seem we are in a bit of trouble at the moment."

Sanzo lazily opens his eyes, moving them slowly to the side to focus on the man seated next to him. "Meaning…?"

Emerald eyes trained very firmly on the distant horizon, Hakkai does not have to reply; his increasingly bewildered expression tells Sanzo where his attention should be turned.

As the mildly annoyed monk lifts his head to stare out at the scenery in front of them, he wonders for maybe a moment only what it might be like to swallow sand.

Ahead of them is what a novice would assume must be a coming sandstorm, but having been on the road for near a year now, Sanzo and his fellows know better. That is no sandstorm; that is a whirlwind. A tornado of sand caused by something that could not possibly be natural.

"An attack, do you suppose?" Hakkai asks, bringing the jeep to a slow halt.

Sanzo takes a moment to survey their surroundings. Nothing. No trees or outpost from which any villain could be sending such an attack from. "I don't see how."

"But…this is no force of nature I have ever seen. The sun is shining, there is no wind."

"I think we better wake up the idiots in the back."

A few moments later and Goku and Gojyo, who had been dozing rather pleasantly for the last few hours, have been pulled none to gently from rest and are now staring out at the sight ahead.

Whatever the whirlwind is, it appears to be moving towards them.

"Shit…that don't look good."

"Hey, Hakkai, can't we go around it?"

"I don't think that would work, Goku. This…phenomenon…seems to be rather enamored with us."

Gojyo lets out a low laugh. "That's smart-talk for…don't piss in your drawers, monkey-boy, but it's coming right for us."

In an act of routine, Goku has no choice but to stick his tongue out in contempt at the comment and pet-name given, but considering the coming storm--indeed, heading right for them--any lingering resentment falls by the wayside.

Hakkai shifts Hakuryuu into reverse, bringing them a few yards back. This, to the crew's complete lack of humor in the situation, proves only to increase the whirlwind's speed in heading towards them. Hakkai tries again, a little faster and a little father than before, but the result is the same. Like it or not, it does not seem as if they can outrun this.

"Turn the jeep around."

"But, Sanzo--"

"If it wants a chase, we'll give it one."

"…hai."

Hakkai spins the wheel, turning the jeep roundabout to begin heading east. Sanzo maintains an apathetic face, languidly smoking a cigarette as he stares forward. Goku and Gojyo continue to look out the back, watching with growing trepidation the cyclone of sand following them now at an impossible speed.

"Sanzo…

"Yo, you shitty monk, pay attention!"

"Sanzo, it's gonna catch us!"

A flicker of red passes by Goku and Gojyo as Sanzo's cigarette is pulled into the whirlwind. "Che." the monk growls, clenching his now empty fingers into a fist. "Someone's going to pay for that…"

-----

By the time the four young men are coming to, their surroundings have significantly changed.

Each takes stock of the state of the others first, seeing that yes, Sanzo, Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai are all okay as they are now picking themselves up from the ground and taking in their surroundings. They are in what appears to be a very normal bedroom, which is very abnormal considering the last thing any of them remember was being in the jeep, in the middle of the desert, with a cyclone on their tail.

Sanzo is the first to speak. "Fuck." he curses, looking right pissy at being unable to locate his cigarettes, his lighter, his fan…or his gun. He is comforted only by the safety of the sutra still resting on his shoulders. "Where the hell are we?"

"Damn." comes a curse from Gojyo, who suddenly thought to look for his own smokes and lighter, ending in much the same failure. "Wherever we are it sure ain't heaven. You think this is some kinda joke?"

Hakkai, who had been scrutinizing their surrounding with the most critical care, looks fairly stumped. "I don't like that Hakuryuu is not here. We all seem to be missing things. Including memory--lost time. I can't see how we have come to be here. Wherever here is…" The monocled man turns a kind eye on Goku, who seems to be preoccupied with the bed near the center of the room. "Goku…are you all right?"

The earth-child does not respond, too immersed in whatever it is he is staring so intently at.

"Goku?"

"It…it can't be…"

Hakkai's look turns quizzical. Sanzo and Gojyo have also turned their attention on the young heretic. "Goku…what…?" But Hakkai never quite finishes his question, for he too sees what is so fascinating about the occupant in the bed--an occupant they had failed to notice until now.

Gold eyes turn back to the others, their owner's expression wild and uncertain. "Sanzo…guys…it really is, right? I'm not going crazy or somethin'…right?" He turns back to the bed, half reaching out is if to touch the sleeping parody. "It's…me."

True enough, asleep on the bed, with the covers pulled up tight around him to only reveal a very familiar face, brown hair, and the glinting gold of a coronet…is Goku.

"It's me. It's really me. But…I look kinda…older or something', huh? Sanzo…?"

The monk approaches cautiously, looking past the Goku speaking to him to stare at the Goku in the bed. The sleeping monkey does appear a few years older than the monkey he knows. But if that is true…then…have they been brought to some near future?

Sanzo does not want to think about it.

"Wherever we are…let's find the quickest way out." the blonde says with clear disdain for this place, though the others can't quite understand what he has to dislike about a future with Goku still alive and well in it. "Hakkai?"

The brunette nearly jumps at being addressed so suddenly, and as three sets of eyes pin him with their weight, he feels for the first time that he wants to hide from their collective stare. "Look to me as long as you want, but I know no more than the rest of you. My chi abilities have a certain advantage in detecting an evil presence or a spell, but…as far as my senses are able…they see this place as merely the bedroom it appears to be."

Sanzo nearly sneers, and would have taken his frustrations out on…anyone…if only he had his fan to lash out with. Whatever is going on, someone is going to die for daring to take his things.

All four men start at the sudden shrill sound of a very unpleasant ringing. Their eyes dart to one another, and then about the room, searching for the source. It is Goku who finally realizes where the sound is coming from as he points to the dresser just off the bed where an alarm clock is busily sounding its good morning. Sanzo moves as if to grab the clock and silence it, but Hakkai moves forward to block his path, shaking his head in dissent.

"Sanzo, we cannot interfere with this place until we know where we are and what purpose we have for being here. We should see how things play out."

Violet eyes narrow dangerously, but before Sanzo can protest Hakkai's demands, a few strange moans begin to emanate from the bed. And they do not sound at all like they are coming from Goku. The still sleeping Goku has not even twitched, in fact, and as the four men standing in front of the bed look on, they come to realize how foolish they had been for not noticing the second lump beneath the covers.

"I knew putting the alarm clock on your side of the bed was a mistake."

SLAM. A pale hand has risen up out of the covers, reached over Goku, and slammed down on the clock to turn it off. As the figure lifts himself up slightly to stare down at the yes, still sleeping Goku, the covers fall from his white shoulders, and his blonde hair is revealed to be slightly longer than they would normally expect from--

"Sanzo! No fucking way!"

Gojyo's more vocal approach to this discovery is indeed very much like the internal reactions going on in his companions. Hakkai's mouth is unseemly hung open, Goku's eyes are wide and frozen, and Sanzo has started to shake--shake from unbridled anger at the violation in the grotesque display being set before them.

At least, that is what the scene is as far as Sanzo is concerned. The others are too busy watching to think much more on the absurdity of the show.

"Goku, wake up." the bed-laid blonde speaks to the sleeping brunette beside him. Besides the man's appearance being slightly different--his hair just a bit longer as it brushes his shoulders, the absence of the chakra on his forehead--it is the neutrality of his tone that catches the attention of the onlookers. He sounds almost…nice. "Goku." he says again, a small smile playing at his lips as he gently shakes his companion's shoulders. "You're not fooling anyone, you know. Goku. Come on, babe, get up."

Gojyo nearly chokes. "Babe…?"

Hakkai is awestruck.

Goku has gone pale.

Sanzo…is still shaking.

"Goku…I mean it." the blonde in the bed says more sternly. Receiving no response, not even a twitch of a muscle in reply, a strange little smirk forms on the man's lips as he leans down close to Goku's peaceful face and whispers, "Goku…if you don't wake up right now…" he pauses, his smirk turning rather wicked. "…no sex for a week."

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku's hearts all skip a very large beat.

Sanzo has stopped breathing.

The Goku in the bed at last shows signs of life as a single, golden eye peaks open. He stares at the blonde hovering so close to him. "You wouldn't."

The blonde laughs--genuinely laughs. "Works every time."

Goku pulls an arm from out of the covers and swings it towards his partner's head. "Jerk."

The blonde catches it with ease, since the blow had no real intention of causing harm. "Ah, ah, ah. Good monkeys play nice."

Freeing his arm with far too much ease, and looking as if he has moved his legs beneath the covers to coil around the legs beside his own, Goku smiles in triumph. "Who says I'm a _good_ monkey." the boy teases, and as the other four men in the room continue to look on in varied degrees of surprise and horror--none having really taken note of how the pair in the bed seems to have no knowledge of their presence--the very content and happy couple proceeds to struggle and wrestle on the bed until they suddenly become a mass of tangled sheets that has landed on the floor.

Goku, the only one close enough to have need to move back, jumps away as the pair lands nearly on his feet. The laughter echoing from both of them as they try to untangle themselves…has Goku's blood running cold. The boys knows better than to look to Sanzo. He knows that whatever expression Sanzo is wearing, it can only be one that would cause his heart to ache.

Still silenced as they stare, the four men watch as the other Goku comes out triumphant after all, coming up straddling the blonde's waist as his hands hold the other man down by his wrists being pinned above that beautiful, golden head. "Now, this is more like it. And much more familiar." Goku beams, shifting his hips a little beneath the barely-enough-to-cover-him-now sheet around his waist. However the pair's bodies are touching beneath the covers, the group is certain they do not want to know.

The blonde on the floor is still smiling, the expression so strange and foreign for the face it rests on, that every once in a while the onlookers wonder if it is really Sanzo at all. "Maybe." the blonde says. "But that's only true…because I like you in this position." A quick lunge up connects the man's lips with Goku's and they kiss slow and sensually, smiles playing on both their faces as their lips and tongues dance in a very common good morning.

Sanzo's nails are digging so deeply into his palms as his fists remain clenched, that if one looked close enough they would be able to see the small bit of blood pooling around the broken skin. "What…is this…?" he growls, his voice sounding more menacing than any of the others ever remember hearing it.

Hakkai's mouth has finally closed out of decency, and he turns to look at Sanzo with a furrowed brow. He has no answer.

Gojyo, face filled half with amusement and half with horror, remains trained on the strange--alien, impossible, disgusting, oddly…erotic--image of Goku and a certain blonde bombshell kissing passionately on the floor of what can only be…THEIR bedroom.

Goku…does not look up from the image either, but only because he cannot bear to see the look surely present in Sanzo's eyes.

When the blonde on the floor and the Goku with him pull apart, they are still smiling, seeming as if they could not be more comfortable…with everything. "Morning." Goku says.

"Morning." the blonde replies.

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Whatever semblances of sound or movement that may have been present in the room stop very reverently dead. Not even Gojyo would dare comment on that.

There is a moment of stifling silence as the four men stare, and the pair stares at each other, until the Goku on the floor suddenly pulls himself up with a shout of, "I call first shower!", before sprinting--quite naked--out of the bedroom and towards what they assume must be the bathroom.

No one knows how to respond to all this. What had been a possibly lewd, and very near sweet display, now seems suddenly dangerous.

Sanzo stares with unrestrained hatred at his own likeness on the floor. How dare the man smile that way, and look so…happy. How dare the man act as if life is all daisies and good times with a natural liking of life and what is granted him. He has no right…

No right.

"How…dare you…" he speaks, his voice too low at first to hear properly. "Who do you think you are…to show us this…filth. Tell me. Who are you? Who are you!" The others are not prepared for it when Sanzo suddenly lunges for the figure on the floor, and they are certainly not prepared for how Sanzo falls right through the man, is if he--or Sanzo--is nothing but a ghost.

Realizing he is somewhat half-inside his other self, Sanzo recoils, pushing back until he falls into a clumsy sitting position on the floor with the other blonde just in front of him. He breathes heavily, watching with hatred and now a little fear as the other him finally gets up from the ground, the sheet falling away to reveal that he too is very much naked.

Sanzo's breath hitches in his panic and his fury. He gets to his feet quickly, his eyes never once leaving the form of his own naked self walking across the room to the closet where he pulls out a robe to slip over that pale skin. Sanzo is silently thankful for the cover--his body is not for others' eyes--but he cannot keep himself from hating this figure as the man heads out of the bedroom.

"Hn…Sanzo doesn't look any older."

Darting his attention immediately to whomever is bold enough to speak, Sanzo glares at Gojyo with no more purpose than that he hates how the others have witnessed this with him.

Gojyo shrugs off Sanzo's stern look, catching a quick acknowledgement from Hakkai and Goku before continuing. "I'm just saying. Yeah, Goku looks a few years older, right? But Sanzo doesn't. He looks the same. Well…not the same, but…ya know. So…this can't really be the future, I don't think."

"Of course this isn't the future, you fucking kappa!" Sanzo seethes. "This would never, had never, will never happen! This is some…twisted, sick illusion by one of those damn assassins, and I will not stand for it. Let us out of here now, you fucking bastard!" Sanzo screams at the ceiling suddenly, his distress unnerving to all of them, who have never quite seen the monk so incensed.

"Sanzo…" Hakkai begins slowly, treading this territory as carefully as he can. "I do not believe this is as simple as an attack. The whirlwind…whatever it was…could not have been an attack, as you yourself said. It brought us here, and I do no know how or why, but whatever this…reality is--"

"There is nothing of reality about this!" Sanzo counters, the blood from his palms finally showing around the sides of his fists.

"Whatever this is," Hakkai continues without reservations, "Our only hope for understanding it will be by continuing to watch." Hakkai quickly speaks on to stop Sanzo from having another outburst. "No matter how difficult it may be for us, this…place has a story, and someone wants for us to see it. We have no other choice."

There are a number of tense moments that pass with Sanzo looking near the breaking point the entire time, but when he finally comes to a decision, he has no choice but to agree with Hakkai. He nods shortly, releasing his fists just long enough for the others to see how deeply he has been enraged since his palms are cut and bleeding, and then his eyes are narrowing again. "The second we have a way out of here, we're taking it." he says, and is storming his way out the door and after his other self before any of the others can comment again.

Gojyo and Hakkai know all too well that they must handle this next part with extreme care.

"Hey…that was pretty freaky, huh, saru?"

"A rather…interesting display, to be sure."

Goku says nothing. His eyes are cast to the ground, his own fists clenched tightly as he tries without much success to keep his eyes from teary up.

Hakkai's forced smile falters. "Goku…you know…Sanzo doesn't mean to be--"

"Sanzo means to be himself, Hakkai." breaks in Goku's too somber and mature-sounding voice. He looks up slowly, his ageless eyes betraying his sorrow all too easily. "He always means to be how he is. And…he's really mad…having to see that. It was…pretty weird. Sanzo and me…kissing. That's…weird."

Gojyo almost flinches; he doesn't know how to deal with Goku when the boy is like this. And the monkey has never been quite like this--not to this extent--in all the years he has known him. "Someone must have some warped sense of humor." Gojyo tries, hoping that somehow making a joke of the whole thing might help Goku get through this. "I know the monk's not into woman, but he is way more asexual than anything. He probably doesn't even know what sex is, let alone who or what he'd want to have it with. He's just freaked at thinking of himself all naked and sweaty with--"

"Me." Goku finishes, a finality clear in his tone.

Gojyo doesn't know what to say. He looks to Hakkai, but the green-eyed youkai is just as much at a loss as he is. They stare on rather helplessly as Goku makes his way across the room to follow after Sanzo. No words pass between them when they finally decide to follow also, but in their minds both are close to screaming.

tbc...

A/N: I have been playing with this idea in my head for quite some time now, and I figured since my Weiss fic is finally finished (yay) now would be a good time to turn back to Saiyuki. I do not know how long this will be, but the boys are going to be watching a very interesting show to be sure. If you want to see where this goes, or what is happening, you will have to read on. Reviews are much appreciated. No, this is not the future, though Goku is older. As for the rest...til next time.

Crim


	2. And Then There Were Five

And Then There Were Five (wait…five?)

* * *

Sanzo is seriously contemplating the taste of lead; damn whomever brought them here and took his gun away from him.

"You cook?"

The kappa's question is most assuredly ignored.

"I'm just asking, geez." Gojyo says with a pointed roll of crimson eyes. He lounges as comfortably as is possible on the sofa in the main room of the house, off of which is the kitchen. He, and Goku and Hakkai who have also found seats in the living room, was quite happy to discover that although they may pass through their counterparts like ghosts, they can still touch the furniture. "Look at him over there, cooking rice, getting out buns. Practically a homemaker."

The vein that has been throbbing on Sanzo's forehead for quite some time now nearly bursts. "Do you want to die." he growls, arms tightly crossed as he leans against the wall beside the kitchen counter, keeping a close eye on his other self while still looking rather menacingly at Gojyo.

The redhead raises an eyebrow in challenge. "Whatcha gonna do without your weapons, blondie? Hit me with one of those holier-than-thou hands? You might break a nail."

Hakkai immediately rises from his seat when Sanzo storms forward, stepping around to block the monk from Gojyo's all too willing line of fire. "Sanzo, please, we are all on edge. Let us not fight amongst one another. For once." This is said with a piercing look back at Gojyo that clearly shows the brunette is in no mood to be playing referee today.

Gojyo shrugs and turns away, obeying Hakkai's outward and hidden commands alike, and all the while knowing he is only lashing out in lieu of Sanzo's previous and continuing attitude. Sometimes the monk just goes too far.

Why shouldn't the redhead give a little back?

Turning with a grim sneer, Sanzo returns to his perch, transferring his anger onto the main source of his discomfort: himself. Or at least…a very near likeness.

The amiable blonde casts Goku a common smile as the youth comes out of the bathroom. He tosses a sweet bean bun over his shoulder for the brunette to catch--which Goku does. "I'll be quick. Wait for me and I'll walk you to work?"

Between eager bites, Goku nods with enthusiasm, coming into the kitchen to see what else is on the morning's menu. The blonde smiles again and leans down to peck Goku's forehead before heading around the counter to take the younger man's recent place in the shower.

Sanzo does not even try to mask his disgust for the display, and when his harsh violets meet the questioning look he suddenly discovers in the gold staring at him from across the room, he honestly does not know which desire in him is stronger. The one churning his stomach that craves some violent outlet. Or the desire to turn that violence on himself.

"Hey, 'Kai, what's the monkey doing in there?" Gojyo asks, leaning his head back on the couch to better see his friend, who is still standing just behind it after coming to the redhead's rescue.

The parody-Goku has since stolen another sweet bean bun, stirred the rice--though he left it otherwise untouched with much restraint--and is now shuffling about in the bedroom. The bedroom is in fact to the right of the kitchen and living room, while the bathroom is across the house to the left.

Hakkai moves back towards the bedroom and peers inside from the open doorway. His mild shock is instant and quite noticeable.

"He's…cleaning." he says, as if the fact must surely be some trick of the light. He looks on appraisingly. "Fixing the bed, picking up stray clothing. Goku," he adds, turning his head for a moment to look with a kind smile at the Goku still seated on one of the living room's chairs. "I do believe you could learn from yourself."

For the first time since discovering the occupants of this strange world, a flicker of amusement passes over Goku's expression. A quick look back to Sanzo, however, has his frown swiftly reinstated.

Hakkai frowns as well, matching the frown Gojyo has just given him for how they are fairing so poorly in raising the general mood.

Looking back to the bedroom again, Hakkai find himself much more in shock than he had been with the prospect of Goku cleaning. "Oh…my."

This gets everyone's attention, but Gojyo is the first to pounce. "What is it?"

"Ano…well…it's…"

"Oi, Koryuu!"

The drop of a pin, the thump of a heartbeat. All such things could have been heard in the room after that.

It is not hard for the others to figure out who the other Goku is calling to, and though they often forget that Sanzo is only a title, to hear the monk's true name spoken so casually makes them wonder if they should fear another outburst. But though Sanzo has paled a few shades lighter, he appears more frozen than angry, to the relief and anxiety of the others.

"Koryuu!" Goku calls again, appearing from the bedroom to stand just inside the doorway as he calls across the house.

This time, the blonde answers. "Aa!"

A strange cold wraps tightly around each onlooker's throat as the boy lifts the item in his hand. "Who did we borrow the handcuffs from again!"

For all his better judgment, Gojyo allows a laugh.

Hakkai's face has gone quite red.

Goku puts Hakkai's blush to shame.

Sanzo…is still contemplating the taste of lead.

From inside the bathroom still, Koryuu answers. "Who do you think!" he calls, with much humor in his voice.

Gojyo does his best to hold back yet another laugh as he promptly decides his ears must be burning, but the truth is always a bit more interesting than the expected. "Hai." Goku says to himself, all a grin as a gentle laugh leaves his lips. "Who else? No one I know is more of a sex freak than Gonou."

All previous blood that had rushed to redden faces now drains quickly away.

"Did he…say…Gonou?" Gojyo asks, though he knows the question is quite unnecessary.

"I think I need to sit down." And Hakkai does just that, making his way on teetering legs to the couch to fall into an inelegant sitting position beside Gojyo. "This world means to claim us all with…peculiarities."

Gojyo smiles in sympathy. "No shit. Just you wait. I'm likely to have two heads at this rate."

Just as the Goku holding the handcuffs is about to return them to the bedroom, Koryuu comes out of the bathroom, towel drying his very damn hair. "Hang on." he says, halting the monkey's retreat. "Give me those."

Sanzo hisses as his nails reconnect with the still fresh wounds on his palms.

There is a far too suggestive look on Goku's face as he holds the handcuffs out for Koryuu to take, but to all of their extreme relief, the blonde laughs the boy's look off and shakes his head.

"Don't get any ideas, monkey. I'm just going to return them." the blonde grins, plucking the cuffs from Goku's now less than eager hands. "I'm stopping by their place after I drop you off."

Hakkai may or may not have been the only one to notice the plural present in 'their place,' but having heard it quite clearly, he is assaulted with far too many possibilities. Gojyo notices the brunette's ashen face and places a careful hand to the man's shaking elbow, but the action only causes Hakkai to involuntarily flinch before smiling all too quickly with a ready apology.

Gojyo frowns. He has become rather sick of hearing, 'I'm sorry,' leave those lips.

Another sudden ringing startles the onlookers, much like the one they heard upon their arrival. This time, all know quite certainly what the ringing is, but they are still thankful when Koryuu picks up the phone to thoroughly silence the sound.

"Hello?" he says cheerily, the tone really quite odd for those watching, being used by that familiar, deep voice so easily. The blonde's violets light up in sudden surprise and barely concealed frustration as the other end replies to his greeting. "Mom!"

This time, Sanzo audibly chokes.

"Me? Great, Mom. Just great." The blonde looks to Goku with wide searching eyes as he speaks and begins gesturing with his hand as if he wants the other man to find him something. "Yeah, I'm on my way out the door right now. Of course I haven't forgotten." He gestures more wildly, pointing now at a pile of papers on the far too distant countertop. Goku goes to it, but searches with more than a little confusion. "Yeah, yeah, as soon as I drop Goku off at work. Yep." As Goku produces an envelope, Koryuu emphatically gestures that yes, that is exactly what he wants. "It's in my hand right now, Mom." he lies, not yet having a grip on it. "Of course I'm not lying." he says, finally catching his breath as the envelope is at last deposited in his waiting hand. He grins and shakes his head at Goku, who is doing all he can to keep from laughing himself. "Yeah, I know, Mom. Twenty years, pretty amazing. No, it doesn't make you old. Goku and I get older. You never age a day. Ha. Yeah. Sure, he's right here." The phone is suddenly held out for Goku to take. The monkey takes it.

"Hey, Ma!"

Sanzo is more than certain that lead would taste pretty good about now.

"Course I'm taking good care of him." the brunette beams, before promptly taunting his companion by sticking out his tongue. Even on an older Goku, the act is highly fitting. "Tonight? Getting together with the gang. You know, the whole extended family. Haha. Yeah, the expectant mother too."

Hakkai is quite certain he does not want to know who Goku is referring to.

"Yeah, and the underage brat." Goku adds, highly confusing the four watchers as to whom this extended family includes. "Ma, we're always careful. We never let her drink. We don't even drink that much ourselves."

Koryuu snorts. "Tell that to Gonou." he says, soft enough to be sure his mother could not possibly overhear him.

Goku brings a hand up to instinctively protect the mouthpiece regardless of Koryuu's softer volume, glaring a little at the blonde before his expression turns suddenly sinister. "Well, I usually leave Kory to take care of her…seeing as how she's madly in love him."

Narrowed violets--at last, something familiar.

"Totally. And I gotta say, Ma…Lirin is pretty persistent."

For the first time, the watching Goku has no choice but to release a disbelieving cry of his own. "Lirin!"

"My, oh my." Hakkai responds, taking some small solace in that the thickness of the plot does not end with him. It appears they will have unexpected company, though he is still faintly wondering just how much company there might be.

The Goku on the phone continues chatting aimlessly with Koryuu's mother, until the vein on the blonde's forehead is starting to very vaguely resemble Sanzo's own, and he taps his wrist impatiently, despite lacking the ownership of an actual watch.

A sudden look of panic crosses the other Goku's face as he realizes how late it must be, and he speaks quickly to bring an end to the conversation.

"Sorry, but I'm gonna be late to work if we don't leave. I know, tomorrow afternoon. Sure thing. Love you, too, Ma."

"Love you!" Koryuu calls, loud enough this time to ensure his mother hears him.

Goku laughs and nods a few moments more before finally declaring a victorious escape. "Bye." he says into the receiver, and the moment the phone is away from his ear, the pair breaks into a round of shared laughter.

The watching Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai have all flinched at the renewed and all too casual use of the dreaded 'L-word,' but as each glance their gazes in Sanzo's direction, they see that he is more preoccupied with the pictures he had not until now noticed hanging on the wall. Four pairs of eyes look on now, scrutinizing each unexpected image despite most of the eyes being across the room from the source of their attention.

The pictures give them more pause than they would like to admit, but it is quite jarring to see such…happy images…from one of their childhoods. There is one of Koryuu no older than 4 or 5, alone in the shot as he waves at the camera. There is one of him and Goku, both looking to be in their teens and acting like loving brothers--or more--as they hang about each other with some sort of carnival scene behind them. There is one of a not-quite-teen Koryuu…and who can only be…his mother, both smiling as the woman holds her son close with an arm about his waist. Those scrutinizing the pictures are instantly caught by her beauty, resembling the Sanzo they know feature for feature in her pretty face, though her drooping eyes are brown and her hair brunette to match.

But the photograph that is the most jarring, and that seems to throw the others out of balance, is the one of a young Koryuu with a man in white robes who is gently releasing an orange paper airplane to the blonde child's extreme delight.

The taste of lead has gone stale in Sanzo's mouth.

"Come on, we better go."

Koryuu's voice jolts all of them to an uncomfortable attention. Slowly, each turns to watch the man as he and Goku head for the door, a few remaining sweet bean buns having been snatched up by each, though the rice has been left on the stove for Koryuu's return.

"I'll pick you up around four, okay?"

"Sure thing, Kory." Goku says, after taking another handful of pleasing bites from his breakfast. He licks his lips of any remaining sweetness, and then stops to look up at his companion as they are heading for the door. "Hey…one thing."

Pausing as he had been about to reach for the doorknob, Koryuu turns back, pleasantly surprised to discover that Goku's 'one thing' was merely a swift kiss touched to his cheek. The blonde grins and reaches again for the knob, fondly ruffling Goku's hair as they make their way outside and close the door behind them.

Surely, a full minute or more passes before any of the remaining men in the house know what to say.

"So…do we follow 'em?"

"I suppose that would be the most prudent thing, Gojyo. Sanzo, Goku?"

Goku shrugs.

Sanzo…surprisingly…shrugs as well, apparently too stunned, or numb, or bitter, or angry, or all of the above…to do much of anything else at the moment.

"Well, I suppose we should go then." Hakkai says at length, seeing as how no one has gotten up or moved. He lifts himself from the couch, gaining resolve to continue seeing this matter through. He looks down at Gojyo closest to him. "Come now, the show is…interesting to say the least."

Gojyo looks up and means to smile, but suddenly clutches at his stomach instead. "Shit, I'm nauseous."

Hakkai scowls. "Really, Gojyo, is that neccessa--"

"I'm serious." the kappa stresses, clutching his head now with his free hand while the other is still grabbing at his midsection. He looks about ready to pass out.

"Me too…"

Hakkai turns in surprise to stare at Goku, who is also quite suddenly turning green as he lays back in his chair. The green-eyed brunette immediately looks to Sanzo, who--though he has spoken not--is looking much the same as the blonde suddenly drops down to his hands and knees on the floor as if too nauseous and dizzy to stand. It is then that much the same begins to reveal itself in Hakkai, and the youkai has the urge to either curl into himself or find some outlet with which to hurl his sorry stomach into before thankfully passing out.

Pass out they do, and when the entirety of the group comes to, no true time having actually passed, the four find themselves to be in a kitchen--a very different kitchen--that is this time closed off, not attached openly to a living room as the other had been.

Suddenly, they are somewhere else.

"I'm getting real sick 'a this." Gojyo grimaces, glad at least to no longer be feeling the affects of whatever hit them before bringing them here.

Since the redhead had been sitting on the couch, he finds himself seated on the kitchen floor, much like Goku, while Sanzo and Hakkai had both been on hands and knees. The gathered group stands, quickly taking inventory. There are no obvious pictures or other signs to give away their new location.

There is, however, a very suddenly obvious and…rather well-formed rear-end sticking out of the refrigerator. Whomever it belongs to, all that can be seen of him at the moment is his behind, since his head and upper body are hidden. He is bent rather low at the waist, apparently looking for something in the very back of the appliance.

Sanzo rolls his eyes before pinning Gojyo with a glare. "I'll give you one guess who that belongs to." he says, his voice betraying only slightly the very small humor he occasionally allows to slip into his tone. Now that his own likeness is gone, that vein on his forehead looks a bit more manageable.

Just a bit.

Gojyo beams with perhaps a small shot of pride at the prospect of the figure being him, partly due to how well the figure looks in those slacks, and because…he is damn curious to know what his own parody might be like.

"Really, Gojyo." Hakkai says, crossing his arms as his face takes on the mask of a scolding teacher and strict parental figure. "Those pants are ridiculously tight. Even for you."

The figure in the fridge pulls himself from its depths, triumphant as he now has a large block of cheese and a bottle of wine, and uses his well-hugged hips to shut the door. Carrying the items to the nearby table, he shakes out his long brown hair--hair that falls past his shoulders to nearly mid-chest.

Hakkai's mouth is once again hanging open. That is definitely not Gojyo.

"You were saying, Hakkai?"

The likeness and yet many differences between this man and Hakkai are immediately apparent. The brown hair, the green eyes, the slim build, the paler skin. But then…the hair is long, there is no slightly dimmer eye to contrast the other, no monocle or glasses rest on his face but instead contacts, no carefully pressed clothing hangs about him but instead tight pants and a half-open and untucked button-up shirt.

And of course…there are no limiters.

"If Hakkai's human…" Goku begins in a strangely hushed tone, since it has been quite some time since he spoke more than a mere exclamation. "…then…does that mean…"

"Kanan!" Gonou shouts suddenly, looking up from the table after carefully looking over the cheese, wine, and other items currently strewn about.

Hakkai has somehow managed to back his way against a nearby wall, and is thankful for the support as he falls back against it. A small part of him almost wants to clench his eyes shut to block out the image he knows might very well be entering the kitchen at any moment. His emerald eyes stare, nonetheless, at the doorway his other self is currently calling to.

"Kanan!" the man shouts again, his brow slightly furrowed.

A female voice replies. "Do you need something, Gonou!" And for a moment, Hakkai does close his eyes, his breath caught in his throat at the pure, ringing tone of that voice.

While Sanzo and Goku remain reverently stock-still, Gojyo is internally panicking, and it outwardly shows. He is feverishly worrying his bottom lip as his crimson gaze remains locked on the sight of Hakkai so stricken. His palms are sweating as he tightens his fists. And if he had the courage, he would be bridging the gap between himself and Hakkai to do whatever might be needed to ease the brunette's reliving of this nightmare.

For all nightmares are worse when presented as false dreams.

"I think you better add another bottle of wine to that list of yours! We might need it for tonight!"

Hakkai's gasp is audible as the kitchen door swings open…and a woman who resembles him remarkably enters through it. "Ano…is this extra bottle for everyone…or just for you?" the woman smiles, a light laugh accompanying her teasing words.

She is as lovely as Hakkai could best remember her. Long hair twisted neatly into a loose semblance of a pony-tale at her shoulder, green eyes shining with laughter and so much sweetness, and that never-ending, honest smile. He almost misses that her choice of clothing is as out of character as his own.

Almost.

Kanan is wearing a long skirt, but a large slit up one side reveals her legs, and her top is…well…tiny. It is a rather short tank that shows off her small waist and hugs rather tightly up top. The welcome sight of her familiar cross is more than a little off-putting since it falls in just the right spot to pull all the wrong attention to her well-proportioned chest.

Gonou raises an eyebrow at the woman's comment. "Very funny. But I hardly think this one bottle would be enough…for any of us. Just one more should be enough though. We have other things planned."

"All right. I'll add it to the list." Kanan concedes, heading across the kitchen to grab a pad off the counter on which she writes the new addition. She looks up from it with a layered smile. "Anything else? Or will you be chasing me down the path with yet another thing you forgot to mention?"

Each onlooker is still remarkably frozen as they watch this encounter, none quite knowing how to most thoughtfully respond. Sanzo and Goku as a couple had been one thing. But this they know to have once been real, and the sight of it aches…for more than just Hakkai.

A melody of a giggle escapes Kanan's lips in response to Gonou's half-serious glare, and she turns away from him, still giggling as she adds a few other things to the pad of paper in her hands. Therefore, when Gonou slips up behind her and coils his arms around her waist from behind, she is slightly startled, though in truth she had been expecting it all along.

Hakkai's eyes wish they could close. Oh how they wish to have the power to look anywhere but at that unfair sight.

"Thank you so much for taking it upon yourself to pick up the supplies we need, dear…dear Kanan." Gonou's voice speaks like a weaver's hands through silk. "But do me a favor…and promise here and now…that you will not step foot in this kitchen again. I wouldn't want the guests poisoned by your cooking, after all."

An indignant huff clearly sounds in reply, but…Kanan has no rebuff.

While Hakkai is still praying for blindness--deafness too--he nearly misses that the kitchen door has once again offered someone entry.

"Hooboy…I could really get into this twin thing."

Now that is a familiar voice…though on a very unfamiliar character.

Gojyo and the others alike stare in complete disbelief at the kappa's likeness suddenly coming onto the scene. But the likeness, to be honest, is almost impossible to recognize. Oh, the face is Sha Gojyo's, but…the short-cropped black hair, the dark blue eyes, the pointed ears and slight show of claws and fangs…that is no Sha Gojyo that was ever born to their world.

Gojyo would almost swear his scars have started to sting.

"Really, Gojyo." Gonou reprimands the…youkai. He releases Kanan from his hold and begins to saunter his way across the kitchen floor to meet the other Gojyo half-way. "Curb those unseemly tendencies of yours." he grins, pulling in strangely close to the black-haired kappa. "You know I don't share." And while Gonou is enjoying himself quite thoroughly as he leans into Gojyo for a slow and easy kiss, Hakkai and the redheaded Gojyo are certain they must be seeing things.

Slowly, Hakkai begins to sink to the floor without even realizing. "I think I need to--"

"Sit down." Gojyo finishes, having beaten Hakkai to the floor as he falls quite heavily into a sitting position just off the kitchen table.

Goku can only stare on in confusion.

Sanzo is suddenly aware of tasting this morning's breakfast again.

Kanan…is rather enjoying the show playing out only a few feet from her, and the amused haze in her eyes proves it. Gonou and Gojyo are kissing quite heatedly now, with the brunette's hands gripping the front of Gojyo's tightly fit T-shirt and Gojyo's hands slinking around to rest at Gonou's lower back.

"Really, boys, don't mind me." Kanan says with a somewhat crooked smile. She casually walks forward, pulls a chair out at the table, sits, and rests her head on one hand as she continues staring at the couple's embrace. Eventually, both of the men turn from their kiss to look at her with skeptical expressions. "Really." she says again, gesturing with her free hand for them to keep at it. "I could sit here all day."

That old, familiar look of a teacher scolding a pupil crosses Gonou's face as it often crosses Hakkai's. He folds his arms in front of him. "Shame, woman. I'm your brother."

Hakkai swallows--hard.

Kanan laughs the comment off.

"It's okay. I just pretend you're someone else."

Sanzo wonders if he needs to sit down at this point too.

Goku…

"Wait." the heretic says suddenly, turning away from the continuing scene to look at each of his companions. Out of small understanding for the dangerousness of this situation, Goku does his best to look the least at Hakkai. "You mean…Kanan was Hakkai's sister?"

"Hahaha." Hakkai laughs, all common sense and normal thought process wholly out of his realm of capability at the moment as his hands come up to cover his face. He remains on the floor, propped up against the wall, and speaks into his palms. "I suppose you never had the pleasure of hearing that part of it, Goku. I do apologize." he says, and then goes on laughing, seeing as how it is as close to screaming as he can imagine right now.

Gojyo…is quite nicely numb. He doesn't know what to think.

None of them do.

"Well then, I guess I'm off." Kanan says brightly, pad in hand as she reaches for what must be her bag on the far end of the main counter. She breezes past the men--man and youkai, at any rate--placing a quick kiss on both their cheeks before heading out the kitchen door. "I'll be back in an hour or so!" she calls out behind her, and a soon to follow slam of a further door confirms her having left the house.

Not her house. The house. Gonou and…Gojyo's house? Their house?

'…their place…'

Fuck. What yet does this world have in store for them…?

tbc...

A/N: I bet this chapter really perked your attention if you liked the first one. So many hints at future things to come, and some big shockers. Haha. Oh yes, I have this all planned out, so be ready for quite an exciting ride. Next we'll get the chance to meet a few old friends and delve a little deeper. Thanks so much all for the reviews. You sound as excited as I am. I hope I won't disappoint. Nice to hear from some old friends, and welcome those who are new to my work. For those who questioned whether or not there would be 58/85, really now...what kind of Saiyuki fan do you take me for? ;-) Till next part, minna!

Crim


	3. Now Things Are Just Plain Uncomfortable

Now Things Are Just Plain Uncomfortable

* * *

Kanan has only just left the house, Hakkai and Gojyo both slumped down on the floor while Sanzo and Goku continue to stare--in their very different ways of displaying shock--at a fully youkai Sha Gojyo and a strangely sensual Cho Gonou. The pair being stared at so intensely, does not of course know of their audience, and now that Kanan has left them alone…

"Where were we…" Gonou purrs, pushing Gojyo back into the wall, just next to the still swinging kitchen door. He runs his hands slowly down the black-haired youkai's sides until taking a firm grip on slender hips. "About _here_ I think…"

Considering the show they have been given thus far, one would think seeing a parody-Hakkai slowly and passionately invade a parody-Gojyo's mouth with his tongue wouldn't be all that shocking. But considering the pair are the only confirmed straight members of the group, and seeing as how Kanan just left them, and Hakkai would never where pants that tight, and Gojyo loves his long hair, and…and…nothing adds up about any of this.

Gojyo scrambles to his feet--Goku just to his right near the fridge, Sanzo behind him and a little to his left, and Hakkai across the kitchen still leaning back against the far wall--and points an outstretched arm at the increasingly heated interaction happening just in front of him.

"What the _fuck_! This is messed! Totally messed! I mean…Kanan…but then…and you…and I'm…I'm…what the fuck!"

Sanzo would have laughed at Gojyo's outburst if he had half a mind to be in a better mood today.

In a more open response, Hakkai chuckles, the sound still frightfully reminiscent of a madman, and picks himself up from the kitchen floor as well. "Yes…but I do not believe I could word it quite as eloquently as you have, Gojyo. At least your counterpart doesn't have two heads."

A snort breaks into the tense conversation. "Yeah, but he might as well have three heads the way they're going at it." Goku points out. He is slightly more at ease seeing Gonou and Gojyo kissing than he had been watching himself and Koryuu, if only for how he knows this sight will cause less hostility in Sanzo.

Gojyo turns on Goku with a dark and deadly glare. "Shut up, monkey."

"Hey, I'm just saying."

"Well, _don't_ fucking say."

Goku's feathers are significantly ruffled. He stands a little taller, eyes narrowed. "Fine, you damn kappa! You're the perverted one. It's no wonder this other you managed to corrupt Hakkai. You'd hit on anything with legs!"

"Watch your damn mouth." Gojyo growls, taking two long strides to meet with Goku toe to toe. "At least I'm no _monk-fucking_, dumb-ass ape."

All of Goku's anger falls from his face as he pales, eyes dull and nearly unseeing suddenly, because Gojyo has called him so unfairly.

The kappa doesn't just know it, he feels the mistake he has made, instantly regretting ever opening his mouth. Taking a step back to distance himself, Gojyo's crimson eyes go wide, his own anger faded as well, and he tries unsuccessfully for many moments to say something, though his lips can only grasp at air.

Insults and friendly bickering are one thing, but there is a line none of them cross. In this situation especially, Gojyo just kicked the shit out of that line by bringing Sanzo into the fight.

"Shit, Goku, I didn't--"

"Ohhh…Gonou…"

Four heads whip back to the action they had nearly forgotten, Gojyo and Goku's ill-timed confrontation put on hold to hopefully be forgotten--for all their sakes in fear of Sanzo's wrath.

The black-haired Gojyo is writhing back against the wall now, Gonou's lips having released him to move to the juncture of neck just below his left ear, while trailing hands have slid up underneath the youkai's clinging T-shirt.

"Shit…fuck…Gonou…gimme a break, huh?" Gojyo pleads. "I was up early this morning."

"Your point?" Gonou replies matter-of-factly, as if engaging in a conversation as simple and unsexual as the weather despite how his tongue is now tracing the cartilage of Gojyo's ear.

Gojyo fights back a grin. "Well…I mean…you could at least let me shower after getting back from my run."

The sound of a zipper has every onlooker's throat clenching tightly, blocking off all hopes for air for at least the next minute. "Gojyo, Gojyo…" Gonou says in a lust-laden, sing-song voice. "Why would I do that…when you would soon need another one."

The redheaded Gojyo closes his eyes tight for a moment, hoping that somehow when he opens them, he will no longer be seeing this Hakkai-like man delivering such pleasing attentions to his body. Watching, he can see that Gonou knows all his sweet spots because the brunette is finding them, toying with them, and drawing the sensations out to a torture only Gojyo would appreciate. The sight of the slender brunette reaching a hand into his slacks…that is a little more than he can handle.

Hakkai feels dizzy, disoriented, sick. He would never do such things to Gojyo. Ever. He would not be so openly and playfully…sexual. Kanan…Kanan is…was…is…he does not know what to think. Or feel.

Sanzo's grimace is clear on his face, his insides twisting at such a revolting display. At least he does not have to see…the other two…doing such things, and if he ever does he swears to kill the first person in his line of fire. Fuck not having his gun. He'll find a way.

Goku, despite still feeling the sting of Gojyo's daring words, with their attentions now focused elsewhere and Sanzo seeming to have either forgotten them or perhaps never having heard them in the first place, actually…doesn't mind the sight of Gonou and Gojyo in such a heated embrace. And Goku is well aware how that is more than a little unsettling. He doesn't mind seeing them like this. In fact…he is rather enjoying the sight. Them being a couple can't get him into any trouble. And the couple looks…so…happy, and…beautiful together.

A glance in Sanzo's direction, having to see that grimace of disgust, has Goku's heart sinking again. So he turns his attention quickly back to the action.

Gojyo has craned his neck to better kiss along Gonou's jaw-line while Gonou laps continuously at the youkai's ear and a slowly stroking hand keeps moving up and down within open slacks. Perverted as it may be--and knowing Gojyo as he does, Goku knows how perverted some things can be--he finds he can forget Sanzo just long enough to enjoy how…sexy his parody-friends look right now.

"Anyone else think it's getting…hotter in here?" the monkey asks of no one in particular, his comment wholly innocent and unthinkingly voiced. He tugs at the collar of his shirt, his face flushed.

Three already horrified eyes turn to him with a whole new definition of horror on their faces. Two steps later and Hakkai has a hand covering Goku's eyes. "Goodness." the taller brunette says breathlessly, ashamed and embarrassed and…very much feeling his over-protective side taking over. "You should not be watching this, Goku."

One would swear Goku's mouth just formed a pout. "Hakkai! Jeez, I'm not 12."

"That may be, but you are still too young."

Goku huffs. "I'm 18, damn it. I know what sex is. I know what getting turned on is. I know what getting off is too. For all you know, maybe I've been getting laid for years!"

Hakkai is more than a little disturbed by that, though a glance at Gojyo shows how the kappa finds the comment more than a little amusing. Sanzo on the other hand…could honestly be growling. Goku may not be 12, but 18 does not make the monkey a man. Not in Sanzo's eyes anyway. Goku can NOT have sex. Goku can NOT be sexual. It's a god damn, fucking rule, and they all know it. Goku has no right to go changing those rules.

This place, however, seems to be doing that rather eagerly on its own.

DING. KNOCK. KNOCK.

The three free gazes glance to the door. Someone seems to be outside the house, wanting entry, and they all breathe a little easier knowing that finally the pair will surely break apart.

The black-haired Gojyo pulls his head up from kissing Gonou's neck, apparently believing this fact as well, but Gonou…does not seem to be in a stopping mood.

DING.

"Uhhh…Gonou…?"

The brunette licks his way across Gojyo's collarbone. "Yes…?" he practically hisses.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

"Well…the door."

"Yes. And…?"

"It could be an emergency, ya know."

"More than likely…not."

"It _could_."

DING. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

Finally, this time Gonou pauses. He stands up tall, pulled back, and his hands retrieve themselves from the places they had strayed. His eyes are alight suddenly as if he has had some small epiphany.

"It's Koryuu." he says simply, and a second later he has gone through the kitchen door on his way to answer the door at the front.

More than a little frustration passes over the abandoned youkai's face. "Sure, _he_ gets you to stop." Gojyo grumbles. "You know, it's fucking creepy the way you always know when it's him!" He pushes himself from the wall then and follows Gonou into the other room.

Those left in the kitchen look to one another, not sure if they should follow or not.

"Hakkai!"

Suddenly, Hakkai remembers that his hand is still covering Goku's eyes. He swiftly removes it, rushing out an honest but not too sorry apology.

Goku barely even acknowledges the other brunette's words before he is sprinting past the others and out of the kitchen to follow Gonou and Gojyo. One by one, the others decide they really have no other choice but to follow as well.

Gonou is just reaching the front door when the three meet up with Goku in the main living room of the house. For a moment, the only thought going through the redheaded Gojyo's mind is how nice it would be if he and Hakkai lived in a house like this one. This house is bigger than the one-room hovel they have shared for three years, and well put together too. It must be nice living here…together.

Gojyo promptly shakes his head to clear it before his traitorous mind has the chance to think up anything else so dangerous.

Pulling the front door open with a luminous smile, despite the flush still touching his cheeks, Gonou greets Koryuu with familiar cheer. "To what do we owe such a spontaneous visit, Koryuu-kun?" he asks.

Sanzo pretends he didn't hear that particular honorific.

Standing just outside the door, Koryuu--alone now, having apparently dropped his Goku off at work--does not respond with words. Instead, he merely pulls an all too familiar pair of handcuffs from behind his back and holds them up for both men inside the house to see.

Gonou's eyes light up instantly. "Oh! I've been missing these!" he calls, in far too chipper a tone for any of the onlookers' tastes (Goku possibly and quite strangely excluded, considering). Gonou reaches out and snatches the handcuffs from Koryuu's hand before turning briskly to deposit them in what one must assume is the bedroom.

Folding his arms in slight exasperation as Koryuu enters the house and closes the door behind him, the other Gojyo narrows blue eyes that had already been somewhat narrowed upon seeing the cuffs. "I blame all new bruises on you."

With a flash of a smile--too bright it would seem for any of the watchers to look at directly--Koryuu holds up his own wrists that are indeed softly bruised. "Why do you think I brought them back. We need to stop letting Gonou and Goku collaborate against us." His smile ever stronger, Koryuu reaches out an arm that Gojyo instinctively meets, ending in a firm grasp of each other's forearms like some ritual greeting they have come to share. The action is oddly…intimate.

"Ha. I'll second that idea." Gojyo grins. "They are way more dangerous when they put their heads together. Usually in ways that end with one or both of us bruised and humiliated. Why again do we stick with them instead of running off together?"

Sanzo's vein miraculously springs to dangerous life again.

Thankfully, Koryuu's look is more than a little skeptical. "Coz I would sooner fuck a pit bull than your sorry ass." The phrase would seem so commonplace if Koryuu wasn't wearing the friendliest of smiles as he says it. As if…he is merely joking with a friend. "That…and neither of us would ever let the other top him."

Gojyo snorts. "Got that right."

There is humor in Koryuu's eyes as he glances down at the still unzipped pants of the youkai in front of him. "I see I've had my usual good timing." the blonde nearly laughs.

Attention bought to the pants he had quite completely forgotten, Gojyo quickly redoes his fly. "Don't know what you mean, Kory." he covers, the lie not even attempting to sound truthful. This topic, something that seems all too common for them to dance around--their sex lives--sends the man and youkai into a small round of joined laughter.

For a moment, the half-breed Gojyo and Sanzo look at one another and their eyes lock. They can't even properly glare at each other; they don't know if they should be disgusted, or angry, or what. So they look away again and Sanzo huffs, moving to a far place against a very far wall where he can lean and brood in some sense of peace.

Though Gojyo and Hakkai remain relatively unmoving, Goku plops himself down right in the middle of the living room floor so he can watch everything that much better. He has decided he is through with looking at Sanzo. Doing so only makes him ache more. Since his own parody-self is not here at the moment, Goku feels he can easily forget how the sight of Koryuu and an older him had made his heart sting. He can almost…imagine Koryuu and this strange Gojyo know he is here with them, and that he in fact is…the other Goku.

That thought stings only when he remembers it isn't true.

"Tell us then, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Gonou asks as he comes back out of the bedroom. He sits on the edge of a chair Gojyo has moved to sit in, and the two of them face Koryuu who is now seated on the couch.

Hakkai and Gojyo stand on opposite sides of the chair their counterparts are sharing, Hakkai closer to the other Gojyo, and Gojyo closer to Gonou. It is more than a little weird for Goku, who--being between the chair and couch--can look up from his spot and see their four faces so close together. Really weird.

Kicking back on the couch, Koryuu does not answer Gonou's questions, instead laying back comfortably, though a clear sense of anxiety rests on his face.

Gonou gives the blonde a worried look. "All right…spill it."

Again, no verbal response, but suddenly the card Koryuu had taken with him from the house is out of his pocket and being held up for the other two to see.

While the black-haired Gojyo looks rightly confused, Gonou nods in understanding. "Aa. Is that today?"

Koryuu nods.

"Twenty years, isn't it?"

Again.

"My, has it been that long?"

"Uhhh…share?" Gojyo presses, feeling very much out of the loop right now, much like the four watchers. Even Sanzo, who is a few feet from the gathered group, is watching and listening intently.

Gonou and Koryuu share a moment of apparent telepathy that only good friends can experience, and it is decided that Gonou can tell the story. "Today is the anniversary of when Kory's mother found him at the temple."

Sanzo is listening with ridiculous intent now.

"You know about that, Gojyo. Kinzan Temple on the outskirts of town?"

"Sure. The monk, right?"

Sanzo's heart is pounding in his ears.

Koryuu stirs a little on the couch, but does not sit up. He fingers the envelope. "Mom has this tradition. Since the anniversary happens to fall on Master's birthday she sends me with this 'Birthday-Thank You for Saving My Son-You're the Greatest Guy in the World-Please Come to Brunch Tomorrow' card--every year the same thing--and…I bring it to him."

"And…this is bad?" Gojyo questions. "You love the guy, right? I mean, you visit all the time, see him every week or more. What's the big deal?"

The others aren't even in the room anymore; Sanzo is focused on his likeness across the room with deadly precision.

Koryuu stops fingering the card and merely…looks at it. "He's choosing his successor soon. He wants me to be there."

"Shit, you don't think--"

"It's not like he'd ask me. I'm not apart of the temple. I already know he's chosen Dougan."

More than one gasp sounds at that impossible name.

Sanzo's fists have clenched again, stinging at the wounds still there from this morning. "Dougan…" he growls, nearly inaudibly.

Thoughts of the madman rush through Sanzo's mind. The man who had tricked them all, caught them in his web of look-alike dolls and deceit, and demanded to replace Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai as Sanzo's followers on the journey west. The sick freak who…though Sanzo shudders to even vaguely think of it…had been so obsessively infatuated with Sanzo, he had been willing to do anything.

To imagine choosing that sick fuck as the next Sanzo sickens the blonde priest to no end.

"I just…sometimes…I wonder if maybe…he wanted me to stay at the temple so he could choose me." Koryuu finishes, his voice strangely soft. Of course, his tone is always strange to the crew listening in.

The youkai Gojyo loses himself completely to a series of short, disbelieving laughs. "You?" he barely gets out between chuckles. "You? A monk?"

The redheaded Gojyo nearly loses it then too.

"I mean…Kory…really…_you_?"

Sanzo decides with certainty now that when this is all over he is going to kill Gojyo. Never mind it is this strange Gojyo who is speaking so disrespectfully to him and not the redhead, and never mind that it really isn't him this Gojyo is speaking to, either. The kappa must die. Period.

Sitting up slowly on the couch finally, Koryuu's face betrays none of the anger Sanzo is currently fuming with. His look is thoughtful, his violet eyes still staring at the card in his hands as he sits, thinking intensely.

"I know. I know I'd make…a terrible monk. Awful."

Sanzo huffs loudly, the sound just daring any of his companion's to comment. Amazingly, not even Gojyo thinks to do so.

"But…I still wonder, you know…if maybe…"

"Koryuu." Gonou's smooth voice says very seriously suddenly, the mischief in his green eyes for the first time fading completely as he looks at his friend on the couch. He smiles very subtly as Koryuu lifts his head to look at him. "I doubt Koumyo would ever ask something of you he didn't think you could handle, or that you wouldn't want. Clearly, if he has never asked you to remain at the temple, he does not feel a monk's life would suit you."

Sanzo's mind quiets, blank. Lost.

"If things had happened differently," Gonou continues, "and your mother had never found you at the temple, perhaps he would have raised you there, and a monk's life would have been exactly what he wanted for you. But…that is not how things happened. Regardless, he wishes your happiness. So…if you are thinking he is disappointed, I am more than certain…you are dead wrong."

This seems to comfort Koryuu like nothing else has in regards to this subject, and he nods slowly, a small smile slipping back onto his face as he looks to the card again. He really does feel foolish for thinking otherwise; Koumyo Sanzo always speaks his mind, and if there was anything the monk thought needed to be addressed, it would be addressed. No question.

It is one of the many things Koryuu--and Sanzo--always loved about him.

"I really can be a first-class fool sometimes, huh?" Koryuu says, his smile a little crooked, but firm in its common appearance on his face.

Again, Gojyo and the others resist comment.

Gonou looks down at Gojyo with a smile, and then back to the blonde across from him. "No denying that, I dare say. But now that we have corrected your misguided thoughts…would you be so kind…as to get out of our house."

Mild shock and quite a bit of amusement appears on Koryuu's face as he looks up once more and finds Gonou's arm possessively laying across Gojyo's shoulders. He is up on his feet in an instant; he knows it is time to leave. "I'll be back with Goku just before five for the party. In the meantime…don't get yourselves too…tied up…and forget that a house-full is coming over tonight. Okay?"

Gonou only laughs as he walks Koryuu to the door. Gojyo, however, grins rather wickedly, standing from his seat to lean lithely back against the chair as he faces the door. "You know, Kory…you are more than welcome to join us sometime."

The redheaded Gojyo coughs.

Hakkai is dead silent.

Sanzo is imagining all the ways he can kill the kappa when they are free of this place.

Goku…tries very hard not to imagine what Koryuu would look like all naked and sweaty--with or without Gonou and Gojyo there to join him--and finds it is nearly impossible NOT to imagine the blonde in such a state when he was given quite the full view of that pale, well-muscled body earlier on.

To his credit, Koryuu is not at all phased by Gojyo's suggestion. "Thanks. But I think I'll stick with the monkey."

Sanzo huffs.

Gonou raises a suggestive eyebrow, holding the open door now as Koryuu stands just inside of it. "Well…if you change your mind…Gojyo doesn't necessarily have to be involved."

"Hey!"

Sanzo and Hakkai make a point of NOT looking at each other.

Taking on a rather suggestive look himself--purely in jest--Koryuu grabs a handful of Gonou's shirt. "Ooo, baby." he says playfully, and pulls the brunette in for a quick, 'girlfriends-like' kiss to the lips. "See you boys tonight." and a moment later he is out the door and gone, headed down the street.

Sanzo and Hakkai are very pointedly looking at the floor.

"Do you two have to do that in front of me?"

An elegant eyebrow raises as Gonou falls back against the now closed front door to eye his companion. "Whatever do you mean? Koryuu and I are merely…close."

"Yeah. How close exactly?"

Gonou represses a smirk, and the onlookers are loathe to admit they have seen it. "Are we really going to have this discussion again, Gojyo? I have told you numerous times, Koryuu and I have never slept together. Besides, you're the one who brought up the idea of...communal fun. I was just playing along."

"Uh huh."

"Really, Gojyo, you know I would never lie to you."

"Then how come I get the impression you just did?"

Despite there being no true cause for such a thing, Sanzo and Hakkai can feel the collective gaze of their other companions shifting between the two of them accusingly. On instinct, Hakkai lifts his gaze to look at Gojyo and communicates with his eyes just how absurd the thoughts going through Gojyo's mind are. Sanzo does not look to Goku, but the sneer on his face explains his distaste, and Goku takes the expression to mean he has no reason to suspect the two either.

Whether or not this other Gojyo has reason to be skeptical of Gonou's assertion, that…is less obvious, and raises too many questions to join the insurmountable about already being asked.

"We have never slept together. That is no lie."

"Okay. I believe you. So…what _have_ you two done?"

Gonou only laughs, his emerald eyes looking suddenly sinister. "Gojyo…I think you should forget about Koryuu for the moment…and worry more about yourself."

Hakkai's stomach sinks. Not again.

The red-haired Gojyo swallows, praying he is wrong.

Sanzo feels breakfast surging up all over again.

Goku…does his best to mask his slight excitement. This is how it should be, he thinks, even if the others don't see that. It may hurt to watch himself and Koryuu, knowing he may never have such a thing himself, but to watch the others…it makes him think…that maybe…such happiness could be found for them.

The longer, pointed ears of the youkai Gojyo twitch, and he takes a step back, holding up his hands in defense. "Hey now…you stay away from me."

Pushing from the door, Gonou prowls, stalks, struts over the floor closer to his on-guard lover. "Really…Gojyo…after getting back those cuffs, and with a good hour or more until we will be disturbed? It's Saturday, after all. No class for me, and no grades to get done. No work for you…so…"

"Well…in that case…" Gojyo turns and sprints away suddenly, as if in a hurry to escape whatever…harm…might come to him, though considering he chooses to find sanctuary in the bedroom, it is not difficult to guess what his intentions really are.

Gonou eagerly gives chase, laughing all the while, and though the onlookers do not move to follow, having absolutely no intention of going anywhere near that bedroom, the echoing sounds of joined laughter continue to filter out, bringing with it a true sense of…joy. The couple is happy, living and loving like two 22-year-olds should.

The reality of how unfair that is, how…all four left in the living room would almost wish the same for themselves…that reality pulls and claws at their hearts. Even Sanzo cannot deny feeling a sense of envy, though he assures himself it is only because Gonou and Gojyo's lives seem normal, and he has never once lived a normal day in all his years.

"Well…at least we don't have to hang around while they go at it like rabbits." Goku says with a shrug from his place on the living room floor.

Smiling his strained, I-can't-believe-I-just-heard-what-I-think-I-heard smile, Hakkai turns to stare down at the younger man. "What do you mean, Goku?"

The monkey grabs at his stomach, and for once, 'harehetta' is not what comes next. "I'm feeling nauseous again."

-----

When the group comes to, the first thing they notice is that they are now outside, sprawled out in the sun. They pick themselves up without complaint, no one caring to speak, even to whine about this happening to them yet again, since there are far too many other concerns running through all of their heads.

Taking a look at their new surroundings, it is Sanzo alone who knows this place. He has not been back here since he left on his first futile mission in search of his Master's stolen sutra. He would have stayed away forever if he had the choice.

Kinzan Temple. The temple of his youth. The temple of his life. The temple where his master lived, and worked, and…died.

Because he couldn't save him.

"That's Koryuu coming up the road, I believe." Hakkai says, pointing down the path that leads into the not so distant town. Saying this aloud makes it suddenly obvious just where it is they must be now, and the green-eyed brunette looks to Sanzo, wholly expecting the dark expression he sees on that pale face.

Gojyo thinks for a moment that he should say something, but his tongue feels dry and swollen, as if too large for his mouth. He hasn't had the heart for witty comments since seeing a self-parody acting so intimate and heated with Hakkai--no, Gonou. Gojyo has to keep reminding himself that he had been watching a youkai him with Gonou, not himself with Hakkai. There is a difference. He thinks.

Stepping a ways down the path to better see Koryuu approaching, Goku keeps the others behind him so they will not see his smile. He closes his eyes and feels the warmth of the sun bathing his face. When he opens them, the sight of a sun just as warm keeps that smile in place. He likes that this sun is as warm as the one in the sky, since he is used to one quite a bit colder. Feeling a bit of that chill on his back, Goku does not need to turn around to know that Sanzo is staring at him in disapproval, and that brings the corners of his mouth down. He can't afford to think about it. Coming off his momentary highs hurts so much.

Silence reigns as Koryuu approaches, since none of the group can think of anything more constructive to do than watch. Speaking to one another right now might push them into far too dangerous territory.

Smile still present, Koryuu walks to the gates confidently, his apprehensions soothed by his visit to Gonou and Gojyo's. He continues on inside the temple's inner courtyard, and the group follows. They do not get very far, however, before a voice none ever thought they would hear again sounds all too brightly from somewhere nearby.

"Itouto-chan!"

Pounce. Like some white and blonde blur, a young man with striking resemblance to Koryuu comes out of seemingly nowhere and glomps the other blonde from the side, clinging tightly as he squeezes for a hug. The man's hair is a slightly paler blonde then Koryuu's gold, and his eyes are blue rather than violet. But most notably of his appearance is the birthmark over his right eye.

Though all of them feel at a loss for breath, it is Gojyo who finds he must speak.

"Kami-sama…"

tbc...

A/N: And no, Gojyo wasn't saying, "Oh God," he was saying Kami-sama's name, from reload. Yep. And for those who have not seen Requiem, Dougan is of course from that. I hope some of the pieces are starting to fit together, though I know many questions are still unanswered. To clear something up, yes Koumyo still found Koryuu as a little baby, but Koryuu's mother found him at the temple when the boy was about 3 (being 23, and its been 20 years). I will get into all that more. As well as why Goku is older, and all the other things your minds must be wondering. Next will be Koryuu at the temple, and then we'll get to see a little of Goku too. And...another familiar face. Thanks so much for the continued support, minna, you really make this that much more fun.

Anendee: Yes, in the manga we are told that Kanan is indeed Gonou's sister, though the anime has Hakkai say, 'a woman like an older sister for me.' So yeah, the incest is canon, but in this story it never happened. As for the numbers: Sanzo3, Goku9, Hakkai8, Gojyo5, since in Japanese San means 3, Ku means 9, Ha(chi) means 8, and Go means 5. Hope that clears your questions up, and go out now and watch more of the series!

Crim


	4. Family or Fallacy

Family or Fallacy

* * *

No one breathes, too tense, too disbelieving, not only at how this…figure is standing before them, but that the blonde is _hugging_ a certain other blonde who does not seem to mind. Koryuu grimaces slightly upon impact, being tackled by a man the very same size and body-type as himself, but the strain turns quickly into an exasperated but happy smile.

"Itouto-chan?" Koryuu groans, a touch of playfulness in his voice, however, as he hooks his attacker into a headlock-like version of their former hug. "I'm barely a month younger than you, baka."

The lighter-haired blonde smiles within the headlock, barely struggling, his arms remaining tight around Koryuu's slender waist. "Still counts!" he shouts gleefully, pulling free finally and twisting at just the right angle to capture Koryuu with a true, full-on hug, his arms wrapping up around the other blonde's neck.

Kami sighs in content.

Koryuu smiles warmly, returning the embrace.

Sanzo is sure his heart has stopped beating, and Goku, Hakkai, and especially Gojyo are feeling affects so similar it is a wonder they haven't all dropped to the ground--dead.

"I missed you." Kami says into Koryuu's shoulder, snuggled deep and comfortable. "You've been gone ages. Why haven't you visited? It must have been over a month since you last came to the temple."

A small huff, though not at all in surprise, responds. "Don't be so melodramatic." Koryuu chides. "It wasn't that long. Barely over two weeks."

"But you never stay away so long! It felt much longer. I get so bored without you around, Koryuu. No one but you and Master understands me. The other monks are so…so…"

"Fucking clueless. About everything. I know."

"Mmm." Kami agrees, burrowing his head the tiniest bit more before at last pulling away. His smile is bright as he looks at his…friend. The sun illuminating the puppy-like patch over his right eye somehow adds to his demeanor of the grown-up child, even more so than how the watching group remembers him appearing to them. This Kami is also stuck somewhere between man and child, but the road there must have been far less painful.

Watching the exchange between the two, since doing anything but accepting each new impossibility as it comes would be wholly pointless, Sanzo and the others internally tell themselves that as strange as this is, things are as they are because something, somewhere in the timeline…is different here, for whatever reason. With Kami brought in, it makes them wonder what all the differences really are that has brought them each to such different ends. Could it have been so easy and…happy…in their real lives too?

Koryuu flashes Kami a smile, but it is not hard to catch the slight discomfort clouding his usually clear eyes, as if he is about to bring up something Kami may not respond well to. "Ano…Kami…you say you're bored when I'm not here? Maybe…it's time…we found some place else for you to be then…and got you out of the temple."

The onlookers take a moment to register that the man's name is indeed Kami, and though the name is not overly common as a given name, it is not unheard of, and they take it as fitting, since Kami-sama had been the only name they knew for this man in their world.

True to Koryuu's anxiety, Kami does not take this subject very well, his blue eyes widening and then narrowing, his shoulders suddenly hunched as if…the very idea of…leaving…sets him on edge. It is then that Sanzo takes note of Kami's attire. The other blonde is not in monk's robes, but in a simple dressing much like Sanzo himself had worn when at this temple. But Kami is Sanzo's age--23--old to be just an apprentice, if he is even one at all.

"Look…I know what you're thinking, Kami, but you know as well as I do that the temple doesn't suit you. It never has." Koryuu starts in, quick to intercept Kami's discomfort. "You had no other place to go then, but now…you know you'll never be a monk, and you don't want that anyway. I can help you get a job, find a place of your own, whatever you need. All of us are willing to help…get you out of here."

Kami looks away, his eyes downcast and shimmering with what appears to be freshly surfacing tears. He really does appear like some lost child. "I…know. Master says so too. I don't want to be a monk, and I wouldn't be good at it. But…this is the only…home I know. The world is scary, Kory. Last time I was in it…is when…_he_…"

Those watching take a step back as Koryuu swoops in, gathering Kami quickly in his arms again with such desperate need to…soothe-protect-calm-comfort…that the emotion itself pushes them back. The pair really is…like true brothers.

Sanzo swallows back the bile in his throat, certain the taste on his tongue is some foreign ash that is nothing like the pleasing bitterness of his cigarettes.

Goku's head tilts just so, watching the new embrace with a certain fascination, wondering how Koryuu can touch so easily, being touched, being held, and not…start screaming to be left alone. It really is a mystery, and Koryuu just keeps doing it with everyone. Touching. Being. Living. Like a real person.

Hakkai, however...Hakkai's eyes find themselves darting again and again…to the side. To Gojyo.

While Hakkai never had a personal vendetta against Kami-sama as Sanzo and Gojyo did--other than possibly blaming the madman for being the reason Gojyo left them--Gojyo…Gojyo's vendetta had been powerful. The look on the kappa's face now as Kami stands so near them, huddled like the very children they remember the blonde killing without mercy, tells of a war raging just beyond crimson eyes. After all, when the battle with Kami-sama ended, Gojyo had hoisted their enemy up himself, ready to haul the man out of the crumbling building and help him, so unwilling to let anyone die for the sake of something pointless. Just as Gojyo had almost allowed himself to do…for his mother. But there had still been those children--Ginkaku and Kinkaku--for whom Gojyo still mourns.

To be perfectly honest, even amidst his mind's war, Gojyo can feel his own outcome already. He feels…pity for this Kami. Instant pity. And that overshadows any lingering feelings of anger that might have called for vengeance.

"Koryuu…Master saved me…Master saved _you_…and…you helped save me too." Kami whimpers into Koryuu's shoulder now. "Are we…" he sniffles, "…like a _real_ family…?"

Sanzo's breath hitches.

But Koryuu pulls Kami just enough out of his hold to look the other blonde square in the face, which is easy since they are practically the same height. "Of course we're a family." Koryuu says without an ounce of hesitation. "I'm your itouto-chan, ne?" he adds with a crooked grin.

And as is the desired effect, Kami laughs. "Hai. And…even if I…leave the temple…nothing will ever change that…right?"

"Right."

"Nothing?

"Nothing."

"Ever?"

"_Ever_."

Kami nods, as if all the secrets of the world have been explained, confirmed, and made right. "Okay. We can talk then…about me leaving. When you come again…this week? Tomorrow or…Monday?"

The relief that floods Koryuu's eyes is matched only by the blonde's strong smile. "Monday. Mom demands brunch tomorrow, and you know how she hates talk of anything too serious at brunch. Which includes the whole immediate family, of course. Me. Goku. Master. And you."

Sanzo glares at the light and happy look beaming from Kami's face now, not understanding and not wanting to understand…how these two are so close. He does not need to guess at what their relationship is--their…brotherly love is clear--but he wants to know how. Why. _Why_?

The sound of Kami's hands clapping in glee startles Sanzo back to the scene before him. The lighter blonde nearly giggles, the sounds bringing all of them back a few weeks earlier to when they heard that laughter…mocking them.

"You're mother is so nice, Koryuu. She always lets me come. And her cooking is so good!"

"So everyone seems to think." Koryuu supplies with a short, teasing laugh.

"It's true! The best ever!"

"Hahahaha…"

Sanzo's veins run cold. That is not his own laughter. That is not Kami's, for all the unsettling memories the other blonde's voice brings them back to. This laugh…this laugh…

"Now Koryuu…" the new voice speaks, light and smooth and so like a bird's soothing call. "…you do your mother a disservice to think otherwise. Her cooking is splendid."

Not a one of Sanzo's companions would dare speak or even breathe as the voice gives way to a body, a person, who comes around one of the courtyard's low walls, following the path with grace and ease. The man wears the familiar robes of a high ranking monk. A Sanzo. No crown tops his NOT bald head, but the chakra is prominent on his brow. His light brown hair, touched in some places with gold and others with grey, is to his chin in front but falls long and low down his back in a loose braid. His eyes exude kindness and a sense that he would listen and understand you no matter what you were speaking to him about.

Though copies and illusions have presented themselves many times along the journey, this at last is the real thing. A man Sanzo has not seen for over ten years. His master. His father. His…everything.

Koumyo Sanzo.

Sanzo does not realize he has fallen to his knees until the dirt stirred by the impact of him hitting the ground wafts up around him and nearly causes him to choke. Though in truth…there is reason enough to choke on his own breath at this point.

"Koryuu…hisashiburi."

Swallowing hard in the midst of this, Sanzo honestly forgets for a moment that Koumyo is not speaking to him.

Goku twitches almost spastically, hand reaching out and retracting again and again as he shuffles closer to Sanzo's sunken form and debates whether or not he thinks he can get away with placing a hand on Sanzo's shoulder. He knows with certainty that he can NOT get away with it, much as he would like to offer support, hence the twitching that does not show signs of stopping.

"Not you too, Master." Koryuu replies with an almost bashful smile. Sanzo hates his likeness with more fury than ever with the sound of Koryuu speaking to a man…he can never again speak to himself. "Is two weeks really that long? I've just been so busy at work--"

"Hahaha…" Koumyo laughs again, successfully cutting Koryuu off. The older priest waves his hand in dismissal as he comes up close enough now for Sanzo to see every familiar detail--and every new one, seeing as how Koumyo is ten years older than when Sanzo last saw him. "There is no need for hasty apologies. I am only teasing you."

Yes, Koumyo often found ways to tease Sanzo when he was young, always so playfully and innocent, like a cherished friend. And then Koumyo could change like Proteus and become the wise teacher and father, giving Sanzo the sound advice that proved to shape his life.

_Bound by nothing, live your life simply as it is._

Sanzo picks himself up from the ground, his averted gaze just daring any of the others to make comment on how he had sunk down. He is angry, so angry now. Irate does not begin to express it. Furious. Incensed. No words could name his anger justly. The trouble is…he doesn't know with what or whom he is angry. He doesn't know why. He just is…for all of it and nothing. And the same question keeps chanting in his head. Why. Why. _Why_?

"I have to get back to my chores. I know you two want to talk alone, since it's…_that_ day." Kami speaks softly, in gentle reverence and understanding of the comfortable silence passing between Koryuu and Koumyo's gazes. Suddenly, the lighter-haired blonde latches on to Koryuu's arm, eyes pleading again like the little boy he still is. "Ne, Koryuu, don't you dare leave without saying goodbye, even if I get to see you again tomorrow. Okay?"

The smile on Koryuu's face is blinding, more so than ever before. Almost like…the face of the sun. His eyes leave Koumyo's face only a moment in order to look down at Kami, take the other man's hand from his shirt to hold firmly in his own, and nod. "What kind of brother do you take me for? I'll find you."

Something in that phrase brings a brief smile to Goku's face, even as his attention is so rapt up in Sanzo. Yeah, the monkey thinks. Sanzo's good at finding things.

Content to head off at last, Kami waves even as he is heading back inside the temple's doors. The moment he is gone, Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku all take a quick breath, for they know they cannot dare to breathe again once Koryuu and Koumyo start speaking. Surely, Sanzo would kill them for it. Sanzo might kill them anyway, simply for existing and being the only living things he is capable of killing in this world.

If he had his gun, Gojyo muses, though he isn't about to bring that up again. Not right now, anyway.

"A lovely day, isn't it?"

"Yes, Master."

"You look well."

"Thank you, Master."

"But there is something somewhat troubling."

"Troubling, Master?"

"Aa."

"What is it?"

Koumyo's eyes close, his mouth turning up into an even broader smile that lights his barely aged face and for a moment increases the depth of all those added lines. "Why…that you are still standing _there_."

Hakkai is the one to foolishly let slip a gasp when Koryuu grins…and then bounds forward, looking as if he has merely sighed and ended up sighing right into Koumyo's arms. But Sanzo is too entranced to have murder on the mind for Hakkai. He is still thinking his mantra of Whys, increased feverishly now as he looks on…at Koryuu and Koumyo in a familial embrace.

Not fair. Too cruel. Never once had Sanzo ever…_dared_. Surely, Koumyo would have welcomed a hug from his charge, but Sanzo had never once…_thought_. He hated touch, standing it only when it came from his Master, usually in the form of fingers through his hair as a warm hand rested on his head. But an embrace…he had never even…_tried_.

And now Koumyo's hand does loose itself amongst golden locks, holding Koryuu's head at the crook of his shoulder. It looks so natural for them. So simple…and yet…meaningful and binding in a way that Sanzo feels he missed. How dare this…impersonation of him have everything Sanzo knows…he can never have.

As Koryuu pulls himself free, the pair looks at one another fondly, still closely met. But Koumyo stares out past his former charge then, as if looking for something not there.

Seeing as how Sanzo is right in the monk's current line of sight, it makes the blonde highly uncomfortable and almost…hopeful…in thinking Koumyo might actually be looking at him.

"No Goku?" Koumyo says instead, his attention back on Koryuu too soon and yet not soon enough for Sanzo's liking.

"He had to work. He sends his love, of course. He hates that these past few times I've been able to come up here he hasn't been with me."

"I dare say I am not too fond of that myself." Koumyo says with a short, ironic-sounding laugh. "He is such a joy. Always. And it serves the other monks well I think to have their feathers ruffled a bit. Goku is quite good at that." he laughs again, true fondness speaking through his tone.

Despite the danger in it should Sanzo turn and look at him, Goku feels a smile creeping. This is Sanzo's Koumyo. Sanzo's master and so much more. And he likes Goku. He likes Goku so much he is sad Goku has not come along. The thought is more than enough to have Goku happily forgetting most of his anxieties from this morning. If Sanzo's master likes him, that has to mean something, right?

"So…you have something for me? Or is that a pointless question after 20 years."

Koryuu smiles--quite pointless, he thinks--as he pulls the card out of his pocket and hands it over to his master's waiting hands. The routine does not dull the day, but makes it that much more comfortable. Twenty years worth of comfort. "At least the meal Mom makes varies from year to year. The card, however…"

"Hahaha…I will cherish it well." Koumyo says, and one can only wonder at his honesty as he tucks it safely into his robes to disappear and be opened more privately later. Seeing a look of anxiety--if only small--pass over Koryuu's violets, Koumyo's face turns almost serious, though his smile never seems to fade. "You have something on your mind, Koryuu? And please do not try to deny it." he says upon the blonde's instant move to speak in dissent. "As always, I prefer your honesty to your protection. I can handle anything you might throw my way, so do speak, and I will listen."

The fire fades from Sanzo's eyes a moment, remembering how that very phrase had been spoken to him more than once all those years ago. I prefer your honesty to your protection? Oh, but why then did Koumyo have to choose to protect when Sanzo would have preferred honesty; his own honest life being taken rather than Koumyo's.

Koryuu smiles shyly, embarrassed that what he had decided to very surely _not_ bring up is being forced from him anyway. But he could never refuse his master's wishes.

"I've just been thinking lately…about…" Better to just say it than have it forced out at length. "…about you choosing Dougan as your successor soon, when…sometimes…I think…maybe you wished that I--"

"Do you remember the first time I showed you one of _these_…Koryuu?"

Sanzo and Koryuu both look to Koumyo, startled. There in the monk's hand suddenly has been produced an orange paper airplane. Both likenesses of the blonde nod. Oh yes, how they do remember.

"And…do you remember the lesson I taught you that day? It was the most important lesson I ever gave you."

Sanzo's eyes clench tight. Of course he remembers; he has lived it.

But it is Koryuu who speaks it.

"Yes, Master." he says and then lifts his head to begin quoting. "Hold nothing. If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father. Free of all, bound by nothing, live your life simply as it is."

Recited so well, it is a wonder that it is met…only by laughter.

"Master?"

"Did you think _that_ was the important lesson? It is true that we should not allow life itself to prevent us from living, but that is not the lesson I wished you would take to heart the most."

"What?" Sanzo says aloud, more shocked than even Koryuu's blank stare is revealing. Sanzo nearly stumbles over his own feet as he takes a step closer, addressing his master as if the man might turn and face him to explain. "Of course it was. That lesson…it was one of the last things you told me. It had to be…"

"No, Koryuu." Koumyo says, almost as if answering Sanzo's voiced desperation, though his eyes remain on Koryuu.

Seeing it all happening this way, the other three watchers feel like invaders, like they don't belong and shouldn't be here. Goku still has to keep himself in check and stop his feet from rushing him forward to Sanzo's side, and Gojyo and Hakkai keep looking to each other, wondering when or how they are going to move past this. Will it be possible for Sanzo to ever move past this if things continue? This is not like when Dougan used a doll of Koumyo to trigger Sanzo's pain. This is not like Sanzo's dreams. This is…real.

Stepping out further into the center of the courtyard, airplane still in hand, Koumyo walks past Koryuu, past Sanzo, and stops, looking skyward. He waits, silent, until what he seeks at last appears in the sky. "Ah, see there, a bird. Fascinating creatures. Do you remember, Koryuu, the other thing I told you that day?"

Something clicks in both blonde's minds then, but again, it is Koryuu who speaks. "The bird. You said…how…you often envied them for their wings because it seemed like such freedom. But…those wings could easily _take_ freedom if the bird didn't have anywhere to land."

"And then the bird would curse its own existence for having wings at all." Koumyo continues, eyes still on the bright blue above even as Koryuu comes to stand next to him. "Yes, the only true freedom…is having a place to set ones feet…and call home. Koryuu…have you found that yet?"

With a wrenching ache, Sanzo realizes that the answer to that question is n--

"Yes." Koryuu speaks with shocking confidence, eyes alight and seeing so clearly suddenly. He smiles, his mind forming an image he is blessed to see everyday. "Home…is wherever Goku is."

Nobody dares move. Nobody dares breathe.

Sanzo snarls.

A trick. All of it. It must be. A lie. A damn, evil lie by whomever made this place and has put them here to suffer with these visions.

Focusing all of his anger and renewed suspicions for this place, Sanzo whirls on Goku, glaring at the boy just behind him as if in challenge. Beneath that withering look Goku feels so utterly lost, abandoned, broken. How can Sanzo still hurt him so readily when the monk's own master, when a version of Sanzo himself is saying so much the opposite?

Only so strong when it comes to facing Sanzo, Goku is forced to turn away, gold eyes looking to the golden earth in hopes of finding reprieve from that gaze.

In front of them, Koumyo and Koryuu are still smiling.

"Aa. Then you understand." Koumyo says simply, looking down from the sky at last to pin Koryuu with an easy but captivating look. "That freedom, Koryuu, is all I would ever wish for you. All…I would ever _ask_ of you." A pause, waiting to be sure the deeper meaning has settled into Koryuu's heart. "Now…does that soothe your concerns?"

Oh, so much more than even Gonou's kind and reassuring words. "Yes, Master."

And Koumyo releases yet another laugh. "Amazing, isn't it? How much our lives become blessed simply because…"

And as Koumyo says the next few words, Koryuu says them with him.

"…we heard a voice."

Though Sanzo has since turned his harsh look from Goku to once again watch the scene, he is enraged beyond reason at their shared line. No, it isn't like that. It isn't that simple. It isn't that easy! Koumyo heard Sanzo's voice and knew to find and raise him. Sanzo heard Goku's voice, just as Koumyo predicted, and knew to find and free him. But…that doesn't mean…it has nothing to do with…it…it doesn't…it…doesn't…

"Sanzo?"

Shut up.

"Sanzo…are you…okay?"

I don't want to hear your voice, monkey.

"Sanzo…please…don't…be mad at me. I haven't even done anything."

I never asked to hear your voice.

"Please, Sanzo…"

I never wanted any of this.

"Say something, Sanzo."

Shut up!

"Sanzo…"

And Sanzo whirls again, unable to stand another minute of hearing that same pleading voice, asking of him more than he ever wanted to give anyone. "Shut up! Just…shut up, you fucking monkey! I don't want to hear another word from you, do you understand! That goes for all of you!" he yells, turning on Gojyo and Hakkai now, who could not be more lost with how to handle this. "If even one of you breathes at me wrong, you're dead."

Gojyo manages to resist the urge to point out the missing gun again, but Sanzo sees his slipped smirk.

"With my bare fucking hands if I have to!" the monk confirms, eyes so sparked and dangerous, ever more so than they had been when he first lashed out at Koryuu in a failed attack.

Frantically, Sanzo whips back to the scene, angry, so angry that this perversion is being displayed to them, but as he turns back he sees that Koryuu and Koumyo have started to move away, walking the grounds of the temple. Distantly, he can hear Koumyo speaking.

"There is also the lesson of the plane itself. Orange against blue--complementary colors. But then…that only proves the point more…that Goku is home for you. Because you compliment each other so well…"

Neck muscles tensing, shoulders tight, Sanzo pretends he never heard that and decides firmly that the others didn't hear it either.

He takes a step forward to follow the fading pair, if only to hear every lie and corruption for himself, but after only a few paces he nearly falls to the ground from pain.

"No…" Sanzo hisses at the now familiar nausea in his stomach moving quickly throughout his entire body. He isn't ready to leave this place yet. "You bastards, whoever you are!" he screams at the sky above as he clutches his midsection and collapses to the ground, faintly hearing the groans and thuds of his companions in so much the same situation. "I'll kill you…! I'll…kill…" But the void swallows them again, bringing them once more to a new place from which to watch the show.

As the blackness overtakes Sanzo's vision, the sight of Koryuu and Koumyo's fading backs drifting out of view, he refuses to admit that the last thing he sees before being completely engulfed is in his mind's eye. And that, something he can see all too clearly, is pained, seeking, needy…gold.

tbc...

A/N: I had meant to get to Goku at work in this part too, but since it is longer than I imagined, I thought I better post. Next will be Goku at work with a surprise guest to drop in on him, and hopefully I'll get back to Gonou and Gojyo too.

Miss Anonymous hp: What canI say? Darker thread? Well. But have them all thinking why couldn't this, this, and this have been like this? Hmmm. The scenes they are being shown are indeed a lesson, but their reactions might be more destructive than feeling sorry for themselves. I just hope you continue reading, because I don't think you will be disappointed with where I take this.

Diva Urd: Yes, I love being original, and thought this idea could really be interesting. You know...you worded it so well, I'm going to use you description in my summary of this story. "An AU with the characters from "normal" Saiyuki-verse looking in on it as invisible observers and commenting on it." Perfect. :-)

Okay, off I go, and I will have the next part up soon. Just...don't neglect that review button and don't go forgetting about this story, ne? There is so much more in store for you all.

Crim


	5. Unexpected Welcome Guests

Unexpected Welcome Guests

* * *

Lying on the ground still outside, though perhaps in the town now with the sounds of city life buzzing more loudly around them, Hakkai decides he doesn't want to get up presently, but would prefer to remain right where he is. This is all so very tiring. His body does not feel much effect, despite the moments of pain as they switch scenes, but his mind…his heart…everything beyond his own skin…aches a little more than seems fair.

Hakkai could never have the decency to feel this ache only for his own sake. Oh no. He feels it for his companions too, for how Goku is so abused by Sanzo's wrath, how Sanzo is so enraged by truths he will not face, how Gojyo had to look upon his own full youkai self and…see that self and…Gonou of all people…kissing, fondling, loving. And how…Hakkai's own doubts on the sanctity of his relationship with Kanan had been brought to such terrible light. His sister…acting as a sister would. Could it have been like that for them had they not sought such desperate love in one another, due to lack of love as childhood orphans? Had he and Gojyo met under different circumstances, could they have actually…

No. Never. Of course not, Hakkai thinks with pounding, driving conviction. Perhaps he and Kanan could have been normal siblings had they been raised together, but…he and Gojyo? Gojyo would never desire such a thing. He loves his cigarettes, and booze, but especially his women. And Hakkai does not wish for romantic love to ever touch his life again, and certainly not with a male companion. This whole world is filled with such…nonsense.

Isn't it?

Being the only one still sprawled comfortably in the dirt, Hakkai knows he must get up now or risk bringing on the concerns of the others. As he tiresomely gets to his feet he does not miss that Gojyo's concerns are already rising. He flashes the redhead one of his infamous smiles, stating in the look so easily that yes, he is just fine, only weary as all of them are. Gojyo isn't buying it, but Hakkai is thankful for the hanyou's restraint in not bringing that to attention.

Goku opens his mouth to speak, but a quick look at Sanzo has him thinking differently. Is he allowed to speak, or will Sanzo glare and yell at him again?

Noticing this reaction in the younger man, Hakkai nearly scowls and loses his smile, deciding it would be best if Sanzo came down a few notches. "I wonder where we have come to now." the youkai says loud and clearly to their surroundings. Sanzo may or may not have sent him a glare for ignoring the threat of speaking, but he chooses to ignore the monk completely. "Does anyone see any of…well…us?"

It surprises none of them that Sanzo's threat has proven to be talk only; how often they have suffered his death threats, after all. But the monk will surely not be addressed directly for sometime if only to allow him to cool.

The prospect of Sanzo calming seems rather unlikely, however, as the blonde is the first to notice who they will be observing next. Three sets of eyes follow that gaze of violet and discover their next focal point. A few yards ahead of them, working outside in the steadily scorching sun, is the slightly older version of Goku they met this morning.

Whatever his job is, it appears to be made up largely of heavy lifting, which suits Goku well considering his usual attention span and his overabundance of strength. But their attentions keep them silent as they watch him, truly struck by how much older he really appears. A couple years only is probably what separates this Goku from their own, but the morning's sights--even with Goku being very naked at one point--had been overlooked, shied away from, and not given nearly the attention they are being granted now.

Shirt discarded somewhere unseen in the midst of the morning heat, Goku glistens in the light of the sun, sweat clinging to his shoulders, chest, and stomach, and slipping down the sides of his finely tanned face. As they watch, he reaches a hand to wipe his brow and stretches back. He is taller, they realize, and larger, more grown into his limbs as their own Goku will surely be after his final growth spurt kicks in. And though the older Goku's golden eyes remain round and youthful, his face betrays the features…of a man. How had they not noticed? In only a few short years, the 'baby' of the group will be all grown up.

The silence knows not what to do, so it remains.

Goku and Sanzo do not look at one another.

Hakkai allows the real smile pulling at his lips, realizing how his pseudo-son will one day be this brilliant creature, the same and yet so different.

Gojyo half wants to shout out something teasing, just to rile Goku up as he so often does, but his other half is so struck, he can't seem to get the words past his lips.

The older Goku disappears for a moment inside the half-built structure so near him, returning shortly with a huge load of wooden planks over his shoulder. Whatever he is building, he knows exactly what he is doing. He is not at all lost…by being left alone. Not to say their Goku could not handle being alone for a time, but the ease with which this Goku is doing it is certainly new.

"Goku-chan!"

Glomp. For a moment, the onlookers wonder if they are back at the temple watching Kami tackle Koryuu, but this scene is quite a bit different. The attacker, for instance, is not a blonde young man, but a sunset-haired little demon who has somehow managed to pounce her way onto Goku's shoulders, as if it is the easiest thing in the world.

To be honest, those watching are not nearly as surprised as they might have been had they not heard the girl's name mentioned earlier.

"Ack! Lirin! Get off me, already! I'm at work!"

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Working."

"Don't we have the party tonight?"

"That doesn't mean the world stops, Lirin. I still have to work. I'm off at four, so I won't even be late for dinner, just…can you get off my shoulders?"

Lirin tilts her head, debating this request. She looks just as the watchers know her to look, not at all older or changed. The sight actually looks more reminiscent, however, of all the times Lirin has ended up on Sanzo's shoulders. "I like it up here." Lirin says thoughtfully, wrapping her arms around Goku's neck. "I can see everything! Kory's shoulders are better though." she adds as an afterthought.

Sanzo twitches, which is almost a good sign since that is his usual response to Lirin.

The watching Goku does not seem to mind Lirin's presence at all, though he had been the one most surprised at her being mentioned as part of their 'extended family.' Of course, he has never really minded Lirin, but…it was just such a shock. He always wondered what it would be like if the Kougaiji-tachi and them…were friends.

"Gee, I wonder why you like Kory's shoulders better, you little brat." the older Goku says with a roll of gold eyes, before suddenly relaxing his shoulders back, which causes Lirin to lose her balance and fall off into the dirt.

The younger Goku lets out a small laugh. Though he feels the eyes of the others turn to him at the sound, he meets the gaze of none. Why should it be a big deal if he laughs? Can't they just enjoy some of this instead of getting upset over everything? Other than Sanzo's cruel looks, the monkey is having a pretty good time.

Picking herself up from the ground, Lirin promptly sticks her tongue out at Goku, but is up on her feet and clutching at his arm a moment later, unfazed. It is this action that truly shows this other Goku's increased height. He is not level with Lirin, but a few inches taller. Why they had not noticed this with Koryuu, they cannot guess, other than that they had been in a state of too much shock.

"Goku!" Lirin cries, not looking anywhere near being ready to release Goku or leave him alone. "Kory's coming tonight, right?"

The grimace on Goku's face quickly turns into something quite a bit sinister. "Actually…he's not."

"What!"

"Well…ya see…we sorta…broke up."

Hakkai's eyes dart to Gojyo's and they share a look. They have a pretty good idea what this Goku is doing.

Lirin's eyes go wide, disbelieving.

"It's true." Goku supplies sadly, shaking his head and allowing the girl's grip to tighten on his arm. "He probably won't come to the party now. I don't think he wants to see me."

Eyes sparkling with shock and a disgraceful amount of…hope…Lirin lifts up on her toes to look Goku square in the eyes. "Really…?"

A firm bop on the head successfully frees Goku's arm from her clutches. "No, baka, of course not. Quit trying to steal my boyfriend."

When the younger Goku laughs this time, he is all too quickly silenced by the heat of fierce violet. The L-word being used so cavalierly is one thing, but for Sanzo to be referred to as a 'boyfriend' is just…irritating.

Watching as Goku and Lirin talk a bit more casually now, both having laughed at the older Goku's joke, Sanzo finds himself feeling strangely constricted. Everything in this place suffocates him, even though they are once again outside. Pulling at his robes, the monk allows the fabric to fall about his hips, revealing the black silk of his undershirt. He would take that off too if it weren't for the others all watching him so closely. The heat of the sun and their often indirect gazes…burns.

Why do they have to keep looking at him, gauging his reactions? Never a moment's peace, he supposes. Being in this strange world, Sanzo wonders if he will ever have a moment's peace again.

"Lirin's not so bad, huh?" Goku says softly, a little smile playing on his lips as he watches the young youkai fluttering about his older self. They really do seem like…friends.

Hakkai smiles a small but wholly genuine smile in their younger Goku's direction, glancing then back to Lirin who is the epitome of energy and exuberance. "Yes, not bad at all. Young and excitable, to be sure, but…certainly nothing to make an enemy out of." A corner of Hakkai's smile loses its edge, turning somber. "It's a shame sometimes…the roles we are dealt in one another's lives."

It is not missed that all three of Hakkai's companion's turn steady gazes his way after those words, each wondering to what extent exactly the brunette means his statement.

Gojyo's brow forms a prominent crease. Oh, he agrees that it is a shame he must be on the opposing side of his brother, along with a group of others he rather likes--Kougaiji, Yaone, and Lirin all. But Gojyo highly doubts Hakkai's words are meant as simply as stated; the turned youkai is always working on a deeper level.

Opening his mouth to say…something…even if it ends up being the first words to pass his lips, Gojyo is thankfully silenced before he can begin when the older Goku suddenly sprays Lirin with his water bottle, catching the girl completely off guard and open for attack. Gojyo feels his lips twitching up then; really, why is it so hard to enjoy this when nothing they have been shown has been honestly…bad, just…complicated, different, and very much not how their lives really are.

Oh right, _that_ is where the bad comes in.

"Goku!" Lirin laughs, darting around the site as Goku offers splash after splash from his bottle, laughing the entire time while chasing her.

When Goku and Lirin are out of breath and through teasing and chasing one another--something engaged in despite Goku having so strongly expressed that he is at work and cannot mess around--the pair pass one another equally luminous grins. Goku downs the last of the water in his bottle and once again wipes the bit of sweat from his forehead. Lirin bounces around Goku somewhat, stopping only when a tan hand comes to rest on top of her head and rustles her orange hair affectionately.

Lirin smiles, but turns the expression quickly into a pout should she seem too acquiescent. "Na, Goku, you're so mean sometimes, chasing a girl around." she says through her pout. "Didn't your mother teach you anything?"

A flicker of something nearly undetectable passes over the older Goku's face, and Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo do not miss how it seems to pass over their Goku's face as well. To the older Goku's credit, he masks that wave of…something…with a grand smile. "Silly." he says. "I was already old and set in my ways by the time Koryuu's Mom got a hold of me. So ha. I don't know any better."

Lirin, not having noticed that something is amiss, looks up at Goku curiously, her hands curled behind her back now as she shifts on her feet. "Yeah, yeah. But what about your real Mom?"

The flicker is so much more than a flicker now, it is a flash--a flash that blinds and stays--and both Gokus look a little paler than they should have to. "…Lirin." the older Goku says evenly, not knowing how to say anything more than that, and hoping he won't have to. The sudden hopelessness in his eyes tells of too much unfairness--500 years to be exact.

Large eyes widening even more than their usually youthful shape, Lirin takes a step back, the hands clenched behind her tightening of their own accord. How could she be so thoughtless? "Ano…Goku…gomen. I didn't…I…just forget sometimes…that…you don't…have…I…I'm sorry."

The role reversal of the next few moments catch all the onlookers by surprise. Something in the older Goku becomes so much like…well…Hakkai is the closest mother-figure they can imagine, and Goku very much seems that figure as he places his hand back on Lirin's head, smiles in sympathy, and begins to soothe the flustered girl. "Lirin, don't be sorry. It's not like it's normal to be…found in a cave, and…not even know why you were there. Don't be sad for me or anything. Koryuu's Mom is more of a mother than I could ever ask for. I mean…you don't think less of Rasetsunyo-san because she's not really your mother?"

"Course not!" Lirin states proudly, almost shocked that Goku would even suggest such a thing until realizing he had only said it to make a point. "Oh. I get it. Yeah, she's my Haha-ue even if she's not really my mother. My real mother…she…I wouldn't…want her around. Maybe you're lucky, Goku, that you don't know you're mother. Sometimes…I wish I'd never known mine."

The sad smile that graces Goku's features as he continues to play mature older brother fixes his face with a look far too old, his ageless eyes betraying as they almost never do the centuries he has lived through. "Maybe. But maybe…I don't have a mother at all…"

Lirin's face scrunches up like a true child who is beyond the edge of confusion. "That's silly. Where'd you come from then?"

A moment's silence. "I don't know…"

The small voice to utter that is not the older Goku, and the older onlookers turn to their Goku upon hearing his softly spoken words that had held more than a touch of sorrow.

More than any of them Goku is something that does not quite fit in the world. As far as he is concerned the only thing that has ever given him a place in this world at all…is Sanzo. And it is hard to find bearings in that when half the time Goku isn't even sure whether or not Sanzo cares he is around.

"No more of this, Lirin." the older Goku says suddenly, standing up taller with a more firm pat on her head as he plasters on a smile that does Hakkai's justice. "Koumyo-sama handled the whole mess with your mother anyway. He saved the whole thing. Your mother wanted to bring Gyumaou back, but he stopped it. It's all over, and now you have Rasetsunyo, Kougaiji, the whole gang…and that includes me. I don't have to think about…real family…when what I have is so much better than blood could ever make it. You should feel the same…ne?"

Digesting this new information needs far more time than the watchers know they are going to be allowed. The mission is over? Koumyo solved it? Gyokumen Koushu was defeated, the resurrection stopped, and now…the Kougaiji-tachi and them are friends? How? How did Koumyo do it? Can they even hope…to one day do the same?

Sanzo nearly snarls, furious with himself for even thinking such thoughts. As if this world has any foundation in their own reality. Whatever was done to stop Gyumaou's resurrection here might have nothing to do with the way things work in their world. After all, if Sanzo starts finding some traces of truth in this place, he might have to start admitting…

"Anybody else starting to feel like this place is a lot more sinister than it's trying to look?"

A bitter smile crosses Hakkai's face at Gojyo's words; at least the hanyou has found something to say. "If you mean how it is making us all seem like right fools, and showing us how much more easily things could have been handled if not for certain…unpleasant events…then yes, Gojyo, I think I agree."

Gojyo's face is tense and drawn tight even as he nods. "If it's trying to show us what we can do, it's doing one piss poor job, coz half this shit we can't even change."

"Yes, these things are rather out of our sphere of control."

A grunt signals Gojyo's agreement before he turns a quick and careful gaze on the blonde a few feet to his left. "Don't kill me for saying it, Sanzo…but…that master of yours sure isn't coming to our rescue when we get to Gyumaou."

Sanzo glares but does not respond.

"And I don't think I can close my eyes, say please make me a real youkai, and have it come true." Gojyo continues, fists clenching tightly as he stares at the other Goku and Lirin, who are once again talking amiably in softer, friendlier tones. "Wishing like that sure as hell didn't work when I was a kid." he whispers.

Silence.

"And _you're_ sure as hell not getting Kanan or your humanity back any time soon, right?" the redhead turns on Hakkai, not meaning his words to be biting or cruel, though the content makes them seem so much like that anyway.

Hakkai's eyes soften, focusing only on the growing sympathy he feels for Gojyo's declining control.

"And Kougaiji and his gang…they're not coming after us next time to say, hey, let's be pals. And you know why? Because we're enemies, on two different fucking sides of the same fucking, pointless battle. We can't change this shit." Gojyo kicks at the ground suddenly, swirling up a small storm of sandy dirt in Goku and Lirin's direction.

They, of course, take no notice.

Sanzo scowls, and would yell and berate the half-breed if his mind wasn't almost completely still back at Kinzan Temple.

Goku looks hurt, for the first time having been enjoying himself while watching the pair play around, and not having been too heartbroken when things focused on his rather large lack of family, either, seeing as how he--the other Goku, anyway--had handled things so well. Why does Gojyo have to overreact now when Sanzo has been doing that enough for all of them? Just because the battle's over in this world and the Kougaiji-tachi…

A sudden flash of Dokugakuji flashes through Goku's mind, and a quick look to Sanzo and Hakkai seems to show that both of them have had the very same flash.

Oh.

Sanzo says nothing.

Hakkai's nails are digging into his own palms, feeling so helpless suddenly. He doesn't know where to place his anger, and if he can't even help his companions through their pain…how can he possibly face the ache in his own heart? He has always been better at dealing outward, never in. It's why Ki manipulation comes so naturally to him.

Goku looks over at his likeness, still carrying on with Lirin even while he is continuing his work. He wishes he could talk to Gojyo the way the older Goku talked to Lirin just now. Smooth, confident, simple, but…able to make everything better anyway. Goku has often wished for such power…when looking at Sanzo.

Maybe he can be like this older Goku. "Ano…Gojyo?"

Gojyo stumbles, clenching his stomach, and Hakkai and Sanzo mimic, falling to their knees instinctively now to better prepare themselves for what they know must follow. Goku closes his eyes as the same overtakes him, his anguish over being so helpless keeping him from realizing how the pain of switching scenes…isn't quite as bad this time.

-----

The group is silent as they wait in the living room of Gonou and Gojyo's house. The occasional noise from the bedroom tells them they do not want to go in there any time soon, so they merely sit about on the couch or in chairs--Sanzo against the wall--and pretend that what they know must be happening between Gonou and Gojyo is NOT happening at all.

Anger is still very present in Sanzo and Gojyo, leaving Hakkai and Goku to feel very useless and overcome, even though the high emotions seem to have cooled to a dull ache. The stifling feel of all this quiet makes Goku almost wish for someone to start freaking out again. Luckily--or not--he may not have to wait long.

"I'm just offering it as a suggestion." Kanan's voice rings out clearly as she comes through the front door with a few bags in her arms.

She is not alone, and the youkai with her shakes his head with a short laugh. "Sometimes I wonder about you, K. I really do." he says, humor present in the deep blue of his eyes, and an easy smile gracing his handsome face. He too is loaded with bags as he follows her into the house. To be honest, he doesn't look all that different from the youaki they all know, but the sight of him now earns a major double-take.

Gojyo swallows back his anger, pushed down in lieu of his shock. "Jien…" he breathes, standing on shaky legs from his previous seat next to Hakkai on the couch.

Sha Jien--not Dokugakuji in any way, shape, or form--resembles Gojyo quite remarkably. At least he resembles the youkai Gojyo in the other room, both with dark hair, blue eyes, and youkai features. Gojyo is more than ready now to curse whomever brought them here for taking his heart's fondest dream and placing it right in front of him like this…when he knows it can never be real.

No one says anything as the pair crosses the living room. Looking around, Jien begins to slow his pace, stopping before reaching the kitchen door. "Should we call out?" he asks, taking quick survey over the living room, and naturally not noticing the four watchers watching him. "I don't want to walk in on anything."

Kanan stops as well, her hand suspended as she had just been about to push through the kitchen door. The smile on her face turns a little wicked. "Speak for yourself." she says with a coy wink, making her meaning more than clear.

The onlookers say nothing.

Jien decides Kanan's line of thought is just a tad too dangerous.

"Gojyo!" the youkai calls, giving Kanan a triumphant look.

"Gonou!" Kanan mimics, even while she is playing off a rather believable pout.

Still loaded down with his bags, Jien turns his shouting in the direction of the bedroom. "Yo! Pull your pants up, bro, there's company in the house!"

Try as he might, Gojyo can't help smiling, even knowing that the person his other self has his pants down for…isn't someone he would normally imagine. But Gojyo never got to experience grown-up or even adolescent teasing from his brother; he had been eight-years-old when Jien left. The scene before him deserves the smile it has stirred, if only for a little while.

A few seconds pass of Kanan and Jien waiting in the living room for some signs of life, when finally the sliding door of the bedroom is pushed half-way aside by a finely tanned hand. The youkai Gojyo stands in the opening, a cigarrette dangling from his rosier-than-normal lips. He is clad only in his pants, having only just zipped them up as he opened the bedroom door.

Jien laughs loudly and shakes his head at his brother's tell-tale appearance. "Do you two ever stop?"

Gojyo shrugs. "Talk to the other guy." he says.

On cue, the sliding door slides the rest of the way open revealing Gonou in the other half of the doorway, looking quite disheveled with his longer hair, and like Gojyo having only his pants on, which are not zipped or buttoned, and he makes no move to amend this. "Perfect timing, actually." the brunette says as he tosses back the few tangles in his hair. "You should give Koryuu lessons."

As the group is watching all of this play out, still vainly trying to dismiss the relationship between Gonou and Gojyo--and the very prominent lack of a scar on Gonou's bare stomach now--the renewed little smirk on Goku's face does not go unnoticed this time. Emerald and gold eyes meet suddenly and Goku's smirk falls. The boy has no excuses; he likes watching Gonou and Gojyo. But he certainly doesn't want Hakkai or any of the others knowing that and thinking less of him, or thinking him…

What? Sick? Perverted? Wrong? He just thinks they look right together. Why should that be wrong?

Hakkai looks away from Goku with some hesitation, not quite understanding the smirk he had caught, but his mind quickly forgets the incident when he sees what his likeness is doing. Gonou, so fully and completely a different man in every way compared to Hakkai, is reaching over the small distance between himself and Gojyo, plucking the cigarette from between the youkai's lips, and taking a long, sensuous drag.

The redheaded Gojyo and Hakkai look to one another, fully certain now that this world has nothing whatsoever to do with reality.

Once Gonou has replaced Gojyo's cigarette, Kanan takes a few steps forward, shifting her bags in her arms so that she has a free hand with which to better copy her brother. She takes the cigarette from between Gojyo's lips, inhales deeply, and then replaces it before finally heading towards the kitchen with a laughing Jien and Gonou following her.

While the onlookers stare, the youkai Gojyo shakes his head with a lopsided grin. "I swear…sometimes it scares me how much you two are alike." he says with a laugh, quick to follow his companions into the kitchen.

Pulled by the show now as if it truly is a play and they cannot afford to miss a single scene, the watching group follows.

Kanan is setting her bags down on the counter once everyone is in the now seemingly cramped kitchen, and the lovely brunette woman looks over her shoulder at Gojyo slyly. "Gonou and I alike, hmm? You should see how else we're alike." she says in a voice more husky and suggesting than Hakkai especially would ever expect or want to hear from her.

Lighting up a cigarette of his own now as he sits at the table, still shirtless and with his pants undone, Gonou shoots his sister a swift glare. "Stop giving him ideas, Kanan. I told you…I don't share."

"Oh? I seem to recall sharing _someone_ once."

Sanzo falls back against the far wall and crosses his arms, disinterested and irritable to the nth degree.

Goku stays right in the middle of it all, looking back and forth amongst the paired siblings.

Gojyo keeps looking from his own image to his brother's, marveling at their similarities with both being full youkai. But it does not keep him from catching the phrase Kanan has just spoken.

Fully focused on Kanan's recent words as well, Hakkai's mouth is near to the floor.

With his cigarette just at the corner of his oh so deceptive mouth, Gonou coughs, as if choking on the smoke. "That…was an entirely different matter."

"Whoa, wait a sec here." the youkai Gojyo breaks in, leaving his brother to finish putting away the items in the bags as he sits down next to Gonou at the table. "I wanna hear this."

"I'll second that." Jien says, turning from the bags as well.

Kanan feigns innocence. "I am sworn to secrecy."

Upon having two sets of intense blue eyes suddenly on him, Gonou chooses to address Gojyo. He kicks the youkai from under the table. "Not at the same time." he scolds. "Get your head out of the gutter."

The redheaded Gojyo nearly allows another smile.

The youkai Gojyo does smile, and laugh, and offers his brunette lover a teasing wink as he leans over the table. "Who do you think puts it there…?" he purrs, reaching out with his recently assaulted leg to rub his foot against Gonou's beneath the table.

"Gods, their disgusting." breaks Sanzo's voice over the others' suddenly, drowning out the successive responses from Kanan and Jien. The monk turns his sneer from the couple at the table to look pointedly into the corner. "I don't care about any of this. Why are we here? For what purpose? For whose pleasure?" Bang. He slams his fist back into the wall, successfully causing all of his companions to jump slightly from the suddenness of the act. "None of this has anything to do with us."

Goku's fists clench. He would hit Sanzo if he had the nerve.

Gojyo looks down at his feet, deciding suddenly that they are just as interesting as the corner is to Sanzo, and feeling too foolish for having been caught up for a moment in Gonou and Gojyo's exchange. Caught up…in the whole thing.

Hakkai, desperate to ease the nerves of everyone as they become more and more frayed, takes a step towards Sanzo, putting the scene at his back. He speaks loud enough to overpower the voices behind him, and he knows that the others are focused only on him, which he may or may not be grateful for.

"We must keep calm until we can be certain of the true nature of all this. I know that none of the things we have seen have been easy on any of us, but…is it really any more than bringing up our pasts, our wishes, and the occasional bruise to our egos?"

Without looking from the corner, Sanzo huffs, his eyes glaring as if they are indeed glaring back at Hakkai. "Maybe fucking the kappa is a wish of _yours_, but this place has nothing I want to see."

Hakkai steps back, stung, appalled that Sanzo could say such a thing so boldly. "Sanzo…"

"What the fuck's the matter with you, ya damn shitty monk!" Gojyo yells, a blur as he flies past Hakkai to come up right in Sanzo's face. The kappa almost reaches out and grips black silk in his fists, but as angry as he is, he does not take it quite that far. A foot separates them as he continues. "Don't project your own fantasies onto us. Course Hakkai'd never want to…be like that with me. So mind your own fucking business. Just coz you're too sore about seeing your other self with the monkey doesn't mean you have to be a prick over Goku not doing the same for you!"

"Gojyo!" Hakkai shouts, pulling the hanyou away from Sanzo just in time. The monk had been all too ready to take a swing, and if the blonde had his gun there is no doubt as to whether or not he would have hit his desired mark.

"You say that to me again, half-breed, and I'll rip your worthless throat out!" Sanzo yells.

Gojyo growls, struggling against Hakkai's hold. "Then fucking hit me, why doncha! Or are you just a damn coward without your gun to hide behind!"

"I wouldn't even waste a bullet on a waste of skin like you!"

"Oh yeah, prick-lick, well at least I'm not lusting after a kid whose half my--!"

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

The roar of heightened anger holds suspended, all eyes looking to Goku who has called out so desperately, pressing his hands to his ears to block out the falling insults and accusations. His eyes are wide with ready tears and the look is more pitying than any of the others can admit.

Pulling his hands away only now that he is certain he has gotten Sanzo and Gojyo to stop, Goku shakes his head, back and forth, the entire time he is speaking, as if he cannot believe any of this is really happening. "Why?" he asks. "Why do we have to fight over this? Why does it have to be so hard? Why does it have to be bad? You're all so worried that the rest of us are going to think you want what this world is showing us, so you…blame it all on each other instead."

Hakkai opens his mouth to speak, but Goku's head shakes more furiously, silencing the man before he can even begin.

"No, you do it too Hakkai. You don't bitch and yell like they do, but…you're thinking the same things. You're thinking, well…maybe Sanzo or Goku or Gojyo feel like this, but I don't, and they better not think I do, either. But…why? They're so…happy…" he says, gesturing back to the couple at the table, while Kana and Jien are still happily putting away the contents of the bags. Goku turns back to look at each of his companions, more than a little hurt that Sanzo has already returned his attentions to the corner. "I just…don't get what's so scary for you guys. This stuff hurts, but…" he trails off, debating how much he is willing to reveal. In the end, with all his recent failures, he decides he would rather take a cue from Gojyo…and gamble.

Gold eyes banish all traces of tears as Goku steadies his gaze on emerald, crimson, and what small bit of violet he can catch. He tightens his fists. He breathes. He prays…

"You can all keep denying everything. Go ahead." he says, keeping his voice as steady as it is allowing him. "But me…I know how I feel. And…I just…I'm not going to lie to myself. Taking everything that might go with it…" Breathe. Breathe.

Look at me, Sanzo.

"…I'd give anything to have this Goku's life."

tbc...

A/N: Still good? Still enjoying things? I hope so, and I am sorry this part took a little longer. Next part will finish up this scene of course and then when we get back to Koryuu...we will eventually meet yet another familiar face. Hehe. I know some of the pieces aren't entirely together yet, as far as the whole what happened with Koumyo beating the Gyumaou crisis, but hopefully all will be revealed. I couldn't possibly not mention Nii at some point, after all, being the true instigated of the entire series.

Can't remember if there were any questions and I am too lazy and tired to check right now, so if there is something you are desperate to know, just ask again. I really do appreciate the continued support. Don't feel bad if you don't review every chapter, but please don't neglect the button too much. :-) See you soon!

Crim


	6. Confessions, Revelations, & Former Gods

Of Confessions, Revelations, & Former Gods

* * *

"…I'd give anything to have this Goku's life." 

Gojyo feels a sudden constriction in his heart, as if he just dropped one of his own cigarettes into his chest cavity. Damn, he could really use a cigarette now, especially with Gonou and the other Gojyo enjoying some just behind him.

Hakkai forgets to breathe at all as he stares at Goku, barely believing the boy has the guts or gall to say what has just left his lips. But Hakkai and Gojyo both have suspected for sometime the many little desires their monkey has, whether he shares them all or not. Oh, Goku's taste for food is no secret, and his hatred for secrets is no secret either, but as with all truly worthy hypocrites, Goku does have a few secrets of his own, much as he might despise them. But to so openly allude to them…

Sanzo is sheer white, fists tight, eyes searing. He did NOT just hear Goku say that.

"Yeah, this place is a little weird, and some of it…hurts. But…I've never seen any of us as happy as these guys are." Goku finishes with only the faintest traces of a tremor in his ending words. He feels the shock, the horror, the anger boring into him from his companions, and he is looking right back, almost daring emerald, crimson, and violet to try and prove him wrong.

Violet, naturally, is always up to the challenge. "Idiot." Sanzo says with a disgusted grimace, his words spitting from his mouth like burning oil. "Don't you even start. Don't you even think of getting sucked into all this nonsense." the blonde commands, lifting a steady hand to point at Goku with an air of accusation the monk hopes his charge can feel like weight added to his shoulders.

Goku refuses to look as stung as he feels, turning his own accusing looks on Gojyo and Hakkai who are still silent. He had thought one or both of them might back him up, but there they stand, saying nothing. With a sad shake of his head, Goku looks over his shoulder at Gonou and Gojyo at the table. Kanan has joined them now, while Jien places the last few items into the fridge.

The group is laughing, talking so casually and easily, because there is no mission west, no mad youkai, and no evil secrets between them. For them, they really are living life merely as it is, in a way the Sanzo-ikkou has never truly done.

"I don't know why I'm older here. I don't know why Hakkai's human, or why Gojyo youkai. I don't know why your mother found you, Sanzo, or why your master is still alive. But I do know…that the way they live here makes them happy. And I'm going to keep watching…until I figure out…just how the hell they can do that."

As Goku walks around Gojyo and Hakkai to keep a closer look on those at the table, leaving Sanzo still back by that far wall, the three older members of their group remain silent.

Silent…until Sanzo huffs--loudly.

Hakkai quickly fixes the monk with a glare that always has more fierce, raw power than any of the monk's own. But when Hakkai's gaze moves back to meet Gojyo's, both instantly look away again, still too unsure how to address the things Goku seems to accept so easily.

The monkey didn't even outright say the simple truth of it all…but certainly Sanzo realizes the boy meant more than the pleasures of a more normal life when he said he would give anything to trade places with the Goku of this world.

He's breaking rules they have never even had the courage to iterate aloud.

"All right, people, I have to go to work." Jien says, his voice seeming so loud suddenly with the watchers so deadly silent. The youkai stands next to the table, a hand comfortably resting on Gojyo's shoulder. "Some of us care about the bar, ya know, even if it is Saturday."

The youkai Gojyo waves his hand dismissively. "The rookies are doing fine, bro. You worry to much. The great thing about being owners is we don't _have_ to go in everyday."

The redheaded Gojyo gladly switches his mind's focus from the recent chaos to this new information. He owns a bar? With his brother? He…rather likes the sound of that.

Jien laughs, lifting his hand from Gojyo's shoulder just enough to come back down with a firm pat. "When we do go into work, and the first thing out of Sae's mouth isn't, 'uhh, sir, we need a new order of…' whatever thing they've managed to break or ruin for the day, then I'll agree with you. I'll be back before five."

"A pleasure, as always." Gonou says in way of goodbye, nodding his head at the youkai so that the smoke trailing from his cigarette dips and curves.

Moving from his place beside Gojyo to lean down by Kanan's chair now, Jien's smile takes a suddenly different turn. She offers a chillingly similar look, and suddenly, their lips meet soft and slow. Easy. Familiar. "Have a good day, beautiful. Don't let them run you ragged now, setting up for the party."

"Haha." Kanan laughs. "No worries there, sweetheart. I always keep them in line."

"Not only them." Jien offers with a wink. He smiles at the collective table. "Later."

Gonou, Gojyo, and Kanan give their own varied goodbyes as Jien leaves.

Hakkai and Gojyo…both feel very much like falling to the kitchen floor again.

Sanzo and Goku don't look at each other or either of their companions. But when Gojyo speaks up, they are not at all surprised.

"What the _fuck_."

Hakkai chuckles darkly. At this point, he knows he has no other choice but to accept what is thrown in their path. "Again, Gojyo…no one could say it better."

-----

The small exchange between Kanan and the 'couple' after Jien's departure was barely acknowledged as Gojyo and Hakkai both silently tried to work out the complexities of the displayed relationships, and with Sanzo and Goku both silently avoiding any and all contact with one another--vocally, through eye contact, anything. But even with all that silence, no one heard a word that was spoken at the table. Only when they were once again whisked away by a few stabs of pain and that familiar darkness did any of them come out of their stupor.

This time Goku recognized with sudden awareness the complete lack of pain the shift brought him, though he could tell his companions were still feeling the ill effects. Goku still slipped into forced slumber, but almost…peacefully.

Now, once again outside by the older Goku's work, the younger heretic decides NOT to tell the others of this strange turn of events. The few gears able to turn in his head while so much of his mind is focused elsewhere recognizes that a relief from the pain should be something the others come to on their own. Whatever the reason for it happening may be.

"Back with the monkey, huh?" Gojyo states the obvious.

For any of them to speak at this point is more than a bit straining. Every step of ground tread is a step closer to another fight, they figure, but to go about this in complete silence would be even more unbearable.

Gojyo gives an appraising look over the area. "Looks like Lirin's gone."

Indeed, the older Goku, alone once more, is busy at work, now with hammer and nails as he works on the boards they had seen him carry out earlier. This time they see an older gentleman come out of the half-built structure to talk to Goku about his part of the construction. Although the man is relatively friendly, Goku seems somewhat annoyed with the man, giving the impression he does not enjoy working for him. Perhaps…he simply doesn't like taking orders.

The younger Goku thinks with something near a Sanzo-like grimace that he doesn't like taking orders, either. Which is why it is so remarkable how--at least when it comes to Sanzo--he so willingly and often does.

"Well, it seems Goku is about to have _another_ visitor."

The others turn to where Hakkai is looking down the road and see that Koryuu is only a short ways down the path, heading straight for Goku's post.

The older monkey, busily back at work now that his boss has disappeared again, does not see the man coming. Deciding to take advantage of this, Koryuu slows his pace, stills his breath, does everything he can to sneak quickly and quietly over to Goku's place by the building.

"Don't even try it. I can _smell_ you, ya know."

Koryuu stops in his tracks, and then…huffs in mock aggravation as he crosses his arms in front of him. He is only a few yards away from Goku now. "Smell? I vaguely recall taking a shower this morning, despite someone using up all the hot water before I could get in there."

Gold and violet meet and the pair is instantly sharing a smile.

The other sets of gold and violet are looking anywhere but at one another. Sanzo is finding fascination in any part of their surroundings he can so he doesn't have to look at his companions or their likenesses, while Goku is looking fixedly at Koryuu and Goku. He is looking at them almost defiantly, because he knows Sanzo is uncomfortable with the whole thing, and he plans to push that as much as he can, knowing it might be the only way to get Sanzo to break.

Goku realizes quite suddenly that this is the first time he has ever purposefully thought to chip away at Sanzo's veneer. He has done so from time to time without meaning to, sometimes catching the moments when Sanzo looks at him almost fondly and sometimes missing the moments entirely. But here and now…he feels bold. He feels…justified. And he plans to do as much as he can with that feeling while it is still with him.

Watching on silently--something they do too often now because none of them know quite what to say anymore--the onlookers follow Koryuu as he walks right up to Goku's table, leans over to match Goku's lessened height be being seated, and kisses the monkey firmly. Goku eagerly returns the kiss for a good many moments before he suddenly pushes the blonde away, gesturing with his head towards the building as if to say, 'hello, at work here, do you want to get me in trouble?'

Koryuu only laughs lightly and runs his hand over the top of Goku's head, messing with the sweat-dampened locks uncaringly for the feel of their wetness.

Sanzo…turns away. "That's it. I refuse to watch this anymore." And he suddenly starts heading down the path, away from the construction site towards what he must assume is Kinzan Temple since it is the direction Koryuu just came from.

"Sanzo!" Goku yells, not even trying to hide his exasperation.

"Oi, bouzu, where do you think you're going!"

"Sanzo, we really should stay together, for the good of the group. There is no telling what this place may yet have in store for us."

Sanzo does not turn back to face them. "Fuck off! All of you! I don't have to sit through this shit!"

And all the anger in Goku boils up suddenly, for he had suspected this would happen when the other Goku and Koryuu came back into the scenes. It is the sight of them that truly makes Sanzo bristle, and that angers Goku now more than it had originally stung.

However, despite Sanzo's steadfast steps and determination to march his own path, the monk does not get very far down the road before he suddenly stops, pushed back slightly, as if having run into a large wall even though nothing is in his path. The others look on as he tries to step forward again, met by that same invisible wall each time.

Sanzo goes so far as to start pounding on the apparent shield with both fists, yelling. "Fucking…! Stupid…! Let me go, damn you!"

With more defiance than ever now, Goku heartily releases a laugh.

Sanzo spins around to glare daggers, for the first time truly looking at Goku since the monkey's outburst earlier.

But then, Gojyo starts in as well, laughing only too easily at the monk's expense when this whole day has been one heart-wrench after another and he is sick of it. He laughs, and laughs, and looks at Goku--still laughing himself--only to laugh some more.

Even Hakkai breaks into a genuine grin, and for all of Sanzo's fueled anger, the monk says nothing when he storms his way back to them. He finds the furthest spot he can and sits down in the dirt, refusing to look at any of them or at the scene. Try as he may, however, being forced to remain close to what is happening he can still hear what is passing between Koryuu and Goku as the pair speaks.

"Wait, hang on. What?" the older Goku asks his companion, hammer and plank forgotten as he stares up in disbelief at the blonde standing over him.

"You heard me." Koryuu says with a broad smile. "I said, get your ass in there and quit. We're going home."

The onlookers start a little at this, not any more sure than the other Goku is whether or not Koryuu is being serious.

Gold eyes blink up at Koryuu, dumbfounded.

Koryuu sighs. "You're going to quit because you don't like this job. Because you love building things but not without purpose. Because it's the weekend and I want to be at home wasting the day together. Because…Koumyo wants you to build a new addition for the temple."

Gold eyes, having been bugged out enough already, nearly fall out of their sockets, and in a moment the older Goku has sprang to his feet. "Wha-! Seriously! Me? At the temple? Really?"

"Unless you know some other Goku whose good with his hands." These words illicit a sudden lusty gloss to Koryuu's expression and he leans over Goku's table again, bringing them very close now that their heights are more similar with Goku standing. "Personally, I only know one such Goku, and he is _very_ good with his hands."

Sanzo fights back the bile in his throat, quite satisfied that he cannot see what is happening.

Goku…allows his smile, his blush, and his longing. Even when Hakkai and Gojyo both turn to look at him and he knows they are both wondering just how far he meant his wanting of this other Goku's life. Well, Goku meant he would take everything that this Goku has, and he said as much. 'Taking everything that goes with it.' If Hakkai and Gojyo are weirded out by that, they can go ahead and be weirded out.

"Hey, boss!" the older Goku yells suddenly, already slipping his shirt back over his head. "I quit! Good luck on the job!"

A muffled reply responds, but Goku does not wait around to hear. He and Koryuu head off down the path, with the blonde's arm resting over the only slightly shorter man's shoulders---and finally the watchers can get another look at just how close in height the pair is with Goku's added inches.

When Koryuu and Goku have gotten a good ways away and the group realizes they are not being visited by another round of nausea, they decide they had better follow. Though Sanzo reluctantly complies, he remains at the back of the group, not speaking or looking at any of them. Once they have caught up to Goku and Koryuu, they realize they are deeper into the town and take the opportunity to look around.

The city is like many cities. Not too large. Shops and markets. Children playing in the weekend sunshine. Youkai and human alike enjoying the warm, pleasant day.

Oh wait. That…is not like many cities. That is not like any cities the ikkou remembers passing for almost a year now. The sight is sobering. And it reminds them just a bit more how every youkai they have had to kill on this journey had at one point lived a very normal, peaceful life. That…is more than sobering. That stings.

Pausing only for a moment at one of the stands to buy Goku a meat bun, something Koryuu does only too eagerly, the following group stops dead just before reaching the pair completely when a deep, velvety and eerily familiar voice breaks into the city bustling.

"Hisashiburi da na…Son Goku."

Goku swallows. They are doomed to be haunted by ghosts of the past as well as impossible futures it seems.

No one says a word. They do not need to turn to know who the owner of that voice is, especially once he has come from around them to approach Goku and Koryuu fully.

"Homura!" the older Goku calls--delighted. "Shit, man, it _has_ been a long time. How ya doin'?"

Something in Koryuu's vastly changed expression is comforting to the watchers for it has become just as wary and irritated by Homura's presence as Sanzo's expression. Koryuu looks Homura over with a barely concealed sneer as the ebony-haired man stops just in front of them, making a point to stand as close as can be comfortable to Goku.

Even though the onlookers now have a view of Homura's back, they can tell he is not overly changed from what they remember of him, for his hair seems the same, his body similar, even though the man is wearing normal slacks and what appears to be a dark blue, button-down shirt.

Wait. _Man_? Can they call Homura that?

"Tell me, Goku…" Homura starts, the grin on his lips coming through in his lilting tone all too easily. He leans forward, speaking slow and evocatively into Goku's now much closer face. "…when are you going to leave this poor excuse for a man…and come home with me?"

Koryuu and Sanzo both clench their fists, albeit for decidedly different reasons. Koryuu's are self-evident. Sanzo…simply cannot believe the god is saying such words so openly without trying to veil them as he had in their reality. Oh, Sanzo always knew Homura's propositioning of Goku went beyond merely using the boy for his schemes. Homura had made that clear enough without ever having to say so flat out.

This Homura is speaking directly.

While Koryuu is close to fuming, the older Goku blushes only the slightest bit, grinning madly. "Na, Homura…" he says chidingly. "…I'm already sleeping with you. What more do you want?" Goku's last words barely pass his lips since Koryuu has gripped his arm rather harshly and pulled him away from Homura with a sudden tug.

Koryuu's eyes never leave Homura's face as he leans to whisper darkly beside Goku's ear, soft but loud enough for all those watching to hear him. "Goku. Not. Funny."

The older Goku laughs, apparently unfazed by this otherwise unseen side of Koryuu.

The watching Goku has to bite down on a few chuckles of his own, and, being highly intrigued by this whole development, he runs around the group, standing side by side with his other self for a moment in order to get a clear look of Homura's face.

If Sanzo had it in him to take such a bold action, he would stomp over to Goku and pull him away from the god just as his likeness did. But he is not about to do anything so telling. Not that he has anything to tell, he thinks with a sudden surge of desperate conviction.

Goku's eyes widen into saucer's before his companions, he being the only one who can see Homura's face now. "No chakra!" the boy calls, not sure if he means to sound excited or simply surprised. "He's…he's…" Goku has to pause to take a breath, it having been thoroughly stolen. "…he's human."

If only to get a good look themselves, Hakkai and Gojyo walk around the man as well and peer into his face. Indeed, no chakra, just as Koryuu is without one. Homura's duel-colored eyes are still quite prominent, one being a brilliant gold to match Goku's, the other pure and true blue, and Homura's smirk is also as they remember it. In fact, the lack of that telling red dot is the only true difference.

That…and the chains.

Goku decides with a firm nod to himself that he likes Homura better without the chains and without the chakra. In all honesty, he would like anything about Homura as long as it meant the god…or man…or whatever…was still alive.

"Goku! Koryuu!"

Before the others have a chance to offer comment, or before Koryuu and Homura can act on the fueling fire ignited in their met gazes, this new voice calls over to the group and a woman the onlookers are fairly certain they have never seen is suddenly at Homura's side, holding tight to his arm.

"Hisashiburi!" she calls happily, a blinding presence of sweet, feminine charm, with her sandy hair tied up neatly in two loops like new-age pigtails. Her smile is infectious, her face quite lovely, and when Homura looks down at her as she clings to him so easily, the dangerously flirtatious look he had been wearing slips into one of pure, honest…love. The woman is bouncing happily, but notices the frown still settled on Koryuu's face. She looks up to meet Homura's eyes and shakes her head. "Were you two teasing poor Kory again?" she asks knowingly.

Homura shrugs, feigning innocence quite unconvincingly. "I don't know what you mean, dear."

"Yeah, Rinrei, we were just joking around. Kory knows we're not serious." Goku puts in, nudging Koryuu with his elbow despite the blonde's growl of disapproval.

Watching with his gaze shifting quickly between the two couples, Sanzo blinks repeatedly. He isn't entirely sure if this turn of events should please him or not.

Goku is positively beaming, having enjoyed watching Homura's attention on his older self, but also happy to know it is merely in jest and that Homura has someone of his own to be content with. He vaguely remembers Homura mentioning this…woman. If it is indeed the same woman the god had spoken of.

"You guys are coming to the party tonight, right?" the older Goku asks, up on his toes in wonder and exuberant anticipation.

Rinrei's smile sinks slightly and she shakes her head. "So sorry. We can't. My mother has a dinner planned and she'd be so disappointed if we canceled. Next time, though. Promise. After all, it's our turn to host."

For the sake of Rinrei--and only Rinrei--Koryuu banishes his sneer just long enough to offer her a friendly smile. "You are still the best hostess of the group, Rin. I look forward to it."

A smug little half-noise emits from Homura's throat. When Koryuu looks up to meet the clear challenge in it, mismatched eyes focus on him steadily. Daring him somehow. "We may or may not invite you…Koryuu-kun."

Though Rinrei laugh lightly, Koryuu's glare flares to life again. "If you do, Homura-san…I may or may not come."

"Oh? Do you often have that problem?"

Twitch.

"Ahaha…ha…" the older Goku laughs ineffectually, gripping Koryuu's arm tightly now as he begins to pull the blonde away--just in case. "Weeeell…ahhh…we better…go. Right, Kory? Lots to…do."

Koryuu and Homura's eyes are still locked and there is little wonder whether or not they would have fallen to blows by now if not for Goku and Rinrei on their arms.

Sanzo takes the smallest bit of comfort in the fact that he is at least not friends with the man, since he had to endure such…brotherly affection with his likeness and Kami-sama. But that solace does little to ease his anger when everything said to Koryuu feels like a blow to himself. Much as he hates to admit any connections to the other blonde.

Hakkai and Gojyo share amused smiles, Gojyo still being in a slightly lifted mood after he and Goku had so enjoyably laughed at Sanzo's expense. Strangely enough, they realize that this is the most at ease they have been in the presence of such scenes, despite Sanzo's anger at Homura's impudence. Funny that it must come to them when the people they are watching are in much darker moods.

"See you boys later then!" Rinrei calls as Goku successfully manages to pull Koryuu away before the blonde can throttle Homura as his glare suggests he would like to. She elbows Homura hard in the side, who only smiles wickedly.

"A true _pleasure_ as always, Goku!" the dark-haired man calls in kind, adding a wink only after he is sure Koryuu is looking back to see it.

Surging forward to follow the leaving pair, Sanzo does not wait around to listen to anything else that pass between Homura and Rinrei, thoroughly sick of having to see the man's face again when he had been rather happy believing he never would. Hakkai and Gojyo follow without question, allowing the little smiles playing on both their faces.

Only Goku lingers back a little, his shuffling feet leaving him to fall behind somewhat as he stares after Homura and Rinrei, who--as he has noticed with so many of the others--looks so very happy. And handsome. But Goku figures he should probably keep that comment to himself. After all, he had managed to do it all through their ordeals with the god, and that had been easy enough. At least it had been easy when there were moments back then when Sanzo actually showed…affection. In Sanzo's own way.

Goku sighs, running ahead to catch up and leaving Homura and Rinrei behind. He wonders what he would do now if the god were still alive. If Homura came up to him this very moment and asked for him to join the god's group again, would he still choose Sanzo? The sun hasn't been very warming to him lately.

With a sudden 'ouff,' Goku plows right into Hakkai's back, his thoughts having distracted him so completely, he had utterly forgotten to look where he was going.

"Sorry." Goku mumbles, rubbing his slightly injured nose.

Emeralds smile back at the boy and Hakkai allows his pace to slow to match Goku, leaving them to take up the rear as Sanzo and Gojyo travel on ahead of them. "Goku…" the turned youkai begins carefully, his words slow on purpose, to be certain he chooses them just right. "…you know, of course, that you can always tell me the truth. I would never…think ill of you, even if you surprised me. At this point, I think 'surprised' has a very new meaning." he chuckles. "But…if there is something…"

Goku almost groans. Hakkai is a good man and a good friend, but sometimes his kindness gets in the way of just spitting things out. "Look, Hakkai, I don't have anything to say I haven't said already, or that you guys don't already know. Sounds like _you_ have something to say. You wanna ask me, is that it? You wanna ask…what I want from this Goku's life? Then ask."

Such bold honesty Hakkai is used to from Goku, but in this manner, on this particular subject it takes a little getting used to. Hakkai smiles, knowing the expression is weaker than he would usually allow. "All right. Goku--"

"I want Sanzo."

Hakkai nearly trips, his steps halting on themselves so suddenly. Goku stops beside him, the others momentarily forgotten. Hakkai cannot believe Goku is actually…finally…saying it.

"I'm 18, Hakkai, much as you guys like to pretend I'm still a kid." Goku says with a slight frown. Gold eyes flick ahead at the path leading onwards through town and to the back of the blonde--of Sanzo--who is still walking. "Girls are nice. I've liked a few. But they're no Sanzo. Truth? Yeah, even if you don't wanna hear me say it, I think about sex probably almost as much as Gojyo does. Don't tell him that." Goku says quickly, turning back to Hakkai with a little pout on his lips for only a moment, which for that moment eases Hakkai's on edge nerves being it resembles more the Goku he is used to. "But…thinking about _that_…that's not what this is about. It's more than that."

Hard as this already half-known truth is to swallow, Hakkai knows just what Goku means, and is brave enough to say it himself. "You love him."

It isn't a question, so Goku doesn't have to say yes or no. He wouldn't have to say anyway.

With his smile returning suddenly, if perhaps a little wicked now, Goku looks up at Hakkai, lifting on tiptoe to get as close to the green-eyed youkai's face as he can. "Good, Hakkai, you _can_ say it. Next time…why don't you try saying it for yourself."

Hakkai's head snaps up from looking down. "Goku! I can assure you I harbor no such feelings for Sanzo in any--"

"Idiot." Goku says with a roll of his eyes, and Hakkai is rightly taken aback. Rarely is such an insult directed at him, and never once has it been said by those lips. Goku does not stick around to explain himself, either, suddenly starting again along the path since Gojyo has turned back to look at them curiously and Sanzo is becoming smaller and smaller as he walks on.

Though Hakkai quickly moves to catch up with Goku and the others, his confusion does not last nearly as long…as he wishes it would. One look into crimson eyes and the feeling that has been growing in the pit of his stomach suddenly leaps up into his throat.

Hakkai plasters on his best smile when Gojyo cocks an eyebrow at him, meaning Hakkai had most likely been staring a little too long while Goku's words came back again and again through his head. Inside, Hakkai's pulse is racing.

Impossible. _Impossible_. Could it really be…as easy as Goku seems to think?

tbc...

A/N: Ooo, okay I was feeling all inadequate with the last part, but you all sure helped me over that, and now this part is one I am really happy with. I loved putting Homura in there. Hee. I wasn't sure whether to keep his eyes the same or not, but (and I'm telling you this because I'm pretty sure he will not show up in the story again, though the beginning of the next part will have Kory and Goku talking about him a bit) what I imagine for Homura is that he was allowed a choice between serving as the God of War and being reincarnated with Rinrei, which (even though it made him human) he agreed. Now, Obviously the gods would never be so nice, but this world is supposed to be unbelievably different in some aspects. Anyway, I figured Homura would still have his eyes.

Diva Urd: No, no, don't feel bad for pointing out that gross example of editing laziness. I should know better. Grrr. That is one of the mistakes I make too often. Please, tell me when such mistakes are there so I can fix them and know to be more vigilent in the future. And Man, you're good thinking about Nii already. He's not the only difference, though, because...why would a difference with him affect whether or not Gojyo's full youkai, etc., but he is a main factor and I will get to the specifics on that.

You guys really are the best, you know, and I am so sorry so many of you are wasting away between updates. :-) I will continue to be fast, and to give you little tidbits so that your ignorance of the details (Whisper) does not kill you so. :-) Love!

Crim


	7. And A Soul To Guide You

And A Soul To Guide You

* * *

"Hey Kory?" 

"Aa?"

"Umm…say…if…you know…if…Rinrei was ever out of the picture…what would you do?"

Still following Koryuu and Goku on their way home, the onlookers suddenly wonder if whomever has brought them here is on a coffee break, since they have been walking for many minutes with nothing too eventful happening. They are in a residential area now, walking along a short stone fence. No one is around but them.

Turning to look at the older Goku with a raised and somewhat offended eyebrow, Koryuu slows his step, peering at Goku through his periphery.

"What do you mean?" he asks slowly.

"Well…if she wasn't around, and…if…Homura actually was serious with all that stuff. What…what would you do?"

Koryuu's speed suddenly increases again and he is walking ahead of Goku, making a point to not look back as he speaks. "You say that is if I would have something to be worried about if that were the case. _Would_ I…have something to worry about?"

It isn't hard for those watching to figure out what Koryuu is actually asking. Not 'would I'. '_Do_ I.' And though Sanzo continues to feign apathy over the whole thing, preferring to remain disinterested if it will keep him from having to pay any excess attention to the couple, Goku finds this topic just as fascinating as his likeness. He had, after all, been wondering himself what he would do if Homura were still alive, and it is something to wonder at: what would _Sanzo_ do?

The older Goku rushes ahead to catch up to his lover and latches on tightly to the man's arm, knowing full well just how many nerves he has struck.

"Course you wouldn't, Kory. I'm just asking. What would you do if he was really coming after me?"

Dimly appeased, Koryuu allows Goku's hold on him, but still looks rather disgruntled as he thinks this question over. Though he seems to consider it for sometime, his answer still comes out steady, as if it is the only answer possible. "I'd kill him." he says, unflinching.

The younger Goku smiles, thinking that for once what has come out of Koryuu's mouth sounds exactly like Sanzo.

The older Goku lets out a laugh, apparently disbelieving, though every single onlooker and Koryuu himself know that the blonde did not mean his statement in jest.

"Come on, Kory, be serious." Goku stresses, tugging on the taller man's arm somewhat to lean against it more comfortably.

"I _am_ being serious."

"Suuuure." Goku replies, unconvinced. "So…what would you do if you _couldn't_ kill him? And…just for arguments sake…what if he managed to win me over? How would you win me back?"

This time, Koryuu rips his arm free from Goku's hold, thoroughly upset, and stalks ahead at a much quicker pace. His inherently short temper is finally showing itself, and Sanzo--for all his hatred of almost everything else about Koryuu and the man's relationship with the other Goku--takes quite a bit of comfort in the sight of a version of himself leaving a version of Goku behind in the dust. Serves the monkey right.

"Come on, Kory, don't be mad!" Goku calls ahead, once again having to run to catch up to his companion. He knows better than to grab for Koryuu's arm right away this time, and plasters on a pitiful pout in preparation for the damage he now has to undo. "I'm just making sure you still love me as much as you say you do. The way Homura gets under your skin when he flirts with me…it…it's kind of nice. It's nice being wanted so much, knowing it drives you crazy to think of me with someone else."

"Not _someone_ else." Koryuu corrects, looking ahead rather than down at the monkey beside him. "Just _him_."

Goku roles his eyes. "Whatever. So…you still love me?"

This time, Koryuu stops dead in his tracks, and since the younger Goku has been following rather close to the pair, he nearly runs into the blonde's back as he did to Hakkai not long before. Luckily, he notices the stop in time. Watching transfixed as Koryuu turns to look into the older Goku's eyes, he sees a smile tugging at the blonde's lips even while Koryuu is trying to hold it back. "Of course I love you, baka. You shouldn't need _him_ to prove that to you."

"I didn't say I need it." Goku defends himself, all smiles and dimples as he looks back into violet eyes, knowing already that he has won. "Just that I like it. I like seeing you all _jealous_."

Sanzo bristles. Goku would never talk to him like this. Ever. _Had_ never anyway…until this trip of theirs into insanity. With a scowl, Sanzo looks ahead to gauge his Goku's reaction to the ongoing exchange and as always finds that the monkey looks only too pleased. Sanzo catches himself. What had he just thought? _His_ Goku? He firmly tells himself that he had only meant that in way of differentiating between the two. Goku is not his.

His _pet_ maybe.

"Goku." Koryuu begins, very slow and deliberate with each following word. "I. Love. You. I will always get jealous when others put the moves on you, especially when it is that…insufferable man. Now, knowing that I will always get jealous when such things happen…" Koryuu pauses for effect, darkening his gaze just enough to show Goku that he is dead serious about the next words that leave his lips. "Don't. Encourage. It. Or him. Understand?"

Goku nods, only too sweetly.

"Good. And…I don't have anything to worry about, right?"

Goku shakes his head this time, that sweet smile still plastered on his face. "Course not. Who wants moonlight when I get my very own sunshine everyday?"

The tendons on Sanzo's neck tense. How often has he been called the sun? Too often.

"I like the sun way too much to go after the moon." the older Goku continues. "The moon's really pretty, and it's bright enough at night, but the sun…the sun is gorgeous. The sun shines light on everything. And it's so warm, I always feel safe."

Listening only too well to this poetry, the younger Goku feels a warmth spread in his chest, very much agreeing with every word of it. All he ever wanted was a little sunlight on his face without bars to block it. Sanzo gave him that. Sanzo gave him the sun. Sanzo is the sun. His sun. And always will be.

A light chuckle escapes Koryuu as the blonde shakes his head at the older Goku's words.

"You and your analogies." he laughs, all animosity forgotten as he reaches out to ruffle Goku's hair before at last moving to continue down the path.

For once, Sanzo decides he is going to ignore all that has been said and not get upset over it. Koryuu has spoken that dreaded L-word only too many times. Sanzo can just pretend he doesn't hear it anymore. He can pretend he doesn't hear any of the sweet sentiments. After all, it has nothing to do with him, and this world means absolutely nothing too. There is no truth or sense to any of it. Yes, Sanzo thinks with a firm nod to himself. As long as he keeps reminding himself of that, everything will be fine.

The problem is, he doesn't really believe that everything will be fine, because he knows it won't.

A few moments pass with the group once again following behind the couple when suddenly the older Goku speaks up again.

"So…what _would_ you do to win me back?"

Koryuu audible groans. "Goku…"

"Come on, Kory. Hypothetical."

Koryuu does not spend any time thinking this time. With a quick leap he is suddenly walking on top of the stone fence and slows his step, spreading his arms out as if to embrace the whole world. Then, with the smooth baritone of his voice ringing only too true and beautifully…he sings. "I'd give you stars and the moon and a soul to guide you and a promise I'll never go…"

"Hey."

Koryuu stops singing, willingly being pulled back down from the wall as Goku tugs on his hand.

"What did I _just_ say?" Goku says with a slight smirk, pulling the blonde in closer now and leaning up towards that pale, pretty face. "I don't want the moon. The sun…is just fine." And with a grin playing on both their lips, those lips press together, meeting in slow, mutually blissful passion.

The onlookers stand stunned, not at yet another moment of intimacy playing out before them, but at the truly lovely sound of Sanzo's voice rising in song. Koryuu's voice granted, but…Sanzo's too, in all fairness, seeing as how their voices hold no true difference. But…Sanzo doesn't sing. Sanzo would never, has never, could never…ever…

Could he…?

"Your voice carries rather well, Sanzo." Hakkai comments, with a very real and bordering on teasing smile.

Sanzo huffs and folds his arms over his chest, ignoring the green-eyed youkai.

"Yeah." Gojyo puts in, all a grin himself, and feeling a little better for the moment, knowing he can turn his attention onto something he has always enjoyed: joking at Sanzo's expense. "You moonlighting as a lounge singer in those towns we pass? Come on, confess, we know you are."

Goku is giggling now, and Hakkai holds back a series of chuckles as Gojyo grins on, ready with a comeback no matter how Sanzo responds.

But Sanzo doesn't respond. The monk, ignoring all of them, merely walks on ahead to follow after the pair continuing down the path. Goku and Gojyo exchange looks of utter shock, but Hakkai's brow furrows in worry. He had seen the look in Sanzo's eyes, a look the others seem to have missed, and it was not one of irritation or annoyance as he expected to find. It was one of true fury, burning like a pot of water too close to spilling over the edges. The fact that Sanzo kept it in, held it back, only worries Hakkai more.

"Shit, bouzu, what's your problem!"

"Gojyo. Don't."

"Wha-! Hakkai-!"

"Just. _Don't_." Hakkai states firmly, and when Hakkai is firm in a way that is not accompanied by a smile, you listen.

Gojyo holds up his hands in mock defense, conceding, and the two of them begin to walk on. Goku, looking a little confused over the whole thing, follows as well, but wonders just what Hakkai thinks he is protecting them from. After all, Goku _wants_ to push things. Goku _wants_ Sanzo to yell and scream and lose his cool. It might be the only thing that knocks any sense into the man.

Fully believing in this line of thought, Goku decides that pushing is exactly what he is going to do right now, Hakkai's stern advice be damned.

"Sanzo?" the monkey begins, walking up next to the blonde and doing his best to mask the evil grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. He feels so liberated, plotting against the older man this way. "Can't you take a compliment? We just thought your voice sounded nice."

Hakkai's emeralds dart to Goku in an instant, shocked that the boy is bringing things back up when it should be clear that Sanzo needs to be left alone for a while.

Althought Goku can feel that gaze burning into the side of his head, he keeps his attention focused on Sanzo and waits for a reply.

"It wasn't _my_ voice, idiot." the reply comes, practically growled. "I. Am. Not. Him. Get it through your head…before I _pound it_ into you."

Pound it into me, huh, Goku thinks wickedly. But he is not so bold as to say that out loud.

Not yet, anyway.

"Someone around here is an idiot, alright, but it sure ain't me." Goku chooses to say instead, bold enough within itself, to be sure. But before he has to brave the brunt of Sanzo's reaction, the young man increases his pace and moves ahead, leaving the blonde behind to mull on what has been said.

A quick look into violet tells Hakkai that the water is very near the edges of the pot now, and he shudders to think what might get burned when it blows.

While he is still watching the monk, noticing how white fists are clenching tight enough to draw fresh blood from former wounds, Gojyo leans over beside him and whispers.

"Hey…what's happening here exactly?"

"What do you mean, Gojyo?" Hakkai whispers back. His eyes are still watching crimson meet alabaster, praying that those fists don't find any other use besides clenching.

"I mean…what the hell is up with monkey-boy? He's holding more ground than ever. Standing up to Mr. Stick-up-his-ass like nobody's business. Pressing buttons I didn't know the monkey had the balls to press. He really serious about all this?"

"He said as much, did he not? He said…he would give anything to trade places with his other self."

"But…he didn't mean…I mean…he doesn't really think of…Sanzo…like _that_. Does he?"

Hakkai at last turns his gaze to regard Gojyo and does not try to veil his incredulous look in the slightest. "Gojyo…though I admit I had to hear it from Goku's own lips before I believed it fully…you and I both know…we have long known…the answer to that question. Why else would we jump to Goku's defense when Sanzo condemns the love between Koryuu and the other Goku. Hmm? Clearly…we both recognize how much this is hurting Goku…"

"Because of how much he loves Sanzo?"

Hakkai does not need to nod.

"Shit." the kappa curses, his hand coming up to run through red locks in a nervous gesture. "Why do I get the feeling…things are only gonna get worse before they get better? Hell, I don't even know if they _can_ get better."

A somber smile touches Hakkai's lips. He knows not to dwell on what Goku spoke to him about, on what the younger man alluded to. Not now. Right now…it would only make things worse, just as Gojyo said. Things are often better left alone, the brunette thinks soundly, turning his gaze back to the front where he once again catches sight of Sanzo. The monk's fists are looser now. But not by much.

"Hey, Kory…" the older Goku starts in suddenly, a naughty little smile planted on his face as he looks sideways at his companion. And then… "Race you home!" …he takes off running, his smaller stature speeding him far ahead of Koryuu in no time at all.

Koryuu does not follow suit at first, but calls ahead. "Hey! What are we, five-years-old!"

"You say that, Kory, but the extra three years on you sure are lagging you behind!"

Koryuu smirks.

The onlookers make a mental note. Extra three years. Three years. If Koryuu is twenty-three as Sanzo is, that makes this older Goku…twenty.

"That little brat." Koryuu mumbles to himself, but a moment later he has broke into a run, sprinting ahead to catch up to Goku as best he can. "Just wait till I get my hands on you, monkey!" But there is no malice or threat in Koryuu's words, and as he nears the older Goku, both are laughing as much as they are breathing hard. It is clearly on purpose when Goku allows Koryuu to catch him--he so did want to be caught--and after a successful tackle, the pair is still laughing as they continue home with Goku pulled in so tight against Koryuu's side and their steps so in sink, one might think they were bound together.

The younger Goku, still leading the pack after bypassing Sanzo some time ago, turns back to his companions and is a grin from ear to monkey ear. The light sparked in his golden eyes states without a word that he believes the group should follow the couple's example, especially considering that the couple is now quite a bit ahead of them.

It is that smile, that joy, the sheer happiness in Goku at anything and everything regarding Koryuu and the other Goku that not only boils the pot over, but sends it crashing to the kitchen floor.

Pivoting just so, Sanzo's fist suddenly cuts the air, very intent on a target as it moves with almost inhuman speed. Hakkai would have flinched if he didn't already know where that fist intended to land. He does flinch when he hears the sickening crunch…of Sanzo's hand breaking when it makes contact with the stone fence.

"Sanzo!" calls Goku, his smile gone as he runs back to the group with sudden desperation, not understanding why the monk would do something so foolish. "Are you okay! Why did you do that!"

"Shut up." Sanzo responds darkly, his words holding very little volume, but more than enough venom. His eyes remain veiled by golden strands, his head bent, his now broken hand limp as the other remains in a tight fist. His broken hand is bloody and grotesquely twisted.

For all the broken bones and wounds Goku has seen in his life, it causes the monkey to grimace.

Hakkai sighs, shaking his head as he approaches slowly, having anticipated something like this. He had honestly thought Sanzo's outburst would come out directed at Goku, but he is not surprised seeing it manifest like this. Lifting his hand as he builds a good amount of ki with which to heal, Hakkai does not ask permission, but knows Sanzo will not protest as long as nothing is said to draw too much attention to the act being carried out.

Before Hakkai can truly begin healing, however…the need for it is suddenly gone.

Truly amazed himself as the pain fades, Sanzo stares at his recently broken hand, lifting it to his face, and cannot believe…that it is healing itself, the blood fading. In moments only it is his own, flawless hand again. Even the silk is no longer stained. Staring, Sanzo thinks to turn his hand over, and looking at the palm he sees that the cuts from his own nails are gone as well. Had they healed this quickly before and he had just been too preoccupied to notice?

"Holy shit." This is Gojyo, having since remained silent, but unable to hold back now. "How…how did it do that?"

"Hmm." Hakkai speaks thoughtfully, tilting his head as he gazes at the healed hand and draws back in the ki he had meant to use. "I should have thought as much."

The others turn to stare at him, each with their own look to say, 'what the hell do you mean by that?'

Hakkai only smiles, not at all taken aback by their unified stare. "It makes sense really, when you think about it. Gojyo, Sanzo…have either of you thought of your lost cigarette's since first missing them this morning? Out of true necessity, that is, not just comfort."

The two smokers dart their eyes to one another quickly and then back to Hakkai. Their answer is clear, despite their inability to say so aloud.

"And you, Goku." Hakkai continues, calling past the others to where Goku stands, the monkey still somewhat shaken by Sanzo's strange act. Gold eyes look back at Hakkai, expectant. "Aren't you hungry?" the older brunette asks. "You have not mentioned so once."

Goku opens his mouth to say something, perhaps to say, 'of course, I'm hungry,' but never quite finds the right words. The truth is, he is not hungry at all. But how can that be? How can two nicotine addicts not be craving cigarettes? And what does it have to do with Sanzo's hand healing itself?

"It's quite simple." Hakkai says matter-of-factly, nonplussed by his companion's continuously vacant and confused expressions. "This place, however tangible it may seem, does not exist in any physical reality."

The others blink back at him.

Hakkai sighs. "Our minds are here, but our bodies are not. Wherever our bodies are, real time is not passing there as it is passing here. Hence…we are not hungry or craving our addictions, and wounds sustained right themselves because they have no basis in reality."

Gojyo nods slowly, hoping he understood all that.

Goku's brow is furrowed, the gears in his head almost visibly clicking into place, but most likely focusing on how impossible it is for him not to be hungry.

Sanzo, happy to keep his eyes focused on Hakkai since it means Goku remains at his back, lifts his recently injured hand. "If that's all true…then why the fuck did that hurt?"

Hakkai sighs again; shouldn't that be obvious? "The mind is still very powerful. If it believes the body to be hurt, pain is felt, regardless of the body actually being hurt. It's a rather fascinating area of study."

This sudden shift of Hakkai into sensei-mode causes Gojyo to forget his confused, 'I hope I understand what's going on' state, and the kappa breaks into a smile. Hakkai really is adorable like this--so in his element. Gojyo catches himself for thinking that, though, his smile nearly slipping. Did he just think of Hakkai…as adorable?

They have been in this…non-reality…for far too long.

"Thanks for the lesson." Gojyo says, renewing his smirk and winking at the former teacher jokingly, if only to ease his own mind by pretending everything is okay. "But considering I can barely see the distant dots of the too cute couple up there, we better get a move on."

Hakkai nods, brought back suddenly to the matters at hand, and almost scolds himself for having forgotten the now very distant couple who have indeed become fading dots in the distance.

Goku, having noticed the flinch Sanzo gave when Gojyo used the words 'too cute couple,' hangs back as Hakkai and Gojyo walk past him. He does not pay attention to the emeralds that look back at him, looking on with disapproval, because he doesn't care if what he is about to do is dangerous. Right now it isn't about pushing buttons. He just wants to make sure Sanzo is okay.

"Sanzo…?" he speaks softly, timidly, for a moment allowing the submission in his voice that is usually wrapped up all around him and within him, if only for Sanzo. "Don't do that again, okay? It was scary."

Slowly, in a strange daze, Sanzo's violets lift up, steadying on Goku's face for only a moment, before the monk is moving past his charge, without a word. Without even an 'idiot,' or 'stupid monkey,' or 'shut up' to tell Goku that things are still kind of okay. Because things aren't okay. And for the first time, Goku wonders if his pushing…is such a good idea after all.

He doesn't have time to dwell though, because that old pain comes flooding in, bringing him to his knees, and slight cries from his companions alert him even more to what is happening. What he doesn't understand fully, is why the shift…is hurting him again when it had started to stop.

Is it because, for a moment, he let the fear win…?

-----

More silence than ever blankets the group as they sit in various places in Gonou and Gojyo's living room. The couple along with Kanan had all been in the kitchen cooking when they first arrived, but when Gonou left things to the others for a moment to decorate the living room, telling Gojyo to keep a close eye on Kanan to be sure she doesn't burn anything, they decided they would rather follow him since the living room offers so much more space.

Now, while Gonou is busily humming to himself as he straightens up and puts a few streamers around to dangle across the ceiling, 'just to be festive,' Goku watches from his chosen spot on the floor, Hakkai and Gojyo sit in their chosen spots on the couch, and Sanzo…sits in one of the chairs, too weary in too many ways to lean against the wall as he had before. Still, as often as Goku turns gold towards violet, violet never once looks up to meet gold.

Couple that with the fact that Hakkai keeps passing strange looks at Gojyo, with the kappa noticing them only too easily, and what you have is painfully clear: a very uncomfortable ikkou.

Another wayward look from Hakkai, and Gojyo has had enough. Forget the monk and monkey. "What?" he asks shortly, not meaning to sound as aggravated as he does, but to be completely honest, aggravated is exactly how he feels.

"Yes, Gojyo? Something wrong?"

Gojyo almost growls at that neutral tone. "You keep looking at me. What, is there something on my face? Have I grown another head? Coz I'd believe it at this point."

Hakkai only chuckles, and damn it if that doesn't just aggravate Gojyo more. "Forgive me, Gojyo. I don't know what you mean." the pleasant man replies, and Gojyo knows he is being completely honest, which means Hakkai probably hasn't realized that he keep glancing at him every ten seconds. Still, somehow, that just makes it all the more worse.

"Never mind." Gojyo grumbles, pushing the heal of his palm into his right eye, tired. He would ask Hakkai how it is possible to feel so tired when it's just his mind, but he figures he doesn't really care what the answer is.

Ding. Ding.

"I'll get it!" Gonou calls towards the kitchen, abandoning the last bit of streamers on the floor and rising to attend the door.

It is almost 4 o'clock now, the group realizes as they check the timepiece on the mantle of the farthest wall. This could be anyone. Many are expected for this party, after all, and the prospect of seeing someone new almost excites them and helps them forget all the recent discomfort.

Almost.

Still, with expectant eyes, all four watchers turn to the door and look on intently as Gonou opens it.

"You better not have stayed on your feet all morning baking that." Gonou reprimands the very pregnant youkai woman at the door, who is cheerfully holding up some deliciously smelling dessert with her slightly swollen fingers.

Smiling sweetly, the lavender haired youkai laughs very softly, offering her gift despite being scolded. "I couldn't very well come empty handed, now could I…Gonou-kun?"

"I suppose not…Yaone-chan."

Without having to think about it very hard at all, Hakkai decides he likes 'Hakkai-san' much better than 'Gonou-kun' even with the added formality. But Yaone-chan…isn't so bad really.

Nothing can be too shocking in this world anymore, so none of the group responds with so much as wide eyes upon seeing Yaone so very pregnant, her lavander hair loose down her back. They watch as Gonou accepts the dessert she has brought, taking it from her with a small bow.

The woman's stomach gives a little jump, and Yaone lets out a pleased laugh. "They're very active today." she smiles.

_They_. Twins, Hakkai thinks with a smile of his own, rather envious of his other self when Gonou places a hand to Yaone's stomach to feel the babies kicking.

Yaone and Hakkai have always been a little more than enemies even if they must always be a little less than friends. He imagines it would be rather pleasant to be friends instead, especially in sharing such wondrous joins in life like children. Yes, envious is exactly what he is feeling…for more, perhaps, than just this one encounter.

"Is your husband with you, or was he kept at work?" Gonou asks, motioning for Yaone to come inside.

Moving in only a few steps, having some difficulty moving at all with how far along she appears to be, Yaone happily shakes her head. "Oh no, he's coming. Right behind me, in fact. He's just busy reeling in the wayward…as always."

"And if I have to get a call from Mom one more time saying you didn't tell her where you where going…I swear, Lirin…" enters a voice the ikkou may or may not have expected next, but certain things click a little clearer in their heads with its arrival. Sure enough, Kougaiji appears in the doorway, pulling Lirin along behind him with a firm grip on her arm.

"Oniichan! I just went to visit Goku at work!" Lirin whines.

"Well next time, tell someone. I know you're not a little girl anymore, but 15 is not old enough to go gallivanting around town without anyone knowing where you are. Understand?"

"Yeah, yeah." Lirin whines a little more, pulling her arm free and dashing into the house. She throws out a quick, "Hey Gonou!" before heading for the kitchen to disturb the cooks, or to at least steal a bit of the cooking food.

Kougaiji sighs in distress but is soon breaking into a smile, and before long he is laughing along with Gonou and Yaone.The comfort with which the three of them are interacting is far more…unfair and unsettling than it had been to watch Lirin with Goku.

Mainly because…Kougaiji is an enemy they will almost certainly face again. An enemy they will almost certainly have to kill…to complete the mission. To be honest, they will probably have to kill all of the Kougaiji-tachi, but here and now, especially here and now, no one in the ikkou wants to think about that. Hearing Kougaiji's very pleasant sounding laughter is enough to make them all very sick to their stomachs in knowing full well where the future might bring them.

"Hmm…I should see if there is anything I can do to help in the kitchen." Yaone mentions, looking rather thoughtful as she moves to shift her enlarged belly.

Eyebrows raise from both men with her, and a conspiratorial look sets them both in agreement.

"Gonou?"

"Right."

"Wha-! What are you two doing?"

But Gonou and Kougaiji already have her by the arms and are lifting her with impressive ease over to the couch. Hakkai and Gojyo scramble off of it, not really keen on the idea of being crushed, even if Yaone proves to fall right through them as they imagine she would. Soon, having worked as a rather effective team, Gonou and Kougaiji have managed to lower Yaone to the couch and have her feet propped up on the end table.

"I hardly think this is necessary." the youkai woman pouts, hating to be out of commission when she has an innate need to care for others, always ready to be at someone else's beck and call, not the other way around. This whole pregnant thing is really irritating for her in that regards, since everyone is so careful with her. "I'm not an invalid. I'm just--"

"A week and two days from bursting." Kougaiji finishes for her. With a quick smile, he looks over at Gonou. "She's never going to make it to the due date, you know."

"Oh I know. We've already placed bets. I'm down for Wednesday."

Yaone releases a near-offended 'Oh!'.

"Nice team work, Kou." Gonou smiles then. "Now let's see how long we can keep her there." the man extends a hand that is met by one with claws, each gripping the other's forearm as Koryuu and Gojyo had done earlier in the day.

The onlookers realize that it is a rather effective way for the humans of the group to avoid claws.

Yaone is still half-scowling when the kitchen door bursts open and Kanan followed by Gojyo comes bounding into the living room, having finally found a point in their cooking where they could stop.

"Ya-Ya!" Kanan calls excitedly, rushing to her friend's side as she sits beside the pregnant youkai on the couch. She leans over, placing the side of her face against the swelled stomach to hear and feel the twins in one action. "Ooo, feisty today. They must take after their father." she laughs lightly, and Yaone has forgotten Kougaiji and Gonou's treatment of her in an instant as she joins in, both women thoroughly enjoying a little girl-time.

Kougaiji just smiles at the comment and sits down in the chair Sanzo has quickly vacated. "Are you calling me feisty?" he challenges, only humor in his eyes as he looks back at the woman next to his wife on the couch.

"That she is." Gojyo says, looking up from having placed his hand on the pregnant stomach as well. The black-haired youkai grins broadly over at Kougaiji then. "She must not know the meaning of the word." he teases.

Raising an elegant, red eyebrow, Kougaiji does not see this as deserving of a verbal response, but chooses instead to lift a clawed finger…and flick Gojyo off, smiling with gleaming fangs the entire time.

The majority of the group laughs, but even while Kanan is laughing with the others, she places her hand over Yaone's stomach again as if to cover eyes that aren't there. "Really, Kou. Not in front of the fetuses." she says, in as serious a tone as she can muster before breaking into laughter again that is echoed even more vigorously this time than before.

Looking on at all this, the watchers--all standing off to the side now out of necessity with their seats taken up--don't know what to do with themselves. Until now they have dealt with only a few people at a time, but now…the whole group is together with more on the way, all at ease and so very _happy_…it makes them feel sick. Honestly sick.

Even Goku, the one holding onto the most hope out of the four, feels sick, wondering if such happiness can ever be found, or…if in the end…there is no happy ending for any of them.

tbc...

A/N: I really enjoyed this part. Hope you did too. Now, as for Koryuu singing, that little line he sang is from "Stars and the Moon," taken from the musical "Songs for a New World." I broke into song myself a few weeks ago and just couldn't get the idea of Koryuu singing that line out of mine head. It's a very pretty, though sad song, if you choose to find and listen to it. I hope you enjoyed a pregnant Yaone too, and now the couples are all laid out. Honestly, I am completely open when it comes to couples within the Kougaiji-tachi, but my favorite and the one I see as the most feasible is Yaono and Kou. Sorry if you're more of a DokuxKou or YaonexDoku person. Anyhoo...

Diva Urd: Okay, I claim ignorance on the whose/who's thing because I always forget with that. So that wasn't something I missed, just something I'm stupid about. :-) And...you made my day mentioning the Homura line about "Do you often have that problem," because I love it and nobody else said anything about it. I hand you virtual chocolate to reach a settlement on you sueing me. I hope it is enough. The comments you made about Nii make me wonder if there are things I don't know. I have planned who is behind all this and how, but...perhaps I need to research the dear Doctor a bit to make sure I don't miss something. It shouldn't make much difference, but I like to be up on things. I blame him for everything regardless, just like I blame Hojo in Final Fantasy VII for everything. They're eerily alike.

RedEyedRavenWolf: Well, there's Kou for you, and he'll have more of a part to play too. I will not have the twins (assuming you mean Kinkaku and Ginkaku) because their story happened when their parents turned crazy from the minus wave, which isn't a concern here, so they are probably happy in their hometown right now. As for whose behind this...I wouldn't spoil it for you, but I can say that no one has guessed entirely correct.

Whisper Reilman: "Jien and Kana, eh? That's...freakish almost." Oh, did I laugh at that. And I completely agree. But...it just seemed so right and that's where the characters took me. Just you wait, I have some interesting things in store for them. Well, interesting scenes involving them in the near future. Poor Gojyo...I feel almost mean...

Sorchafyre: Man...you have a whole other plot going there that is a really good idea. I will say that it gave ME some insight into how I want this to end, but...I wouldn't want to spoil things by saying anything else. I do agree that Koumyo is more of a pull than Goku right now. Sanzo is such a bastard sometimes, selfish and stupid. Oh, the things I have planned for him...

Animage: Okay, it is very late and though I was going to type, 'thanks for the cookies' to you, I see that I have typed 'Thanks for the Gokus' instead. Man, I am more tired than I realize. Anyway. Cookies. Yeah. They were metaphysically tasty.

K, off I go to bed here at 2:30am, and I will have the next part up pronto. We are getting so close to some of my favorite parts. Eee! Things only get more entertaining from here, I promise you. Thanks, as always, and do keep hitting that review button.

Crim


	8. Party Games

Party Games

* * *

"I'm so jealous, Ya-Ya! You get to be the first mommy of the group." Kanan says brightly, cuddling Yaone on the couch to get that much closer to the bulge of stomach currently housing the soon-to-be-born youkai twins. As uncomfortable as everything is, being in her final trimester, Yaone doesn't mind the close contact from her friend. "Oh, Kou, you must be bursting with excitement! She could go any day now, right?" Kanan turns to Kougaiji then, her countenance ridiculously brightened, if such a thing were possible considering her usual luminance.

Kougaiji laughs at Kanan's over-excitement, but cannot deny that he does feel quite the same, though he is far better at keeping it hidden when out in public. "Bursting, K, bursting." he says with a large grin. Then, as the kitchen door swings open and Lirin finally reproduces herself--a large rice ball she managed to steal smacking between her gums--he gives a great role of bright blue eyes. "At least I know the whole parenting part won't be that new of an experience."

A good many of the group laugh at Lirin's expense, though the still chewing girl blinks naively back at them, not getting how that comment has anything to do with her.

Wholly exhausted with mental fatigue, the four onlookers remain perched in different places along the far wall, finding it is the only place they can stay out of the way while still keeping watchful eyes on things. None are looking at the others, only at the scene, and no one is speaking, their minds filled with far more commotion than they could ever hope to voice.

"It just gets me thinking about things." Kanan continues, the whole group settling themselves in different seats around the living room now. "Mark my words, minna, as soon as there is a ring on this finger there will be a new pregnant woman to dote on." she proclaims firmly.

"A ring? Lack of one sure hasn't stopped you from other things, Kanan." Gonou says with a smirk from around his newly lit cigarette, squeezing onto the loveseat with Gojyo and Lirin, who just happened to have claimed a corner of it for herself.

Many stifle back snickers.

Hakkai's eyes widen so much one might think his monocle would lose its place and fall to the floor. Was that a jab at Kanan's chastity? A sexual comment directed at his Kanan from his own lips? Such a thing could not be possible.

But he must tell himself that this is not his Kanan and those are not his lips. Why is it so hard to remember that…?

"Gonou…" Kanan begins, in a dangerously sickly-sweet voice, quite reminiscent of Hakkai's dangerously sweet tone when he is truly angry. "Don't make me start in on _your_ escapades, or we'll never get to dinner."

Gonou is still smiling around his cigarette, and scoots a little closer to Gojyo, tossing an arm over the youkai's shoulders. He is perfectly content with his escapades.

Kanan laughs, the danger in her demeanor gone. "As I was saying…" she continues then. "If I can help it, it won't be long until there are scampering feet in my home, too, and Jien is well aware. I can picture it perfectly," she says dreamily, closing her emerald eyes. "…little hands, little feet, big baby smile…and lovely red hair and red eyes. What could be more perfect than that."

The hanyou Gojyo swallows--hard--Jien and Kanan's apparent relationship hitting home very truly suddenly. His reservations about this place, how things seems so very sinister somehow, are renewed, and there is a strong taste of bile at the back of his throat as if he might at any moment lose his lunch.

A somewhat mocking laugh steals his attention back to the scene…and he sees that the sound is coming from…himself.

"Yeah right, K. Does your fantasy see all the rocks being thrown at the kid's head?" the youkai Gojyo says with a dark chuckle.

The hanyou Gojyo's breath stops still in his chest.

A few evil looks from many of those in the room and a swift kick from Gonou has the full-youkai quickly amending his statement. "I'm just saying…" he says. "It's a good thing this hypothetical kid has as many strong and tough-looking uncles as it does, coz it's gonna need it. There's a lot of close-minded people out there still."

Gonou plucks the cigarette from his mouth, having lost its taste, and crushes it in the ashtray on the end table next to him. "Good thing there aren't any in here." he says, and reaches over to flick a spiky lock of black hair out of Gojyo's blue eyes.

Nothing more needs to be said on the matter, and the onlookers are happy to have it dropped, though the mention of it…of hanyou…of Kanan giving birth to one…the whole issue has Gojyo and Hakkai wondering when it will be safe again to look at one another.

Kanan could have very well have had a hanyou child, and Hakkai is not soon to forget that. He is reminded of it still, everyday, when looking at Gojyo. The redhead's blood-colored hair and eyes may not only be a reminder or admonishment as they once were, but that does not mean they do not still bring Hakkai back to that fateful night on occasion. Knowing fully that he would have raised that hanyou child as his own, regardless of any surrounding circumstances, hurts so deeply sometimes that Hakkai finds himself purposefully avoiding looking at Gojyo for hours. Doing so, however, has him quickly craving the sight of his friend like an addiction, and he knows not to be so foolish.

Addiction. When did Gojyo become something so necessary? Was it all the way back on that rainy night, more than three years past?

Braving the danger in it, Hakkai turns to regard Gojyo, so close to him against the wall. The pair is sandwiched between Sanzo and Goku, the monk being on Hakkai's side of course, but as Hakkai looks over at that tan face, for a moment he almost forgets that anyone--monk, monkey, or any of those seated in the living room--are in the room other than he…and Gojyo.

"You're staring again." Gojyo says suddenly, red eyes still locked on the scene, even as he is speaking to the friend beside him. Hakkai finds it a little disturbing that Gojyo will not face him. The redhead lifts a hand to tug at one of his ruby strands. "Must be coz a this, huh?" he says, a little softer now. "Why not. It's reason for plenty of other things. Especially with you. Right…?"

"Gojyo…" But what can Hakkai say. He isn't staring for the reasons Gojyo thinks, not only because of those reasons. His reasons have very little to do with Kanan, or blood, or children never born, or even that Gojyo's unique coloring has been brought up. But how can Hakkai explain…the real reason he can't take his eyes away…is…

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The door does not wait to be answered, and soon Jien is bursting through it, all smiles to greet the room that has turned to see the new arrival.

"Don't tell me the party started without us?" he says grandly, feigning horror. It is then that the gathered group sees what he means by 'us' as Goku and Koryuu step inside behind him, closing the door as the three of them enter fully, and tossing the group smiles and varied helloes that are eagerly met and even more eagerly echoed.

A silence falls over the watchers again, Hakkai turned back to the scene as he momentarily forgets the straying thoughts that had been running through his head. They watch as the fully gathered group meets and greets.

Jien kisses Kanan hello. Goku ruffles Lirin's hair. Koryuu takes his turn feeling the kicking twins. Kougaiji takes Koryuu's forearm in greeting. Gojyo pulls Goku into a friendly headlock. Kanan kisses Koryuu on the cheek. Goku goes over and punches Kougaiji in the arm with a large smile. And so on…and so _much_…

They are content. They are comfortable. They are friends. And more than friends. And…happy. They are not weighed down. They are not bitter. They are not enemies. They are not…reality.

Reality burns.

-----

An hour later the group is seated around the dining room table, unceremoniously digging into the food and passing the many dishes around to be certain everyone gets to try what has been made and brought. The table is set up in the living room, to the left of the kitchen door, set far enough from the main part of the living room as to almost seem like a dining room. The couch now being vacated, Hakkai has reclaimed his spot, but was not joined by Gojyo. The hanyou chose instead to sit on the arm of the couch, separated from Hakkai. Goku is back on the floor, and Sanzo in his chair, even if that chosen chair points him away from the commotion of the table. They are still silent. Still tense. Even with all the laughter so near them. Perhaps…more so…because of that laughter.

Goku finds himself watching Kougaiji the closest, because he has always liked the youkai, to be honest, and to see him smiling and joking with the others and Goku's own likeness…is…painful, for its unreality. Turning from Kougaiji to look at Koryuu, who is of course seated next to the older Goku, the watching Goku finds his frown hardens even more. The pain of the shift lingers in his mind, nagging at him since he does not know why it returned. It isn't that he doesn't want to keep pushing Sanzo to get a reaction--a good reaction, with results, unlike the unexpected punch that broke Sanzo's hand. But as much as he wants that, he really cannot help being afraid, seeing the way Sanzo reacted before. The last thing Goku wants is to make things worse. But then again, he wonders, maybe that is what he has to do if he wants to get anywhere at all.

The smell of meat and vegetables and rice and curry and…oh, so many things the monkey loves, has Goku's mind forgetting Sanzo completely just long enough to think enviously of the feasting group for a very elementary reason.

"Man, this is torture." the monkey grumbles, clutching his stomach with a frown.

Gojyo, allowing a small little half-smirk, looks down at the younger man from his perch. "Hey, I thought you said you _weren't_ hungry."

"I'm not really. But…I could still eat. I mean, look at all that stuff! I'd grab for something if I didn't think my hand would go right through it."

There is a little huff from Sanzo and Goku can't help but smile at the sound of it. That had been a very normal Sanzo-huff, the kind the monk makes when he is pleasantly annoyed with Goku's antics. At least, that's how Goku has always interpreted that particular Sanzo-sound, seeing as how it is never followed by a glare, a harsh word, or a strike of the fan.

Score.

Goku decides not to make further comment. Better to let such moments of triumph be so that Sanzo doesn't turn defensive again. Maybe Goku can afford to push, if he does it just right. The trick of course will be _doing it_ just right.

And it is almost a guarantee that events to come will have Sanzo back in that frightening, dark mood only too quickly.

Hakkai makes a funny little strangled sound, as if holding back a cry of surprise. His eyes dart down. The others, noticing this, turn to the table where the man had been looking moments before, and it does not take long for them to find the cause of his response. Gonou and Gojyo, seated next to one another with their backs to the ikkou, seem to be involved in something secret and rather illicit right under the others' noses. Gonou has slithered his hand across Gojyo's thigh and is moving it with the slowest of advances further and further between the youkai's legs. Gojyo, trying his hardest not to attract attention, is eating with one hand, while the other tightly grips the bottom of his chair. Neither are looking at the other, but even without a clear shot of their faces, the watchers are certain Gonou is grinning.

The amorous nature to the couple is more than apparent, but those watching had been trying to pass it off anyway. Now, as it increases exponentially, happening even in front of an entire--though unaware--group, Hakkai is not the only one blushing over it.

But wait a minute, Gojyo thinks, red eyes darting from the couple to Hakkai, who is still staring at his lap with cheeks flush. Why is this anything to blush over when they have seen so much more? Really, the reason must lie with Hakkai, since the couple hasn't changed. But…if Hakkai has changed…what exactly has changed in him? What…is the brunette thinking…that is making him blush so much harder now?

A few possibilities flash through Gojyo's head and he is suddenly blushing the same shade as his friend. No. No way. Hakkai could not be thinking that. Could he? It certainly would explain why the man keeps looking at Gojyo with such a lost…speculative expression.

Gojyo suddenly coughs, surprising himself as it comes out, and when three sets of eyes turn on him, he just smiles weakly and shrugs. He can feel how emerald remains on him just a bit longer than violet or gold, but he cannot turn to look back and face it full on. Not when those flashes keep going through his head.

Brown falling with red. Emerald into crimson. Tan and pale skin meeting and moving and _feeling_.

No _way_.

And so the tension mounts, even as those at the table are having such a pleasant and easy time. Well, pleasant enough, though some things brought up do not necessarily equal anything pleasant.

"They finally finished with Houtou Castle." Kougaiji's voice says after a short span of quiet while everyone had been eating. A few eyes dart immediately to his, and he tries to keep his smile in place, albeit somewhat in vain. "Completely finished. The whole thing is cleaned out and gone. All of Nii's things have been destroyed or sent back to their proper owners now. I…thought you might want to know." This last bit is said to Koryuu, who nods with a vainly attempted smile of his own.

The onlookers are all tightly tuned to the table now as the blonde speaks. "I'll tell Koumyo. I'm pretty sure he got back everything…that was taken from him. The sutra was the only important thing but…I know there were some other things he was happy to have back. Thank your men for me."

Kougaiji grimaces somewhat. "Don't call them my men. Mom's maybe. I don't want anything to do with that place. The men are good men, but…too much to remember and for once I don't want the responsibility. That's all behind us now."

There is a moment of silence, the table gripped with just the smallest bit of tension. Hoping to hear more about this world, the watchers remain equally frozen, afraid that even a too loud breath might shatter the scene.

When a brighter, though strangely soft voice breaks the quiet that has fallen, watchers and those being watched alike are thankful for it.

"Why didn't Koumyo-sama go after the sutra right away…?" Lirin asks, to no one in particular, her voice thoughtful, and therefore strange sounding coming from her. "I mean…that creep guy, Nii, got the Seiten Sutra a long time before trying to get the other one. Why didn't Koumyo-sama try to get it back when Nii took it?"

Sanzo's mind comes to immediate attention. What? Nii? Who the hell is that? _He_ has the Seiten scripture? _He_ took it…had it taken…from Koumyo? But if the sutra was still taken why is Koumyo alive in this world?

Sanzo decides to shut his mind up long enough to hear Koryuu answer. Those at the table seem to be doing the same.

"I never really asked…I didn't feel I should, but…I think Master gave it to him."

Like _hell_ Koumyo would do that!

"The day Ukoko brought Kami to the temple, I was there studying with Master. Some of you know this. Mom came to pick me up and I introduced her to Kami. She liked him right away. But…when she met Ukoku…she had this awful feeling about him. I did too. So much. I couldn't believe he was a friend of Master's. Everything about him seemed…off. Sinister."

Wait. Ukoku…Sanzo? Nii…? What…? How…?

"I didn't say anything, but Mom did. She didn't want Kami leaving with Ukoku and she told Koumyo so. She said she didn't trust Ukoku, and knowing she is such a good judge of character, Koumyo listened. He confronted Ukoku, asked what his plans were for his new apprentice. I don't know what went on when they discussed this, but at some point they began to ague, and the next morning Ukoku was gone. Mom had taken Kami home with us that night. She would have kept him with us, but Kami wanted to stay at the temple with Koumyo because…I don't know…Ukoku had been the first sign of something good in his life, and being a Sanzo as well, Koumyo was as close to the same thing as Kami could get. He really clung to Koumyo after that. To me and Mom too. I still don't know all that happened before Ukoku left, but when I asked Master about the sutra he just smiled, sort of sad, and said…he said…that sometimes we do foolish things for those we love."

Sanzo's breathing is harsh, loud, pounding. This Nii _is_ Ukoku, he realizes with a shock. He's the reason for it all. His master's friend. And Koumyo might have--yes, foolishly--given him the sutra, but instead that bastard sent youkai to take it, not long after Ukoku and Kami's visit. And those youkai…had taken what they came for…and so much more.

"That's why he never went after the sutra, Lirin. But when things turned bad, when…Nii…had resurrected you, Kou, your mother, and the servants, Master knew he had to do something before it escalated. We all know the rest of the story. It still hurts Master sometimes, I think, because Nii…Ukoku…had been a good friend once. And you know…as much as I hate the man myself…I feel almost…grateful to him."

Never. Sanzo could _never_ be grateful. That son-of-a-bitch took away his whole life, and all just for that damn sutra.

Apparently, those at the table are just as shocked to hear Koryuu say this, but he smiles and quickly amends his words so that they understand.

With kind eyes moving to regard Lirin and Kougaiji, he speaks. "If not for him…this table would be a lot more empty. Then who would eat all this food." His smiles broadens in the face of Lirin and Kougaiji smiling back at him. "Other than Goku, of course." he adds, elbowing his companion gently.

Tension successfully broken.

But not for everyone…

"Ukoku…it was…him…all this time…"

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku know not what to say, and rightly say nothing at all. They are just as much a part of the mission as Sanzo, but it has and always will mean just a little more to Sanzo because of the involvement of his master's sutra, something he has been searching for since the man's death. Now, knowing this new information, the mission means even more to him.

For better or worse.

Goku represses a wave of jealously. _Jealousy_. He internally snarls at himself for even allowing it, but…he can't really help it. He has always been a little jealous of…Koumyo. The man had gotten to see Sanzo when Sanzo was still…a person. When Sanzo was still alive, and allowed himself to be. And Koumyo will always hold more of a place in Sanzo's heart than Goku could ever hope to. If Koumyo were truly still alive, Sanzo would go to his master's side eagerly, and forget Goku only too easily. Goku believes this. And it makes the thought of the food on the table no longer appealing.

Whatever is said at the table in the minutes that follow are heard by none of the onlookers. Their thoughts are only on each other, on the journey, and on the mess made of it all now. Whatever good might come out of them being here is dismissed entirely, because the truth is…none of this is easy.

And it never will be.

-----

"Okay, who's next?"

"Kou's next!"

"Me? Uhh…okay…I guess I'll go with Kory."

The onlookers are once again forced to be against the wall, since after dinner the group moved back to their places in the living room. No one, other than Yaone is actually ON any of the furniture, though, to be honest. They are seated in a circle on the floor, leaning back against the chairs and couch. Yaone is in Sanzo's old chair, with Kougaiji leaning back on her legs, his head almost in her lab. The other couples are quite similarly scattered, Kanan and Jien leaning against one another, Gojyo and Gonou the same, and Goku is snuggled between Koryuu's legs, leaning back against the blonde's chest.

The younger Goku had quite a few distracted thoughts on that, wondering what it might be like to sit in what he imagines to be the most comfortable seat in human--or youkai--existence.

Lirin is sitting as close to Koryuu as she can, but keeps herself safely enough between the blonde and her brother so that the older Goku doesn't glare at her.

For the past hour or more, the group has been playing a rather interesting game. Something without rules--other than unwavering honesty--that has given the watchers more insight into the psyches of the people they are watching than they ever wanted. How it plays is that going in a circle, one of the group has to ask another--of whom they can choose out of anyone--some random question. It is usually personal and humiliating, but it must be answered with complete truth. Every once in a while, what has been shared has brought the onlookers close to smiles and laugher, even Sanzo (almost, and only for as long as it could remain until he crushed it). But…some things…

"Okay, Kory…" Kougaiji continues, his smile turning sinister as he looks over at the expectant--and a little frightened--man a few feet away. "What…is your most embarrassing sex story?"

Sanzo's throat closes up, leaving little air to breathe but plenty to choke on.

Especially since Kougaiji is the one who just said that.

Koryuu appears to be having a similar reaction as Sanzo, and tries--without much success--to keep his gaze from going to the boy in his lap.

The older Goku, still settled in that lap, has gone a bit pale.

"Oh, do I wanna hear this." the youkai Gojyo says with a half-cheer, sitting up a little straighter on the floor. "Judging from the saru's look, I'd say he was involved in this embarrassing moment. Am I right?"

Goku grimaces and sends the dark-haired youkai an impressive glare. "Of course I was involved! You know anybody else he's slept with?"

"I certainly hope not."

Gonou chooses to ignore that comment.

"Hey, let the man speak." Kougaiji breaks in, his smile still one of gleaming fangs and teasingly curled lips. Somehow he knows that his comments, even his choice of question, will not grant him any audiences with a gun, a fan, or elongated anger. After all…they are friends. "Give it to us, Kory. You two have been together a long time now. It won't make us look down on you."

Koryuu raises an eyebrow, wondering what the others are imagining the embarrassing moment to be. "For the record, this…story…does not in any way involve Goku and I being unable to deliver what and when requested. So shut up." he adds, looking right at Gojyo, even though the youkai had not looked as if he was going to say anything. But Koryuu doesn't need any prompting; he could feel the taunting accusations coming regardless.

The red-haired Gojyo, Hakkai, and younger Goku are more than at attention to hear this story, if out of a certain morbid fascination that most will never admit to feeling.

Sanzo is laying his head back against the wall, eyes closed, trying to imagine he is anywhere else. Anywhere tonight--today too--where this is not happening.

"Okay…" Koryuu begins, everyone listening intently and Goku looking rather defeated in the blonde's lap since his part in the tale is just as prominent as Koryuu's. "It was our…first time together, just to make matters worse. And…"

"Wait. How old were you?"

Koryuu looks over at Gojyo with a glare.

"Details count, man."

Koryuu growls. "Fine. I was…18. Anyway…"

"Whoa." Gojyo cuts in again. "That means Goku was--"

"15! Koryuu, honestly!" This is Yaone, thoroughly scandalized. The rest of the group only snickers, though many are admittingly surprised over the issue.

"Hey, I came on to _him_." Goku says in Koryuu's defense, as if that settles the matter entirely.

"_Anyway_…" Koryuu says loudly this time, hoping to simply move on. He casts his gaze over the group, and content that no one looks as if they will be adding anything else, continues. "Yes, we were ridiculously too young probably, Goku more so, but for the record the monkey did make the first move. Okay? But…the worst thing was…just as we were…about to bring things to an end…" He trails off for a long time, until it is quite certain he cannot bring himself to finish.

So…Goku does it for him. The brunette takes a huge breath--he must, really--and finally… "Mom walked in."

Several jaws land with a thud to the floor.

Three of those watchers against the wall have to hold back all out laughter.

Sanzo's eyes are open again, looking…dare it be said…a little scandalized himself now.

"It was awful." Koryuu says in response to the many looks. "She didn't know anything about us yet, coz we…hadn't really done much about anything yet anyway, and…when she came in…the way it looked…with me…on top, and…oh gods…"

A moment's pause.

"She thought he was molesting me." Goku finishes at last, in a strangely matter-of-fact tone that makes the whole thing sound terribly funny compared to the horror it actually was.

To prove just how funny it is to all of those listening, a slow snickering from Gojyo eventually has everyone in stitches. As much as Goku looks a little miffed and Koryuu is trying to maintain a glare, they soon find themselves succumbing too.

It really is something that needs to be laughed at.

"Of course, when we finally got her to stop yelling and explained, she calmed down." Koryuu says through the dimming laughter. "Dinner that night was the most awkward moment of my entire life, but by morning…everything was normal. A few weeks later when I was brave enough to kiss Goku in front of her…she actually smiled at us. Now…she thinks we're the cutest thing ever and never shuts up about it." he hugs Goku a little closer to his chest. "So…most embarrassing moment…but no lasting trauma. As long as it never leaves this room. Trauma will be handed to all of you if it does."

A few more snickers follow, but when they have died down the first voice to speak is Gojyo, who is beaming somewhat wickedly at what he gets to say. "Penalty, Kory." he says, only too happy with himself.

Koryuu's eyes widen, all the laughter in him gone. "What? No way, I told the truth."

"Sorry, rules are rules, man. Right?" he asks his partner, casting blue eyes over at naked emerald.

Gonou nods diplomatically, as if considering the matter objectively, despite that most likely not being the case. "Oh, yes, penalty indeed. Koryuu didn't speak the punch line. Goku did. Technically, you didn't speak the whole truth, because Goku spoke it for you."

The others in the room are soon snickering again.

The watchers, having seen a few penalties, are instantly on edge. The way the game works, any time someone refused an answer, or was caught in a lie, they were given an undesirable task to perform. Kanan had to sing an entire song of the group's choosing--something she swears vengeance for upon her brother, he being the one who appointed the penalty, since neither of the twins was born with a particularly good singing voice. Kougaiji had to clip off the pinky-claw on each of his hands, a task appointed by Goku, on whom the claws will be tested out once they grow back, of course. And Lirin…had to stop snatching leftovers from the table, something that is proving to be the cruelest of punishments thus far.

Though Koryuu is looking rather sore for being called penalty on, he cannot rightly stand against it, because it is the truth. Goku did the hard part for him. Damn that brat for being so good to him.

"Ooo! I know!" Kanan says brightly. "Strip tease! Haven't had one of those in a while."

The younger Goku perks up at this.

Sanzo tenses. _No_.

"No." Jien echoes the monk's thoughts, pulling Kanan in closer against him. "I didn't like the look in your eyes when you suggested that." Despite his words being what they are, he is still smiling at her.

Both Gokus and Lirin wear pouts, but the suggestion is set aside.

"Okay then…" Kanan begins, the light in her eyes turning strangely dangerous this time as she speaks up to voice another option. Her gaze flits quickly over to Gonou, evilly, and somehow her twin seems to know what she has in store for them because his eyes widen in horror. "Kory has to tell another story to make up for the last one. What I imagine to be the second most embarrassing sexually related moment in his life, and something he definitely doesn't want any of you to know about."

"Kanan…" Gonou says warningly.

She just smiles sickly-sweet back at him, her eyes speaking of the promise she had made to get him back for making her sing earlier in the evening.

Gonou swallows in the face of that look, knowing he has been beat.

Koryuu's voice wavers as he speaks. "K…please…don't make me."

By now all of this drama has the others in the room more than ready to hear whatever this other story is, and Gojyo is casting Gonou accusatory looks that the green-eyed man refuses to meet.

That is more than enough of a go ahead for Gojyo.

"All agreed?" he asks the group, smile as wicked as Kanan's and gaze never once leaving Gonou's slightly worried face.

"No!" Koryuu and Gonou say together.

But they are easily outmatched by a great cry of, "Yes!"

The watchers are fairly certain they don't want to hear this story for it brings them back to a line of thought they had left some time ago…involving Sanzo and Hakkai. The pair in question is once again doing all they can to avoid one another's gaze, which is easier this time around seeing as how none of the group has been meeting gazes lately.

Defeated, Koryuu realizes that his story has to be told or he will be given an even worse punishment, and now that everyone's curiosity has been perked, Goku and Gojyo's especially, even if he refused he knows that at some point he will have to confess anyway.

He tries to hug Goku closer to his chest again, but the monkey pulls away so that he can look back into his lover's face. Koryuu is truly undone, and figures…he might as well end it quickly.

"I will find a way to get you back for this, K." he promises with a growl, much as the expression means so little to its receiver.

Gonou looks less worried now, accepting the inevitable.

"Well…I was 15. It was just a few weeks before finding Goku, and…" He tells the tale, starting by explaining how Kanan and Gonou were both 14 at the time, all of them friends, having grown-up together and all, and that he and Kanan could sometimes be found kissing in one of their bedrooms that year, "Only because we were horny teenagers, we weren't going out or anything." Much as Kanan may have wanted to speak up then, she lets Koryuu complete the story, saying how Gonou knew about them running off every now and then, and that…one day…when Koryuu was supposed to be meeting Kanan to study, "And yes, we were just meeting to study this time," he was actually…otherwise occupied. And when Kanan went looking for him…

As he had with his other story, Koryuu trails off for a long time, but this time he knows no one is going to come to his rescue and finish it. He just hopes…Goku isn't too mad.

"She…she…" he closes his eyes; there's no getting around it now. "…she caught me making out with Gonou behind the school."

"What!" This is Goku, speaking rather loudly at such close range, still half in Koryuu's lap. He stares impatiently, waiting for Koryuu to open his eyes again. The blonde does not.

"I knew it!" Gojyo proclaims in triumph, pointing an accusing finger in Gonou's face. "Never slept together, fine. But I knew there was something you weren't telling me. You perv. 14 and 15, too. Shit." But the light in Gojyo's eyes is nothing but laughter. He's just happy to finally know the truth.

Gonou, slightly miffed to have his one little secret spoiled, nods his head in concession towards Kanan's beaming smile. She got him. And he won't begrudge her the win.

Koryuu, however, is most likely plotting her demise considering the reaction he is currently getting from the mad little monkey in his lap. Goku is almost pouting, and the sight has most of the others chuckling again.

To hear of Kanan and Koryuu fooling around a little hadn't been a surprise really, because Koryuu had told Goku that a long time ago. Koryuu didn't mind admitting it because it hadn't meant much to either of them, just…naughty teenage fun. This means--as far as Goku can see it--that Gonou _did_ mean something if the blonde has kept it from him.

"Of course it didn't really mean anything," Koryuu reads the monkey's mind, eyes finally open as he reaches for Goku and pulls the brunette against him despite slight struggling. "Horny teenagers, just like with K, only…this was different because we were two teenage boys…trying all this stuff with another boy, and…we had swore never to talk about it, made Kanan swear too, and…I never quite knew how to tell you."

"All in good fun, Goku." Kanan breaks in, her smile faded from wicked to be motherly and warm suddenly. "You have nothing to worry over. The biggest reason Koryuu never told you was…well…remember what he said? He was 15 when I caught them. They stopped soon after that. You know why?"

Goku looks over at her, questioning, still smothered in Koryuu's arms. "15...? That's…that's when he came and found…_me_."

A brief moment of, 'Oh, so that's why Goku is 20; Koryuu was 15 instead of 17,' passes through the onlooker's thoughts, but it is soon replaced with other concerns.

Having tried to take the whole tale as nothing, this finally starts to get Sanzo anxious again. It is one thing to have to avoid meeting Hakkai's gaze for a while, but he honestly doesn't care if Koryuu and Gonou once upon a time had a few snogging bouts in the bushes. Seeing as how he has never had any such thoughts over Hakkai anyway, it is easy to dismiss. But if this turns back to him and Goku…

No, to Koryuu and Goku. It's different. It's different! He can dismiss this too…he can. He has never had such thoughts over Goku, either. He…hasn't…

"That's right, Goku." Gonou says with a grin. "You spoiled all my fun." He has slipped an arm behind Gojyo's back to pull the youkai in closer to him in thanks for understanding, and in apology for keeping something hidden. Gojyo accepts the acts, having only wanted to know, and not caring that he guessed so right.

The older Goku looks up into violet, searching and hoping, and he finds what he should have known would be there: the honest love that Koryuu has for him in so much abundance. "Yeah…one word from you…one look at you…and I couldn't think of much else." Koryuu says softly, his voice hushed as if only for Goku, even if there are several others in the room who can hear him.

Koryuu is instantly forgiven everything. "Gods, I love you." Goku breathes back, lifting up to grasp already parted lips he wants to consume every part of.

The kiss is allowed to continue in relative silence for sometime before someone has to speak up. It comes as rather a shock to the ikkou that Kougaiji is the one to say the words that break the couple apart, though. "Gratuitous displays of affection! Save us!" the red-haired youkai shouts mockingly.

Loving lips part then, and more laughter follows--such easy, common laughter--as the barely-there animosity that had existed with Kanan's vengeance is lost in the folds of true affection and understanding among friends. Among loved ones. Even those watching have to admit that the moment is…touching in its own way.

And suddenly…Sanzo is heading for the door.

He knows that if he hears anymore of this, if he has to sit through one more second, he will probably end up punching through the wall, and the last thing he wants is another broken hand. Even if it will heal a few minutes later. He just hopes whatever shield is holding them to the scene will let him get as far as the front porch.

The others don't say anything as he leaves, knowing he can't get very far anyway, and are feeling pretty helpless again. One more so than the rest.

"Be honest, guys." Goku says quietly, silence--other than the still laughing and chatting group--having passed a few moments after Sanzo left, the monk being successful in making it out the door and onto the porch outside. The people in the scene did not notice the door opening or shutting, of course. "Sanzo…do you think…he'll ever change?" Goku asks. "Do you think I can get him to see things my way? Do you think I can ever get him to see _me_…as more than just a dumb monkey? Or…is it just going to hurt like this forever…"

It is an understatement to say that Gojyo and Hakkai have no idea how to respond. Both are at a complete loss, Gojyo more so since until this moment the monkey himself had never mentioned these kind of things to the redhead. Gojyo knew, thanks to Hakkai's words earlier and his own intuition before, but…Goku is laying it out for them pretty clearly now.

Sad gold eyes look away from the door to catch emerald and crimson, seeing those contrasting shades looking back at him wide-eyed and lost. "Yeah." he says, taking their blank looks to mean they see this just as he does. As hopeless. "But ya know…I must be a masochist, coz…I'm gonna keep trying anyway. Even if it hurts." And the smallest of stubborn smiles slips into his expression. He pushes away from the wall then, heading for the door.

But Gojyo's arm stops him. "Hang on. Let me go."

Hakkai and Goku both gape at the redhead, unsure if they heard him correctly.

"I'll talk some sense into him, huh. If you go, he'll probably just get more pissy at you. At least this way…he'll get pissy with me." The hanyou doesn't wait for agreement, he just goes after that, leaving Goku to stand dumbstruck and passing Hakkai with a little wink as if to say, 'don't worry, I'll knock some sense into the monk even if I have to pound it in with my fists.'

Hakkai can only hope it doesn't come to that.

tbc...

A/N: I feel like this chapter is a little late, but I have been enjoying halloween festivities. Anyhoo, I really liked this chapter, full of fun and a little angst. Oh yes, the fun will continue, and next we'll see how Gojyo handles Sanzo, and how...later on...Sanzo handles his aggressions in a very different way. Hehehe.

As for the Nii stuff, I hope nothing I put was inaccurate, though much is speculation. I have always assumed that he sent the youkai who killed Koumyo, after (I assume) asking for it when he visited with Kami, receiving a no. After all, Koryuu doesn't look all that different in age from their visit to Koumyo's death, and I think Koumyo might have sensed that Ukoku was up to something, and that's why he wanted to make Koryuu a Sanzo. I only semi-allude (if you even caught it) to the possibilities of Koumyo and Ukoku being more than friends, because I don't know how I feel about that. But...part of me wonders...how could they not have been more than friends? I mean, for Koumyo to be friends with that obviously disturbed man...makes no sense unless he was blinded by love. It could be friend-love, but...eh, who knows. If I did make any mistakes regarding some things, I apologize.

Diva Urd: Dang, you can really tell how tired I was by how many mistakes you found. The one that really got to me was the sink/sync, because I noticed it right after posting, but was too tired to go in and change it. And the joins instead of joys, seriously, what was that about? (shakes head at self). And the five-years-old thing too, is something I KNOW, but was too tired to catch at the time. So, you're reminding me not to do this that late again. But i still thank you for catching me. As for Nii, I figured as much, and I hope none of this chapter conflicted with any of the truth, since I have only read the first volume of the Reload manga. Bring on that Beta-mode of Doom!

Whisper Reilman: I love you! Yes, why doesn't Kou just do that, and word it just as you have. I mean, duh! Really! But then we would have no anime, but it would be a nice way to end it eventually. I feel sort of the same with the Homura arc, because I firmly believe if the guys were their Heaven-selves, they would totally be on his side, going yeah, we should reinvent Heaven and the world coz it sucks! Anyway...the ending of this fic shall be dedicated in part to you for inspiration. (as you will see when I get there...)

Okay, off I go to...get real work done for once. Gasp! And I thank the many involved in this, making every chapter a joy even more. The next chapter...hmm...I think I might need to raise the rating...so...be aware of that, just in case. ;-)

Crim


	9. Over the Edge

Over the Edge

* * *

"Good thing Sanzo doesn't have his gun, or I wouldn't expect Gojyo to come back alive." 

Hakkai can only chuckle at his younger companion's comment, much as he knows it to be a truthful statement. He turns green eyes from remaining trained on the door Gojyo has just gone through to regard the smaller brunette beside him. "Goku, though I do not really know what to expect out of Gojyo's venture, I am happy to have you alone again. I must ask. Are you certain that you are honestly--"

"In love him him? You shouldn't have to ask that."

"No." Hakkai admits. "But what I mean to ask, Goku, is…are you sure you are going about this the right way?"

Moving closer to Hakkai along the wall, Goku's brow furrows as he ponders this. But in the end he can only nod; second guessing himself will only make this harder, and the last time he started doing that the shift caused him even more pain than originally. "I know it's kinda…stupid to push Sanzo like this," he says, gold eyes focused only too intensely at his own feet. "But…what else is gonna get through that thick head of his? I mean…you know Sanzo even better than I do in some things, Hakkai. Being subtle won't accomplish jack shit." Goku bites his lip, looking up a little sheepishly. He always hates swearing around Hakkai when it is just the two of them. "Sorry."

Hakkai shakes his head, dismissing it and finding it rather sweet that Goku feels the need to apologize at all. "Then I will differ to you, Goku." he replies, his smile honest and genuinely placed. "For you know Sanzo in a way none of us can ever truly grasp, and it is because of that…that I believe you can succeed in this. Though it will not be easy. As with all of us, Sanzo believes he should live his life for his own sake only."

"Yeah, like any of us are living _only_ for ourselves." Goku laughs snidely. "If that wasn't a lie right when we all met, it sure is one now." The monkey stops, his eyes widening with perhaps the smallest traces of fear. "Right?" he questions softly.

The monocled man gives a simple nod, having already believed as much himself for quite some time now. "Indeed, Goku. Though I once swore to never allow love into my life again, I do believe I was a blind fool from the moment I thought that. Surely you, Sanzo, and Gojyo these years I have lived with him have proven me quite wrong."

A wicked little smirk graces Goku's features.

The intimacy of this conversation has blocked out everything happening in the living room, as if Hakkai and Goku are truly alone in the room. They pay no attention to the continued laughter and conversation happening so near them, and do not feel that they are missing out when what is passing between them is clearly more important.

Goku especially realizes that this moment holds some things that may be even more important than his own concerns, because at least with his problem, one half of that problem has some sense. "Speaking of Gojyo…" the monkey begins.

The tension that grips Hakkai's body is only too easy to detect.

"You've been giving him these weird looks for a while now. You finally wise-up to what I was talkin' about before?"

"Goku…"

"Coz this trip is bad enough with Sanzo being…well…_Sanzo_. But if you and Gojyo are gonna be idiots too--"

"Goku." Hakkai says more firmly this time, turning to address the smaller man more directly. The light in Hakkai's eyes remains, but it is dimmed, turning those emeralds into a deep shade of jade. "I understand your feelings for Sanzo, I admit that I have been rather foolish for not having noticed them earlier, and I am more than ready to offer you my support and blessings in the matter. However…with Gojyo and myself…it is a bit more complicated, and I will ask you not to do or say anything that might complicate things further."

Goku's eyes widen at first, shocked that Hakkai has turned on his 'so-serious-it's-scary' mode, but that expression melts quickly as he meets his friend's stare and gives it back ten fold. "First off, I'm not doing or saying _anything_. That's your own business. _However_," he says then, mocking Hakkai's usage of the word before. "Saying it's complicated is just a fancy way of saying you're too scared to do anything about it yourself."

Unable to speak in reply, Hakkai straightens, pulling back a little in response to Goku being so openly bold and challenging in such a harsh and…adult manner. Hakkai almost feels as if he is being scolded by someone his senior.

Well, in so many ways, Goku is just that.

"I really love you Hakkai." Goku says suddenly, his expression softening only the slightest bit as he says this, saying something that none of them ever say, under any context. "But you are being about as stupid as…well…as me and Gojyo on our worst days. And believe me, I know that's saying something. I mean, I've thought of you and Gojyo like a couple for a lot longer than I've wanted Sanzo for myself."

The air rushes out of Hakkai's lungs as if he has been punched hard in the gut. He couldn't possibly have heard Goku correctly.

"In all honesty, I thought you guys had been fucking for years til we started on this journey and I saw how clueless you both were."

Yes, Hakkai is definitely having hearing problems. That's the only explanation.

"I mean the way you two can talk forever, the way you watch each other's backs, the way you're always fussing over him more and scolding him more when he leaves a mess. You're like his…wife, or somethin'."

Hakkai has officially lost his mind. Again. That must be it.

"Half the time I'm wondering when Gojyo's finally gonna drop the whole lady's man act and just throw you up against a wall. And with as hot as Gonou and that other Gojyo look when they're doing things like that, I gotta say…I wouldn't really mind all that much to see him do that."

Hakkai can't breathe. These things are not being talked about so casually. And by Goku? Impossible.

"Okay, maybe Gojyo wouldn't do that, coz he's even more in the dark than you, but if one of you doesn't wise up soon you'll end up in worse shape than me and Sanzo right now. And that's not something you want, believe me. Sanzo's the toughest nut to crack in all history of nut cracking, and I know this without even really trying for anything yet. But you…you get to see your other selves being cute and hot and all couply, and you gotta know on some level that you and Gojyo are just _wishing_--"

"Goku, _please_."

Whether he was done with his ranting or not, the desperation in Hakkai's voice would have been enough to stop Goku instantly. And it is. Looking back at the older man, really looking at him since going off like that, Goku sees how much he has shaken Hakkai because his friend looks about as pale as Sanzo does when it is raining AND the monk has a temperature.

"I know you mean well, but…please…stop." Hakkai's voice is breathy and strained, his muscles tight throughout his entire body. Goku knows to let the man finish speaking. "I have already said that I love you all, Gojyo included, but…the relationship our likenesses have is…more than I would ever ask for myself. More than I would ever ask from Gojyo. Even if I do…feel…some of what you are implying…I…know Gojyo couldn't possibly feel the same. And it is foolish for me to think in such a way myself when I…am not fit…to hold another in that way again."

Though Hakkai's demeanor and discomfort leave little room for argument, Goku cannot imagine leaving things this way. Not when getting Hakkai and Gojyo to see things more clearly is supposed to be the easy part.

If he can't get them together, how the hell is he supposed to get Sanzo?

"I'll shut up, Hakkai. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna change my mind." Goku says, his boldness firm as ever as it stares up into Hakkai's emeralds, aflame with golden resolve. "You and Gojyo…you belong together. I believe that. And I hope, before it's too late…you believe it too."

-----

Gojyo and Sanzo have been standing out on the porch together for some time now, neither of them speaking. Sanzo had been over in the far left corner, staring out at the night sky when Gojyo first came outside, but he hadn't even turned to look at the kappa, ignoring him completely.

Wanting to wait things out then, if only to piss Sanzo off a little by keeping the monk guessing at his intentions, Gojyo refuses to speak first, leaning back casually against the porch railing. A yard perhaps separates them, Gojyo in the middle of the porch while Sanzo stays in his corner. If each had a cigarette to puff on, the air wouldn't be quite so electrified, but since they are merely standing, straining in each other's company, soon something is going to have to give.

Gojyo holds back a smirk when it isn't him.

"Say whatever it is you've come to say…or get the fuck off my porch."

Really, Gojyo has to laugh a little. "So sorry, Sanzo-_sama_…but if this is anyone's porch, since it does belong to someone who looks a helluva lot like me…it's _mine_."

Sanzo huffs, still looking out at the night rather than at his companion. "Then get the fuck off _your_ porch…and leave me alone."

"Can't do that, blondie." Gojyo answers back, his tone portraying his usual ease and confidence only too well. "See, I've gotta live with you yahoos for gods know how long til the end of this journey, and things are tense enough, thank you, without all this repressed shit coming into play. So why don't you play nice, fess up, go fuck your monkey, and maybe whoever put us here will be satisfied enough to let us out."

Gojyo doesn't have to see it, he can hear the creak of the wood beneath Sanzo's hands as the blonde's grip increases where it is clutching the railing. He knows he has struck a nerve--he did it on purpose--and it is not the only one he plans to strike, dangerous as it may be.

"What, no witty comeback? No swinging fan or bullet in my ass? Oh, wait. That's right. No fan. No gun. Period. Still, no _comeback_ is pretty telling. You must have it for the monkey _bad_."

The space between them is cut in half with a single stride and if it wasn't for Gojyo's youkai blood to increase his reflexes just enough, he never would have been fast enough to stop Sanzo's fist. Luckily for him, youkai blood DOES flow in his veins, if only half of it.

"Too slow." he says mockingly, and another movement has Sanzo twisted by the very arm he had meant to use as a weapon, suddenly pulled back against Gojyo's chest with his pinned arm pressed between them. Gojyo brings his lips right up to the monk's ear. "This place is making you weak, Sanzo-sama. Must be all the monkey-sex playing out in your head."

Sanzo growls. "Shut the fuck up, you half-blood bastard!" he cries, struggling wildly to free himself of Gojyo's hold. "Get your hands off me!"

"Not this time, droopy-eyes. See…much as I still can't understand how that brat even likes your sorry ass let alone loves it, lives for it, and can't survive two seconds without it…he does. You _know_ he does. Why else would all this piss you off so much. You see how happy it makes him, how much he wishes you liked it too, and that makes your fucked up head even more messed."

"Shut up!"

"Maybe it's the guilt of wanting a kid," Gojyo presses on, ignoring Sanzo's wild thrashing, "since I'm pretty sure he's been giving you hard-ons way longer than he's been legal."

"You--!"

"_Maybe_ you really are as asexual as I think, and the thought of being _this_ close to someone…" Gojyo tugs Sanzo just a bit tighter to his body to drive home his point and hears the angry hiss the contact forces from Sanzo's lips. "…maybe that thought scares the shit out of you. Or…maybe…this all has something to do with that dead master of yours--"

Gojyo grunts as he stumbles back, clutching his stomach where Sanzo just elbowed him--hard. He had thought he had a pretty good grip on the arm that wasn't pinned between them, but apparently he was wrong.

Finally free of that wholly unwelcome hold, Sanzo pierces Gojyo with violet fire, his anger boiled up again, only this time he has no desire to use himself as an outlet. Not when a very pleasing target is standing right in front of him.

If Gojyo's eyes widened in fear as Sanzo rushed him, he doesn't remember, all the kappa remembers is how relieved he was--for the first time--to feel that old nausea kick in, a nausea that has nothing to do with Sanzo's brutal strike. No, Sanzo crumbles to the porch before he can even reach Gojyo again, but as violet eyes dim, they never once lose the fury and fire within them, making Gojyo wonder just what he can expect to wake up to.

-----

When Gojyo does awake, finding himself sprawled out in Koryuu and Goku's living room, he is more than pleased to see Hakkai hovering over him rather than an angry, homicidal monk. Maybe he had taken things too far with Sanzo…?

A friendly hand offered to bring him to his feet and a few seconds later and Gojyo is looking across the room into a warning glare, as if Sanzo is just daring him to bring those things up again. Now, being given such a challenge, Gojyo no longer cares whether or not he pushed too hard, because now…he has to win this little game they have started. At any cost.

Damn the gambler in him.

"Gojyo…?"

It is Hakkai speaking his name so gently, so questioningly, that pulls Gojyo's attention away from glaring back at the monk to meet kind emerald. "Crashed and burned." he admits, speaking softly so that his words are for himself and Hakkai only. "But I'm not giving up yet. His reactions…they scream denial. We can get him."

The expression on Hakkai's face betrays how surprised he is with Gojyo's attitude. Hakkai is happy to discover his friend's enthusiasm for aiding Goku's cause, something the brunette hopes will turn out for the better for Goku and Sanzo both, but it is still a little odd. "Gojyo…" he tries, searching for the right words to explain his worry over this. "…why…exactly…are you…"

Gojyo breaks into a smile, recognizing the trouble Hakkai is having, and gladly swoops in to the rescue. "I get to piss the monk off on a whole new level." he says, casting his gaze quickly over at the scowling monk who seems to have decided he is going to stay over by the bedroom door since it is as far from Gojyo as he can get. Then, Gojyo turns to look over at the couch, a little closer to where he and Hakkai are standing, and sees Goku who looks deep in thought. That alone is an upsetting imagine; the monkey should never think that hard. "Plus…the kid deserves a little happiness, right? Even if it is with his holiness over there."

Hakkai smiles. "I couldn't agree more."

Gojyo turns back…and winks. "Don't we all deserve that kind of happiness?"

And Hakkai's smile falls.

Gojyo is suddenly moving over to the couch to sit next to Goku, perhaps to fill the monkey in on what happened on the porch. But Hakkai isn't trying to overhear them and probably wouldn't remember what he heard even if he was. Gojyo couldn't possibly have meant what he said the way it sounded.

Could he?

A few minutes pass in silence, Hakkai having found his way to one of the chairs, Goku and Gojyo on the couch still, and Sanzo against his wall, not looking at any of them. Suddenly, a very vocal yawn escapes Goku, which is almost instantly echoed by his companions. They are contagious, after all.

Goku blushes. "Sorry, guys. I just feel really tired. It's kinda late, and…I feel like this has been one of the longest days of my life."

Grinning in agreement, Gojyo suddenly startles himself with that realization and turns to Hakkai. "Hey, what's the deal? Why are we tired? I mean…no cigs, no food, no bathroom breaks, but…we still wanna hit the sack? That don't make no sense."

Hakkai thinks this over. "Well…it is still mentally tiring. Perhaps metaphysically as well. And…" he purposefully trails off, his sensei-mode smile slipping into place. "…we technically have no real idea who or what brought us here, or what this place really is, so…any and all rules are quite void in the end. We may just be responding to whatever it is our captors wish from us."

A moment of quiet passes to register this and then the boys on the couch give like-groans, thoroughly annoyed with the whole thing and what a mess it is when they really have no idea what is going on. They would be more worried about that point if they thought there was anything they could do about it.

After a small length of silence has once again passed, and Goku--who is internally cheering that it was once again a rather painless shift for him--is just about to ask why they shifted at all if there is nothing here to watch…

"I still wish we didn't have to leave the party early." the older Goku's voice sounds through the room as he and Koryuu come in through the front door. "I know we gotta get a good night sleep so we're not all hung-over and tired for Ma's brunch tomorrow, but we were having so much fun."

Looking a little more in need of the night's promised rest than his monkey does, Koryuu rubs at his eyes a little and shakes his head. "If I'm feeling this fuzzy now, I can't even imagine what another hour or two would do to me. I don't even realize how much we're drinking when we're all just sitting around talking. Then we stand up to leave and I'm thinking I'm going to collapse on your shoulder walking home."

The older Goku laughs, taking the hint and grabbing hold of Koryuu's arm to haul it over his slightly smaller shoulders and walk Koryuu over to the couch.

The younger Goku and Gojyo scamper away quickly, and look on as a seemingly sober but still pretty tired Goku lugs Koryuu across the floor and helps him down onto the couch. Thinking back, the watchers can't remember that the group had been drinking all that much either, but if they think of every drink throughout the night it's no wonder Koryuu is a little tipsy. Sanzo, in the same state, would never admit to feeling that way, but Koryuu is only too happy to have Goku help him sit down.

He is so pleased, in fact, by being led to the couch that he decides to make better use of it. Grabbing hold of Goku around the waist, he falls back onto the cushions, bringing his companion with him. He settles comfortably, lying back with Goku snuggled half on top of him and half tucked between him and the back of the couch.

"Mmm…not moving." the blonde mumbles sleepily, eyes already closed as he pushes his nose into Goku's hair and breathes in--content.

Seeing that there is probably no way out of this situation, the older Goku laughs a little, peering up into Koryuu's face before finally settling in right where he is. "Fine by me, but if you complain in the morning, it's your own damn fault."

Koryuu doesn't reply, but his echoing smile says more than enough for those watching.

Sanzo, still by his wall, merely turns away, having no desire to watch the couple cuddle like that. As he is moving his gaze over the room, to rest anywhere other than the couch, his eyes meet Gojyo's for a moment and he sees that the kappa is grinning at him. Sanzo has to hold himself back from rushing across the room and strangling the redhead.

Hakkai, watching Gojyo watch Sanzo, takes a little comfort in how Gojyo now seems so preoccupied with the blonde that he has forgotten about the small bit of tension that had arisen between them earlier. A look to Goku though and seeing how the boy is watching the couple on the couch with unchecked longing, has Hakkai wondering…if perhaps he really is being as much of a fool as the boy seems to think.

Even with so many questions up in the air and far too much heartache spreading throughout the group for one another's problems and their own, they eventually decide that following the couple's example is the smartest thing to do at the moment. Soon, Hakkai, Goku, and Gojyo have claimed spots on the floor, and Sanzo is in the comfiest of the chairs, not wanting to be any closer to his companions tonight than he has to be.

With much on their minds, warring heatedly in their heads, everyone is eventually fast asleep.

-----

Violets spring open and Sanzo gasps from the force of waking so suddenly. He cannot remember what he dreamed, but whatever it had been it has his heart thudding loudly, almost painfully. A hand immediately goes to his chest, as if he can still the organ inside with that meager touch, and he sits up more fully in his chair, blinking away the remaining traces of sleep.

It is still dark, darker perhaps than it had been when he drifted off. He doesn't have to look at the clock to know it is still a few hours before sunrise. The house is quiet around him, save the breaths of his companions asleep on the floor, and the slightly more haggard breaths of the pair on the couch.

Sanzo's eyes dart up. Why is the breathing from the couch haggard?

When the monk's eyes reach the couch and adjust enough to the darkness to make out the pair lying there, he understands. Koryuu and the older Goku are no longer sleeping, though both still look dazed and dreary as if only half awake. They are staring into each other's eyes, eyes that are inches apart only with Goku still half on top of the older man, and though Koryuu's expression is somewhat blank and questioning, Goku has the beginnings of a lazy grin.

Sanzo feels his still rapidly beating heart flutter when he realizes the older monkey's hand is slowly caressing its way down Koryuu's chest, their eyes never once looking away from one another. But Sanzo is not watching the couple's faces, and could care less if their eyes are locked. He is watching the movement of that hand in the dark, and how it seems to know just how much pressure to apply as it works open the buttons of Koryuu's shirt and slides ever slowly down the now exposed chest of pale skin.

The whole thing seems so surreal, dim and unfocused with such sparse light, with the mantra of his group's breathing on the floor creating such a perfect white noise to contrast how Koryuu, Goku, and yes, his own breathing is sounding more and more erratic. This could be a dream itself. Perhaps…it is.

Sanzo absently licks at his lips, vaguely wondering why they are so dry, why his entire mouth feels so dry, as he watches that smaller hand undo the buttons to Koryuu's pants and begin to pull the zipper down. The movements are so slow and purposeful, they are entrancing, and Sanzo finds himself so hypnotized in watching them, so much believing that this too must be a dream, that when his own hand begins to stray towards the clasps of his pants, he hardly notices.

Koryuu gasps, the sound only the slightest bit louder than his irregular breaths, as that hand parts the opening of his jeans to reveal cotton and runs its palm against the half-hard bulge so prominent. Only when Sanzo repeats the action on himself does he jump to his senses, looking down to find his own pants undone and parted to display the growing erection there.

He nearly curses aloud. What is he doing? There is nothing gratifying about seeing…

But as Sanzo angrily lifts his head to glare at what he is sure will reveal itself to be a revolting sight, his breath catches instead as his eyes land on the exposed flesh of what--in so many ways--is _his_ length of heated flesh, clasped now in the older Goku's hand. The sight unravels all of Sanzo's recently sentient thoughts and he is back in the surreal, lost in the idea of sensations he has never felt himself. Not by another's hand, not by _that_ hand.

When Sanzo reaches down this time, his eyes locked on the slow pumps and loving pulls, his ears tuned to the breathy gasps and moans sounding in his own voice, the feel of skin against skin as he pulls his length free and strokes…has all sense completely abandoned. Soon, his own hand begins to echo what he is seeing.

Goku runs the tips of his fingers up and down Koryuu's full length. Sanzo repeats it. Goku swirls his fingers lightly over the slit, gathering the forming wetness there and spreading it up and out in a deep caress. Sanzo gasps, repeated that as well. If Sanzo closed his eyes, he could almost feel the older Goku's hand on _him_. He could almost _be_ Koryuu. But if he closed his eyes it would break contact with the sight, it would break the spell, and rational thought having evaded him completely, Sanzo cannot even begin to imagine looking away.

By the time Goku's strokes increase to a steady rhythm, pumping slow and familiar to meet every one of Koryuu's thrusts up, Sanzo is no longer Sanzo and it is no longer the monk's hand giving himself pleasure. It does not matter that his eyes are open. That fact only adds. He _is_ Koryuu and Goku's skilled hand is working him, touching him, bringing him so close he feels he might burst from expectation. Burst from _feeling_. Too much. Not enough. Oh gods, he wants it, and so much more

He is not even aware how loud his panting breaths have become, or how the sound is so in sync with Koryuu, it only makes it sound louder rather than like two separate voices. Yes, in voice, in movement, in rapture, Sanzo and Koryuu are experiencing it all as one, feeling everything the other is feeling, and Sanzo does not even realize anymore that his hand is even moving, or that it somehow knows how to move just as Goku's is. But it does know, and it does move, and the rhythm, the friction, the feel of hot skin and wet heat, and…Sanzo needs more, more, just as Koryuu is silently mouthing the word, and Goku complies.

Sanzo and Koryuu pump their hips more urgently, desperate, so desperate to just grasp release and ride it through to the end that when release finally finds them it is a wonder neither cries out.

Collapsing bonelessly back into the chair, heart far more erratic than it had been upon waking, breaths far more unsteady, and body thoroughly shaking from the aftermath of that shared experience, the full weight of what Sanzo has just done slams into him with even more force than his orgasm.

Violets widen in horror and a sticky, filth covered hand rises up to Sanzo's face for him to look at in sheer disbelief. He pulls his gaze from the sight just along enough to catch Goku and Koryuu lazily kissing, not at all caring about the mess on both their skin as they slowly drift back to sleep, both satiated in their own ways.

But Sanzo does not see how they have fallen back to sleep, for his eyes are back on his hand, covered in his sin, for something he has never done, never like that, and never while imagining it is Goku who--

Sanzo is on his feet, sprinting for the bathroom as quickly and quietly as his feet can carry him, avoiding at all costs any contact with his sleeping companion's should one of them be roused. Making it inside and shutting the door behind him, Sanzo has the instant urge to wretch, but focuses first on washing the scent and feel of sex from his hand. He does not know how long he keeps it under scalding water, but only when the pain gets to be too much for him does he pull his hand away, satisfied.

Drying his hands on the towel on the sink, he grips either side of the vanity's counter and looks up, meeting his own weary and shamed gaze. Again, he has the urge to purge his stomach of all the sickness in his body--the sickness that must be there if he could fall to such things so easily--but refuses to give in to the urge. No. Hasn't he proven his weakness enough for one night?

With an angry growl at his reflection, Sanzo turns for the door and swing it open…but all color drains from his recently heated face at the sight of red eyes looking back at him.

"Tell me. Was it good for _you_…Sanzo-sama?"

tbc...

A/N: Oh yeah, I know how evil I'm being, but you're just going to have to suffer! HAHAHA! (cough) Sorry. Anyway...I absolutely loved this part, so I really want feedback on it to know if my readers are in agreement, or if I missed completely. I certainly hope Sanzo giving in to his desires was done well enough to not seem OOC, because I really want to keep the characters IC throughout. Personally, I can totally imagine him doing what he did, one because he was so tired, two because despite finding them naked in the beginning, we haven't really seen Goku and Koryuu in heated contact, and three because Sanzo's half-daze made him unsure whether or not he really was dreaming, and it was only too easy to pretend he was until completion brought him back to his senses. If you thought Gojyo and Sanzo's interaction was getting close to dangerous on the porch, just you wait. And don't worry, I have so much planned for Hakkai and Gojyo too.

Whisper Reilman: Always happy to brighten someone's day, and I hope this chapter does the same for you. Sorry, though, it doesn't look like Hakkai is quite at the point where he can grab Gojyo and kiss the life out of him, much as I would love that myself. Things with them...will move slightly differently.

Not much else to say other than a big THANK YOU to you all for riding out this journey with me. I will continue to post quickly, I promise. Love!

Crim


	10. One Step Too Far

One Step Too Far

* * *

"Out of my way." Sanzo hisses, barely containing himself enough to remember to keep his voice hushed. He tries to push past Gojyo and out of the bathroom, but a firm grip on his shoulder spins him back around to face that piercing, knowing red. 

"Running away, Sanzo? Guess I shouldn't be surprised. You're good at that, aren't you."

Sanzo tries to throw the kappa's grip from his shoulder, but finds that Gojyo has a better hold than he expected. "Shut up." he growls, ears sensitive to any sounds behind him should Hakkai or--gods forbidd, Goku--show signs of waking. "Get your hand off me before I break it."

Gojyo smirks, tightening his grip instead, and reaches out with his other hand to grab one of Sanzo's wrists, holding the monk even more in place. "Not gonna be that easy, bouzu. I _saw_ you. I saw the whole self-worshipping display, and I know exactly who's hand you were wishing was yours."

"Fuck off."

A corner of Gojyo's smirk twitches in pleasure. "No. That's what _you_ were doing."

Using his free hand, Sanzo fiercely pulls at the offending fingers still clutching his shoulder and _claws_, raking his fingernails over that tan skin, anything to get Gojyo away. But Gojyo is too focused, more focused than Sanzo could ever hope to be right now, and suddenly the redhead has hold of both of Sanzo's wrists, one in each of his larger hands. Gojyo gives a harsh tug and Sanzo nearly falls forward against him as he is pulled in closer.

"You wanna play fucking clueless? You wanna be an asshole? Fine." Gojyo says through clenched teeth, his smirk still present but strained and angry, making the expression more unnerving than Sanzo would ever admit. "But what you're doing to _him_…" He huffs in disgust. "You're _killing_ him."

Sanzo is practically shaking in Gojyo's grasp from anger, his violets staring hard enough into the hanyou's deep wells of red tomake out every shade of varied crimson. "You don't know anything." he whispers darkly.

His words are meant as a warning, his control all but lost, but Gojyo isn't listening. "I know enough." the redhead replies. "Keep up the denial all you want. But I saw you. I saw how you got off watching them, wishing you had your own monkey to touch you like that."

Sanzo gives a mighty pull to free himself, but Gojyo only grips tighter.

"The sad things is," the kappa continues, enjoying himself perhaps a little too much that he is maintaining this kind of power over Sanzo, physically AND where it counts. "All you'd have to do is _ask_…and the stupid monkey would drop to his knees, ready and willing."

Against his better judgment, Sanzo finds his eyes clenching shut. He doesn't want to hear this. He refuses to listen. Gojyo doesn't know what he's talking about. It's not true. None of it. What he allowed of himself tonight was…a mistake. Just a stupid mistake. That's it. That's all it--

"What's even worse…is how you've fooled yourself into believe you're doing the right thing by _being_ this jackass. What do you think your dead master would say to that?"

Sanzo eyes snap open.

"What would he say about where you've 'set your tired feet to call home,' huh?" Gojyo mockingly quotes, unaware of the danger fueled in Sanzo's returning glare. "You wanna know where those feet are, Sanzo? They're trampling Goku's heart with your _God damn heel_. Think your master'd be proud 'a that? Huh, Sanzo-sa--"

Just like with Sanzo's elbow suddenly planting itself in Gojyo's stomach earlier, when Sanzo strikes, the kappa never even sees it coming, he is merely hitting the wall behind him suddenly, gritting his teeth at how the side of the bathroom's doorframe has struck his lower back.

Before Gojyo can recover or even have a moment to hiss at the lingering pain of sudden impact, Sanzo is on him, gripping both his shoulders to roughly slam his head back into the wall. The doorframe hitting his skull is decidedly much more painful than hitting his spine.

Gojyo tries to push his weight forward, using his height and the good many pounds he has on Sanzo as leverage, but Sanzo's timely focus is more concentrated than the kappa's now. It is the kind of concentration Sanzo uses…when going for a kill. Gojyo only has a second to register just how dangerously far the gambler in him has brought him before the pair lands in a struggling heap on the floor, and he tries in vain to reclaim the upper hand. But Sanzo is too fast, too frantic. With inhuman ease for the only completely human member of the group, Sanzo soon has Gojyo on his back, straddling the kappa's chest as he wraps thin fingers around a too tempting neck…and squeezes…with all the intentions of ending this so that only one of them can walk away.

Gojyo finds himself suddenly nostalgic for that old paper fan or even the damn gun. At least in the past he never _really_ thought the monk would kill him. Gasping for air that is thoroughly cut off with Sanzo's thumbs pressing hard into the soft juncture of his throat…Gojyo isn't sure how true that is this time. He stares up into violet fire and silently pleads, apologizing for it all as panic surges through him and he finds himself wishing to take it all back. Anything to make this not real, not happening. Not with Goku and Hakkai sleeping just a few feet away. No _way_. Sanzo wouldn't really. He would never _really_…

But as his vision begins to tunnel, his periphery going impossibly dark, and with Sanzo's expression showing no signs of compassion or reprieve, Gojyo realizes he is _this_ close to _praying_.

"Sanzo!"

FLASH. Green and white and a pulse of bright, sizzling power, and Gojyo knows his prayer has been answered.

Hakkai.

"Sanzo, what were you doing!"

Hakkai sounds so panicked, as panicked as Gojyo had been, but Gojyo can only distantly hear his friend, curled in on himself now as he gasps desperately for air and tries to remain conscious even though the room has gone completely black around him. He can only imagine that Sanzo has been chi-blasted a safe enough distance away from him.

Sanzo, a good distance away indeed, staggers to his feet, his entire left side burning with the effects of Hakkai's strike. The concentration of chi had been dull, more like one of Hakkai's shields rather than an offensive blast, but it still hurt like hell. Sanzo would yell at the brunette if he wasn't shaking so bad…at what he almost did…with his own bare hands…

Not that he…cares…

Oh _shit_.

No, the kappa deserved it, Sanzo reasons. He doesn't care if he took things too far. He doesn't. He doesn't give a fucking wit for that kappa! He…_doesn't_…

"Keep him…away from me…" Sanzo breathes in weak command to Hakkai, who has dropped beside Gojyo now to be certain the redhead is all right. When green eyes look up to stare back at Sanzo not in anger, or challenge, or even shock…but in disappointment and…shame…Sanzo feels his own throat beginning to close up. "Keep…him away…" he says again, and does not care that his voice sounds about as threatening as a child to his teacher.

Stumbling his way across the room towards the still unoccupied bedroom, Sanzo does not meet a single one of the gazes watching him. He does not stop moving until he has cleared the living room and closed himself inside the bedroom, alone.

Though he had not met gold--the gaze watching him more intently than any other--Sanzo had felt it. He knows. He knows…Goku had been awake. He only hopes…the boy hadn't been awake for as long as he fears.

-----

"Hakkai, knock it off already, I'm fine!" Gojyo says in his most exasperating tone of voice since Hakkai has not stopped fussing over him since Sanzo secluded himself in the bedroom. While Gojyo is currently leaning against the back of the couch with Hakkai crouched beside him and Goku standing over them, Gojyo is just as he says. Fine. He even arches his neck to prove it, showing that the bruises have already faded. "This place heals us fast, remember. My mind just _thought_ Sanzo was trying to kill me."

This last line is meant as a joke, but judging from his companion's reactions, it hasn't gone over very well.

Hakkai couldn't look more worried and frazzled.

Goku--a much more sobering sight for how…collected he looks--merely gives off an impression of being a little out of it. He is clearly concerned for Gojyo, but can't help how his gaze repeatedly drifts to the closed bedroom door.

"I can see that you are fine physically, Gojyo, but--"

"And don't you start going all psychiatrist on me either." Gojyo cuts in. "I am in no way reevaluating my life after that, other than deciding to never push the monk that way again. Okay? I learned my lesson, everyone's still breathing, so let's just forget about it. I fucked up."

Hakkai scowls; he really hates how Gojyo manages to blame himself for everything, even when it is clearly someone else's problem. "Gojyo…what did you say to Sanzo exactly that set him off so much? I don't think I've ever seen him so…I don't know what his countenance was back there, but rage is a pale description."

You can say that again, Gojyo thinks, still half-wondering if those unforgiving fingers are still clawing at his throat. He swallows, thankful that his windpipe is intact enough for him to swallow at all. "I was just…pushing his buttons a little." Gojyo says, a look up at the overly preoccupied monkey telling him he probably shouldn't say anything more than that. Especially not if Sanzo decides that him spilling the truth is worthy of another homicide attempt. "I pushed things a little too far out on the porch before, and pushing again was…clearly a bad idea. Don't worry about it. He'll…cool off eventually."

Hakkai is skeptical, unsure if Gojyo is lying to him or not. Though the redhead often accuses him of being hard to read, Gojyo is a far more complex puzzle as far as Hakkai is concerned. Just when he thinks he has the man figured out…something comes up to change his perceptions completely.

Like that characteristic--but still strangely tempting--wink.

Dismissing such thoughts for now, Hakkai decides not to think on it. Not when there are more pressing matters to attend to.

"I think perhaps _I_ should talk to him this time." he says, standing from his crouched position to begin in the bedroom's direction. He looks back at his companions, seeing that both have him caught with fearful gazes, but merely smiles in reassurance. "I recognize the danger, but at this point…leaving him alone might be even more destructive."

Neither monkey nor kappa have anything to say as Hakkai quietly slips into the bedroom--not noticing that the smile he offered vanished the moment he turned away from them--and when a series of shouts thankfully do _not_ rise up from behind the door, they both finally remember to breathe.

Since Gojyo doesn't appear to be moving from his newfound spot on the floor, Goku chooses to join him. Landing easily in a cross-legged position, the brunette lays his head back against the couch and looks to the side to stare at Gojyo, who at first…is still staring after Hakkai.

When Goku releases a small laugh, Gojyo is reminded that he is not alone in the room.

"What's so funny, monkey?" he asks, turning to address the boy sitting so close beside him on the floor.

Goku shakes his head. "Nothing." he says, in a way that clearly means there is a lot more than nothing to his laughter. "Just thinking how I might be the only one of us with a brain."

Not quite sure what the smaller man means by this, Gojyo offers a short laugh of his own , deciding the monkey must be talking about Sanzo's outburst. "Yeah, the monk sure went ballistic on my ass. I think I might have deserved it though…" Gojyo shifts a little in place, debating whether or not he should come clean and tell Goku what he saw.

If he turned to take in his companion's expression again, he might realize how unnecessary that is.

Studying Gojyo carefully, Goku forgets where his line of thoughts had been, and allows them to drift…to Sanzo. He sighs and lifts a hand to run through his sleep-tousled hair.

"Gojyo…" he starts, meeting the red eyes that turn to him with a half-hearted grin. "…I know."

Confusion reigns for only a moment before it hits Gojyo just what Goku means. "Shit. You mean you…you saw him too…?"

Goku's smile twitches a little. "No. But…when he ran for the bathroom…that woke me up. And…I could…smell it. Still can. And I know that smell. I've roomed with _you_ often enough." he adds jokingly, bucking Gojyo with his shoulder.

Normally, Gojyo would have laughed, or bucked Goku back, or…something. But not tonight. "Shit." he curses again, a little disturbed by Goku's continued…apathy. "So I guess that means you can smell it on the pair behind us too."

Goku nods.

"Meaning you probably know _why_ and _what_ Sanzo was jacking _to_."

Another nod, accompanied by the smallest tinge of a blush to the boy's cheeks.

Gojyo sighs, closing his eyes a moment as he shakes his head at how messed up everything is now, and how…just as he predicted…it really doesn't seem like things can ever be okay between them again. "Look…Sanzo…he's…he's just scared, I think. He doesn't…know what he wants. This is all…freakin' him out, and…I don't think he ever planned or wanted to care for any of us, let alone have the hots for _you_. Ya know?"

No words reply, but when Goku sniffles a little and slowly lays his head against Gojyo's shoulder, the kappa momentarily stiffens, not sure what to do. Headlock-like hugs he can deal with. Rough-housing he loves. Even tackling the monkey over who gets to have the one bed in a shared room he half enjoys. But…he never expected something like this. To top it off, just when he thinks he can maybe relax into this strange new…affection, the feeling of something wet on his bare shoulder--since he had long ago removed his leather jacket for sleep--tells him he is treading uncharted territory.

"Yo…monkey…you're not…cryin'…are you?"

He feels Goku shake his head, but he can also feel the tears on his skin, sliding down his arm now. Really, Gojyo does the only thing he can do. He puts an arm around his friend's shoulders…and squeezes…for the closest thing to a real hug he has ever given the boy.

"You know…when we finally figure out who brought us here," the redhead says, speaking softly as he holds the sobbing boy against his side. "…I can't _wait_ to go and kick their ass."

And the sound of Goku laughing…makes the wetness on Gojyo's arm…feel not so weird anymore.

-----

For the moment things are playing out just as they had with Gojyo and Sanzo on the porch. Hakkai is not speaking, waiting for Sanzo to speak first, and while Hakkai remains standing in the middle of the room, he leaves Sanzo to brood in his corner on the window seat, staring out at the night sky.

Hakkai, however, is too weary for too many reason to wait Sanzo out as Gojyo had. "Are you going to explain to me what that was all about…or do you need another blast to knock the sense back into you." Though Hakkai's words are harsh, his tone is eerily even, telling Sanzo just how angry the brunette really is. "Your temper I can tolerate, Sanzo, but if I had not been around to stop you, I shudder to think…you really would have killed Gojyo just now."

Sanzo does not reply, his gaze steady--though unseeing--on the sights outside the window.

Hakkai cannot stop himself from clenching his fists, and has to struggle to remain where he is when his feet half want to storm over to the monk and shake him roughly by the shoulders. "I do not always agree with you, Sanzo, but I have always believed you had a firm grasp of common sense and control where it matters. I…admired you once for what you helped teach me about life and living. This journey has brought all of us so much closer. Even you and Gojyo I _thought_--"

"You thought _what_?" Sanzo says suddenly, slowly turning his head to stare with dulled and tired anger of his own. He too is weary for so many reasons. "That kappa is not my friend, Hakkai. Neither are you. I never asked any of you to come along on this--"

"God damn you, Sanzo, don't you dare speak those words to me again!"

Whatever expression Sanzo had been wearing it is replaced fully and completely with shock. Twice has he heard this kind of anger coming from Hakkai, both times directed at him, but it still comes as a surprise to hear the man's volume raised, let alone to hear him curse.

Emeralds glitter dangerously in the dark room as Hakkai--purposeful step after purposeful step--approaches the window. "I have told you only too recently that this journey cannot be completed by only two or three people, and certainly not by one. You never had to ask us, Sanzo, you _need_ us. You can choose to deny that, but it is the truth, and you know it. And I think you also know…that you need us for more than just the mission."

"Get out." Sanzo says without hesitation, sitting straighter in the face of Hakkai's deliberate approach and cutting words.

Hakkai stops, only a foot or so from Sanzo now, and the anger in him falls away to leave behind that same disappointment Sanzo had seen earlier. "Is that really what you want?" he asks, pained. "Are you really going to keep pushing us away? Is it so hard to let us care for you and to care for us in--"

"Hold nothing. If you meet the Buddha--" Sanzo cuts off with a gasp as Hakkai strikes him with an open palm across the face.

The blonde is too stunned to go on, too stunned to lash out in return, because it is too surreal that Hakkai actually just…slapped him.

For a moment, the startling realization of his action reveals itself in Hakkai's eyes, but he recovers quickly, believing--knowing--he is validated.

He holds resolute as Sanzo gapes back at him. "I will allow you to think a little harder on the decisions you are making, Sanzo." Hakkai says carefully, his breathing steady, even though his heart is wildly thumping in his chest. "And rest assured that all of us will continue on this journey regardless of your…choices. But I promise you this…" His heart is an anthem now, a rhythm driving him onward as he leans down closer to Sanzo. "…if you ever think of hurting Gojyo like that again…or Goku or myself, for that matter…the next blast I send your way…will not be so friendly."

-----

"Damn. I'm getting a little scared now." Gojyo says, eyes trained on the still closed bedroom door. "I think I even heard Hakkai yelling for a bit there. That can't be good."

Goku lets out a small laugh, having dried his tears by now though he is still snuggled against Gojyo's side since the kappa doesn't seem to mind all that much. "If you're worrying over anyone, worry for Sanzo. You didn't get to see how scary Hakkai got that time you left and went after Kami-sama. He yelled at Sanzo then, too, coz of something Sanzo said about you. This time, after trying to…hurt you…yeah. Scary."

Gojyo takes a moment to process this new information. "Hakkai…yelled at Sanzo while I was gone?" he presses, trying not to sound quite as interested as he is.

"Oh yeah. Scariest I've ever seen him. Well…other than without his limiters maybe."

"Wait. When did _you_ see Hakkai without his limiters?"

"Uhh…when we were dead."

Gojyo looks down at the monkey as if he must have lost his tiny animal mind completely.

"You know, when we were in that jar thingy."

Gojyo blinks for a few moments before things finally click into place. Oh yeah. The twins. Kinkaku and Ginkaku. In a way it _was_ as if Hakkai and Goku were dead, the bodies lifeless while their souls remained trapped in that damn spirit-catcher.

"I bet it really sucked having to be alone with Sanzo all that time, huh?" Goku adds then, a spark of something Gojyo isn't focused enough to recognize flashing through the younger man's gold-colored eyes.

The kappa merely grimaces and nods his agreement.

"Yeah. I'll bet…you would have much rather been alone with _Hakkai_, right?"

Gojyo shrugs. Sure, of course he would have preferred his best friend to that bastard monk. Who wouldn't?

"I'd even go so far as to say…you'd much rather it was _him_ snuggled here on the floor with you instead of me."

For a split second, Gojyo swears Sanzo's hands are tightening around his neck again. He looks down into shimmering gold and doesn't have to ask if the monkey is implying what he thinks he is. Gojyo knows. "Uhh…you wanna run that by me again?"

Goku lifts his head, a little disappointed when Gojyo's arm pulls away from his shoulders, but he is driven on by a higher purpose now. He may be striking out in the Sanzo department, but he can still help his friends. "Come on, Gojyo. You've noticed how Hakkai keeps watching you, right? And you flirt with him all the time."

"I wha--?"

"_And_…you get about as flushed as I do when Gonou and that youkai-you are getting all heated. Don't think I haven't noticed, you perverted cockroach." Goku pokes a finger at Gojyo's side in addition to his prodding words, and is not entirely surprised to have his hand swatted away.

"Back up, monkey-boy." Gojyo says seriously, situating himself now so that he is facing Goku more directly. "Maybe all this get-into-Sanzo's-pants business is going to your head, but not all of us are queer, thank you. I am totally straight. And that goes double for Hakkai. We are friends only. Just because Koryuu and the bigger you are together, and you and the monk want the same thing, doesn't mean Hakkai and I want to follow _our_ doubles' example. Understand?"

Goku looks back at him with a world of skepticism in his eyes, stating quite plainly that he thinks the kappa is full of shit.

"Don't look at me like that. It's the truth."

"You _so_ flirt with him."

"I do not!"

"You do too! You do it all the time. And not the way you do it with Sanzo when you're just trying to piss him off. With Hakkai you're _nice_ about it. You're _sweet_ even. Sweet in a way you're never sweet around girls."

Gojyo can only gape. Where does Goku get these crazy ideas from? They have absolutely no basis in reality.

Right?

"Goku, look…" Gojyo begins, then stops, mouth hanging suddenly slack. "What do you mean the way I do with Sanzo? I don't flirt with Sanzo."

Goku sighs. Gojyo is entirely missing the point. "I just mean the way you hang on him sometimes, you know? And he has to throw your arm off."

Gojyo isn't sure how much he likes this comparison but decides to shrug it off. "Whatever. But I do not flirt with Hakkai." He pauses, sucked deep into the gold staring up at him as if Goku is seeing right through him and catching him in a lie. "...do I?"

Goku nods enthusiastically.

"Shit. Well…I don't mean to. I mean…I'm just…me. The great lover Sha Gojyo. It's in my nature." Crimson eyes suddenly go wide. "Ah fuck. What I said to him about everyone deserving happiness…_fuck_. I didn't mean it like…well…I kinda did…but…not really…I don't…think I did. Ah _fuck_."

As sympathetic as he might be to his friend and to the situation, Goku breaks into giggles. A tongue-tied Gojyo is just too priceless.

The chimp's outburst only proves to untie that tongue, and Gojyo glares at his companion with the smallest hint of annoyed anger. "Shove it, saru. You're grasping at straws, ya hear me? Maybe I come across wrong sometimes with Hakkai, but I…I do _not_ think of him like that."

A brief flash of what Gojyo had imagined back during the party returns to haunt its way through his mind. He sees color, complementary colors meeting in so many delicious, illicit ways. He can see it so clearly, his skin on Hakkai's…

No! Even if those things have been going through Hakkai's mind, as Gojyo half-suspects, that doesn't…mean…

Ah _fuck_.

"Earth to Gojyo…" speaks Goku, his voice sounding closer now, and he is, right up in Gojyo's face, since the redhead had been in his own world for a few moments there. "You off in Hakkai-dreamland, kappa?" the monkey smirks.

Gojyo swallows, the half of him wanting to smack Goku upside the head thoroughly hushed by the rapidness of his pulse. "If you're right, monkey…" he starts, his voice oddly soft and airy sounding. "…then a shit load 'a things just made a lot more sense."

For a moment, Goku isn't entirely sure he heard Gojyo correctly, but once the moment is over he nearly pumps his fist in the air with a triumphant 'yes!' Maybe he really can get his friends together.

The sound of the bedroom door opening pulls both of them away from the conversation as the object of their attentions is suddenly in their sights. Hakkai, looking a little more frazzled than he had when he went into the bedroom and wearing a very strained smile, walks over and immediately plops down onto the floor in front of them.

"He's taking some time to think."

Goku and Gojyo exchange glances, look hard at Hakkai, and then back at the once again closed bedroom door. They turn back to Hakkai, silent and strangely…expecting.

"What?" the green-eyed youkai asks, absently brushing at his hair with his fingers, which is the type of nervous gesture Hakkai…just doesn't do. "I may have given him a slight ultimatum. And…perhaps…a small threat."

Goku and Gojyo blink at him.

Hakkai sighs. "What?" he says again. "Believe me, I am certain your conversation out here was far more enlightening than mine."

Gojyo coughs.

Goku grins.

Hakkai, confused, doesn't really know how to respond to that, so…he doesn't.

Unanimously, the three of them decide it is high time they returned to bed.

tbc...

A/N: So many things about that chapter was fun. I think I especially enjoyed Hakkai slapping Sanzo, because I hadn't planned on it. Hakkai just suddenly did it, and...when characters lead us, authors can only follow. I wonder if people will still be with me on the ICness, but I think i am still on. Especially after watching for a second time, and having read in the manga, the part where Sanzo and Hakkai nearly bite each other's heads off while Gojyo is off on his own. I was rooting Hakkai on the entire time. This situation feels similar because Sanzo is being the same kind of prick, and saying things he said back then. The other time Hakkai yells at Sanzo, since I say it has happened twice, is during the whole Chin Issou thing when Sanzo has to shoot Gojyo and Hakkai faints.

Well, I am not making this easy on the boys at all, and though Gojyo does seem to be coming around...that doesn't mean things get easier. As a little teaser, I will tell you that the next part will start with Goku waking up...alone.

Attiqah Gensui: I would love to explain how Heavan and Nataku fit in, but that would spoil the fic to a certain extent, so I'll just say...Nataku will not be making an appearance, but that has nothing to do with me forgetting his existence. It wouldn't work...trust me. ;-) As for Hazel, he can go to Hell. Ahem. Sorry, I have nothing against Hazel as a character himself (though I really dislike his sidekick) but I think his place in the anime was a waste of time and I choose to pretend Gunlock does not happen, or that at least all the Hazel stuff has been quickly forgotten. You see (and I could really go off on this) all of Gunlock felt like a regression for the boys to me. They didn't grow any closer at all, but seemed almost less together. I thought something good would come out of the whole Sanzo on his own thing when they had the big falling out due to Hazel, but...they just repeated the Gojyo/Kami-sama reunion. I don't know. I feel cheated. That...and Gojyo finally getting lucky killed my spirit like nothing else. Really, I could go on about Gunlock forever. So...no Hazel, this is set right after Kami-sama.

Sorchafyre: Hmm. It was Sanzo's reaction that I felt was the most IC, but I would never deny someone their opinion. We see characters differently sometimes. I do hope you are even happier with the speediness of THIS update, and I accept that hug with a firm squeeze of my own, oh faithful reviewer. Please stick it out, and do tell me any other times you feel characters might not be as IC as you would imagine, because it helps me reevaluate.

Diva Urd: Man, just when I think I'm being a better editor. (sigh) I hope this chapter turns out better. Good eye, I must say. I can't believe I never noticed the 'him him' thing. Secondly, it scared me how spot on you guessed what was to come with 'Sanzo's bare hands.' I had planned so all along, I swear. And yes, our boys and their head cases, I tell ya. :-)

Zierra: Love to make someone's morning, especially at work. :-)

Sakurazukamori6: Yay money! Considering my debit card was stolen recently, I'll take even imaginary cash right now. Good thing I'm getting the money back, but I'm stuck in England with almost nothing til Mom sends my new card. I hate being 21 and feeling like a little kid, but that's what I get for shopping online and being out of the country. :-) You are so kind with your comments, I hope I continue to produce up to par.

Whisper Reilman: ...yes, I meant defer. Silly me. I must say I am thrilled to be giving you a Goku that makes you even more fond of the character himself, seeing as how I love the monkey so much (I even have a stuffed monkey named Goku by my bed). I get really annoyed when people write him like he's 12. I know he is naive about some things, but not as much as people think, and in the sex area...I mean, really, how could he know Gojyo for over three years and not know about sex? Hope you're happy with Gojyo coming to his senses. Now you'll have to see what he does with them. ;-)

Thankies to all! You guys really are the best, and when I get fast responses it spurns me to write faster updates (hint hint). :-) Really though, I'm loving this, so let me know what you all think and I'll post again soon.

Crim


	11. Split

Split

* * *

The first thing Goku notices upon waking is the sun hitting his eyes and that a fan striking his head is not being used as his usual wake-up call. He blinks sleepily, vision a little hazy as he looks up and sees in his most direct line of sight a very cozy looking couple snuggled up on the couch a few feet from him. Goku remembers where he is in an instant. So it isn't a dream. He is still here, in this strange world, and his other self is curled up in Koryuu's sweet embrace.

Goku bites back a growl of jealousy. No, he will not be jealous. They are happy and they deserve to be. Getting jealous won't accomplish anything. No, if he wants anything to happen he is going to have to make things happen. And damn it all if he is going to let Sanzo ruin that.

Thoughts on the monk send Goku's eyes drifting behind him to the chair Sanzo had at one point been sleeping in. Being empty now, Goku finds he is pulled towards the seat and half-crawls his way over until resting on his knees in front of it. He doesn't have to get any closer than he is; he can still smell it. The tell-tale traces, leaving no visible residue but a scent that is more than enough for the boy's demon senses.

A little part of his brain, most likely the part still half asleep, wants to pitch forward and bury his nose in the cushions, but being as tired as he is even he can recognizes how weird that would be. His reasoning for wanting such a thing does not only pertain to Sanzo's act during the night, however, but to the remnants of the monk's scent itself. Not the smell of…_that_. Just of Sanzo. The Sanzo-smell Goku knows better than he knows his own. He would love to bury his nose in that, preferably by burying his whole face in the crook of the blonde's neck and breathing deep. That thought hedoubts even Gojyo would tease him for.

Goku frowns, suddenly much more awake than he had been. He whips around, cursing his recently drooping eyes and distracted attention for not having realized until now.

Gojyo and Hakkai are not where they should be.

But…the pair had been sleeping only a few feet from him all night, hadn't they? They had been right there, Goku thinks, looking to the spot his friends should have been. He nervously darts his eyes around the room, at least what parts he can see, but his friends do not appear to be...anywhere.

A surge of panic shocks the boy's system into action and he is on his feet. "Gojyo…Hakkai…" he calls, softly at first, as if afraid of the answer he knows will not come. "Gojyo." he says a little louder. "Hakkai." He waits in vain as the room remains silent. His fingers start to twitch at his sides and before he can reel his panic in and at least try to think calmly, he has run around to the other side of the couch, thinking perhaps they might be there.

Nothing.

He runs to the bathroom, through the kitchen, in the laundry room he had barely noticed existed until he only now finds reason to inspect it. But Gojyo and Hakkai are not in the house. Not anywhere.

Goku's eyes hit the front door and his feet are moving him forward again before even a thought of doing so has been formed. He looks over the little half-porch, smaller than Gonou and Gojyo's, but his friends are not outside. He thinks perhaps they are around the other side of the house, but when he tries to step off the porch he is knocked back. He strikes the air, meeting some impossible shield like the one he remembers Sanzo hitting the day before.

Goku's eyes widen, and if he had the power to do so he would have hit _himself_ with the fan.

Sanzo.

Goku is back inside the house, running for the bedroom. He has the knob in his hand and the door open before his rapid pulse has managed to catch up. And then his pulse stops--surely his heart has stopped completely--because there, sleeping against the window of the small bedroom…is the sun himself, lit by the most brilliant radiance as the sun outside shines in and lights up golden blonde hair.

Goku's breath catches and his heart begins to beat again, but the panic he had felt is still with him, and before he can stop his feet, seeing as how they really have grown a mind of their own this morning, he is bounding across the carpet and has a firm hold on his keeper's waist, digging his head into a sun-warmed chest and yes…breathing in.

Sanzo.

The boy's relief is not given much time to enjoy itself, however, for the second strong arms gripped the monk's waist Sanzo started to wake, and as those arms squeeze tighter than they should, Sanzo is soon blinking past the remaining call of sleep, wondering why the damn sun has to be so bright and why the hell his ribs are hurting.

His mind jumps to realization and Sanzo looks down…looks down to see the brown head tight to his chest as short but long-enough arms encircle his waist, touching…hugging…holding him in affectionate desperation.

He puts his hands on the boy's shoulders and pushes as hard as he can. "What the hell are you doing! Get off me!" But Goku's grip is tight and he is barely moved, apparently uncaring to the fact that Sanzo is now very much awake and not happy with their current positions. "I said, let go, monkey! I can't fucking breathe!"

Goku loosens his grip but does not let go. "Please, Sanzo…please don't make me…"

Sanzo cannot see Goku's face, but he does not have to; Goku is either crying already or very near it, and his voice quakes in a way even Sanzo finds pitying.

"P-Please…don't…I…I was so…scared…"

Sanzo doesn't answer. He doesn't know what to say to that, he just wants those arms, this body, everything, to be _away_ from him. He grunts and pushes on the boy's shoulders again, softer this time, but hinting that he is still unhappy with those arms wrapped so tightly around him. "Scared of what, idiot. I thought you didn't want to be a damn kid anymore. Don't act like a brat if you don't want to be seen as one. Now let _go_ of me."

Goku still does not listen, but his grip loosens the smallest bit again as he lifts his head and raises shimmering gold to stare up into flustered violet. "I'm…sorry, Sanzo…but…when I woke up, and…no one was there…I…Hakkai and Gojyo are gone, and…I thought you would be, too…"

Violet blinks, trying hard not to look shocked or upset. "What do you mean…gone?"

"Hakkai…and Gojyo…they're…they're not here. I looked everywhere, Sanzo."

Damn. If those two were lucky enough to get out… "Stop sniveling like that." Sanzo says gruffly, pushing again at resisting shoulders while those eyes keep looking at him, seeking something he refuses to give. "Who cares if they're gone. Either they got out and they're trying to get us out too, or they're off with their look-alikes again. I couldn't _be_ so lucky to be rid of them this easy, any more than being rid of you. Now, get your hands off or I'm kicking your ass out of the jeep the second we're back in it."

Finally, this time Goku nods, albeit weakly, and he pulls his arms back, though he at first remains as close to Sanzo as he can, as if he might at any moment fall forward again and latch on tightly.

A mighty push at the boy's chest takes care of that and Sanzo gets up from the window-seat, shifting his shoulders to get rid of the crick…he realizes is already fading. At least this place is good for some things, he muses. But when he looks to the side, where Goku has come up right next to him and is still staring up with that damn needy expression, Sanzo wishes he had something to hit. What he wouldn't give to have his fan right now. But who would he hit? With Goku acting like this, it would only make the monkey lunge for another hug, and if Sanzo decided to go for the kappa…

He doesn't want to think about Gojyo right now, or about Hakkai, and is silently thankful the two of them are gone.

"Come on, monkey. And stop looking at me like that. It's annoying."

There, that had sounded the way Sanzo should, and he nearly smirks to himself at his success. Nothing has to change. Things can just go back to the way they were before all this. He just has to get through the rest of these scenes until they stop. And if they never stop…

No, not an option. This place will not be the end of Genjyo Sanzo.

"Sanzo…?"

Sanzo grits his teeth, taking up his old place leaning against the wall now that they have left the bedroom. It is all he can do to not look down at the eyes looking up at him.

"Sanzo…it's kinda…weird, huh? I don't even feel gross or anything."

The sheer absurdity of this statement has Sanzo's gaze turning downwards. What _is_ the monkey going on about?

Goku seems to recognize he isn't making much sense. "I mean…it's like someone pressed the reset button. I'm still not hungry, don't have to use the bathroom, and I don't need a bath either. It's just…weird, ya know?"

And nice, since the scent of Sanzo's midnight activity is only on the chair and no longer attached to the man. Goku is happy for that, because if Sanzo still smelled of it…he might not be responsible for his actions, especially after that embrace he was allowed. And Goku has to think of it as something allowed, because really, if Sanzo had wanted Goku away that badly, he could have just gotten up from the seat right away. Right?

"Heh. Never thought I'd _wish_ I was hungry." Goku muses, leaning back against the wall next to Sanzo, though keeping a little distance should the monk choose to act out in any way. Goku moves just a little closer then. Hey, if he's going to push, he has to be consistent. And…he really wants as much closeness as he can get since that feeling of loneliness has only recently been banished, even if he does feel a little foolish for panicking the way he had.

Sanzo notices how close the boy is, a few inches away only, but with the kitchen counter on his other side, it's either stay put or lean against something less comfortable, and damn it if he is going to let Goku get the better of him. "Would you just shut up. And stop hovering. Does personal space mean nothing to you?" He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. This whole day is already looking to be just as 'promising' as the day before. Oh joy, Sanzo thinks with a scowl.

"Do you have a headache, Sanzo?" the monkey asks, the tilt of his head actually bringing him that much closer to Sanzo despite the blonde's insistence the boy move away.

No, Sanzo does not have a headache, something he usually has at least once a day with two idiots in constant quarrel behind him in the jeep. But that doesn't mean he wants to give the monkey a reason to keep talking. "Yes." he lies, pinching his nose again. "So shut up and stop making it worse."

For a few moments, Sanzo almost thinks his charge is going to listen to him for once. "Sanzo…?" But then comes the voice again. And something in that voice this time has Sanzo instantly realizing that whatever is about to follow is not something he wants to hear.

He looks down into gold again and is instantly trapped. Shit. Why the hell did he look? He should know better by now. And Goku's eyes are shimmering again. How does the boy do that? How can he so easily shift from being some stranger who acts more adult than Sanzo wants to admit, to suddenly being…the same little boy Sanzo found in that cave.

"Sanzo…"

Oh gods, no. Don't let him say it, please…

"Sanzo…about last night…"

-----

The first thing _Gojyo_ notices upon waking is that someone is shaking his shoulders. The second…is the wide green eyes looking rather startled since he has jolted upright into a sitting position and those eyes are suddenly much closer than they had been. He can smell the pine, and mint, and freshness, and warmth that is his good friend, since that friend is suddenly close enough to bump noses…or even…

"Shit." Gojyo curses aloud, pulling back to screw his vision and remember that yes, other colors do exist in the world besides green, though for a second, that emerald was all he could see. "Sorry, man. Guess you spooked me a little."

And true to his nature, Hakkai merely straightens himself, crouched down beside Gojyo, and offers a smile. "Not at all." he says, despite the strain in that smile and the strange flush of color to his usually pale cheeks. He stands quickly, but still has the good nature to offer his friend a hand. "I was already awake when it happened, and I thought you might want to know."

Gojyo accepts that hand, hoisted to his feet, and tries not to linger in his friend's touch too long before pulling his hand free again. He would ask what Hakkai means by 'it' but a quick look at his surroundings makes that clear on its own. "Back with our own doubles, huh?" he says, recognizing that they are once again in Gonou and Gojyo's living room instead of Koryuu and Goku's. "Kind 'a nice doin' that in my sleep. Don't even remember being nauseous."

A courteous laugh. "I envy you that, my friend, but I suppose I am getting used to it by now." Hakkai says, and when Gojyo turns to him with a sheepish expression, as if to apologize for how Hakkai _had_ felt that nausea, the brunette laughs again. "It's quite all right. Better than both of us waking in strange surroundings, though I suppose we should be used to that by now, too. Sanzo and Goku do not appear to have shifted with us, by the way. Strange…" he adds, taking survey over the room as if the monk and monkey might suddenly appear after all.

Gojyo shrugs the news off, figuring the pair must be okay, and not minding that they are missing since he really doesn't want to have to see that damn monk any time soon. "The freaks that have us here probably want us to see separate things today." he says, nodding at his own assessment. "Gotta say, I was kinda hoping we'd wake up back home. In Hakuryuu, or even in the dirt, for all I care, just so long as we're not _here_. I don't mind the show, but I don't like not knowing what's going on, ya know?"

Hakkai nods his agreement, but quirks an eyebrow at some of his friend's words. "You…do not mind the things we have seen, Gojyo?" he asks.

Gojyo's shoulders tense; shit, did he say too much?

"Not even…the more hurtful things?"

And then his shoulders relax; ah, he understands what Hakkai is getting at now. "I'll admit, seeing a full youkai me…when it's something…as a kid…I used to just dream about…" He stops himself, eyebrows knitting tightly, and casts Hakkai a guilty look. "I shouldn't say that. I mean, you…you never wanted to be…what you are, and here I am saying how I _wished_ for it. I mean, it's not like I'd wish for it now with all the youkai goin' psycho on us. But…I shouldn't--"

"Gojyo."

Something in those two syllables is enough to make Gojyo forget about feeling guilty. Another quick look at his friend and he sees that Hakkai is smiling at him, not in any form of sympathy, but almost…in amusement. It's amazing how a single word, a single uttering of his name from those lips can make Gojyo's world pause. Has he really lived with this man for three years and _not_ noticed?

"There is no reason to feel ashamed for wishing for something. I know your reasons and I would never look poorly upon you for wanting something that anyone in your position would most likely want as well." Suddenly, Hakkai's face washes over with the same look of guilt Gojyo just had. "Goodness. That sounded awful. Same position as you? I didn't mean it that way at all, as if what you are is anything to be--"

"Hey, hey, calm down." Gojyo breaks in, rescuing his friend from the foot currently lodged down his throat, at least as far as Hakkai is concerned. Gojyo, however, does not see it that way at all. The part of him that lives off touch, whether it be through play-fighting with the monkey or seeking out pleasurable company, suddenly has him throwing an arm over Hakkai's shoulders. "Don't _you_ start acting guilty now. I know what you meant. And it's not like you're wrong. Can't imagine anyone would wish to be a half and half piece 'a soiled goods like me."

"Gojyo." This time the syllables carry a warning, but the message in it just makes Gojyo love the sound of it more.

"Hey, I can call myself that if I want." the redhead says in response. He tugs the slightly shorter man just the smallest bit closer against him since his arm still has hold of those shoulders. "Besides…I thought we were happy being soiled goods." He flashes a quick smile and winks, knowing that his friend will remember just as he does the day Hakkai told Sanzo…

_'What, didn't you know? The two of us are soiled goods_ together_.'_

Hakkai does indeed remember, but recent events make those words come back to haunt him with very different meaning hidden beneath their original depth, and he finds himself growing flushed again.

He swallows thickly, wondering at the look in Gojyo's eyes and the arm draped over his shoulders. "Aa…indeed." he says with a smile he knows to be weak, especially considering the strange look Gojyo gives him now as he frees himself of the taller man's hold and begins to walk away. "Perhaps…we should look for…our other selves. Just to be sure we aren't missing anything that might help us find our way free of this place." His voice is strained as he says this, heading for the bedroom now, where he assumes their counterparts to be sleeping.

Gojyo could kick himself. Way to go, he thinks, let's spook the poor guy before you've even figured out your own messed up feelings over this. The hanyou nearly growls and has to fight down his response quickly, just in case Hakkai turns back and catches him looking so put out.

Not that Hakkai looks as if he has any intention of looking back at Gojyo for awhile. The brunette is making straight for the bedroom door, already reaching to slide it open.

"Ahhh…'Kai…you think that's a good idea?" Gojyo calls out, all else forgotten for a moment as he jumps into action and moves over the floor quickly in case there is need to stay Hakkai's possibly dooming hand.

"It is mid-morning, Gojyo. I am sure they are only sleeping or not in the room at all."

"But…ya know…the way they go at each other sometimes…"

"Gojyo…" This time those syllables make Gojyo think he can actually hear his friend's blush.

He sees that he has caused Hakkai to hesitate, but then that thin, graceful hand is moving for the door again before Gojyo can think of anything else to stop it. He would close his eyes if he wasn't morbidly curious.

Damn the monkey for being right.

"There, you see? Harmless." Hakkai says, but Gojyo can still hear the blush in the other man's tone, because despite Gonou and the other Gojyo being blissfully asleep and not engaged in anything too unseemly, the way they are curled together beneath the covers of their shared bed does more than just suggest at what might have gone on the night before. It looks fitting.

It looks right.

Gonou, lying on his back, has his head haloed by his longer hair, his body turned in towards his companion. The youkai Gojyo, half on his stomach and half on his side, is also facing in, an arm draped possessively over Gonou's waist. The covers are low enough, near to the pair's hips, that the watchers are quite certain pajamas of any sort are a negative. But still, all blush-worthiness aside, something in how easily they are lying there, how comfortable, has two very different minds thinking about the very same friend's advice.

But Goku does not understand what he is asking, Hakkai thinks, his right hand becoming a tight fist in his conviction, blind and foolish as that conviction may be.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, Gojyo decides, trying not to let his gaze wander too much over what is exposed of Gonou's body, and definitely trying not to imagine Hakkai in a similar state of undress.

And then Gojyo has to catch himself before laughing aloud, because he just gave himself away. Wishful thinking? If he is really wishing for it…why is he pretending he isn't?

"Hey…Hakkai…?"

-----

Sanzo feels his face becoming hot, his throat closing. "What _about_ last night?" he says, and hopes his voice didn't falter, though not as much as he is hoping that Goku does NOT bring up what he is fearing. Ask about the kappa, he thinks, for that is something he can lie about if pressed. Just…don't ask about anything else. Please…

"Well…I just wanted you to know…Gojyo's not mad or anything."

And there is air to be breathed again and his heart remembers how to beat. Sanzo feels his face already starting to cool.

"He felt more guilty I think than mad." Goku continues. "Hakkai was pissed though. You know, the way he is when he doesn't show it, and you just know he's this close to hitting something. Not that he ever would, but sometimes I think he'd be happier if he did."

Sanzo holds back from grinding his teeth.

"Did he really threaten you? He said he did."

Somehow, Sanzo's teeth find themselves grinding anyway. "Did I _not_ tell you to shut up! Fuck, you're annoying."

The tone of the monk's voice is more than Goku can ignore now, but he huffs loudly, his arms coming up to cross over his chest which, since Sanzo is standing in the same manner, makes the smaller boy look like an almost comical parody of his keeper. "You don't have to be so mean. I was just asking."

"Well it's none of your business. I don't want to talk about…last night."

Goku huffs again. "I'll _bet_ you don't…" he grumbles, just loud enough to be certain Sanzo has heard him. When silence follows--tense silence--Goku knows his muttering has had the desired affect. He almost grins; pushing can be so gratifying, as long as he knows when to push harder and when to back off. He figures that coming out and saying, 'I know what you did last night,' probably would be a point of pushing too far.

A quick glance at Sanzo shows that the infamous vein is throbbing.

Make that definitely a point of pushing too far. Goku decides he had better drop the issue and quick. Maybe…if he's feeling bold enough, he'll bring it up again later.

Before he can think of something else to break the silence with, however, his own voice--though from a very different source--sounds through the room in the form of groggy moans.

Suddenly, a brown head pops up from the couch, the older Goku looking strangely panicked. He looks around the room, his gaze passing rather close to Sanzo and the younger Goku against the wall but, naturally, not noticing them. Then, his attention is back on the blonde beneath him and he is soon shaking those narrow shoulders awake.

"Kory, wake up, we slept in!" he shouts, not bothering to watch his volume despite how close his companion's ears are to the source of his yelling. "We're gonna be late! Mom'll kill us!"

Koryuu looks almost in pain as he wills himself awake and looks up at the boy fully on top of his chest now. It takes a minute for the brunette's mantra to catch up to him, but once he focuses, his eyes are soon as wide as the gold ones looking down at him. "Shit!" And he is off the couch, he and Goku both rushing for the bathroom. When they reach the door at the same time the pair passed one another a look, as if debating who has the right to get ready first. Making the decision for them, Koryuu's grabs a handful of Goku's shirt. "No time. We'll just shower together."

As he is being quite willing pulled into the bathroom, the older Goku can't help grinning, even though he is still out of breath from his recent panic. "Man, now we'll _really_ be late."

Sanzo and the younger Goku think they faintly hear a humored 'shut up' reply to that as the bathroom door closes, but since both minds suddenly have an image of the pair stripped down, naked and wet in the shower, _together_…

A blush rises to Goku's cheeks. He looks over at Sanzo, but if the monk is indeed thinking the same things he is right now, he is doing a much better job of hiding it. Allowing his head to loll away from the monk, Goku soon finds himself looking the opposite way, discovering all those pictures hanging on the wall next to him. He looks at the one of young Koryuu and the boy's mother, and then finds one of them much older with Goku in it with them. The brunette woman's arms are wrapped around both her 'sons' and all three look so very…happy.

"Hey Sanzo…" Goku starts. "…do you remember your mother?"

Sanzo is startled by this question, enough to pull him from whatever other thoughts had been running through his head, and he turns to look down at the boy who is still staring at all the pictures along the wall. Sanzo follows the boy's gaze and sees a picture he had not noticed before. The one of Koryuu, Goku, and his…and _Koryuu's_ mother. Though the woman certainly resembles Sanzo, looking as if she very well could be his mother despite her more average coloring, he has no memories of such a woman.

But then…he wonders suddenly if that is true. Studying the woman's face more carefully, he almost thinks…it seems vaguely familiar. His first memory had always been of _Koumyo's_ face, looking down at him, which the older monk told him must have been the day he found little Koryuu floating in the river. Koumyo had praised him for his sharp memory then, but…is there something he has forgotten? A face before Koumyo's? That woman's face…so kind and yet, sad…

"I don't know…" he says, not meaning to answer the monkey at all, but finding that his voice has worked against him and spoken anyway. He recovers quickly when Goku turns back to look at him. "What does it matter. She's not real, and thinking otherwise will only be giving in to whatever the assholes running this place want from us."

Goku nods, but the sadness of his expression has Sanzo thinking of the sadness he now…remembers…on that woman's face. "Okay, Sanzo…I just…wondered. It's weird, ya know? None of us have mothers or fathers. Not real, blood ones. _None_ of us…"

Sanzo is silent. The monkey's words are very true, but in all honesty Sanzo has never thought much on it before. So Hakkai is an orphan, Gojyo only had a step-mother, he only had Koumyo, and Goku…had nothing. It's what this shit-hole planet gave them; they can't change that, even if they wanted to.

"Do you think…your master would have liked me, Sanzo?"

All gears in Sanzo's head snap to sudden attention in painful realignment. He could hit Goku…if the boy didn't look so lost and small suddenly. Just like the boy in the cave, Sanzo thinks, but he knows better. He knows better than any of them how grown up Goku really is now.

Like hell if he's going to admit that.

"Where'd that come from?" he says gruffly, turning his look into a stern glare. "Don't ask stupid questions."

Goku shifts a little, eyes downcast, but suddenly…he looks up, and violet is once again unwillingly captured by gold. "We're going to see both your mom _and_ your master today for that brunch thingy, remember? I just…well…he talked about me like he likes me. And I just…think about that sometimes, since he meant so much to you. He's the only person you ever…" Goku doesn't finish, perhaps unable to find the right words or…perhaps…too hurt to finish it when he wants so badly to believe Koumyo _isn't_ the only one.

A surge of anger fills Sanzo for a moment and he wishes again for his fan. Now would be the perfect time to hit the stupid monkey for saying such moronic things. Now would be the perfect time to shut him up with a few firm whacks.

Sanzo settles for a not-as-hard-as-he-damn-well-could-make-it kick to the boy's shin.

"First, it's not _my_ mother or _my_ master, it's the fool in the bathroom's." he says, feeling no sympathy as the boy scowls and rubs his assaulted leg. "Second, that imposter at the temple was not saying he liked _you_, he was saying he liked the other monkey. And third…" Sanzo pauses; does he really need a third? "…how the hell should I know if he'd like you...?" he finishes, surprised at how soft these final words are as they leave his lips, almost as if…he has often wondered about this topic himself…

Quickly looking away, Sanzo tries to banish this strange feeling building inside of him, this…curiosity he doesn't want. He doesn't want to wonder about his mother. He doesn't want to imagine Koumyo meeting Goku. He doesn't want to think about things he is never going to have…

But Goku caught that gentler turn of Sanzo's tone, and his shin doesn't hurt all that much really since Sanzo's kick was half-hearted at best. That in itself is a wonder Goku will gladly cling to, even if Sanzo _had_ been a little angry.

So when the pair in the bathroom finally stumbles their way out and makes a quick exit that Sanzo and Goku have no choice but to echo, Goku allows the smile slipping onto his face and the feeling in his chest that tells him he might just be able to make this day turn out for the better, after all.

-----

Hakkai's attention is focused on the bed, apparently not having heard Gojyo's gentle prodding by speaking the healer's name. When Gojyo is about to speak again, his eyes trained on his good friend's face, his own voice suddenly fills the room before he can open his mouth.

"Mornin', beautiful…"

Gojyo's attention switches to the bed. He realizes quite suddenly that the pair is awake, looking at one another as they consciously and intentionally curl in just a bit closer together on the bed so that their lips can meet.

The first thought that goes through Gojyo's mind as he watches the slow ease of the kiss is just what his other self said. _Beautiful_. The sight, _and_ the brunette who is a part of it.

Surely, Gojyo has always thought of Hakkai as good-looking; lady's man or not he can recognize a pretty face on anyone, prides himself on it in fact, because a man truly worth his salt knows how to spot competition. But he has never thought of _Hakkai's_ beauty as competition since the man shows almost no interest in women. He just counted himself lucky that even when he striked out with the ladies, he still had a pretty face to go home to.

"What do we have lined up for today then?" the youkai Gojyo asks of his companion, their arms wrapped around one another now as they lie in bed.

Gonou tilts his head thoughtfully, as if seriously considering all possibilities. "I was thinking of a lazy afternoon at home. Unless you have objections."

"Well, I was thinking of a lazy _day_, if that counts as an objection."

"We can't do that."

"Sure we can."

"_No_, we can't. The poker tournament is tonight."

The youkai Gojyo's recently devious expression falls. "Damn, I forgot. Guess I can't really skip out since the bar is hosting _and_ sponsoring."

"And since _you_ are the host." Gonou adds with an amused grin.

Propping himself up on his elbows now, the youkai Gojyo looks over at his lover with something close to seriousness despite the lingering bit of mischief always half-present in _both_ Gojyo's eyes. "You'll be there too, right? You're playing mediator should any damn fool try to cheat."

Gonou laughs, happily nodding his yes. "Of course. I wouldn't let you down. And considering you won't let me enter…"

"Because it wouldn't be a competition if you did. It'd be a _slaughter_."

"Not…necessarily…" But Gonou is grinning even wider and soon breaks into laughter again, joined only too easily by his close-quartered companion. "Breakfast?" Gonou asks then, after stealing another quick kiss.

The pair is soon tossing back the covers and scavenging for the nearest and most accessible clothing.

Watching them closely, the redheaded Gojyo and Hakkai aren't as concerned with their likenesses blatant nakedness as they are with the continuously blatant display of Gonou's bare--and very scar-free--stomach.

When the pair is finally heading out of the bedroom, preceded by Gojyo and Hakkai since they realized the pair was leaving, the youkai Gojyo's lack of shirt is one thing, but that Gonou once again has his slacks left unzipped and unbuttoned, and that the shirt over his shoulders is left open as well…

"He could at least button his shirt. Does the man have no sense of decency at all?"

Gojyo almost laughs at the indignant tone to Hakkai's voice, but the act is crushed easily when he sees the look on his friend's face. Hakkai's eyes are trained on the place a scar _should_ be…but isn't. Following the pair into the kitchen, Gojyo looks the smooth skin over with a critical eye and decides with some finality that Gonou is just a bit too perfect for his tastes. And who wants perfect?

For a second Gojyo forgets Hakkai and Gonou, and studies his other self's smooth, unscarred face instead. Then again, he thinks--feeling perhaps the smallest bit guilty for allowing the coming thought at all--perfect…isn't so bad sometimes.

"I like you as you are, Gojyo."

A quick tension grips Gojyo's shoulders as he is startled from his thoughts. He looks down and sees that Hakkai has taken a seat at the kitchen table and is looking up at him in that understated but so wonderfully…loving way. Gojyo is drawn to join Hakkai and takes a seat of his own.

"Scars can be painful reminders, but…neither of us would be who we are without them, and…I rather like you just as you are." Hakkai explains, and everything about his smile is genuine, enough that Gojyo's heart gives a little jump and he wishes those green eyes weren't just looking at him that way out of friendship. "To tell you the truth," Hakkai goes on, gesturing suddenly to the red locks falling past Gojyo's shoulders. "I rather like that color too."

Gojyo's mouth twitches and he looks down at the hair long enough to brush his chest. His own smile turns a little sour. "Yeah…admonishment sure is pretty…"

He regrets saying these words as soon as they have left his lips, because he doesn't mean to hurt Hakkai or make the turned youkai feel as if _he_ has been hurt.

He doesn't _mean_ any of it, but that often isn't enough to stop the words from coming out.

And he can only too easily anticipate his friend's reply. "Please do not think that is what I meant, Gojyo." Hakkai says, his voice so soft, had Gojyo not been sitting right next to him at the table, he might not have heard. "Your hair and eyes no longer mean what they once did. I can now appreciate them simply as they are. Red. Not in representation of anything. Just red. Just…you. I certainly hope the minus wave is not the only thing keeping you from wishing to be something you are not, because I would not have you any other way."

Does that mean you want to have me, Gojyo thinks, the wicked side of his brain taking the reigns for a brief moment. A real smile captures his lips just thinking that, and with the softness of Hakkai's voice just now, the softness of emerald watching him, and the tender words spoken, Gojyo almost thinks he has the courage to finally say…

"Gojyo, breakfast is never going to get done if you don't keep your hands to yourself."

Emerald and crimson eyes dart to the stove where Gonou is heating up a pot of boiling water. Now, however, they see that the other Gojyo is not content merely to lend a helping hand. No, he is lending his hands to something else entirely as he reaches around his lover's waist dangerously low.

Gonou's breath hitches as insistent hands squeeze through the fabric of his undone slacks. "Gojyo…" he purrs. "Honestly…"

"What? Can't I have dessert first? _You're_ usually the one picking inappropriate times, so I thought I'd give a little payback. I do get a lazy afternoon, right…?" The youkai Gojyo is grinning, and suddenly his teeth grip Gonou's earlobe and tug playfully, allowing his fangs to meet skin with just the right amount of pressure.

Willingly being turned around and leaving the things on the stove to fend for themselves, Gonou's gaze is already hazy and his dissension seems to have died on his lips when his lover starts to crouch down.

Gojyo and Hakkai are not looking at one another, their own conversation long forgotten as they stare in disbelief at their other selves and what is most definitely about to happen. But…it can't be happening, can it? No, they have seen quite a bit, but certainly not something like this.

"Gojyo…" Gonou gasps, hands gripping the edge of the stove behind him, and barely able to concentrate on not touching the burners.

No. Not possible. The youkai Gojyo is _not_ dropping to his knees and pulling Gonou's already open pants _down_. And Gonou is _not_ wearing _nothing_ under those pants, revealing himself now to be already pulsing and half-hard from his companion's attentions. And with one final surge of denial, both Gojyo and Hakkai are most certain that the other Gojyo is _not_ leaning forward with an open and eager mouth.

tbc...

A/N: I've said it before, I'll say it again...just call me Queen of Cliffhangers. :-) So I wrote a nice long Author's Note for you guys, repsonding to reviewers and all, and then...deleted it all by accident. Meaning...there is no way I am going to write all that again. So I'll just say that the quote used is from Burial, a real canon section about Gojyo and Hakkai first living together, and as a teaser, the most embarassed member of the ikkou in the next part is going to be...Hakkai. hehehehe. Love you!

Crim


	12. Perversion’s Many Forms

Perversion's Many Forms

* * *

"Ah! G-Gojyo…!" Gonou's head tosses back, his hands searching blindly for a firm enough grip that doesn't involve his sensitive skin bursting into flame on the burners, which is proving much more difficult than he imagined it might be. 

The youkai Gojyo has leaned far forward now and swiped out teasingly with his tongue at the head of his lover's increasingly hard length. He grins up at the flush building in Gonou's cheeks and repeats the action, causing a sudden hiss to release from already parted lips. Though Gojyo is thoroughly enjoying the pace he has chosen, Gonou looks down at him with something near a glare that suggests he is already aching for more.

The grin on the youkai Gojyo's face twitches deviously and he tosses his companion a challenging wink before slowly wrapping his lips around the head and swiping his tongue languidly over the slit several times. Gonou's hips give a sudden jerk before he can compose himself, finally finding a safe enough hold on the counter behind him.

A good minute or two passes with the youkai Gojyo's attentions remaining as they are, his lips barely parted to take so little of Gonou's into his mouth while his tongue lightly flits back and forth, and he watches with much humor in his eyes as Gonou becomes completely and irreversibly hard.

Hakkai has lost all feeling in his face. His mouth hangs dumbly open, his eyes perpetually wide and unblinking, his hands fisting the fabric just above his knees as he sits…and stares…and feels the blood rushing _away_ from his face.

The redheaded Gojyo could almost be said to be painting the very same picture, but his mouth quickly closes after hanging open for a moment or two, because having it open in the form of a shocked 'o' is far too much a mirror of the other Gojyo's currently parted--and occupied--lips.

Both watchers seem to have forgotten the other, too intensely drawn in to something so terribly sordid and wrong for them to be watching. And yet…neither seems to have the power to look away.

"You damnable rogue…" Gonou hisses, teeth chattering as he tries to keep them from clenching.

The youkai Gojyo is still sucking and teasing at the poor man, giving no more than a few centimeters, let alone a pleasing inch or two. And the torture in it is beautiful. "Now, now…flattering won't get you anywhere," the black-haired youkai says with another lick, pulling his lips away completely again and leaning just close enough to breathe hot air on the wetness he has left behind.

Gonou gasps, his eyes positively pleading.

Gojyo gives a truly evil grin. "_Begging_, however…" And he gives another lick, this time trailing his tongue from tip to base, leaving a shimmering trail of wet that is not nearly as much as Gonou is in need of.

Pleading still cries out from emerald eyes, but Gonou says nothing.

Gojyo shrugs and begins to pull away. "Well, in that case--"

"Don't you dare!" Gonou growls, one hand freeing itself from the death-grip he had on the counter to grab the back of Gojyo's head and pull him back into place. The lust nearly drips from his voice now, sounding so strangely husky that the watching Gojyo and Hakkai might not have recognized it if they hadn't seen it leave its owner's lips. "You finish what you started or the cuffs are coming out again." he warns.

Hakkai swallows and is distinctly aware that the act sounds absolutely deafening.

The watching Gojyo almost reaches a hand up to check his own pulse and be sure he hasn't dropped dead.

The youkai Gojyo…does not at all fight the hand pulling him closer to the places in such desperate need for his attention, but he resists just enough to keep from touching skin and purposely breathes harder so that the heated air released as he speaks nearly causes Gonou to yelp.

"I can handle the cuffs. Can you handle _this_…" He breathes especially hard this time, and when Gonou's aroused voice speaks again, Gojyo is not at all surprised at the words he hears.

"Gojyo…_please_…"

Mission accomplished.

Inch after inch is taken in with such swiftness it can only be happening at the mercy of someone skilled. Someone practiced. The youkai Gojyo is surely that as he sucks Gonou in and swallows him down, dipping his head closer and away with every common movement while his hands reach up to grip Gonou's hips and hold the man in place, preventing those hips from moving even as they so desperately want to.

"Ahhh…Go…Gojyo…you…ngnnn…gods!"

Deep laughter rumbles up from between Gonou's legs and the currently being-serviced brunette lets out a loud cry at the vibrations that causes. When the youkai Gojyo switches from laughter to a slow hum, Gonou's cries become steady, with gasps and panted breaths surrounding every released syllable.

"You!" Gasp. "Ahhhh…" Breathe. Breathe. "Go…jyo…please…please…!" A shattered cry. "Oh, gods…yessss…"

Laughter again and Gojyo picks up the pace, his head moving to some impossible rhythm as he finally lets up his grip on Gonou's hips enough for the man to start moving them. Soon, the thrusting up of those hips nearly overpowers the bobbing down, until the synchronization they reach has the movements turning frantic.

Hakaki realizes only too late where all the blood from his face has rushed to, and when the pooling of heat between his own legs finally catches up to him, there is nothing he can do to cool himself back down. Suddenly, much like the far too similar looking length of Gonou's, his own has grown almost painfully hard.

Biting back a groan when he shifts in his seat and his unstoppable erection presses against the teeth of his slack's zipper, Hakkai feels a surge of panic. He has to get out of the room before Gojyo notices. How can such a thing have even happened? He is absolutely mortified at his own weakness for reacting in such a lewd manner to something he…should not have been watching the way he had.

With his breath held and his teeth biting hard into his bottom lip, Hakkai gets to his feet, turning away from Gojyo to walk around the table and out the kitchen door.

"If you'll excuse me…" he forces out, and feels foolish for having said anything at all when his voice must surely betray his current state of shamed but very prominent arousal.

Once out in the living room, Hakkai's hand flies up to his chest over the rapid beating of his heart. His other hand twitches at his side, begging to be allowed to do something, anything to release some of the pressure built to such a high degree that no amount of internal collection will be enough to bring down. But how can he even entertain relieving the pressure in the way he must? Even if he excused himself out of the house or into one of the rooms, surely Gojyo would know what he was doing. How would he face his friend after that?

And what about now? Does Gojyo know why Hakkai left so suddenly. He must. The strain in his voice, the groan he didn't hold back nearly enough…every sign had been so clear, so obvious, Gojyo must be thinking him the worst kind of deviant now.

What kind of friend is he to be turned on by such a sight?

"Hakkai…?"

Oh no…

-----

Having trekked most of the journey from Goku and Koryuu's place in silence, Sanzo and the younger Goku are both relieved when their counterparts at last approach a small house. They are both a little anxious in regards to what they will find within the house, even though neither voices it, and Sanzo certainly never would anyway.

They hover just behind the other pair as Koryuu gives the front door a few knocks, and then they wait…until with a great flourish…the door opens.

"Well, it's about time, you two. Did I teach you nothing about being timely when there is a place for you to be?"

Sanzo feels every muscle in his body tense. That voice…it…he knows it, doesn't he? Something in it, despite its feminine pitch, sounds strangely like his own, but…more than that, he feels as if he remembers having heard it before.

"Give your mother a hug then." the woman continues, her pretty face holding a smile so much like the ones they have seen on Koryuu, and her drooping brown eyes holding enough light and love in them to make it impossible for them to look sad. She embraces Koryuu first, firm and secure, but when she turns to Goku the act is played out with even more vigor as she hugs him in a way not unlike Lirin.

"Ma…gimme a break, huh?" the assaulted monkey whines, face scrunched up as he tries to keep from suffocating in the hold the woman has on him.

"I can't help it." she laughs, playfully tousling his hair upon releasing him and leaning down to kiss him on the temple. "You're such a huggable little thing. My favorite plush toy by far."

Goku's face reddens in embarrassment. "Ma!"

Laughing heartily at the comment, Koryuu leans forward to kiss his mother on the cheek before moving past her to head inside. Goku, half-scowling, follows after, unable to think of a good comeback when both Koryuu and his mother are chuckling at his expense.

Entering behind the…family…Sanzo takes the opportunity to study the woman more closely, completely forgetting that the younger Goku is still with him, following at his heels. He watches her, her movements, the way she tilts her head when she laughs, and tries to place why it is that everything about her seems so familiar. Her features are like his own, yes, but the brown of her eyes, her brunette, almost auburn colored hair pulled up into a messy but attractive bun with a few strands allowed to frame her face, even her willowy frame…everything seems to echo a memory Sanzo long buried. She is tall for a woman, nearly as tall as Sanzo himself, and definitely taller than either Goku.

It is then that Sanzo remembers Goku, seeing that the monkey is right at his side, also looking the woman over with great care and attention. He seems especially interested in the attentions she enjoys bestowing upon the other Goku.

Sanzo is momentarily distracted as the woman passes just in front of him and her scent lingers in her wake. It is in that moment he is certain, without any lingering doubts, that he has been in this woman's presence before. Scent is the strongest tie to memory, and the air about the woman has Sanzo back in the past, seeing that woman's face looking down at him with the sad smile he had almost remembered earlier. There is no 'almost' about it now. He remembers. He remembers what must have been…

…the day his mother set him adrift in the river.

"Hurry along now. Koumyo and Kami are already waiting in the dining room."

Sanzo's head snaps up, his attention on the woman again instead of inside his own thoughts. Of course, Goku had reminded him earlier. Koumyo is here. Kami too, though Sanzo is certain he cares significantly less about that.

Walking swift enough to move him far ahead of Goku and nearly ahead of Koryuu, the older Goku, and the woman, Sanzo enters the dining room just behind those he has followed and stops in the doorway. He watches in fascination at a scene that almost seems to move half-speed as Koumyo stands from where he had been sitting to offer Koryuu a caring half-hug and then moves to wrap the older Goku ever tightly in his arms with a joy on his face that causes Sanzo's heart to ache.

"Hey, Sanzo, don't block the door. I wanna see too."

Normally, the annoying tone of voice Goku has used would force a curse or cruel word from Sanzo, but he is too stunned at seeing the interaction between the monkey's likeness and Koumyo to do anything more than move, just as Goku has asked. Walking further into the dining room, with Goku pushing past him to get a better look at everything, Sanzo sees that Kami is indeed present as well. The other blonde is all wide smiles as he hugs Koryuu just as tightly as he had the day before, and then turns to hug Goku with equal zeal.

It is some parody of a family--no doubt about that--with mother, father, and three loved sons. No matter that Koumyo is a monk and that the only blood son is Koryuu; the ties of a family are wrapped around each of them as noticeably as if the ties were visible.

"That looks really good, huh? I bet your mom's a great cook, just like Kami said."

It takes Sanzo a minute to realize Goku is speaking to him and that several minutes have now passed with the group all seated at the table, the woman having left more than once to bring in what food she had yet to set out. The table is full to bursting now, even for the small group gathered, and dishes are being passed as they talk, easily and amiably about so many little things. Even the simplest thing seems important, and Sanzo honestly wishes--the first wish he would admit to in this place--that he could talk about nothing with such ease.

Suddenly, Sanzo remembers himself, and he also remembers that Goku is awaiting an answer to a question the monkey still does not realize he hasvoiced incorrectly.

"Not _my_ mother, idiot." Sanzo growls, bopping Goku on the head with a closed fist. Despite his continued annoyance, even he recognizes that his tone and the force of his blow had been less hostile than usual. That realization nearly has his anger renewed.

Goku rubs his head, but since it isn't really that sore--and did he ever notice how Sanzo's cruelties have lessened--he almost breaks into a grin. "Right. Sorry." he says, not sounding sorry at all, and not caring if Sanzo catches the mocking in his voice.

Sanzo doesn't, because he has once again focused his attention on the table as he moves around it to stand closer to Koumyo's chair.

Feeling a little ignored, but understanding of it, Goku chooses to stand near the woman, her seat being opposite Koumyo's, almost as if they really are the heads of the table, though the table is round. Kami sits on Koumyo's right, then the woman, Koryuu, Goku, and back to Koumyo.

"Kami mentioned to me your plans of escape for him, Koryuu." Koumyo says, his smile ever wide and glowing as he takes his first bite of the prepared meal.

Though Kami looks a little embarrassed, Koryuu smiles. "I'm serious this time, master. Now couldn't be more perfect since you'll be naming Dougan your successor soon. You don't really need the extra help all year round, and Kami has to get out of there. We just…need to find the right place for him to stay at first."

"What's this?" the woman speaks up, her tone almost suggesting she is a little offended at being left out of the loop on this matter. She turns to look at Kami next to her. "Kami, sweetheart, you're finally planning to move out on your own? I hope you consider staying here then, if that is the case. You know you are always welcome. I would have had you living in this house long ago if Koumyo hadn't been so adamant about keeping you to himself." She laughs then, and it takes no time at all for Koumyo's laughter to join hers.

"I already had to suffer Koryuu's loss." the monk says, and though the words seem the type to be spoken pained or pouting, Koumyo is not being entirely serious. "I couldn't very well allow you take yet another charge from me, Meiyuu. The temple would have been so boring all these years, I don't know what I would have done with myself."

The few words and continued laughter that follow fade out as Sanzo focuses on one word his master spoke. A name. Meiyuu. His mother's name is Meiyuu.

No. Koryuu's mother. _Koryuu's_…

"It's settled then." Meiyuu says cheerily, reaching over to brush her hand along Kami's cheek in a loving show of affection. He smiles at the touch. "You can stay with me until you're ready to have your own place, and Koryuu will help you look for work. We can even start moving you in this week if you want, dear."

Sanzo realizes he has missed part of the conversation, but tries to focus again, noting that somehow Kami seems to be about to move into his mother's home.

Sanzo clenches his fists. Not his, damn it, _Koryuu's_.

"Oh, Koumyo, dear, I haven't offered you any wine. I still have some of that batch I save just for you. I'll go get it."

Really, Sanzo is trying to focus, but when Meiyuu is already coming back into the room with a bottle of wine, he realizes that he keeps fading out, preoccupied more than he wants to admit with this woman, this family, their interactions, and how now…now…Koryuu is about to share a drink with his master as Sanzo was never able.

Meiyuu is going around the table, pouring wine into each person's glass, even Goku's, though he is older in this place, and the younger Goku is technically old enough by modern standards as well.

While Meiyuu is moving to fill Koumyo's glass, the older Goku takes a quick sip. "Hey…I've never had this before, Ma. You say you keep it around? For what?"

"For Koumyo's visits, of course. I bring it to the temple on my visits, as well."

Koryuu seems to take special interest in these details. "How often do you two see each other? I didn't know you got together that often."

Koumyo and Meiyuu both laugh, exchanging a look that speaks of many secrets and confidences between them. Meiyuu is still standing by Koumyo's chair, and places her hand on his shoulder, leaning down to bring her face closer to his. "How else do you think we manage to keep such close tabs on you three?" she says with a broad grin. "Besides," she adds, "didn't you know…Koumyo and I have been having a steamy love affair for ages." She kisses the monk on the cheek then before breaking into giggles. His only reply is an even more amused laugh than he has yet released, and the three young men at the table are left wondering just how much is truth and how much is jest.

Sanzo feels sick to his stomach. It isn't that the banter between his mother and Koumyo upsets him, nor their closeness, but that…he so enjoys it, and he knows he enjoys it, to a point where he cannot dismiss it as he has been dismissing so much else. His defenses are weakened, he realizes, perhaps from the failure of the previous night, and because of that all the truths he refuses to see are starting to peck their way forward in his mind.

For the first time, even he cannot deny…that he would gladly spend a day in this Koryuu's shoes if it meant he could be a part of the family sitting at the dining table in front of him.

When violet eyes fall on gold ones and see that Goku too is looking at the table with so much fondness, it is the last straw. If Sanzo admits to his desires it will be the beginning of admitting more than he is ready for, and the knowledge of that, still somewhat hanging back in his subconscious, has him feeling suddenly furious.

"Stop that!" he shouts across the table, making Goku jump at the sudden bite to his tone when the table is still, with everyone in their seats again, enjoying their food and drink.

Goku frowns, not understanding what Sanzo means.

"Just stop it!" Sanzo shouts again, fists tightening at his sides and eyes set in a hard glare. "Stop looking at them like that! Stop acting as though you want what they have! If you really want this Goku's life so badly than you can fucking stay here for all I care!"

Startled, Goku does not at first know what to do or how he should react, but his own anger bubbles up easily, his own fists tightening, and the table is now ignored as he too yells across it. "Damn it, Sanzo, are you really going to keep being this stupid!" he shouts, not caring that his readiness to give as good as he is getting has Sanzo looking even more incensed. "Yeah, _stupid_! _You're_ the stupid one, not me! You're the one blaming me for wanting what they have when you know damn well you're thinking the same thing! You want it too! You're just _wishing_ you could be that happy! I know you are!"

"Shut up! Shut _up_!" Sanzo cries, eyes closed tight as he yells even louder, his mind still so unfocused, more so now with the increase of his anger. "You don't know…anything, you…worthless monkey! You…don't…" His voice trails, his eyes opening to show that the same angry fire is still in them, even though his voice is not cooperating as he wishes it would. He hardens his glare, knowing it is the only way he can look at Goku--who is looking back with frightening resolve--without flinching. "Maybe you want this…but I…_don't_."

For a moment, the anger fades from Goku's face to leave behind only grief, the type of grief borne by disappointment, which echoes the look Hakkai gave Sanzo right before slapping him the night before. True to that echo, Goku grasps again for his anger, rekindling it easily, and his resolve is even more frightening now, as if to say…he has finally made up his mind. "I don't think so, Sanzo." he says evenly, eyes easily focused on violet and unwilling to let them go. "I know better. I know you. I know, just like me, you want some of what they have here, even if it's impossible for us to have everything. You _want_…" Goku pauses…and then suddenly…smirks. "Just like you were wanting last night."

-----

Hakai closes his eyes, the hand at his chest climbing up to clutch his throat as he forces the other into a fist to still his trembling. Please, Gojyo, don't…

"Hakkai…you okay?"

Please…just don't…

"You ran out of there pretty fast, and…I…I hope it's not coz 'a me. That was stupid, the way I…let myself watch them. Don't be freaked out with me coz 'a that. I didn't mean it the way you think."

Slowly, Hakkai begins to realize that Gojyo is trying to…apologize, though he doesn't at first understand why. When it hits him, the truth has Hakkai's stomach even further in knots. Gojyo believes Hakkai left because he is mad at Gojyo for watching the show. Gojyo thinks Hakkai is going to be disgusted with _him_. Gojyo thinks wrong.

But the irony is just too cruel.

Does Gojyo not realize that Hakkai had been watching all that time too? "Gojyo…please, I…I am not angry with you. Please, just…just leave me be a moment, will you?"

"No way." Gojyo says. "How can I believe you're not mad at me when you won't even look at me."

But how can Hakkai turn to look at Gojyo when doing so would reveal his sin, the sin he craves, though he knows he should not.

The brunette just shakes his head, fist still clenched and throat still being clutched as he futilely tries to will his arousal away, something that is somehow even more difficult when he knows that Gojyo is standing just behind him.

"Believe me, Gojyo, I am not…angry with you. I am not at all thinking poorly of…you. So, please…please, will you just…_leave_."

Hakkai hears Gojyo grunt his disapproval, and with an even greater insult to injury, something in the sound sends a little shock down to his groin and he nearly moans aloud. If he could bury himself in the ground this moment he would do it without looking back.

Since Hakkai refuses to turn around, and with Gojyo growing more and more agitated with his friend's avoidance, words are abandoned for the kappa's more favored choice: action.

"Hakkai." he starts, reaching out to grip the other man's shoulder and forcefully turn him around, which for some reason unknown to the redhead causes Hakkai to yelp in a very odd sounding voice. "You may be able to swindle most people, but not me. Now what in hell could be wrong that would make you not…want…to…" Gojyo's words quickly trail off into nothing as his intense gaze takes in not just the look of sheer horror on Hakkai's face, but the sight of something quite unmistakable pushing through the man's long tunic, right below the waistline. "Well…shit."

If Hakkai wasn't currently humiliated beyond recognition, he might have laughed at how perfectly Gojyo just summed things up. Seeing as how he is in state of embarrassed panic, he can't find the words to say anything, though he--rather unsuccessfully--tries anyway. "Oh…Gojyo…please, don't…think…I…oh, gods, I…can't even…imagine…what you must…think, and…goodness…what…what must you…_think_…"

"Geez, man, calm down." Gojyo breaks in, once again swooping to his friend's rescue, while whatever else his mind had been playing around with suddenly becomes less important than bringing Hakkai back to his senses. Gojyo tries to take a step closer to Hakkai, but the brunette flinches away. "Whoa…hey…don't look so spooked. You're scaring me here. And not coz 'a…_that_, either." Gojyo says, making a point to not look directly at _that_ as he speaks. "Gotta say though, nice to know you're not wondering over how much of a pervert _I_ am, for a change."

"Gojyo…"

"Kidding! Kidding…just…listen…it's no big deal, huh?" Gojyo mends, trying to slowly advance on Hakkai again, though every step forward, slow or not, has Hakkai taking a step back. "Look…I'm not weirded out or thinking you're some perv suddenly, coz…shit, man, it's _you_. And…I mean…it is a perfectly--"

"Gojyo, I swear, if you say it is a perfectly _natural_ reaction and that I have _nothing_ to be ashamed of…I swear I will hit you."

Gojyo stops advancing, noting that Hakkai suddenly looks a little less panicked and a little more…like the Hakkai who could kill you in your sleep with a smile on his face. Not that Gojyo believes Hakkai would ever actually do that, but…sometimes he wonders.

At least the man can form a coherent sentence again.

"Right. Not saying that." Gojyo pauses, not sure what he should say then since Hakkai has backed away a good three or four feet from him and looks as if he is either about to run or summon up a ball of chi. Gojyo never imagined Hakkai could ever look so defensive against him. "Hakkai…I'm really not thinking whatever you think I'm thinking, okay? Those things you don't want me to say? They're true. I mean…hell…you just saw a you-look-a-like getting sucked off. Who wouldn't get a little hard."

Emerald eyes close tight and suddenly Hakkai doesn't look so much as if he means to run or attack, but as if he longs to implode. "Please, Gojyo…"

Half of Gojyo realizes he is not handling this nearly as elegantly as he could, but…if Hakkai thinks he is just going to leave things as they are and walk out of the room, there is no way that is happening. Even if Gojyo wasn't strangely…intrigued and…excited by how Hakkai has reacted to what they just saw, he would still feel the same way. This is not something that can just be dismissed, or things might get so awkward between them they will never be the same friends again.

Nothing in this world or any other could ever be reason enough for Gojyo to allow that.

A few quick strides have Gojyo right in front of Hakkai, and with those emeralds still closed, the brunette does not know to back away until it is too late. "Hakkai…look at me."

With Gojyo's voice sounding so near suddenly, Hakkai's eyes spring open. When he tries to take a step back, strong hands suddenly have a grip on his upper arms, holding him in place. Hakkai's arousal has grown painful at this point, and he can't even properly focus on Gojyo's face with the way it is pulsing between his legs.

But Gojyo isn't looking at the bulge in Hakkai's tunic, now hidden between them with the redhead so close. Gojyo is looking into his eyes. "This is me…_not_ freaking out." he says softly, his voice a whisper as if to keep his words secret, even though they are the only two in the room. "Nothing could make me think less of you, which I know is what _you're_ thinking right now. You saw what very much looked like your own body being…pleasured. That can't sit too well with a guy without resulting in…something. It'll only be a big deal if you make it one."

The look on Hakkai's face is one of shame now, not for how his body has reacted, but for how he has reacted to his body. He closes his eyes again and shakes his head in silent appeal.

Gojyo does not need an apology, but the part of him still somewhat excited by the prospect of Hakkai's arousal being due to more than just Gonou getting attention, but because of who gave that attention…has Gojyo wondering. "Listen…if…if you wanna excuse yourself to the bathroom for a few minutes, I won't hold it against you."

Emeralds spring open yet again and Hakkai pulls at Gojyo's hold on him. "Gojyo…please do not suggest such a thing. I could never…not with you standing out here…knowing what I was…I…I just couldn't."

Gojyo sighs, not yet willing to relinquish his hold. "Fair enough. But you're gonna have one sore case 'a blue balls if you leave it alone."

"Gojyo."

"I'm serious. That's gotta be hurtin' like hell right now, and…if you're not willing to do something about it…then…" Gojyo feels his pulse quicken, his mind still wondering…wondering…how much he can get away with, how much…he is willing to try to get away with. "…if you won't do it yourself…then…maybe I can help you out."

Disbelieving shock grips Hakkai's face before Gojyo's words have even finished.

So much for working things out first and taking it slow, Gojyo muses. But seeing as how there isn't much choice in the matter as far as he sees it, the butterflies in his stomach and the little voice yelling at him for being a complete idiot, are all successfully stilled.

"Just think of it as…a friend helping a friend…" Gojyo says, his voice back to a whisper as he uses his hold on Hakkai to his advantage and pulls the other man in close so that their bodies meet with Hakkai's erection pressing into his thigh. The contact causes Hakkai to cry out, his eyes wide with a renewal of panic that Gojyo only wants to soothe. "Just a friend…helping a friend," he whispers again, increasing the grip of one hand while the other pulls away to reach between their bodies until it finds a satisfactory hold.

Hakkai cries out again. "G-Gojyo…please…don't…"

"You need this." Gojyo replies, testing his new grip with an exploratory squeeze that has little gasps coming from Hakkai's throat just like the ones they heard from Gonou. Gojyo decides…he could get drunk off that sound.

"Gojyo…no…not…like this…" Hakkai pleads, despite how his attempts to pull from Gojyo's now single-handed grip on his shoulder are barely even enough to take notice of anymore.

"Yeah…just like this." Gojyo breathes back, his own voice taking on the huskiness filling Hakkai's as he moves his hand more deliberately through the fabric of Hakkai's tunic and khakis. He releases his hold just long enough to slip up underneath the tunic and grab through slacks only, forcing out yet another cry since the pressure is near unbearable now. "See…you need it, 'Kai. You want it…"

"Gojyo…" Hakkai speaks breathlessly, his eyes watering from pain and unwanted pleasure, and he falls forward suddenly, his forehead taking rest on the kappa's shoulder as his hips give their first answering thrust into the hand between his legs. "Ah! Gojyo…this…this is…_wrong_…"

Then why are you letting me, Gojyo almost says aloud, the feel of Hakkai's body this way so foreign to him but…not at all unwelcome. The hard length in his grip could be his own, and he knows just how to work it, pulling, pressing. Hakkai's hands fisted in his shirt now as the smaller man leans into him, could be an embrace of comfort, and in so many ways that is exactly what it is, because Hakkai does need this, Gojyo thinks. He is certain of it.

Why then…is he starting to wonder if Hakkai is right? Why does this feel…so wrong?

When Hakkai comes it is sudden and violent, his cry strangled back this time from sheer sensation. He could not possibly have lasted any longer with how wound up he had been, and with so much time having passed since he last took any such base comfort.

Feeling the dampness through Hakkai's slacks now, Gojyo knows his hand is shaking when he starts to pull it away, and as Hakkai recovers enough to start pulling _himself_ away, Gojyo knows…without a doubt…that he just made a mistake he can never take back. He half expects the next thing he feels to be an explosion of chi as Hakkai puts him out of his misery. But the reality…is far worse.

"A friend…helping a friend…" Hakkai says under his breath, not looking at Gojyo as he pulls away completely and takes a few stumbling steps back. "Gojyo…can we…please…not speak of this."

And Gojyo is not looking at Hakkai either, his mind a haze to the point where he does not even recognize he is answering. "Yeah…" he breathes out, his mouth so dry suddenly, the word sounded…cracked.

"Thank you…"

It takes a few moments for Gojyo to realize Hakkai is gone. The bathroom door is closed when he looks over at it, and he knows Hakkai is in there now, cleaning himself off. Gojyo wishes there was a way for him to do the same, because he has never felt as…dirty…as he feels now.

That was not at all how he wanted things to go. He still is so unsure of how he feels, though it is no longer a question of whether or not he finds Hakkai attractive and desirable, just whether or not…he is willing to risk their friendship to seek something more. Well, he has just risked their friendship anyway…and even if they vow not to speak of what has just happened, how can either of them ever forget…

"Shit." Gojyo curses, fists clenched while his eyes remain trained on the bathroom door. Really, he would take Sanzo's gun and shoot himself right now if he could. "You…_idiot_."

-----

Last night? Like he was…_wanting_…last night?

All emotion drains from Sanzo's face, leaving him looking pale, distraught, and very much trapped. Before now he could pretend that Goku knew nothing. He could pretend that his secret was safe between him and that damn kappa, so long as the kappa knew enough to keep his mouth shut. But with Goku's words now…and that knowing, taunting look…Sanzo begins to doubt.

"Did you really think I didn't know, Sanzo?" the adamant brunette says across the table, his tone softer now, and the need for closeness due to his hushed voice making him move from his place behind Meiyuu to begin approaching Sanzo. His grin hangs slightly crooked, but he keeps it in place. "How could I not know? I could smell it all over you."

Sanzo nearly trips over his own feet in a surge to move backwards, away from the intently approaching figure. He tries to remember his anger, to not give in to the fear slowly building and holding his entire body in a suffocating embrace. "Sh-Shut up…" he croaks, his voice catching in his tight throat.

"Why should I?" Goku bites back, not only the determination in his eyes unsettling, but also the age in them. This is no little boy pushing boundaries. Not this time. "Why should I listen to you, Sanzo? So it can be easier for you? So you can feel better? So you can keep lying to yourself that you don't want what they have? Why? Give me a reason."

Sanzo shakes his head, not in answer to that, but in the face of how unfamiliar Goku is to him suddenly. His Goku would not dare talk back in this manner. His Goku would never call him out like this. His Goku would never so eagerly break the rules into such unrecognizable fragments.

His Goku…has never been given the chance, he realizes.

No, this is not his Goku, because Goku is not his. Not _his_. And he doesn't…want him to be. "You're just…a stupid…monkey. What do you know? I don't want what they have. You're talking…nonsense."

Goku snorts, never once halting his steps as he comes even closer to Sanzo, who is backing up steadily until he suddenly finds a wall at his back. Goku feels a thrill of power rush through him; Sanzo is backing away from him. Sanzo is afraid of _him_ and of what he is bringing out into the open.

Well Sanzo can _be_ afraid then, because Goku has no intention of stopping.

"Still avoiding." Goku chides, absolutely loving the rush of power he has over his keeper when he has never before felt this way. For the first time, he does not care if Sanzo's wrath returns. "What you did last night proves it almost as much as how you're watching the table now. You weren't just getting off last night Sanzo." Saying it at last has Goku's grin becoming even more firmly set and stable. "Nope, you weren't just getting off. You were getting off…to _me_."

All sense of rules are crushed, defiled, and hung in crucifixion.

Sanzo is as close to living death as he has ever been. But if he allows himself to be trapped by this, then Goku will have won, and for all of Sanzo's weaknesses, this is one he is not yet willing to give up.

"Don't be presumptuous, monkey." he says, forcing his eyes to narrow and his tone to be dark. He stands as tall as is in his power and steps forward with enough intent to have Goku backing up this time. He feels a rush of triumph. He is still in control, and damn the brat for trying to steal it. "You think you know me so well. I'm not that weak. I don't have to think of some annoying brat to get myself off. The very thought churns my stomach." Good, that'll shut the monkey up.

But then…why does Goku still look confident. "Sure, Sanzo." he scoffs. "But I'm not buying your shit anymore. Not when I know better. I want what they have…and so do you."

"Why!" Sanzo erupts, his feet carrying him forward with even more intent than Goku had, though unlike Sanzo, the monkey does not shy away from the advance; he holds his ground. "Tell me! Why do you want that!" he shouts, pointing an accusing finger at the table, still filled with friendly chatter and laughter. "I know why." he seethes, too angry, too caught up in Goku's insolence to think better on what he is saying. "So you can have me on my back. _Submissive_. Domesticated, trained. Is that what you want!"

Finally, Goku's smirk falls away but not because he is ready to admit defeat. He sees now that Sanzo is too proud to be bullied and too stubborn to be swayed. But Goku has not forgotten the real reason he wants what he wants. "I just want to love you, Sanzo." he says, before his mind can really think about the resonance in those words. He almost regrets having said them, but Sanzo does not react with horror or fiercer anger, only…dark denial.

"Don't confuse that perversion for love." the monk snarls, not having to point this time for his accusers to be known.

Goku shakes his head. "No, Sanzo. I don't confuse _this_ one for it. But I still love you."

Sanzo is not granted the chance to reply because Goku is gone from the room before he has even the chance to imagine speaking again. He doesn't know where the monkey means to retreat to, and…alone with his thoughts, even while the table erupts into laughter that seems to scorn him, he feels all anger in him fall away like layers, leaving behind an empty shell that is too hollow to know what it wants.

What does he want…?

tbc...

A/N: (cough) ummm..._that_ didn't turn out how I expected. :-) Bad Gojyo, and whoa...Goku, you go, boy. (shakes head at Sanzo and Hakkai) So, I was wrong I think. Hakkai is not the most embarassed after this chapter. But then...who is?

RedEyedRavenWolf: Picture? Don't tease me now. :-)

Zierra: How was that for Goku pushing? ;-)

Avenged Suffering: Welcome. You are too sweet and flatter too much. Even with how much I love 'Don't Speak' I still look back now and think...I could have done so much better. Alas, the life of a writer. I'm so glad you enjoy Kanan, because I do too, for the first time really. I began my Saiyuki love totally an 85/58 shipper before even coming close to understanding the wonder of 93/39, so I can relate. I do hope you weren't too disappointed with how...I'm not making it easy for them. Gaia? What is that?

Sakurazukamori6: A natural flow is always what I go for, because I find that it is the most important thing to a good read. It has to just move of its own, like a film. I often think my writing is like a screenplay, especially since I use present tense. Must be why I plan to be a screenwriter. :-) Still waiting for Homura to make some nice comments about Goku in a dress. Let the devious flirting begin, oh please!

Hakari Tsuki Chi: I want to comment, but...fear giving things away.

Diva Urd: Damn quick edit for eating my spaces! Well...seems Gojyo and Hakkai are indeed moving faster...in the wrong direction now. Do bear with me.

Whisper Reilman: "Falling pants" Lol! Yes, indeedy. Hope you enjoyed getting that torture over with. Things seem to not be so tender with them right now, but...give it time.

Nyx: That's quite the combustability you have there, hun. Bet you doubled that this time. :-) Glad to provide the sexiness, though the boys are quite the help in that respect.

Well...this is the first time I cannot give a teaser, because...I don't know what happens next. Heh. Still waiting for the boys to reveal that to me. Hopefully this will not keep me from updating quickly, and I of course know where things will eventually lead, but...things have become quite difficult now. More than likely, the next part will have them all back together again. Hopefully, with the whole group, some things can be worked out.(Save them, Goku!) Love!

Crim

IMPORTANT P.S: Get this. So,I went and made myself a member of deviantart finally (I'm CrimsonDomingo) and with the new ability to use the search engine, I started looking for 58 and 39 pics, coz...duh. Low and behold, what do I soon discover...but my own fanfic staring back at me. Two chapters of "Don't Speak" is posted under someone calling themselves Crimson1 and claiming the story as hers. Unfortunately, her email address sends things back, so it must not be in use anymore, and her website has not been used for some time too. I don't want to yell at her, but I would like to know why she has done this to me. I have filed a complaint with DeviantArt, but still...to have my hard work stolen really hurts, especially from someone that must be a fan if she wanted to pass the fic off as her own. Please, minna, though I would never think poorly of any of you, never do this to a writer. Our stories are our babies, and...I am deeply hurt. Shocked. I can only hope it never happens again.


	13. When Everything's A Mess

When Everything's A Mess

* * *

Sanzo isn't entirely sure how much time has passed when the 'family' has finally finished their meal and starts to clear off the table. If asked he would not have been able to recount a single bit of conversation that passed between them. Even knowing Goku can't be much father than the living room, and even having the five people at the table for him to watch, Sanzo had felt strangely secluded throughout it all. Only when Meiyuu is lost in the kitchen to begin putting the leftovers away and dealing with the dishes does Sanzo follow the rest of the group out of the dining room. 

Once out in the living room Sanzo sees that he had been correct; Goku has not gone far, sitting in the window seat near the front door. Goku does not turn to look at the men who have entered the room, and therefore does not look at Sanzo, either. Knowing the monkey as he does, however, there is not a doubt in Sanzo's mind whether or not Goku knows he is there.

The lack of eye contact, lack of acknowledgement, the sheer insolence of the entire afternoon, all of it…should have Sanzo in a rage. But try as he might, for the first time he is powerless to tap into the anger that should be only too easy to find. He feels…empty.

And he hates it.

"Someone should probably go in there and help Mom or there'll be hell to pay later." Koryuu says with a laugh, throwing an arm around Kami's shoulders, the other blonde having come to stand beside him. "Care to join me, Kami? Better get used to it since you'll be living here. Though she'll probably give you the princely treatment for at least the first few weeks."

Kami's eyes light up in a manner not unlike a child being told there is an extra present for his birthday. "You mean…no chores?"

Koryuu laughs again. "For a little while maybe. Don't think you're getting out of it today, though. We should leave Koumyo and Goku to talk about their new business venture, anyway."

The rather bland attention Sanzo has been paying to the group turns up a notch at the mention of this, and Sanzo takes a few steps closer since he had stopped rather short after leaving the dining room, the door still close at his back. He walks almost right up to the couch now where the older Goku is sitting. Koumyo has taken a seat that faces Goku, and with Koryuu and Kami retreating back to the dining room to head for the kitchen, the pair is soon alone.

The older Goku looks startled, suddenly reminded of his new job. If the younger Goku is also intrigued, Sanzo does not know, because his eyes are locked now on the possibility of a more intimate and personal exchange between his master and his charge.

"Man, I forgot! Kory told me yesterday, but…you really want me to work on the temple for you?" the young brunette asks excitedly, moving forward on his couch cushion so that he and Koumyo are even closer.

Koumyo smiles, the type of smile that a watcher knows has reached his eyes even though the man keeps them closed. "Naturally, you were my first choice when the occasion arose for a new addition. You do not mind, I hope."

"You kidding! This'll be awesome!"

Koumyo allows his chuckling to linger a bit longer this time. "It will be hard work, and may keep you busy for many months." the monk says. "A neighboring temple had an unfortunate encounter with a sandstorm and the monks shall be relocating to Kinzan indefinitely. An entire new wing is necessary to house them all. There are also several things about the current buildings that could use work." he adds, eyes open now, regarding Goku with a common warmth, knowing that his words will not deter Goku in the least but will only prove to excite him more.

True to form, the older Goku leans forward on the balls of his feet, practically unable to remain sitting. "Count me in!" he grins, eating up every word Koumyo has spoken. His face falls a little then, turning thoughtful with a sense of confusion lingering about the corners of his eyes. "Ano…Koumyo…I didn't think monks could pay for things though. Don't you only take charity?"

Again that light laughter sounds, forever amused by even the simplest of things. Koumyo leans forward, the conversation seeming even more intimate purely by the lessened space between them. "There are loopholes to everything, Goku. As you well know, I think. I cannot pay you…but the Sanbustushin can. Perhaps we can get together some time this week to explore blueprints and possible supplies. All tools will be on the bill of the Three Aspects, of course."

Goku gives a little jump. "You mean…I get to use the gold card?"

More than anything else, something in the tone of voice the older Goku has just used reminds Sanzo of his own little monkey-boy. The sheer innocent spark and eagerness. The wanting of a child.

Sanzo's eyes flick up from their intense watching of the pair in front of him to look at the younger Goku for the first time since his brief look when he came into the room. Meeting gold so suddenly catches Sanzo's breath in his throat. Goku had been watching him. With their eyes on one another now, Sanzo finds the conversation on the couch begins to dim.

The wanting he can see so clearly…is no longer that of a child.

When Koumyo's voice takes on an unexpected change of tone, the electricity that had been passing between keeper and charge is momentarily disrupted. "Dear Goku…always with a smile at the ready." says Koumyo, his voice quite different from how it had been before, softer and with only a pale remnant of its former humor. "It is because of its readiness that I often wonder what might be lurking beneath the surface."

Sanzo forgets the real Goku just long enough to realize talk of construction is over and now…Koumyo is putting out so openly and honestly a thought Sanzo too has often wondered.

Turning his attention back to the couch, Sanzo is soon focused on a pair of slightly older golden eyes now as the other Goku frowns, troubled.

"Wha…Whadda ya mean, Koumyo? You smile a lot too."

A laugh, but this time…it may more easily bring someone to tears than cause them to join in. "Indeed. So I know…how effective a smile can be when you do not want your thoughts or intentions known." For the briefest of moments Koumyo's smile disappears completely, and only because Sanzo cannot accurately recount an instance when he saw his master without one does the blonde notice it now. The smile is back as quickly as it left and Koumyo is moving from his seat to join Goku on the couch. "Something is troubling you, yes? You and Koryuu both seem to have difficulty allowing such things."

Sanzo swallows, and is glad Hakkai and Gojyo are not here to silently accuse him of the same. Goku…he already imagines to be thinking it.

"I do not mean to be presumptuous, of course, but…if I had to guess what is on your mind…" Koumyo starts, lifting a hand to slowly reach up into Goku's mess of brown hair and brush through the strands before moving with even slower movements…to touch the glittering gold of the young man's diadem. "…I'd guess…it has something to do with _this_."

Gold eyes are no longer watching Sanzo; he feels them leave, undoubtedly moving to stare at the pair on the couch finally, just as Sanzo is still staring.

The older Goku looks almost fearful, his eyes wide and wet, as if he might suddenly burst into tears.

"How do you…always know? How do you…_do_ that?" the brunette asks, his voice a quick and fierce whisper for all its stumbling. He looks down, happy to have the hand on his head moving back up into his hair instead of on the cold gleam of gold. "I don't mean to think about it. I just…when…a bunch of us are together…I think about it more."

Koumyo nods in understanding, even though the downcast eyes of the older Goku can most likely not see the gesture, and Sanzo is acutely aware of just how real and yet somber Koumyo's smile is right now. "When was the last time you tried?" he asks, his words apparently needing no more embellishment than that.

"A couple…weeks ago."

"Aa…I thought as much. It would explain Koryuu's absence from the temple for that length of time."

The older Goku snaps his head up, forcing Koumyo's hand to fall away. "I'm sorry." he says in sudden desperation, as if the apology had been waiting just inside his throat to burst out at that moment. "He gets so clingy after, like…he thinks I'll disappear. I don't mind. I kinda…like it. But…I know it's coz he's worried and…I just…hate doing that to him. And then…then he stays at home more and forgets to visit you. That's not fair to you and Kami. I'm sorry. I'm…_sorry_…"

"Goku."

For a moment, the Goku at the window is reminded of Hakkai, because the underlying meaning in simply saying a name is so clear. It speaks a warning that cannot be ignored even when the owner of the name wishes it could be.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Koumyo stresses. "I understand. You are merely…trying. There is nothing wrong with practicing as long as you take precautions. I understand the longing you feel." He lifts his hand again to touch his fingers to the crown on Goku's forehead. "Longing for a day…when _this_ will no longer be necessary."

-----

Gojyo recognizes that the constant taping of his own fingernails on the kitchen counter must be starting to get on his friend's nerves, but for all his awareness he cannot bring himself to stop. The nervous gesture is not nearly as soothing as he would like, but at least it is keeping him occupied.

When Hakkai first came out of the bathroom Gojyo had not been waiting in the living room but had gone back into the kitchen, assuming the amorous couple would be done with their…activity. They had been, though Gojyo had entered early enough to catch Gonou still with his pants down while the couple languidly kissed, playful smiles on both their lips. The kappa could not have been happier when those pants were back in place in time for Hakkai's entrance.

Once the couple moved to the kitchen table to begin eating, Gojyo and Hakkai had moved to lean back against the counter--the counter furthest form the spot…_it_ happened.

Hakkai's first words upon entering the kitchen had been, "Ah, breakfast is underway, I see," which Gojyo took to mean, "Thank goodness they're done," but he didn't comment. He had been too busy repressing a scowl at how Hakkai was wearing his shit-eating grin like nothing had happened. He had been too busy hating himself for being the reason Hakkai now has every one of his walls firmly in place. He had been too busy…thinking of just what he can say to take everything back.

Tapping his fingers on the counter behind him still and only half-heartedly watching the interaction between Gonou and the other Gojyo, he has yet to come up with the right thing to say. He knows his silence is only making things worse, but his tongue feels almost heavy, too thick for his mouth, and he cannot even find the will to lick his lips let alone speak.

And with Hakkai constantly filling the quiet with aimless chatter Gojyo _knows_ is forced, the kappa doesn't think he will be amending his silence any time soon.

"This lazy afternoon of theirs is rather pleasant, don't you think?" the healer says, looking at the pair at the table, who are almost finished with their meal now. He does not turn his gaze for even a second to look at Gojyo next to him; he seems to be having trouble with that lately. "A nice change from yesterday. I feel less inclined to pay so much attention. Though I suppose that might be a bad thing if we miss an opportunity to escape this place. It is a wonder that nothing seems to be presenting itself. If this is indeed a trap or attack of some sort, one would think the more sinister aspects would be more obvious, or that some form of demands would be made. Unsettling really."

No shit, Gojyo thinks, but though he would usually voice such a comment aloud, he gives a barely audible grunt of agreement instead. He really does wish Hakkai would stop talking.

"Quaint of them to call their meal breakfast when it is well past noon now. I suppose it is part of the leisure-life of someone who gets to enjoy their weekends. With Sanzo's schedule we are offered very little reprieve. Perhaps we can consider this a…vacation."

That would work…if this was at all relaxing or wanted, Gojyo nearly snarls. Why can't Hakkai just say he's upset. _Say_ he feels uneasy. _Say_ he wants to blast Gojyo with his hottest surge of chi. _Say_…how much he hates Gojyo now…

"I do wonder what Goku and Sanzo are being granted today. Oh yes, I remember. It was brunch with Koryuu's mother, wasn't it? That sounds rather like this then. Less intense. For both their sakes, I hope so. If Sanzo does anything to push Goku further away I don't know what we will do with him. It really is unfortunate he finds he cannot simply express his true feelings."

That's it; hypocrisy is the last straw. Gojyo groans in disgust, quite loudly, and soon feels a very hesitant but finally _present_ emerald gaze looking him over.

"Gojyo…? Have I said something to upset you?"

Oh for crying out loud! Are you daft, Gojyo wants to scream, are you blind, deaf, and dumb! It's what you're _not_ saying!

"Gojyo…?"

Gojyo sighs, a hand coming up of its own accord to brush the longs red bangs out of his face, even though--with his head bent as it is--they just fall back into the same place anyway. "Hakkai…" he tries, hearing the weariness and disuse in his voice like crackling gravel. He ignores it, but hates that it makes him sound like he is only half a sentence away from crying. "You're not stupid." he says weakly, soft if only to make his voice sound less hoarse. "You play dumb sometimes, but you're not stupid. So…how can you even dare call Sanzo like that…when you are _twice_ as bad."

One of Hakkai's knuckles gives a soft crack as fists tighten in reflex, and Gojyo knows the other man is struggling to keep up the façade. "Whatever do you mean, Gojyo?"

Though he doesn't voice it, inside Gojyo howls. "Gods, 'Kai…please don't feed me this shit. You're pissed. You're freaked out. Can't you just…yell at me or something."

Suddenly, Gojyo wishes Gonou and his look-a-like would talk louder, because it is too quiet, and he can hear the unevenness to Hakkai's breathing and swears if he tuned his ears just right he would be able to hear his friend's muscles twitching as well. "Gojyo…" Hakkai begins with as much steadiness to his tone as he can force. "…please…do not go back on our agreement."

Crimson eyes clench tight. "Fuck…" he curses beneath his breath, believing he is most likely making things a thousand times worse, but…having no choice now but to keep speaking until the damage is done. "I know you don't want to talk about it. I know you wanna forget. But…I…_can't_. Please…can you at least let me say I'm sorry for being such a fuck-up?"

"Gojyo…"

"I…I shouldn't have…touched you like that. I mean…_fuck_…you told me to stop. You said _no_."

"Gojyo, _please_." Hakkai's tone is demanding now. "Please just leave it alone. I understand. I do. You were giving me what you thought I needed."

"_No_." Gojyo snarls, so angry with himself and only open to Hakkai's words if they condemn him as he feels he should be. Crimson eyes remain tightly closed, trying unsuccessfully to rid his mind of Hakkai's dark green eyes filled with lust and pale hands clutching at his shoulders in desperation. "Just…let me say I'm sorry. Please…"

Silence answers him for some time. The first sound to break it is the door of the kitchen swinging as Gonou and the other Gojyo leave the room. They do not move to follow and Gojyo does not open his eyes, still waiting for the axe to fall, or--even if he does not expect nor believe he deserves it--waiting for forgiveness in whatever form it comes in.

It certainly does not come as he expected.

"I was not aware you had anything to be sorry for." Hakkai speaks in a strangely sharp andbiting tone. Almost…scornful, though Hakkai tries to keep it from being too noticeable.

Gojyo notices.

"Really, Gojyo, you have nothing to apologize for. You were merely…offering your services. As any…_friend_ would."

With his eyes still closed at first, it takes Gojyo a minute to realize Hakkai is moving away from him. When he finally thinks to lift his head, he is greeted by the sight of his friend's back as the brunette slowly makes his way to the kitchen door and is all too quickly gone.

What actually just happened, the truth that just passed between them, hits Gojyo hard enough to have him gasping for breath. He realizes then, so untimely, that he has been reading the situation entirely wrong, and that--judging by Hakkai's reaction--things are far worse between them than he thought.

And the only one he can blame is himself.

-----

"Kougaiji's coming over tomorrow so we can try again. But…I dunno…"

The continuing conversation between Koumyo and Goku is only half-heard by a certain blonde monk, since the monk in question is currently staring at his charge.

The look of anxiety on Goku's face is unmistakable.

"I know it frightens you, but I also know…your want to succeed outweighs your apprehensions." Koumyo says, all understanding and paternal care as he slips his arm around the boy's shoulders and more than happily accepts the brown head that nestles against his arm.

As his gaze risks looking to the couch again, Sanzo realizes with sudden epiphany that he feels no sense of anger or resentment towards the sight of Goku snuggled up against his master. He feels warmth. A warmth that is foreign and yet…familiar. And for the first time it does not matter that his own Koumyo is not here because he knows…if Koumyo _were_ alive today…he would be happy to have Goku as an addition to his life. Sanzo has an answer to Goku's earlier question, because he knows…Koumyo would _love_ Goku…just as much as…

The emotions added to the warmth in Sanzo's chest surge up and tighten around his heart and throat so strongly he almost sways. He looks to Goku again, the monkey still fixated on Koumyo and the older Goku, and feels a familiar wave of anger rise up…at himself.

Is he really so weak? Has he really…already failed? Had he failed long ago and just not realized…?

"I know the fear that lurks within you."

Another moment of wondering whether or not Koumyo is actually speaking to Sanzo this time passes over the monk, and he looks back to the couch. Koumyo, however,is still fondly attending Goku.

"You want to overcome this great obstacle but do not want to risk hurting those you love. You often fear such things, that you will lose the control you have and lash out. Don't you?" This last phrase is not really a question, and all four men in the room recognize that instantly.

"I…I just get so scared sometimes…" the older Goku admits, his head turning so that the few tears stinging at his eyes can be lost in the folds of Koumyo's sleeve rather than meet the open air. "Koryuu…everyone…they tell me I'm being silly if I say anything, so…I just don't anymore. But…so much of the time…almost all the time…I think…what if I just…lost it, or…or if my limiter broke or got taken off or…I don't know…anything. If that happened and I…hurt…anyone…I…I just…I just...hate this...I...hate…being so weak…"

A flurry of movement and rustling of robes and suddenly Goku is not merely leaning against Koumyo's side, he is in the man's arms. "Be strong Goku…for you are not weak. You are merely human." A smile. "Well…in relative terms. But we all fear such things, that we will be unable to stand against our darkest demons. It is only in trying that we can even hope to succeed. Darkness comes into our lives in many forms. Sometimes…we do lose control…we lose ourselves…we lose those we love. But we mustn't lose hope. We mustn't believe we are weak when we can be strong. Be _strong_, Goku. I know you can be."

_'Be strong, Genjou Sanzo.'_

Suddenly, Sanzo fears he might break. Or worse yet…_cry_.

If only to still his own fluctuating and traitorous emotions, Sanzo once again turns to the window, and the look of sheer hopelessness and isolation he finds there shocks him to the core. When gold eyes turn to look back at him, they are filled with something Sanzo can easily decipher: the things the older Goku just admitted were not things his Goku ever wanted him to hear.

Quickly, Goku turns away from him, pulling his knees into his chest as he turns to look out the window, as if to pretend nothing has happened, even while Koumyo is still speaking soothing words to the monkey on the couch. It takes very few strides to carry Sanzo over to that window, and though the monk half wonders if his body is betraying him as it sits itself down next to Goku, he finds…he doesn't mind as much as he should.

"Is all that…true for you too?" he asks, failing miserably at making his voice sound like it normally does, coming out sounding nervous rather than apathetic.

Goku keeps staring out the window, looking at nothing, but eventually…nods, and golden eyes close as the boy pulls his knees in even tighter.

"You never…say anything." Sanzo says, shifting uncomfortably, but not entirely because the seat itself is uncomfortable. "You do right after it…happens, but…by the time we're back on the road you just…you don't even…" Sanzo sighs. Damn it. It shouldn't be this hard for him to form a sentence. "You're so vocal about everything else. You never shut up half the time."

Peaking out of the corner of his eye, since he is staring more at the floor than at the boy next to him, Sanzo catches the slight flicker of a smile that crosses Goku's face. "Yeah…" the boy says, in too soft a tone for Sanzo's liking. "But…it's better when…you're just telling me to shut up. If I talked about that stuff…you'd…I don't know what you'd do. I guess…I like it better when I can expect things. When I just…know…_that's_ what Sanzo would do. _That's_ how Sanzo'd react. _That's_ what Sanzo's like."

Sanzo huffs. "You sure as hell seem bent on getting me to react differently for someone who likes me the way I am."

This time the monkey's smile is unmistakable, because there hadn't been a trace of the monk's usual animosity or annoyance in that phrase. Goku turns his head and grins at the blonde beside him. "Maybe, Sanzo. But I'm fishing for the good stuff. That's worth the risk."

Sanzo doesn't say anything, and for once, Goku doesn't really mind.

"You don't have to worry, Sanzo. I'm not…as scared as I used to be. I mean, it's happened three times now, right? My limiter broke, I took it off, Homura took it off. It's happened, but…I've always been brought back. I don't think the Goku here has ever had it off the way I have." Goku's eyes drift a moment to the couch, but are soon back again. "I don't really know what they're talking about. I guess…maybe the other Goku practices taking his limiter off or something to see if he can…be himself even without it on. Which does sound a little scary. The practicing, willingly taking it off part, anyway. But it's okay, Sanzo. I won't ask to do that. I'm not as scared about losing control. I've made sure I'm stronger. Ever since Hakkai told me to be. So…you don't have to worry about me."

The heat from their met gazes becomes too much for Sanzo then, because Goku is no longer looking indifferent or frantic, but…desiring again. Desiring for…

Sanzo swallows.

"Who's worrying?" he says quickly, making a point to focus his gaze on some distant spot in the room now. He crosses his arms. "Who has time to worry over a stupid monkey like you. You're just annoying."

Considering all that has happened today and throughout this 'trip' of theirs, Sanzo is not at all surprised to hear a laugh respond to him. "Yep. That I am." Goku says brightly, and Sanzo knows the chimp is no longer thinking about fears, which he decides he is allowed to be content with. "But you know, Sanzo…" Goku adds. "I know you don't mind me as much as you say you do. In fact…I think you kinda like it when I bug ya."

All set to deliver one of his usual--and therefore soothing--comebacks, Sanzo turns to his charge…but nearly topples backwards when he sees how close Goku is. While Sanzo was unaware the little scamp managed to drop his knees down and crawl his way close enough to be within an inch of Sanzo's face.

Sanzo leans back, tense and alert as if fearing an attack.

"Don't crowd me…monkey." he warns, raising a hand to push at Goku's chest, though even he cannot deny his words sounded weak.

Goku does not allow himself to be moved by the pressure of that hand. He reaches with one of his own and takes Sanzo's wrist, moving the monk's hand to rest over his heart and loving the lingering feel--albeit unwillingly given--of Sanzo touching him. "What if I _want_ to crowd you." he says, the desire Sanzo is still fearing present in every word. "What if I want _more_…"

Sanzo tries to pull his hand back but finds the boy is even harder to get away from than Gojyo. Couple that with how the wall of the window seat's little alcove is at his back as he leans away from Goku, throw in how he can't seem to get his body to listen to him when Goku crawls onto his lap…and suddenly Sanzo finds himself trapped.

"Whatever you think I want from you Sanzo…I think you're wrong." Goku starts, his smile dripping of that same desire. He has seen an opening and he is taking it. Push while you're ahead, as the saying goes, and Goku thinks it's about time he pushed Sanzo over the edge. He rather likes the feel of being in the monk's lap. "I love you…Sanzo. Sure, having you on your back wouldn't be so bad..."

"You little--!"

"_But_…that's not the only thing I'm after." Goku takes Sanzo's hand from his chest and brings it up to his lips, staring straight into violet as he places little kisses on the monk's fingertips.

Sanzo feels his heart jump and lets out a small gasp at the feel of chapped but warm, gentle lips on his skin. "Idiot…what are you…stop that." he commands ratherineffectually, his voice worn and soft, not at all filled with the _tone_ of command as it should be. "I don't…and you don't…st-stop…that…"

Goku chuckles, and the warmth of his breath on Sanzo fingers causes the monk to gasp again. "Not buying it, Sanzo, coz I know you like it." the monkey says, brimming with confidence he never seems to lose, even when he was so recently looking like a lost little boy again. But this is no boy, and no amount of denial can have Sanzo believing otherwise. "I know why this scares you, Sanzo." Goku whispers, turning Sanzo's hand so he can press a kiss intothe palm, and loving how Sanzo seems incapable of resisting other than attempting a few half-hearted tugs. "You don't think I do, but I do. It's coz 'a _him_." Goku does not point or even gesture, but both of them know the 'him' Goku means. "And I understand. I do. But trying not to love again just so you won't hurt if you lose someone…that's stupid. It's like…taking the love you had for your master…and calling it worthless."

Such a comment would have had Sanzo surging forward had it come from Gojyo, but today…so far removed from the previous night now with what has passed between himself and Goku, instead…it has Sanzo going limp, failing in all forms of resistance.

Thrilled to be given even more power, Goku kisses Sanzo's palm again. "Not being willing to love…is like saying it wasn't worth it to love _him_. But you don't think that. You loved loving him. I know you did. So…unless you really wanna pretend it wasn't worth it, you gotta prove otherwise." Goku kisses again, slightly higher on Sanzo's palm, and places kiss after kiss between words as he slowly climbs towards Sanzo's wrist. "You'd be honoring his memory…" Kiss. "…if you just…" Kiss. "…let yourself…" Kiss. "…_let_ yourself…" Kiss, right on the pulse point. "…_love_."

And since Sanzo half expects Goku to continue his upwards trail, the monk clearly being in some kind of trance--that's the only explanation, he decides, for why he hasn't killed the boy yet--he is definitely taken by surprise when chapped, warm, gentle lips…are suddenly upon his.

The same flood of emotions that struck him before surges up again and nearly drowns him. Like before he fears breaking, crying, _loving_…because he has lived so long without any of it. But for the first time…someone has said all the right words.

And that someone is Goku.

Sanzo doesn't even realize he is returning the kiss…willingly returning it…until that old nausea--strangely dulled, Sanzo notices--forces them apart. Staring into gold as Goku's body begins to go limp in his lap, for the first time…Sanzo wants to ignore the wave of overpowering fear starting to rise forward from the back of his mind.

tbc...

A/N: But can he ignore the fear? We'll see. As for the less highlighted 58 pairing, I do appologize. They will be getting more attention soon. I am very wary about this chapter, so I really need comments this round. You were all so wonderfully supportive concerning the last one, so...do it again, ne? I know all the Koumyo/Goku talk about 'practicing' was vague and confusing, but it was supposed to be. After all, we only know as much as the watchers do, and it was more to get to the fear aspects anyway. The actually practicing, I can tell you, will come in later chapters, and might make Goku change his mind about not wanting to ask for the chance to practice himself. We'll see. Now, don't think Sanzo has completely given over, but I do think Goku said the one thing that would get Sanzo to pause and think. I just love making Sanzo all speechless and helpess and...hee. Go, Goku! Gojyo and Hakkai...sigh. At least Gojyo understands that saying, 'A friend helping a friend' was NOT the way to go.

Diva Urd: No, I wanted 'wet' not 'wetness'. I like the way it sounds. :-) But damn quick edit again. I noticed that right after posting and it is so annoying how it just happens randomly. Glad you liked how I didn't allow for the, 'Oh, thanks for getting me off, Gojyo, I love you now,' because...no. Sexual situation can and often DO make things worse.

Natsuko-chan: Guess I answered who's submitting first, but then again...will Sanzo allow himself to stay submitted?

Whisper Reilman: "Gojyo and Hakkai are both idiots. Thank you, that is all." That had me laughing. Haha. Hope you liked how I dealt with Sanzo's issues.

Avenged Suffering: Do you have any idea how long and hard I laughed after reading your review for chapter 12? OMG, the whole Hakkai and the neglected penis thing was just...too funny. I was practically on the floor. Now, you know...that wasn't the reaction I was going for when writing that bit, but...to each his own. I must say...you speak in a rather personal manner about the love for friend issue. I have one guess why. :-) Glad to be joining you on Gaia.

Alrighty then. Sanzo and Goku shall wake up with the others next part, and then...the 58 mess needs some major help. Here's hoping Gojyo doesn't fuck things up more! Love!

Crim


	14. Everone’s Stupid but the Monkey

Everone's Stupid but the Monkey

* * *

The last thing Goku wants right now is to wake up. The very last thing. He is far too comfortable, he decides, even if he and Sanzo have shifted someplace new and he should probably get up and be more aware of his surroundings. But how is he suppose to focus on anything else when his attention is all rapt up in Sanzo, his current and very desirable pillow?

Snuggling in a little deeper into the monk's firm chest and holding tight around the waist he is only too happy to be atop as they lie on the floor, Goku decides it would be physically impossible to get him to move right now, even if Sanzo wasn't finally starting to wake up and join him in the land of the conscious.

He hears the monk give a soft gasp, apparently reminded rather abruptly of what has passed between them since he has awoken to a monkey on his stomach. Goku snuggles in a little closer, groggily so that Sanzo believes he is still out. Just a little longer, he thinks, please let Sanzo allow this for just a little longer…

"Sanzo? Goku?"

Hakkai. Damn it.

Goku instantly feels Sanzo tense--more so than the monk tensed when he first woke up--and a second later the recently content monkey finds himself on the hard floor, without a comfy blonde to cushion him. The unfairness almost has him scowling and shouting out a protest, but he decides the safer thing to do would be to feign waking and just…go with it. He knows Sanzo will appreciate some discretion, and maybe…if Goku plays his cards right…showing some discretion now might earn him a worthwhile bonus later. One can only hope.

"Ngnnn…" Goku groans, playing up his 'waking' by rubbing at his eyes as he sits up, blinking stupidly at the room around him. He peeks at Sanzo out of the corner of his eye and winks.

Sanzo--at first--looks a little panicked, but relaxes once realizing Goku isn't going to say anything. A quick look up at Hakkai staring down at them, and Sanzo can tell the healer isn't about to say anything either. Sanzo gets to his feet, and counts one more blessing when he realizes Gojyo isn't in the room at all. The last thing he wants right now is to put up with a comment from the kappa.

Apparently recognizing that this is his cue to enter, the kitchen door swings open and Gojyo comes charging through, looking very intent and as if he had been about to say something before stopping dead at the site of Sanzo and Goku. The kappa grimaces before turning away, his fists clenching at his sides in frustration.

Goku, on his feet as well, eyes his redheaded friend with more than a little concern. "Gojyo…you okay, kappa? Did we miss something exciting?"

An unmistakable wave of what Goku can only describe as anguish passes over Gojyo's face, and then the hanyou is very falsely slapping on a grin, so unbelievably that Goku is almost pained to see it. "Nothing as exciting as what I'm sure you two got to see. Right…_Hakkai_?"

Goku flicks his gaze to the healer and sees a very similar flash of deep-seated pain. But Hakkai too plasters on his smile and gives a nod. "Oh yes…just lazy things really. Nothing to bring up."

Goku and Sanzo both get the message loud and clear--don't ask, just leave it alone and DON'T ASK. Sanzo is inclined to accept this request, not seeing the other pair's dealings as being any of his business. But Goku…

What sort of friend would he be if he allowed the pain he has seen to remain? And what sort of matchmaker would he be if allowed the tangible rift between his friends to widen further?

"Man, leave you two alone for a while…" Goku grumbles, stomping over to Gojyo and grabbing the kappa's arm so he can pull the redhead along after him. "Guy talk. Back in a bit. Call if anything important happens." Goku says noncommittally to the stunned pair left in his and Gojyo's wake, before they are suddenly shut within the bedroom, Gojyo having given quite the weak display of resistance.

Sanzo and Hakkai are left a little stunned and without any chance for protest, but seeing as how both are relieved to be rid of their current obsessions, they are fine with leaving things be. Sanzo gives Hakkai a look to check for agreement and Hakkai's smile is answer enough. The pair turns to the seating area in the living room and each claim a chair since Gonou and the youkai-Gojyo are currently curled up on the couch, both with something to read.

A small smile works its way onto Hakkai's face, one that has no pretense or false bearings. His likeness is reading a novel and the other Gojyo has a newspaper. While Gonou is sitting upright, Gojyo is laying down so that his head is comfortably in his lover's lap. The pair does not need to speak, enjoying this part of their lazy afternoon as easily as they had enjoyed…

Hakkai suddenly coughs, his cheeks flushing, and he smiles weakly at Sanzo when the monk gives him a questioning look. Sanzo doesn't press any further. Both feel a little awkward keeping silent, seeing as how this is the first time they have been in each other's company since the evening before, but…neither really has it in them to say anything.

Sanzo leans back in his chair and closes his eyes, trying to clear his mind of…everything, since he can't even imagine thinking over recent events just yet. Hakkai, unable to even attempt the same, risks breaching their silent agreement to pry the monk's mind, if only to distract his own.

"You seemed a bit flustered before, Sanzo." he begins, aware he may be treading dangerous ground, but figuring Goku is probably doing an even more abrasive job of that anyway. "I couldn't help noticing the…position you were in when you and Goku shifted here. Did Goku…fall on you?" Hakkai tries not to laugh at his own mocking, but the other's situation is a far better thing to focus on than his own.

Sanzo does not open his eyes but his hand reaches up to press into his temples. No, he does not feel an oncoming headache, but his head might as well be splitting in two anyway. "Yes. That is exactly what happened. You wanna shut up now?" This last part is not a question.

"Do forgive me, Sanzo, but…I can't help feeling pleased you've decided to take my advice." the healer says, hands folded neatly in his lap as he looks sideways at Sanzo. Their chairs are actually quite close, so if Sanzo had his fan and was so inclined, he could easily reach over and give Hakkai a firm whack. It does not escape Hakkai that, since Sanzo does NOT have the fan, this is not something he needs to fear.

"What's with everyone being so damn _open_ all of sudden." Sanzo growls, eyes clenching tighter since his try for meditation isn't going as planned. "You're annoying, all of you. And who says I'm taking anyone's advice? The monkey's just being persistent. I haven't decided _anything_."

The flicker of a smile on Hakkai's face twitches up, a little more real and very genuine. "Sanzo…perhaps…if you would like to talk about it, it would be easier for you to come to a decision. I am more than willing to listen."

Sanzo's eyes slowly open and turn to glare hard at Hakkai, the monk otherwise not moving a muscle. "Do you want to talk to _me_ about whatever the hell is going on between you and the cockroach?" he asks, and the touch of darkness to his tone is not at all missed.

Hakkai's smile falls. He often forgets just how observant Sanzo can be since most of the time the blonde chooses not to comment on things he deems undeserving of his concern. "Aa…I suppose…you call me rather fairly." Hakkai answers softly.

"Yeah. I do." Sanzo says, eyes closing again with a sense of perverse contentment on at least being able to one-up _someone_ in a conversation today. He refuses to feel bad about stripping Hakkai of his real smile; the man should know better than to play the hypocrite around him. "Now will you grant me one thing…and _shut up_."

This is not responded to with anything other than silence, which is exactly the reply Sanzo was hoping for. They sit, Sanzo still trying to meditate his traitorous thoughts away, Hakkai staring dumbly at the domestic scene of the pair on the couch, and all the while both distantly wondering just what Goku and Gojyo are talking about.

-----

Goku would swear his heart came to a complete stop at one point. What Gojyo has just--very awkwardly--explained to him is a step beyond messing things up and making things worse. It is a disjointed disaster that for all of Hakkai's gentlemanly ways is not going to be easily cleaned up.

The brunette lifts his eyes from his hands, where they had been focused so intently if only to not picture the events Gojyo described. Goku is the first to admit he doesn't mind his friends--or their likenesses at this point--being frisky, but…judging by how things went down between Gojyo and Hakkai, he can't imagine the events as anything pleasant to dwell on.

"Well…whoa. That…totally sucks."

Gojyo lets out a low, humorless laugh. "Yeah. Totally, _fucking_ sucks."

"And…uhhh…you're thinking now…maybe…he freaked coz you passed it off like a friend thing?"

"Hn. Seems that way."

"Then…isn't that…kinda…_good_?"

Crimson eyes turn to Goku and stare as if the monkey has grown another head that must be dealt with quickly and systematically killed. "Good? How the fuck is any of what I just said _good_?"

Sitting next to Gojyo on the foot of the bed--it being made but poorly so, which reminds them just how different Hakkai and Gonou are--Goku looks back at his friend with bold confidence. Even the kappa's sourest look and most biting of comments cannot prove to deter him. "Yeah, I think the last part is _really_ good." he says, practically throwing the sentence in Gojyo's face. "If Hakkai's upset coz of the whole 'friend' thing than that means he wishes it was something you did as a non-friend thing. Meaning…he likes you too."

Gojyo rolls his eyes with a sneer. "Or…he was freaked out that I even dared touch him at all and was then stupid enough to try and pass it off as something a _friend_ would do, when a real friend would have _stopped_ when he said _no_." Gojyo pushes angrily off the bad, abruptly on his feet as he paces in front of Goku with short, halted steps.

"Calm down, man." Goku tries, reaching out from his spot on the bed as if to grab Gojyo and hold him in place though he never quite takes hold since Gojyo is still moving back and forth. "That's not it, okay. I mean…yeah, he's probably way freaked, but I know he likes you too. You just gotta tell him it wasn't only out of friendship that you…ya know." Goku tries unsuccessfully to hide his grimace as he says this.

Gojyo stops. "That I what?' he demands, not having missed the look of distaste in the monkey's expression. "That I jerked him off? That I gave my _friend_ a hand-job he never _wanted_! How the hell am I supposed to go up to him now and say, oops, didn't mean for you to think I'm just a _sick freak_ who gets off getting others off when they don't even want me to touch them!" Gojyo gives a mighty kick at the leg of the bed, barely missing Goku's shin, which causes the boy to jump.

Not being one to be intimidated on this journey in anything, not even in the face of his most challenging of opponents, Goku balls his fists and jumps to his feet, forcing Gojyo to take a step back. "Knock it off, Gojyo! Stop being a dick!" he yells, face twisted in sudden anger. "It's not the end of the world, but you're acting like a baby! Why don't you grow up for once and stop blaming everything on yourself! Hakkai is not your mother!"

Gojyo's face goes instantly white, and Goku distinctly hears each knuckle crack as the kappa tightens his fists. "What did you say…?" comes his harsh whisper.

Goku swallows. He know he is about to push things further than he probably should, but he figures better now than later, because this is something he has wanted to say to Gojyo for a long time, and with everything else going on…he can't imagine a better time. "I said…Hakkai is not your mother." the monkey restates, slowly and with assurance in every word, not flinching even when Gojyo makes a movement as if to strike. The strike never comes. "Yeah…you know just what I mean. I don't know what your mother was like, Gojyo, but I do know that Hakkai would never hate you just because. And he won't hate you for something you've done either. I mean…you pick on me, and hit me, and drive me crazy, and _I_ still love you. Hakkai…you and Hakkai are best friends. He could never hate you. So stop thinking you're so easy to hate. You're _not_."

When Goku hears a few more knuckles crack, he awaits the coming blow…and when it doesn't come he realizes the knuckles are cracking…because they are letting go. "You…you think you're pretty smart figuring all that out, huh?" Gojyo says, and though his words sound a little forced, they are not at all filled with the scorn they could be.

Goku smiles, hoping to turn confrontation into understanding that will bring a smile to Gojyo's face too. "Smarter than these three guys I know, anyway." he says with a touch of humor. "See, these guys, they're all being really stupid right now. One, he's going to try and pretend something didn't happen even though it did. Another, he doesn't think he's worthy of being loved even though this really great guy is totally in love with him already. And the last, he also thinks he's nothing special, even if he never says it, but he's a pretty cool guy when you get to know him. That is, if you can ignore how he steals your food and calls you names sometimes."

Just as Goku was hoping, this last bit forces a smile, even against Gojyo's will. "Oh really?" the kappa says, his anger all but faded. "And who says _I_ steal _your_ food? Try the other way around, monkey-boy." he adds, playfully tapping his fist to Goku's temple, which is much better than the punch Goku had at several times been expecting.

While Goku laughs a little, happy to have things somewhat sorted out, he realizes that Gojyo's mirth is not very stable, because the kappa is already drifting away from him, his crimson gaze unfocused and a little lost.

"Goku…" the redhead says, looking at nothing. "What…what am I gonna do…?"

Goku frowns; really, Gojyo should know the answer to that. With a firm grip on the kappa's arm again, Goku begins to drag his friend from the room. "You…are going to talk to Hakkai." he says, not putting up with any resistance as he drags Gojyo along. He nods his head, resolute. "Whether Hakkai likes it or not…"

-----

There is a moment of complete and utter stillness when Goku and Gojyo first burst forth from the bedroom, Goku still holding tight to Gojyo's arm, and Sanzo and Hakkai looking at the other pair with varied expressions of bewilderment. Goku looks impatiently back at Gojyo and when he realizes nothing is going to happen, he sighs in great exasperation, releases Gojyo, and starts heading for the kitchen.

"I'm gonna try and raid the fridge." he says, gesturing in mild frustration for the monk to follow after him. "Come on, Sanzo."

Hakkai honestly snickers at the look that captures Sanzo's face, one that is so utterly disbelieving, the blonde could be a child just told of the most unfair of all injustices, such as candy not being a legitimate source of vitamins and minerals.

Sanzo does not move, momentary shock transforming into a glare that just dares Goku to speak to him like that again.

With a grand roll of his eyes, Goku is more than happy to meet that dare. He looks over at Gojyo, still standing dumbly where the monkey left him. "Hey, Gojyo, wanna hear what happened with me and _Sanzo_ today?" he says, his gaze flicking back over to Sanzo in obvious challenge.

When Sanzo jumps to his feet, his glare now a look of sheer homicidal intent, Goku is already bounding through the kitchen door, expecting to be followed. Sanzo's fists clench, shaking in anger. "I swear…I am going to murder that brat." he growls, just enough under his breath for Gojyo and Hakkai to not quite hear him clearly. He does not look at either of them as he stomps into the kitchen after Goku, hating that despite his fury, he is doing exactly what the monkey wants of him.

Left alone again, Gojyo and Hakkai look to one another fleetingly but find they cannot hold one another's gaze for very long without feeling unfairly awkward. Hakkai is the first to look away, gazing instead at the pair still quietly reading on the couch. Gojyo, moving very slowly from his spot in front of the bedroom door, eventually takes a seat in the chair Sanzo vacated. The air is static, enough that Gojyo almost thinks his hair is clinging to his face, or maybe that is due more to the sweat coming off his temples.

The kappa swallows, hard, and swallows again, his throat so dry the act is ridiculously difficult, and it takes many tries before his throat feels clear. Even then, he is not sure whether or not he can speak. He knows he must, he must at least try, even if Hakkai doesn't listen. If Hakkai chooses to reject him, he can handle it, but this…distance…this avoidance and abandonment of the friendship he cherishes…it is more than he can stand to lose.

Not because of some stupid mistake.

"Kai…" he starts, his voice hoarse, and he has to clear his throat again before continuing. "I'm gonna…say something, and…I just want you to listen, okay? Even if you feel like interrupting…_don't_. Just…let me say this."

Hakkai doesn't answer, emeralds still trained on the coach, though clearly unseeing, looking beyond the pair as he listens. Gojyo can sense his friend listening and that is as much encouragement as he can hope for right now.

"Okay…so…what happened." he says, breathing in and out a long breath to gather his courage. He closes his eyes, not wanting to look at Hakkai, not wanting to see if green eyes turn to look back at him. He just has to say this, and…hope it doesn't all blow up in his face--again. "As stupid as everything I've done today has been…the worst part…the part I would take back over any of the rest…is saying…that what I did was just an act of friendship. I didn't mean it that way at all. I said that, but…I thought it's what you needed to hear, so you wouldn't get spooked. Stupid, I know, I'm an idiot." he adds with a laugh, one that sounds choked and holds no humor. "But…it wasn't out of friendship. I mean…_shit_. I'm friends with the monkey. You think I'd do that for him?"

Silence replies, but Gojyo decides it isn't necessarily a bad thing. He had asked Hakkai to keep quiet, after all.

"So…umm…what…what I'm tryin' to say here is…that…" he swallows again, and again, wondering why the hell his eyes are watering when he has them clenched so tightly closed. "It wasn't out of friendship, Hakkai. Not even close. It was me…loving that the sight of those two got you all worked up and just…hoping…wanting so bad…to be the one to make you feel the way Gonou felt." A tear slips out of the corner of one of Gojyo's tightly closed eyes and he hates himself for the weakness it represents. "Shit." he curses, wiping at his eye roughly, even while keeping both of them closed. "You…you don't have to be quiet anymore. You can…say something. Anything…gods…please, just…talk to me…"

At first, Gojyo is still only granted silence, but he hears his friend take a calming breath, and knows, even though Hakkai has not turned his gaze upon him, that the brunette is readying himself to speak. Another sigh sounds before the words come. "Gojyo." Hakkai says, the name nearly whispered and spoken with a kind of desperate and sad reverence. "Please…do not think you need to say these things if they are not the truth. I have no intention of withholding my friendship over the matter, I was merely…angry. But please…don't appease me this way."

"What…?" And Gojyo's eyes open of their own accord because he is too stunned to remember how much he wants to keep them shut. He turns and looks to his friend and sees that emeralds have clenched as tight as his own had been, Hakkai's head bent as he wills away tears so close to the surface, Gojyo can see them sparkling at the corners of his friend's eyes. Another tear falls from crimson, and this time…Gojyo is not ashamed to let it fall. "Damn the monkey for pegging us so well. We are both...beyond fucked up."

In a state of their own shock now, emeralds open, turning wet and wondering to gaze at Gojyo, the pair's eyes meeting, _finally_ meeting without a need to quickly disconnect.

Gojyo almost smiles at the unspoken question in Hakkai's expression. "Yeah, we're both about as stupid as stupid can get, and the brainless boy-wonder had us all figured out from square one. How's that for pathetic?"

Hakkai blinks, still not entirely sure he understands what Gojyo means.

Gojyo shakes his head, his tears stilling as he smiles a little wider and gets up from his seat. He kneels down in front of Hakkai, crimson trained on emerald the entire time, and even when Hakkai flinches as he places his hands on the man's knees, Gojyo isn't afraid. Not this time. "I'm not appeasing you." he says steadily, his voice serious and leaving no room for argument. "Goku gets it, see? He gets that both of us…think we're about as worthy of love as the dirt under one of our enemy's god damned feet. And maybe…maybe I'm still half thinking here that…I'm not good enough for you."

"Gojyo--"

"Let me say this." the redhead responds firmly, squeezing the knees under his palms with sure hands and even surer resolve. "Before we got here…to wherever the hell this place is…I couldn't even see past my own hormones to understand that a roll in the hay is not what I need. Random girls can't fix me. They can't make up for…what I never had as a kid. What I need is something I've never even recognized until now. And that's you." Gojyo lifts one of the hands on Hakkai's knees and reaches up to the healer's face. Hakkai gives a little gasp, but is too amazed to do much more than simply lean into that offered touch. "I told you once I didn't know what love was." Gojyo whispers. "Maybe now…I'm starting to figure it out."

The Casanova in Gojyo wants to lean forward on these last words and press his lips to Hakkai's in a kiss that will seal away all thoughts of disbelief from his friend's mind, but he holds back and merely…looks. Staring down at him is someone he loves. He has always known he loved Hakkai as a friend and companion he can't imagine living without, but this…this feeling swelling in his chest…he feels so foolish for having missed it all this time, and would just as readily kiss Goku right now for how the monkey has helped him to understand.

All he needs, all he's been missing, is right in front of him. And the fact that Hakkai is a man, a youkai, a friend, none of it takes away from this wondrous new feeling because he knows…he was never going to get to choose. This decision has been made for him, and…for all his skirt-chasing ways…he doesn't mind at all.

Which is why it hurts even more when Hakkai pulls away from his touch. "Gojyo…please…stop this." the brunette pleads, his tears held back, but his voice thick with them as he pushes Gojyo's hand away and shrugs off the one still lingering on his knee. "I can't…don't you…understand…I…_can't_…" Words are lost to him. There is so much he means to say but he cannot seem to focus on anything. "I…oh, please…please don't…don't say these things…"

All the hurt in Gojyo rages suddenly in his chest and turns all too quickly into anger. He has poured his heart out, set everything straight, and still…it is not enough. "So you'd rather I _had_ taken advantage of you?" he says in a far harsher tone than he would have allowed a few minutes ago. He stands, part of him wanting to grab Hakkai by the shoulders and shake him to his senses. "Why not, right? It'd be easier to deal with a pervert than some love-sick _fool_. Huh? Is that it?"

Hakkai closes his eyes against the bitter words he knows he deserves, but cannot find his own voice to defend himself. What more can he say? What more can his stained hands offer?

Almost against his will, those hands lift, out of his lap to turn palm up so when his eyes struggle open he can stare hatefully at all the red he still sees on them, covering every pour and making him unfit to even imagine…returning the affections Gojyo has so bravely laid before him.

In an instant Gojyo's anger is gone, and he feels ashamed for his outburst. Too easily does he understand the thoughts raging through his friend's mind as Hakkai stares in sick fascination at hands Gojyo has only ever found beautiful.

"Damn it." Gojyo curses, more to himself than at the situation, and he is back on his knees, no longer caring about his own pain if he can in any way ease some of Hakkai's. "Knock that off, will ya." he says, his tone impossibly soft after having turned so angry. He reaches up and firmly takes hold of Hakkai's hands, covering them with his own so that Hakkai no longer has his fixation to look upon. Green eyes slowly lift up, dazed. "Your hands are clean, Kai. Crystal-clear clean. The blood washed away in the rain that night I met you and it is not coming back. They get a little dirty sometimes, no way to help that, but…every time…they still get clean. Even being clean, though…sometimes…there's something about 'em I really hate."

Hakkai's brow furrows, waiting for Gojyo to elaborate.

Gojyo smiles crookedly and tightens the hold he has on the hands in his grasp. "I hate…how you keep them so empty." A single motion has Gojyo and Hakkai both on their feet as Gojyo uses his hold to tug his friend into a fierce embrace. Gojyo clearly hears the sob that rips through the sudden quiet. "They don't have to be empty, Kai." he whispers. "They don't. You can hold me whenever you want. And I'll hold back. Every time."

Another sobs breaks, sounding so choked as Hakkai tries to hold it back. Soon, Gojyo can feel his shoulder becoming damp. He never imagined that such a strange and wet feeling could be so sweet. In truth, he doesn't know if Hakkai is accepting him or just letting go a few of the tears he has needed to shed for too long. But right now…it isn't important.

When Hakkai finally pulls back, clinging with desperate fingers to the fabric of Gojyo's jacket, his mouth quivers, wanting to say the words he just doesn't know how to voice yet.

Gojyo smiles. "I can wait." he says, tightening the hold he has on Hakkai's arms to further solidify the promise he means to say. "I'm not asking for anything. Well…I am asking one thing. Turn me away, fine, but don't think for a second you're not worth me loving you. It's not your choice, ya know. It's not even mine. It's something that _is_. So…give me a fair chance. But give yourself one too. And I'll be waiting for an answer…right here."

For now…that's the most either of them can ask for.

-----

Sanzo is getting impatient. Goku is utterly ignoring him as the chimp rummages through the fridge for something that might catch his fancy, and with the hushed--though occasionally loud--voices coming from the other room, the monk is feeling even more antsy.

"Are you just making a mess in there, or are you actually going to eat something?" he asks roughly, leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed. He is trying without success to bore holes into the fridge door that is currently blocking him from his charge.

The door shuts, Goku reappearing with surprisingly nothing to show for his troubles. He looks to Sanzo worriedly. "This totally blows. Now that I'm actually thinking about taking some food…nothing even looks good. It's like…anti-hunger." the boy makes a face, that notion apparently too horrifying to explain further.

Sanzo scowls. "Idiot. Learn to think without using your stomach then. For once." he adds with a following huff of distaste.

To the monk's continued frustration, Goku only smirks and suddenly starts sauntering his way over until leaning a little too closely into his personal space. "Gee, and here I thought I was definitely thinking with some _other_ part a few minutes ago…" Goku practically purrs. He slithers an arm around Sanzo's waist and tilts his head. "Care to be reminded…?" Lifting up onto his toes, the boy clearly means to make good on this comment.

It takes all of Sanzo's waning strength to slip out of that persistent hold, pushing the monkey back. "Cut that out. I don't want you thinking with your stomach or anything…below it, either."

Goku almost laughs. "You sure about that?" he throws back, reaching over to tug playfully at the collar of Sanzo's robe. The monk's slight gasp does not go unnoticed. "Mmm…didn't think so." Goku says in triumph, and quickly moves in again.

This time Sanzo pushes the boy away with a palm right on Goku's face and uses all his power to send the boy tumbling back a few paces. "I said…cut. That. Out." the monk growls. "You mean one thing to me, and that's being just another damn fool along for the journey. That's all. You wanna play romance, go find somebody else. I'm not interested."

"Liar."

Sanzo's eyes widen at the sheer certainty in the boy's insolence. Taking a step away from Goku, Sanzo decides he doesn't like the monkey's constant smile one bit. "Stop being so smug. Maybe you don't know as much as you think you do."

But Goku's smile refuses to fall and he steps closer to Sanzo again, unyielding. "I know you're afraid. I know you're half wondering just how much of your shit even _you_ can take anymore. I know…you liked that kiss--"

"Enough."

"No, _not_ enough. Damn it, Sanzo, I'm not going through this again." Goku says with a stamp of his foot, the smile falling finally out of pure frustration. As sure of himself as Goku is in all of this, he still fears being denied in the end, and the reality of such a thing is more than even he can smile off. In a second, he is on his knees, catching Sanzo completely by surprise with the suddenness of theact. "You want me to beg? I will. I'm not above doing it if it's for you, Sanzo. I'll beg. _Please_, Sanzo." he says, falling forward so that his hands are flat on the floor, his head bent with only Sanzo's boots in his field of vision. "Please don't treat me like I'm nothing. Please don't lie to me anymore."

"Stop it." Sanzo demands, wanting to back away but finding his feet are glued to the kitchen floor. This strange act on Goku's part is too disturbing, too telling, even more so than the kiss. So much more…blunt…that Sanzo wants only for it to stop. "Stand up, you idiot. This is ridiculous."

"Yeah, it is." Goku says back, his head still bent to the floor. "It's stupid. It's stupid how I have to beg to be allowed to love you. It's stupid you still think you need to push me away when you were just as into that kiss as I was. It's stupid that we keep coming back to the same things when you know in the end you're still going to love me…just like I love you." Goku looks up, his eyes firm instead of tearful as Sanzo might have expected, and the sheer power in that look nearly has Sanzo crumbling on the spot.

"Why are you…doing this to me…?" the monk asks in a whisper that barely falls from his lips at all, caught inside of him and only allowed to break free out of pure misery.

"Because." Goku answers softly, getting to his feet and standing before Sanzo with a strength that makes his recent pleading ring true for what it really was: for Sanzo's sake and not his own. "I. Love. You. And nothing is ever going to change that." Goku makes a move once again as if to reconnect their long lost kiss, but when Sanzo flinches back this time the monkey decides not to push his luck. With a sigh, he turns for the door. "I'll give you time, Sanzo. I've waiting this long. But…even I won't wait forever."

And as Goku slowly crosses the floor and exits, leaving Sanzo alone, the finality in what the young brunette has said, what all of it means, sounds like a bell-tower anthem in the monk's chest, joining the rhythm of his own pounding heart.

He is more afraid, he realizes, than he has ever been, even more so than on that night so many years past when his master dove in front of him to spare his life from an early end. The sheer breadth of emotion directed at Goku within this fear, has Sanzo wondering even more…if the damned fool monkey…might just be smarter than he is.

tbc...

A/N: Personally, I KNOW Goku is the smartest of the bunch because he doesn't let the little things get him down. Such as...being in prison for 500 years. Sanzo may have lost his master, Gojyo may have been almost killed by his step-mother and then abandoned at the age of 8, and Hakkai may have lost his true love and slaughtered 1000, but Goku spent 500 years in exile and HE still wears a smile. LEARN from this.

Quick edit sure ate alot of the last chapter, so let's hope that doesn't happen again. Partially out of laziness and exhuastion, no real need for reader comments this round. You're all so wonderfully helpful and honest with me, it's refreshing, and your reviews often have me grinning madly for several minutes. Now that I have returned from my AMAZING trip to London, you have had another update (yes, it is a wonder how I am human and can still update so fast, but perhaps I'm just possessed by Kazuya's spirit while writing). Anyhoo, thankies as always, you make this so much more fun and inspire me more than you can ever know. I'll update again soon!

Crim


	15. Game of Chance or Skill

Game of Chance or Skill?

* * *

Sanzo had long ago lost track of the time. It must have been hours ago that Goku left him alone in the kitchen, but still, even with Gonou and the youkai Gojyo occasionally entering to take something from the fridge or pantry, Sanzo remains cloistered away. He does not want to have to deal with whatever is happening between Gojyo and Hakkai, and he certainly has no intention of dealing with Goku. Not until he figures out just what the hell he is supposed to do.

Seeing as how it has been several hours at least, Sanzo keeps expecting someone from his group to waltz into the kitchen and drag him out of it, any one of them seeming the type capable of such a thing just now. But even when the passage of time starts to get on Sanzo's nerves, still…not a one of them comes in to even check on him.

He should be pleased, happy to finally have the peace he is so often denied. But he has no vices to turn to in this place. No cigarettes or coffee. No paper even. Just him, the kitchen, the quiet, and his traitorous thoughts. Really, he would welcome one of those idiots coming in to get him.

So where the hell are they?

Finally, unable to bear another moment of his self-imposed solitude, Sanzo erupts out of the kitchen with a slam of his hand on the door, leaving it to swing wildly behind him as he enters the living room. His three companions turn at the commotion he has made, but promptly ignore him, returning to whatever they had been discussing. They are all seated on the floor in the middle of the room, huddled close and talking in hushed tones about something that constantly has one or more of them flitting him glances.

Sanzo glares, his expression hard and challenging. As if he doesn't know what they're doing. Trying to intimidate him with fear of mutiny now, is it? Well they can all go fuck themselves, because he could care less. Yes, that's right, Sanzo thinks. He _doesn't_ care. The fact that it is easier to think this way only because he is angry doesn't seem to cross his mind.

Furious, and dead set on ignoring them too if they plan to be so immature about all this, Sanzo huffs himself down into one of the chairs, feeling it is his right to eavesdrop if they choose not to move further away from him. To his great annoyance, they merely stop talking, apparently finished with whatever they had been discussing. Internally, Sanzo curses. He could kill them for taunting him so obviously. They are not school-age idiots! Well, Goku, perhaps, and Gojyo certainly acts that way most of the time, but Sanzo was once quite sure Hakkai at least had some sense.

An angry glare tossed at the group as they disperse from their huddle is met by intense emerald. Hakkai flashes a smile that is nothing even remotely friendly and Sanzo immediately turns away. He feels like screaming. What he wouldn't give for an open field and no one for miles to hear him. Maybe then he could think clearly. Maybe then…he would stop wondering if Goku is more right than he wants to admit.

Sanzo's fists clench. No, he can't risk it.

Sanzo's fists clench tighter. It wouldn't be a risk anyway, because he _doesn't_ return the monkey's affections, he thinks more strongly, having caught himself before his mind could think too far in the wrong direction. He isn't in love with Goku. The monkey's crazy and headstrong and…looking right at him, he realizes with a jolt.

Sanzo refuses to look up even though he can feel the harsh heat of gold on the side of his face. This is insufferable. Here the four of them are, silently sitting, with only Gonou busying about the room, apparently cleaning, while the youkai Gojyo is doing something in the bedroom. At first, Sanzo tries to distract himself by watching Gonou, but the taut stretch of the brunette's too tight pants across his rear only brings Sanzo back to thoughts of things he really shouldn't be thinking.

And damn those eyes! Can't Goku look somewhere else?

"Gojyo, we really should be going soon!" Gonou calls into the bedroom, giving the living room an appraising look. "Jien said he needs you there by seven, remember?"

With a swipe of his brow, the other Gojyo enters from the bedroom, looking a little fatigued from apparently having cleaned the bedroom and possibly the room's inner bathroom as well.

It was, in fact, him who suggested they take some of their afternoon to clean, seeing as how they hadn't in so long. Gonou, to everyone--especially Hakkai's--surprise, had waved the matter off, but the youkai Gojyo was insistent, saying that they needed to keep the place clean whether Gonou wanted to or not. This gave the watchers the impression that in this relationship Gojyo is the more responsible one, which--though some things have already pointed in that direction--certainly comes as a surprise.

Hakkai's mind is still reeling from the idea of himself as such a careless slob.

"Yeah, I'm set. Let me change my shirt and I'll be ready in no time." the youkai Gojyo says, eyeing the wrinkled state of Gonou's clothing with a raised eyebrow. "You too, beautiful. I need you looking your delicious best tonight. You know it doubles our business when _you're_ at the bar." He waggles that recently raised eyebrow a bit and grins.

Gonou laughs with an admonishing shake of his head, but the pair is soon heading into the bedroom together to change.

The onlookers remember then that there is a poker tournament tonight at Gojyo and Jien's bar. Hakkai and Gojyo mentioned it to Goku and Sanzo in passing, and since they still have no signs to indicate their stay here will be ending, they know they will soon most likely get to see this bar for themselves.

"It is rather frustrating, isn't it?" Hakkai says suddenly, sounding rather tired and a little defeated. "I keep trying to think of ways to discover more about this place, but…nothing seems to be presenting itself. I can only sense what appears to be in front of us, nothing sinister or otherworldly. This…place…is being projected so perfectly into our minds, it can not be distinguished from reality. And…I'm afraid I am rather stuck. As our _we_, it would seem. I do apologize."

Gojyo gives a soft snort. "What are _you_ apologizing for? None of us know anymore about this place than anyone else. It's no one's fault. We're all looking for signs and clues, and we're all coming up blank. It's just the way things are, 'Kai."

"Ah, but perhaps that is just what our captors wish us to believe." Hakkai counters. "Forgive me, Gojyo, but I cannot shake the feeling that we are missing something…obvious."

"That's just your analytical mind talking. Sometimes there aren't easy answers."

"Yeah." Goku chimes in, his feet dangling from the couch somewhat since he is sitting far back on one of the larger cushions. He seems to realize how young and unfairly short this makes him seem and scoots forward so that his feet touch the ground again. "I mean…nothing bad's happening to us, right? Not _really_. The shifting hurts a little, but…since we're not hungry or anything, I don't think as much time is passing outside this place as we think. Maybe, just like a dream, it's days here but…only minutes or seconds in the real world. Besides…I'm kinda glad we're hear. As long as we get out eventually."

Sanzo cannot hold back his disgruntled huff. The others turn to look at him, each with their own form of a glare. Unwilling to be bullied or outdone, he returns each of their looks with a withering one of his own before crossing his arms and turning away from them.

Goku lets out a long, frustrated sigh.

"You know what, Sanzo--"

"Goku." Hakkai breaks in quickly, his tone a clear warning, as if the former teacher thinks this is not the right time to push Sanzo's patience.

To Sanzo's complete surprise, Goku listens to that warning and refrains from saying whatever it was he had meant to say. Secretly, Sanzo could not be more grateful to Hakkai right now.

A few minutes later, Gonou and the youkai Gojyo emerge from the bedroom, the brunette in those same too tight pants but now with a rather snuggly-fit long-sleeved green shirt. The youkai Gojyo is wearing a blue button-down that accents his eyes and a simple pair of black slacks. There is no denying the pair looks handsome.

Especially together, Goku thinks with a small smirk. A quick glance at the redheaded Gojyo and Hakkai's reactions proves that the pair is finally thinking along the same lines as him. Both are giving their doubles rather…pleased looks, and those looks do not dissipate when Gonou steals a quick kiss and slips his arm around Gojyo's waist.

When they are out the door, the group moves to follow, but what comes as a slight shock, is that they all suddenly feel the beginnings of a shift. Knowing the drill at this point, those standing sink quickly to the ground to avoid falling against their control. Sanzo, still in his chair, merely shuts his eyes, and wonders with slight annoyance why the shift hurts a little more this time than it had before.

-----

The group awakes to the sounds of a great and glorious din. They are in a rather cramped space, and when they glance around it does not take them long to realize they are behind a bar, especially when the female bartender walks right through Goku on the floor, giving him a rather surprising view up her skirt.

Gold eyes go wide and remain that way for several seconds as the monkey works out how to react to that.

Gojyo is laughing at him. "Lucky monkey." the kappa says with a wink.

Goku only blushes. But he feels significantly better about things when he catches the very angry look on Sanzo's face, directed not at him, but at the cute bartender. Goku grins wide, tossing a wink back to Gojyo and feeling completely triumphant.

When Sanzo remembers himself and realizes what he had been doing, he turns away, but not before seeing the smug expression on Goku's face.

"I suppose we have beat ourselves here, Gojyo." Hakkai says, lifting himself up and looking out from behind the bar to survey the room. The others do the same.

Gojyo, backing up quickly to avoid being walked through by that same bartender, looks up to the ceiling with a shout. "We could've walked!" he calls, a little miffed at what he considers an unnecessary shift.

Hakkai smiles at him. "I'm sure our captors would respond with something like…now, where would the fun be in that?" he says with a laugh.

Despite being mocked, Gojyo returns his friend's smile, happy to be on the receiving end of something so completely pleasant and normal. He quickly decides to consider it a step in the right direction.

"Let's get out from behind here already, you idiots." Sanzo growls, maneuvering his way past the bartender to go through the door he assumes leads into the kitchen and then hopefully out into the main part of the bar somewhere else. Sanzo does not look back to see if he is being followed, but he both senses and hears his companions behind him as he enters what reveals itself to indeed be…the kitchen.

Jien is having a very controlled conversation with a waiter, looking as if he is two seconds from ringing the neck of the poor youkai boy in front of him, but trying his hardest to remain calm. A few shattered dishes are on the floor near them and the onlookers do not need to guess why Jien looks so angry.

Gojyo takes a few moments to listen in, but when he realizes the conversation isn't all that interesting and that the others seem to be heading for the main area of the bar, he quickly follows.

The din of the bar hits them again as they come out of the kitchen, able to see the place more clearly now. It is very crowded, filled with youkai and human alike, all eating, or drinking, or dancing, or even just talking at the many tables. A large area has been cleared in the center of the bar with very specifically aligned chairs and tables, apparently for the upcoming tournament.

As the group makes their way through the crowds, having a hard time keeping random people's arms or even the occasional half a body from passing through them, Gojyo is the one most in awe of the place. His crimson eyes are glittering with pride and excitement. When Hakkai looks and sees the sheer pleasure on his friend's face, he cannot help feeling a little…sympathy for Gojyo. After all, this is one of those many dreams…that will most likely never come to light.

"There's me and Kory!" Goku shouts suddenly, his voice only audible to them due to its distinctiveness. Goku catches Sanzo's eye and very sarcastically adds, "I mean Kory and the _other_ Goku, of course."

Sanzo scowls, choosing to look ahead where Goku has indicated rather than at the pleased look of his charge. Sure enough, sitting at one of the smaller tables is Koryuu, Goku, and what they soon see to be Kanan. The three of them are talking excitedly, laughing every so often as they enjoy the meal in front of them.

The group makes their way over to the table and stands as close as they can, happy to finally have a perch that keeps them out of others' way.

Kanan's lovely laughter drifts up at them. "Oh, Kory, your mother is such a hoot. I'm glad you two had a good time at brunch. And everything with Kami's been settled too? That's wonderful. Let me know if you need any help on moving day, okay?"

"I'm sure he'll love to see you, K." Koryuu smiles. "And you know, Mom, she couldn't ask enough times about how everyone is, you and Gonou the most. She considers the whole gang extensions of the family, you know."

Kanan laughs again. "We'll have to do something special for her birthday this year. All of us could work on a surprise party or something. Mom and Dad would love to help, I bet, and they know all of Meiyuu's other friends. It would be easy to round people up. And it is Meiyuu's 40th this year."

Sanzo gives a little start. That would make his mother quite young when she had him, only 17 or so. But if he thinks on it, the face he remembers looking down at him had indeed been quite young and the Meiyuu he met early today didn't really look as though she could have a 23-year-old son.

Hakkai has given a little start as well at the mention of his own parents. Kanan had so casually said it--'Mom and Dad'--that he almost missed it. So, the truth is more than just having found Kanan sooner; they are not orphans here. He should have guessed that but…he hadn't given it much thought.

"Hey, look, Gonou and Gojyo are finally here." the older Goku says, his gaze on the front door where the well-dressed pair is working their way through the crowd. Both are stopped several times by patrons who seem to know them, and it is clear that they are not only well-known, but well-liked.

Eventually, they spot their friends and reach the table, Gonou immediately taking a seat next to his sister while Gojyo remains on his feet. "Crazy tonight, huh?" the youkai says, smiling with more than his fair share of pride. "Better find Jien before he has an aneurism. Don't wander off, now, babe." he adds to Gonou, pecking the man's temple. "I need you to ref."

"I'll be here." Gonou smiles.

"See you guys in a bit."

As Gojyo makes his way to the kitchen, Gonou eagerly joins in on the conversation, while trying unsuccessfully to swipe food from Kanan's plate. Each time he tries, she catches him with a fierce slap at his hand. This results in many little snickers from both Goku's. The display is rather…juvenile, but that only proves to make it seem more warming.

"Quit that!" Kanan says, trying to sound savage as she gives Gonou's hand another slap.

"We got distracted and didn't have dinner." Gonou explains. "Besides, I don't want to bother the cooks when the place is so crowded." He makes a quick dash for a dumpling, but is once again foiled with a slap.

"Whose fault is that?" Kanan remarks back. "If you two can't find the time to eat around wanton love-making in every room of the house, it's your own fault."

Once again, both Gokus snicker. "Geez, sex over food?" the older one says, a thoughtful look on his face as he picks up one of the dumplings from his own plate and takes it in one big bite. He swallows. "No thank you."

Blonde eyebrows knit together as Koryuu leans in close to the young man beside him. "Nice to know I rank so high on your list, monkey. If you'd rather have a midnight snack next time you start nibbling my ear, that can be arranged."

Kanan giggles, eyeing Gonou carefully the entire time, so that when he tries once again to steal a bit of food, she suddenly moves the plate, causing her brother's hand to collide with the table--hard.

"Ow." he hisses, bringing his injured fingers up to his mouth. He glares. "Brat.

Kanan returns the look with one that is eerily similar. "Thief." she accuses back.

"Stingy brat."

"Deviant."

"Witch."

"_Lech_."

"Why thank you." Gonou grins and by some miracle of quick movement somehow swipes a dumpling at last from around Kanan's back since she had been holding her plate to the side. He eats the dumpling quickly, triumphantly, and looking rather pleased with himself gives a little bow in response to Koryuu and the older Goku laughing.

Kanan, with a mighty push at her brother as if to dump him off his chair, is soon laughing along with them, the game having ended, but ended well.

It is so unfairly characteristic of a normal brother and sister that Hakkai feels a sudden constriction in his chest. He never had that. His and Kanan's relationship had been one of pure politeness and wanting to make things easier for the other in any way possible. It is the reason he cleaned the house so ritualistically, if only to please her in one of the many ways he thought to.

It suddenly dawns on him why Gonou is a slob; there had been no Kanan to please. Not romantically. But why then…does Gonou not do the same for Gojyo, when the youkai is constantly making jokes and comments about it? And then it strikes Hakkai rather suddenly that--with Gonou and Gojyo--such need to please never comes into play. They are at ease simply with one another as they are.

This thought could very easily turn into a lump in Hakkai's stomach in regards to his relationship with Kanan, but it does not. Instead, he finds himself lifting his emeralds to take in crimson, and feels…very comfortable there, because he knows there is nothing he would ever have to do, nothing he would ever half to prove. Gojyo would take him in any form, and _will_.

Gojyo realizes he is being watched and lifts his head to meet the gaze regarding him. He smiles on instinct at the look Hakkai is giving him, because it is not a look filled with any type of sadness or regret. With a simple meeting of gazes, Hakkai is passing to Gojyo all the affections of someone…who has suddenly made up his mind.

This knowledge has Gojyo's eyes widening to twice their normal size. He has always been an expert at reading Hakkai, but if the look he is getting can be trusted, then…is Hakkai ready to take Gojyo seriously?

Gojyo wonders for a fleeting moment if _he_ is ready to take things seriously. They haven't had much time to talk, not with the monk and monkey around, and the most intimate thing they have ever shared was still something that ended unpleasantly. Well, unless one counts the hug, which Gojyo firmly decides he will. That too was intimacy, and that had ended well. Wonderfully well.

Gojyo realizes his heart is beating wildly and wonders if perhaps Goku's sharp ears can hear it, since the monkey is right beside him. But Goku is too busy looking down at Koryuu and the older Goku to care.

While Kanan and Gonou continue to playfully bicker, Kanan conceding to let Gonou finish off her plate, Koryuu is whispering into the older Goku's ear, making the monkey fight back giggles at whatever is being said. They are snuggled so close, their chairs practically melded into one, that a girl at a nearby table keeps looking up at them with a blush.

Noticing this, Sanzo turns a fierce glare on the voyeuristic woman, despite the fact that she obviously cannot see it or him.

"Attention! Can I have everyone's attention, please!"

The watchers and their current focuses of attention all turn to the sudden, amplified voice of the youkai Gojyo, who is using some type of microphone. He is standing beside the set up tables and chairs, looking out at his many patrons with an inviting and charming grin. It takes a few minutes for the bar to quiet successfully, but soon the place has been reduced to a low buzz as Gojyo continues.

"As most of you know, this fine establishment you find yourselves in tonight is hosting the first of what we hope to be an annual poker competition. Now, we already have several contestants lined up, but if anyone would like to apply for one of the two remaining seats, do so now. Contestants, take your places, and we will begin shortly."

"I didn't know there were spots still open." Kanan turns to Gonou, looking surprised and a little hopeful. "You don't suppose…_I_ might--"

"Don't even think about." Gonou breaks in, giving his sister a warning look. "Gojyo wouldn't let me enter. The same should go for you."

"Yes, but…he's never seen _me_ play before."

"You're better than I am, Kanan. You'll murder the competition. And you know who Gojyo will blame if there are complaints about his sister-in-law winning."

Kanan giggles. "I love it when you call me that. Sister-in-law. Which one of you wore the dress again?"

While both Gokus fallonce moreinto unstoppable giggling, Gonou reaches over to punch Kanan none too gently in the arm. "Very cute, Kanan. Don't change the subject."

"Come on, Gonou." she says sweetly. "I'll split the winnings with you."

Gonou opens his mouth for a comeback but seems to think better of it, considering this new offer. As he comes to a decision, his green eyes glitter deviously. "If Gojyo asks, I had nothing to do with this. Understood, gentlemen?" he adds, turning to Koryuu and Goku.

With rather mischievous grins of their own, the pair decides to play along. They nod. Gonou turns back to Kanan and offers his own nod, giving permission.

In a second she is out of her seat, batting her pretty eyes at Gojyo to let her be one of the final contestants. Unaware of her talents, though to his justice he does show a little concern over the whole thing, Gojyo allows her to sign up.

Koryuu leans forward across the table. "Kanan used to clean out every classmate we had of their lunch money. Gojyo's going to be pissed if anyone says something about her winning."

Although Gonou had brought up this same concern himself, he merely shrugs. "Kanan can be surprisingly convincing. No one will complain. By the end of the night, those men over there will be all to happy to hand over their money."

Koryuu shakes his head with a laugh but doesn't argue. Judging by the look on his face, he whole-heartedly agrees with Gonou and is more than happy to see where the night might lead. Deciding to abandon their table--after Gonou downed Kanan's last dumpling and Goku finished off what remained on his and Koryuu's plates--the three young men head for stools at the bar to give them a better view of the tournament.

The watchers follow, feeling a bit on a leash really, since they can do little more than go where they are led. Still, seeing as there is little else to do and with not a single sign to tell them otherwise, they decide they might as well keep following.

Luckily, Gonou, Koryuu, and the older Goku manage to acquire seats at the end of the bar, leaving the four watchers room to lean against the wall and still keep an eye on everything. Hakkai is the closest to the bar, with Gojyo next to him, then Goku, and finally Sanzo, who remains a slightly larger distance away. If he dislikes being next to Goku, it is overshadowed by his apparent dislike for everything.

The tournament gets underway, the youkai Gojyo walking back and forth around the participants to keep a close eye while Gonou keeps watch from a distance and is brought in over any discrepancies. The first few hands are rather normal, Kanan doing well but apparently holding back so as to not give away her actual skill. By the time most of the less adequate players have been weeded out, Kanan is no longer playing weak. Several times the youkai Gojyo tosses Gonou a look that clearly shows he is not happy for being taken in, but Gonou pretends not to notice.

Throughout the events of the tournament, Goku has been trying to keep a close eye on Koryuu and his other self, though in truth the pair is doing little more than watching, other than the occasional look of affection that passes between them. Goku does notice, to his pleasure, that Sanzo seems to be watching the couple too, though much less obviously than he is. There is little doubt in Goku's mind as to what Sanzo is thinking. The monk is most likely trying to work out in his head just how much he is willing to risk, if anything at all, and for now Goku is content to let Sanzo wonder.

He does not plan to remain so accommodating for long, however.

Out of the corner of his eye, Goku also notices that Gojyo and Hakkai seem to be doing better and better. Though the conversation he had with his friends earlier had revolved mostly around Sanzo being a prick, he had gotten out of them that they are trying to come to terms with each other, but wouldn't say more than that. Judging from the looks they keep giving each other now, he thinks those terms are coming together nicely.

Forgetting Koryuu and the older Goku, and being more than a little bored with the poker tournament, Goku finds himself watching his friends now more than anything. He does so as covertly as he can, but he doubts they would notice anyway, being so caught up in each other.

Gojyo reaches over slowly and takes hold of Hakkai's hand, lacing his fingers through loosely enough to allow Hakkai to pull away if he so chooses. Hakkai chooses…to lace his own fingers _tightly_. Crimson and emerald meet, each turned to each other. Hakkai blushes softly, unprepared perhaps for the look of love and longing on Gojyo's face. Gojyo grins a little crookedly, having no idea how to precede other than to wing it, because he has never wooed a man before. In truth, this isn't about wooing anyway, it's about understanding and accepting. And that is something he can always do with Hakkai.

Goku's sharp ears pick up on Gojyo whispering something, but even _his_ senses cannot decipher the words enough to know what has been said. Whatever it was has Hakkai blushing again and looking strangely serene, as if he is extremely drunk or drugged, Goku thinks, almost laughing at his own description. That's it, Gojyo and Hakkai look drunk. Drunk off each other.

A lazy turn of his head to look at Sanzo has Goku suddenly looking right into violet eyes.

Sanzo is so caught off guard, he blushes, a shade far deeper than Hakkai had turned since Sanzo is even paler.

Goku grins.

Sanzo scowls.

The blush is soon banished, but Goku will not forget that it had been there.

The sudden sound of a sigh causes Goku to turn again to face his friends, and to his most pleased shock, he finds the pair pulled close together by their interlocked hands, their lips meeting in slow, tentative touches. Everything else in the room fades away and Goku feels his grin growing out of control, positively beaming. His friends are kissing. More gently and tenderly than Gonou and the other Gojyo do, but that only makes it more perfect and wonderful because this is Gojyo and Hakkai. And this is how _they_ kiss. This is how _they_ look. And Goku loves it.

The way Hakkai's lips are just a little bit pink now from touching, and touching again to Gojyo's. The way both sets of jewel-toned eyes are half-lidded. The way both of them are smiling as if even more drunk now, so that Goku wonders if they might collapse into each other or fall over.

It might just be the sweetest thing he has ever seen.

"It looks like we have a winner, ladies and gentlemen!" Calls out the youkai Gojyo's slightly irritated sounding voice. He goes to stand by Kanan's chair. "Congratulations to our first poker champion…Cho Kanan!" And though he smiles broadly out at the many applause, he quickly turns a well-aimed glare at Gonou before bending down to whisper something to Kanan that can only be some form of threat or accusation.

Kanan only laughs and is soon standing to accept her applause and the bag of winnings that is presented to her by Jien. But, just as Gonou foresaw, not a one of the other contestants looks sore or as if they might complain. When Kanan bats her pretty eyes again and looks with very believable sympathy at the few players left, all of them smile sheepishly back at her, completely taken in.

Something about that smile, regardless of which sibling it is on, is capable of getting almost anyone to do…just about anything.

Goku turns again to look at his friends, having only been slightly distracted by the end of the tournament. He is pleased to see that Gojyo and Hakkai were not even slightly distracted, because they are only now breaking apart. When emerald and crimson realize gold is watching them, the only thing anyone can do is smile. The fact that violet is not sharing in their mirth, barely even registers.

-----

It is not long after the end of the tournament that the group finds themselves in Gonou and Gojyo's living room again, apparently meaning that they are to spend the night here as they spent last night at Koryuu and Goku's.

It is late quicker than they could have expected, and when Gonou and the youkai Gojyo stumble their way into the bedroom (since they are half-chasing each other and already starting to unbutton clothing) Sanzo is supremely happy he has the power to shut the sliding door they forgot about.

"Rock, paper, scissors for the couch?" Goku asks, plopping himself down on one of its cushions.

Hakkai look as if he is about to offer some pleasant reply to that, but Sanzo breaks in first. "No. The couch is mine. I slept sitting up last night and I am not doing it again. You three can take the floor." This is all said without even the slightest pause to allow argument, and the monk moves quickly to haul Goku off his cushion. "I'm going to sleep. Shut up and do the same." And he is spread out on the couch suddenly, robes down around his hips and eyes closed.

Goku--strangely--doesn't say a word against it, not even at being thrown so unceremoniously from the couch. He merely tosses Gojyo and Hakkai a smile before making himself comfortable right next to that couch, so that, if Sanzo were on the floor, they would be sleeping side by side. Only Hakkai is astute enough to see Sanzo peek an eye open, aware that there is a monkey so close by, but that eyes is soon gone again, and Hakkai decides not to comment.

Feeling a little flustered over the entire day, the brunette makes himself comfortable on the floor, not entirely expecting it--but not objecting either--when Gojyo lays down next to him. It isn't _right_ next to him and the kappa does not reach over to pull Hakkai against him at all, but it is still close, and for a moment…crimson and emerald don't know what to do other than look into one another's drowning depths.

Hakkai seems to want to say something, but a sudden snore from Goku breaks the moment. The pair tries not to snicker, fearing an outburst from Sanzo when they really do want to rest just now. Then, lost again in brilliant color, they lean forward just enough for their lips to meet, soft and slow and lazy, before pulling back, smiling…and contentedly drifting off.

Having heard the light sounds of meeting lips within the still quiet of the room, Sanzo's jaw clenches. He knows he is the only one still awake, for he can hear the even breaths of the others.

A small, annoying part of his mind reminds him just what he had been doing last night when those same even breaths were playing a mantra for him, but he dismisses such thoughts. Even with the familiar scent of Goku--sunshine and grass and meatbuns--wafting up from the floor just below him, Sanzo wills himself to sleep.

Maybe tomorrow…he will remember how to be himself again. But somehow…he doubts it.

tbc...

A/N: It's funny how, even though I don't think it has even been a week, I feel like I took forever to post this part. I've been spoiling you! Hee. I hope this chapter was as fun to read as to write. It feels sort of like an in-between chapter, even though Gojyo and Hakkai are progressing nicely. How do you like my decision to write their part mostly from Goku's POV? It seemed more fitting for some reason. But don't worry, it won't always be that way. :-)

Umm...I still haven't read the front page yet, but...I can't reply here anymore, huh? Man! Well, I may or may not get around to PMing, or maybe I'll just wait to do that with new reviews, since I'm not used to this new system yet. Anyway, as a teaser, the next day is when Goku said he would be practicing with his limiter, if you recall. Be ready for that! LOVE!

Crim


	16. Inner Demons

Inner Demons

* * *

Something about the couch beneath him feels very different from the one he remembers falling asleep on. At first, Sanzo thinks to dismiss such a strange and possibly ludicrous account on his part, but…he can't seem to shake the feeling that he is somewhere else. Rather than looking out over the room to check, he decides he would much rather get a few more minutes of rest, and starts to roll onto his side to dig into the back of the padded couch. 

When he lands on the floor, one of the many discrepancies of this new couch is made quite blatantly apparent; on the other one, he had been facing the opposite direction. His miscalculation has therefore landed him face-first on the floor. Sanzo scowls, wondering what on earth has broken his fall that feels so uncomfortable and lumpy.

Lifting up slightly only to be met by a view of bare ankles from cut-off jeans, Sanzo is reminded just where Goku decided to camp out for the night. A look behind him confirms this since a pair of startled and--dare he admit it--pleased golden eyes are staring at him from between his own sprawled legs.

Sanzo scrambles off and gets to his feet with as much dignity and poise as he can muster, throwing an indignant look down at the boy when Goku lets out a giggle. Just as Sanzo is about to offer his first 'shut the hell up' for the day, a few muffled groans emit from behind him. Perfectly content to focus his attention elsewhere, Sanzo looks over at Gojyo and Hakkai, both roused now and sitting themselves up.

He huffs in annoyance. "Don't think you can keep being this lazy when we're back on the road." he says, arms folded neatly and eyes narrowed. He makes a point to _not_ look back at Goku but hopes the monkey knows he is of course included in the command. "I am not spending another night in this place. I don't care how we manage it. We're getting out of here today if it kills us. Understood?"

Gojyo and Hakkai exchange skeptical looks. Finally, Hakkai turns back to Sanzo with his usual false smile. "Whatever our leader wishes, of course." he says, only too appeasingly.

"Yeah, we'll get right on that." Gojyo grumbles in addition.

Goku snickers behind Sanzo, but the monk ignores him. "Yes, you will. I am not being done in by a dream. You hear me!" he shouts at the ceiling, fully aware that no answer will come, but pleased with himself regardless. A few more huffs and stamping of feet and Sanzo has made his way over to his usual place against the wall, carefully avoiding the others' gazes.

With something resembling a sneer, Gojyo wonders just how Sanzo is going to contribute to them getting out of this place by sulking all day, but doesn't voice these concerns. Instead, he glances quickly at the clock on the wall and, seeing the time, gives a mighty groan. "Why the hell are we up? No sane person gets out of bed this early."

Apparently aware of his cue, Koryuu comes out of the bedroom just then, looking already showered and dressed, though no one from the group remembers him having gone past them to reach the bathroom. The group is reminded then that they are no longer in Gonou and Gojyo's house, even though the different surroundings had indeed been apparent to them when they woke up.

Pleased to have escaped any pain and awareness of their shift, the watchers all internally take this as the sign of a good day. Sanzo alone may be wishing for a quick flight home as a result to this good omen, but the others are content to imagine having something pleasant to see today.

The older Goku comes out of the bedroom after Koryuu. He is still dressed for bed, in nothing but a pair of striped boxer shorts, and looks half asleep, in some forced zombie-like state as he trudges into the kitchen.

Smiling in much good humor, Koryuu hands his companion a cub of coffee, having already added cream and three sugars. "You didn't have to get up, you know." he says, ruffling Goku's already tousled hair.

The older Goku takes a quick swig, grimacing a little since the coffee is still a bit bitter for him even with the cream and sugar. He blinks, slightly more awake now. "Sure I did." he responds, if a little delayed in his reaction. "I'm not going to the temple til tomorrow, so no work today. If I didn't wake up to see you off, I'd probably stay in bed til noon. I'd miss breakfast!" he adds with a sudden increase in volume.

Koryuu snickers. "Oh, the horror!" he says mockingly, clutching a hand to his chest. He laughs again, bringing his own coffee--cream, _one_ sugar--up to his lips.

"Hey, like Mom always says, most important meal of the day." Goku grins, nonplussed. He makes a dash for the cupboards and starts rummaging, to Koryuu's great amusement. A few moments later the monkey emerges, proudly having acquired a few sweet bean buns. He tosses one at Koryuu, keeping three for himself.

The watchers look on as the pair eats and chats, still not entirely sure they understand why either of them has to be up so early. Only when Koryuu has finished eating, kissed Goku soundly in goodbye, and throws something rather like a messenger bag over his shoulder, do they understand a bit better.

When Koryuu gives his final bid of farewell, they understand a little more than they were expecting.

"Better get going. All those five-year-olds won't teach themselves." Koryuu smiles, offering a wave as he heads for the door. "I'll come home for lunch before afternoon class, okay?"

"Okay! Love you!" Goku calls.

Koryuu beams back at him from the doorway. "Love you too. Don't be a lazy slob all day, alright?" he adds with a wink, and is soon out the door.

The dim sounds of the older Goku's laughter, the reverberations of the shutting door, the sounds of stiff, breathless disbelief, all of it hangs in the air for several minutes before any of the onlookers know quite how to react.

Gojyo, mouth hanging open in a rather unseemly manner, is the first to speak.

"A…_teacher_? Sanzo? To five-year-old _rugrats_? No fucking way!"

"And yet…that does seem to be the case." Hakkai puts in, rather amused with the whole idea to be honest. They have been given clues to suggest Gonou is also a teacher, and they know flat out what Goku and Gojyo do in this reality. It seems…justifying for Sanzo to be something so out of character.

Well, for Koryuu to be anyway.

Goku, for all his poise, doesn't look a bit shocked by the news. It isn't that this information hasn't taken him by surprise, but he much more quickly takes a liking to the idea and therefore appears rather pleased with the whole thing. Much to Sanzo's dismay and annoyance, of course.

The older Goku, polishing off the last of his buns, does not maintain his mirth for very long. Right before their eyes the recent expression of comfortable humor vanishes and the brunette looks strangely melancholy. The younger Goku, straightening with a jolt when his older self absentmindedly scratches his head a little too near his gold coronet, suddenly squeals.

The others turn to him in surprise, not entirely sure whether or not this is a sound of joy or horror. Truthfully, Goku isn't entirely sure which it is either.

"What's with you?" Gojyo asks, looking Goku over as if the answer to his question must surely be in plane sight.

Goku twitches, his hands hanging at his sides almost comically, like he should be doing something with them, but can't remember what. "It's tomorrow." he says breathlessly, voice a little cracked and eyes wide. He risks a look at Sanzo, not at all taken aback to find the monk staring at him. "You remember, Sanzo. _Tomorrow_. The other Goku said…tomorrow they'd be practicing. And…it's tomorrow."

"What are you talking about?" Gojyo is almost upset now, since the monkey seems to be ignoring him. "Practice what?"

Goku looks a little too tongue-tied for his own good. He tries a few times to find the right words but is more preoccupied than he would like to admit. He hadn't given this whole thing much thought before now because he didn't think they would still be here to see it. Now that they are…

Recognizing Gojyo and Hakkai are both expectantly awaiting some kind of answer to what Goku is babbling about, Sanzo tosses the older monkey a fleeting, nervous glance before giving an answer himself. "The older version over there said something about practicing taking his limiter off." he explains, sounding much more matter-of-fact about it than he feels. "Apparently they're trying again today."

At first Hakkai and Gojyo wonder if they have heard wrong. The mere idea of such a thing is so out of their sphere of thought, their minds do a mental double-take. The look on the younger Goku's face says enough; Sanzo is speaking the truth and a very harsh reality might be visiting them all very soon if such things really do come to pass.

Hakkai, trying to put on a brave and impassive face, gives Goku a little piece of mind by addressing his next question to Sanzo.

"And…_they_ implies…?"

"Kougaiji. From what the monkey said."

"Ah. And they are trying this…practice…today?"

"Hn. Yeah."

"Mm."

Gojyo turns on his companion, dumbstruck. "Mm? That's it?" he says incredulously. "We're talking about willingly and purposely letting the chimp's evil twin out for a joyride, and you say 'Mm'! Are these guys unhinged!" He whirls away from Hakkai to gesture to the older monkey who is now solemnly heading for the bathroom to ready himself for the day.

"Gojyo…" Hakkai starts, a clear warning.

"I mean…well…" Gojyo takes the hint, catching out of the corner of his eye just how pale their own monkey has become. He quickly rethinks his resent outburst. "Not that it's…a big deal, just…they better sure as hell know what they're doing. Just to be…safe, ya know."

Well covered Gojyo, Hakkai thinks with only a touch of sarcasm. He smiles and shakes his head slightly, causing Gojyo to grumble a little under his breath.

Goku, not at all ignorant to his friends' tip-toeing, resurfaces from his own thoughts and looks to them with a smile that puts Hakkai's best mask to shame.

"Don't worry about me, guys! I'm just…a little curious, is all." he says brightly, a little too brightly really, and he knows it. He knows that no matter how real his smile might look, the others probably still don't buy it. He turns quickly to Sanzo. "I said I wouldn't ask to copy him, right? And I won't. I don't…need to prove anything."

"We didn't say you did, Goku." Hakkai speaks gently. "However, you needn't feign disinterest for our sakes. There has to be a certain…appeal to the idea."

Gojyo grunts unintelligibly.

"I mean to say…there is appeal to the idea of gaining control." Hakkai mends, flicking his gaze somewhat warningly at the kappa again.

Goku smiles, this time for real, and nods happily, feeling his friends understand him well enough for nothing else to need saying. A look to Sanzo though has him feeling a heaviness on his shoulders and a lump in his throat. Sanzo is not looking at him, focused more on an apparently fascinating spot on the floor, but the expression on the monk's face is a weak attempt at apathy. In truth, Sanzo is trying so hard to appear indifferent, he looks…pained from the effort.

For the briefest of moments Goku completely forgets he is still trying to wear the monk down. Looking at Sanzo and finding…pain, worry, and the struggle to appear as if none of these emotions are in him…has Goku wondering if he should perhaps hold back.

Goku swiftly shakes his head, feeling the weight of his diadem like never before. He ignores that though and takes a deep breath. His fear will not get the better of him, and neither will his worry or sympathy. Not when he has come so far. Just because he feels so…vulnerable suddenly…doesn't mean he can give up and let Sanzo drift away. He has to keep his head, keep his confidence, and keep pushing. Or he might lose all he means to gain.

"Better hope Kougaiji comes later, monkey." comes Gojyo's slightly strained voice. "Coz right now…I think we're heading out again."

Eyes widening, Goku turns to the kappa in dismay, but much as he wants to believe otherwise, it is clear what must be happening.

"Heh…ya know…doesn't really hurt anymore…" Gojyo says, sinking down, but looking more tired than pained.

Hakkai looks the same.

Goku too feels as his friends must, only laying down on the floor in preparation for the shift, not out of need as he used to.

Only Sanzo, the monk's grimace quite clear for the others to see, appears to still be having trouble.

Catching the blonde's eye just before his vision dims into darkness, Goku tries to smile in sympathy, believing beyond a doubt now that he knows what triggers that pain. Not just denial of truth, but denial of self. Denial of one's honest desires.

For Goku, his desires couldn't be clearer.

-----

"Please, Sensei!"

"Please!"

"Just one before naptime!"

"We'll be extra good!"

"Promise!"

Koryuu laughs, so genuinely it vibrates in his chest before escaping. "We're already behind as it is…but…I suppose you've all behaved well enough this morning."

A great round of exclaimed joy erupts about the classroom from the fifteen or so children, all the age of five and most of them little girls. They gather on the floor around Koryuu, their all too eager teacher, who sits himself down in a chair set up for story time. Beside this chair is a pile of books of course, but also…a guitar. Koryuu picks the guitar up and smiles down at the bright and shining faces of his students.

At this point, the group watching is so stunned into stupefied silence, they can do little other than stare on in fascination. They had awoken from their shift just as the children were first arriving. The classroom has a little plastic playset, a fake kitchen, dolls, an art station, and countless other things the children have eagerly played with since morning. Very rarely does any of their play turn into specified learning time, this being the first time any of them have been in school, but Koryuu had lead a rather rousing number game at the start of class.

The other blonde is so naturally open and comfortable with the children, those watching were reminded instantly of their first day in this strange world, when they had been more than certain Koryuu couldn't possibly be a likeness for Sanzo. Indeed, the man's wholly happy smile and countenance is more than they can watch for very long without feeling a need to look away.

For Sanzo, this problem is the most prominent.

"Now, if I'm going to give in this time, you'll have to help me out, okay?" Koryuu begins, his voice speaking in an overly eager and cheerful manner to grasp and keep each child's attention. He seems amazingly good at this. He looks out and meets the gaze of every child, not noticing of course that there is a slightly taller brunette sitting just outside the circle of students, and that three significantly taller men are standing nearby as well. "So, today we're going to sing one of our favorites. I'll go alone first time through, and then I want everyone to join in. Understand? Can you help me today?"

"Sure, Sensei!"

"Yeah!"

"We can do it!"

"Good. Now…" he strums experimentally on the strings.

Goku sits up eagerly on his knees, peering over the many little heads in front of him to get as much of a view of Koryuu as he can. He has all but forgotten the older Goku back at the house.

Gojyo and Hakkai are equally captured by the scene, but neither even thinks to turn a humorous look in Sanzo's direction, much as they could.

Sanzo, for his part, is grateful for that, because he does not think he can keep his composure much longer with this look-a-like acting so foolish and…sweet. Genjyo Sanzo is not sweet. He just…isn't. Judging by the glazed and adoring looks of the students--girls especially--it is more than clear that Koryuu isn't just sweet, he is sweet regularly and with gusto.

Koryuu strums again, starting an even and simple chord progression before at last opening his mouth for the first lines of his song: "Rain, rain, falling, falling, Mama's on her way," he sings, "Her umbrella keeps us dry and happy on our way…" He pauses, beaming bright enough that the students know they are meant to sing along now. "Ready, everyone?" he says, and then starts to play again. "Rain, rain, falling, falling, Mama's on her way…"

Listening to Koryuu's voice above the many little voices joining it is not quite the same as having heard him sing before. His voice is softer this time, gentle and welcoming. It carries with purpose and is so simple and smooth, even though he is singing an old children's rhyme, it is a pleasure to listen to.

Goku closes his eyes, willing back a laugh for fear of masking the sounds he can hear--both Koryuu and the children alike. To him, how Koryuu is singing _with_ the kids makes the experience even more wonderful.

By the time Koryuu has finished leading the children in several rounds of the song, and when they are finally consenting to curl up on their mats for a nap, Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku finally find the nerve and ambition to turn and take in Sanzo's reaction to all of this. The fact that he is not even remotely scowling catches them all a little unprepared, but his somber face, looking so haunting somehow is enough to have even Gojyo forget words of mocking.

"Sanzo…?" Goku prompts, keeping his voice hushed, as if the dozing students might hear him and be roused.

Sanzo doesn't look at him. "It's nothing, I just…know that song." the monk admits quietly, also pressured to keep his voice low, or…perhaps…unable to make it any louder. His lips twitch, and if the others didn't know better, they would almost guess it wanted to curve into something other than a frown. "Koumyo used to…sing that rhyme. He said…every little boy and girl learns it in school. It never occurred to me…I was singing about a mother I didn't have."

Sanzo looks up abruptly, as if suddenly aware he hadn't just beentalking to himself. He clears his throat, awkwardly avoiding any direct eye contact despite the three pairs so acutely trained on him.

"It's not important." he adds lamely, stalking off to find a more comfortable post, leaning against one of the walls. It might have struck the others as funny how he picks his feet up carefully around each child in his path, despite knowing he could walk right through them without trouble, but, somehow, it doesn't.

The others have no affiliation with the little nursery rhyme themselves--Goku would have had to hear it from Sanzo but never did, Hakkai didn't get quite the same education as most children having lived in a catholic orphanage, and the only schooling Gojyo received was from his stepmother, which certainly didn't include learning any loving songs about faithful mothers. They know their own lacking does not diminish them, but having it as an addition to Sanzo…somehow…makes the monk seem all the more human.

In more sense than mere species.

Goku doesn't even pass Gojyo and Hakkai so much as a quick glance. He gets up from his place on the floor, walks carefully around each child--just as Sanzo did--and does not stop until his feet have brought him within a few inches of his keeper. Sanzo has his head bowed and eyes closed, as if napping himself or meditating. The slight wave of tension Goku sees flit across Sanzo's jaw, however, proves the monk is aware of him standing there.

"Koryuu's really good with the kids, huh?" the monkey starts, beginning casually only for Sanzo's sake, and only because the tenderness of recent events has softened his brash determination to break Sanzo down. "I bet you could be that way too. If you weren't so freaked to get close to people, to _be_ close, I bet you'd be…even more amazing at this than he is."

Violet eyes peek open, wanting to glare so badly, and feeling like failures for being unable to form one. "Hn." Sanzo huffs. "If that were true it would only be because--"

"You're used to dealing with kids." Goku finished with a smile, knowing the old joke and not being offended by it, much as Sanzo may have hoped for such a familiar reaction. "Yeah, I know, Sanzo. I'm a brat. I'm a stupid, annoying kid. I'm 18 and acting like it more than you can stand, but…you go ahead and keep thinking your way if you want. I don't mind. I'm not looking for you to change. Just for you to remember who you are."

Sanzo flinches, visibly, as if from some unseen blow. He forces his eyes to narrow, even if his expression still looks a little lost. "I'm not…_him_. I'm _not_." he says, hating how weak and unconvincing his voice sounds.

Goku just smiles. "I know you're not. And I just said I don't want you to be. I want Sanzo. Sanzo is just fine by me. But even Sanzo…forgets who Sanzo is sometimes." He takes another step forward, forcing Sanzo to press back into the wall to avoid sharing too much breath. "I want to know every part of you, Sanzo. The parts you hide. The parts you've buried. The parts that are a lot like Koryuu, and the parts that are nothing like him. That's what saying 'I love you' means, in case you didn't get it. It means I love _you_. Not him. You. Every last little part that makes you, _you_. Okay…?"

The moments that follow linger with such electricity, Sanzo keeps expecting Goku to lunge forward and claim another kiss. Goku is telling him flat-out what he wants, but he is not asking or seeking anything more than understanding.

Even Sanzo has to admit, that isn't the worst offer he's ever had.

"Hate to break the moment, guys, but…I think it's nap time for us too…"

Goku doesn't even blink. He had already started to feel the beginnings of the shift this time before Gojyo spoke, but he does not want to risk breaking the contact he has grasped.

Sanzo is looking back at him without contempt or anger or disbelief. There is still a little fear there, but that's to be expected. Still, Sanzo is _looking_ and not looking away. So Goku holds onto this miracle for as long as he can, until finally, the shift forces him to the ground.

-----

Goku practically flies to his feet when he hears a knock at the door, causing him to sway slightly since the shift has only just ended, bringing them back to Koryuu and the other Goku's house. Thankfully, quick and vigilant hands secure him before he can stumble. Goku might have been surprised by Sanzo's action, but finds he is too pleased to have the monk's hands gripping his waist to care.

Flinching back as if shocked, it is instantly apparent Sanzo acted on instinct rather than intent, but even though the blonde is still playing into his fear, Goku can feel the coming glory of victory.

"Geez, Kou, I wish you would have come earlier. Kory might be home for lunch soon."

Goku whips his head to the door, seeing that his counterpart has already given entry to the owner of the knock, proving to be just who he expected.

Kougaiji.

"I would have been." the redhead explains, following behind Goku into the house. "Yaone had a false labor scare this morning."

The older Goku stops in his tracks, looking startled and a little guilty for having reprimanded his friend. "Really? Shit, man, sorry then. Just a false alarm though? No babies?"

Kougaiji smiles, apparently not at all bothered by the younger man's tense mood. "No babies. The suspense is driving her up the wall though. If Gonou doesn't win the bet for Wednesday, anyone who guessed tomorrow will probably be right. For Yaone's sake, I certainly hope so anyway." He laughs gently, so at ease, even though his own anxiousness to have the twins here and now is quite obvious.

When the older Goku starts casting one too many anxious looks at the clock on the wall, Kougaiji suggests they get started. To the onlooker's surprise, they head straight for what they had all assumed was just a closet. Once the door is open wide and allowing the pair inside, however, they see that it is stairs leading down into a cellar. They follow without question.

The younger Goku leads his companions, right on his other self and Kougaiji's heels. He sees no need to hide his excitement, since he knows the others understand, but he is still adamantly thinking that no matter what he sees, he will never outright ask to do the same in their world. He never wants to put his friends in a position where they are afraid of him. Not unless there is no other choice.

Still, if this practice somehow pays off, even he will not deny--just as Hakkai said--the appeal to gaining that kind of power.

Hakkai and Gojyo are tentative, but want to be supportive of Goku in something they know must occupy so much of his mind most of the time.

Sanzo, the last to follow down into the basement room, is purposely quiet. His mind is buzzing with all Goku has said and done the past few days, especially most recently, and with the added mystery of this 'practice' session, he is disturbed by the urges in him to comfort and protect. He has never felt such desires towards Goku before. Well…not so obviously. Again and again, Sanzo's mind keeps going back to their kiss, unwillingly back to it, and he finds himself remembering something more than shock, more than fear and frustration. For the split second he allowed himself to kiss back, he had felt a distinct surge of--

Sanzo's thoughts are disrupted with a jolt. The others have stopped just in front of him and he understands immediately why. The basement holds nothing of importance really. Except for the chains on the wall, that is.

It is a rather sobering and disturbing sight to watch Kougaiji fasten Goku securely, as if this is nothing out of the norm for them. The tightness in the older Goku's face and jaw gives away his true feelings over the matter, but his determination outweighs the rest. Those watching are not all taken aback by that determination because their own Goku seems infused with it, unwavering in front of even his toughest challenge.

Sanzo's mouth twitches like it did before, but he forces himself to be still and focus, just as the others are so steady in their watching.

Although the cellar is dark, it is light enough to see everything clearly. Especially Kougaiji's clawed hand reaching up for Goku's limiter. "Same drill as always, okay?" the youkai says, his hand hovering just before touching the cool gold. "You ready?"

With a wild thrill of emotion, the watching Goku gives an internally shouted 'yes!' and realizes he would react the same if it were him chained to the wall. He would react the same to Kougaiji being the one asking, too, because…he not only respects the youkai prince, he would trust him easily, and perhaps…already does.

"Ready?" Kougaiji asks again, his voice just above a whisper.

The older Goku nods.

Everything blurs.

It is so sudden. In a moment the coronet is in Kougaiji's hand and he has stepped back, leaving a good space between himself and the changing heretic. A cry pierces the otherwise still basement, the sound turning wild and feral all too quickly as the cries become those not of Goku…but of the beast.

Seiten Taisei Son Goku.

The watching Goku looks on in morbid vigilance, never having seen the change himself. He finds he cannot look away, absorbed fully in every detail. The way brunette hair grows longer, longer than he has ever had it, even when Sanzo first found him. The way his ears stretch out to points, fangs grow in his mouth, claws so sharp and gleaming appear on his hands, and slits become the pupils of his golden eyes.

Nothing in the sight should be surprising really. Goku knows what youkai look like, and even though he understands that he is something different from a normal youkai, he always knew he would resemble very much the youkai he has faced. But the wildness there as the change completes and Seiten Taisei lifts his slitted eyes to glare, and growls, and strains at the binds holding him back…that wildness Goku was not prepared for.

"This is what I'm like…" he whispers, closest to the chained figure, but frozen to the spot, unable to even twitch. He watches as Seiten Taisei gives a mighty lunge forward for Kougaiji, straining his bindings, though not enough to get even a few inches from the wall. The desire to kill is so clear in those eyes, Goku shudders, and before he even realizes he has moved backwards, he feels something at his back.

A hand goes to his shoulder to steady him and then the body he backed into moves away, the hand lingering only enough for him to know it had been placed there not only out of obligation but because it thought to offer comfort.

Goku does not look back to thank Sanzo, but the monk's action is enough to leave him soothed, if only a little.

"You strain every time, but they're still not going to break. Every ward I could think of has been placed over those chains." Kougaiji speaks, though it is plain the figure he is speaking to is not listening, since Seiten Taisei gives another lurch forward. Kougaiji holds out the coronet and the heretic ceases his struggling. "That's right. Behave or this goes back on now. And I know you don't want that."

Seiten Taisei growls low in his throat, but does not renew his struggling. His eyes trail over Kougaiji, sizing him up. He does not look overly impressed but does remember that he is the one currently chained to the wall.

"Good." Kougaiji says, lowing the diadem out of sight. "Now, I don't know if you remember what goes on in these sessions, but we're going to pick up right where we--"

SLAM.

Six pairs of eyes dart instantly up the stairs. No one breathes or even thinks. They wait.

"Goku!" Koryuu's voice calls from the living room upstairs. "Hey, monkey, where are you!"

Seiten Taisei lets out a strange sounding hiss, and those with their eyes still trained on the steps wonder if it is because he has just been called a monkey, or because he recognizes Koryuu's voice.

The sound of quick feet striking the steps reminds all of them that the door to the basement had not been closed behind them, and too quickly Koryuu appears at the foot of the steps, already looking somewhere between angry and fearful as if he knew the second he started down the steps just what he wound find at the bottom.

Kougaiji and Koryuu observe each other silently before Koryuu's eyes drift to the chained heretic on the wall. Seiten Taisei gives another growl and lunges to the side, suddenly desperate to break free and get at Koryuu as he had before tried to reach Kougaiji.

The redheaded youkai speaks quickly. "Don't be angry with him." he defends, his eyes looking sympathetic with understanding.

Keeping his eyes locked on the figure so desperate to reach him, Koryuu's face remains eerily melancholy as he answers. "I can be angry if I want to, Kou. It was his choice to lie to me."

"He didn't lie, he just--"

"Didn't tell me." Koryuu bites back, teeth practically grinding they are clenched so tight. "I know he doesn't like me to see him this way, but at least before he would tell me when you were going to try again."

Kougaiji sighs, careful to keep half his attention on Seiten Taisei at all times. "He didn't like how spooked you seemed after the last time, so…he asked me not to say anything. He wants to make progress before making you worry."

"That's no excuse."

Looking back and forth between the arguing men--well, man and youkai--Sanzo can't help feeling a certain justification in everything Koryuu is saying. He would feel the same after all. Goku is always so adamant about not keeping secrets, and as a rule Sanzo despises hypocrites.

Goku may or may not be on the blondes' side in this, but he certainly seems put off by Koryuu suddenly appearing. He seems to remember that Sanzo is in the room too, not just as a brief but welcome hand on his shoulder, but as a witness to this travesty of self. Goku is less disturbed than the older Goku might be, understanding that all his friends have seen him this way a number of times now, but…seeing it _with_ them makes all the difference. He would rather no one was in the room.

What he wouldn't give for a moment with his other self--his real other self, fangs and all. That would be quite a meeting to be a fly on the wall for, he admits, and he imagines it would involve a lot of angry screaming from his end.

The anger in Koryuu seems to fade as he looks at the figure chained on the wall. He steps forward, expecting the renewed force of the creature's attempts to break free, but not upset by them. "I'm not leaving, Kou." he says, without even looking at Kougaiji as he speaks. "Goku's never let me stay, but this time he's not here to protest, is he. So I'm staying."

No sound issues from Kougaiji at all; he seems to have expected this to happen at some point, and the others wonder if perhaps he came late on purpose and not because of any false labor.

Koryuu advances a little closer. "So…what do you…do?" he asks, his voice hesitant now and whispering. Not once do his eyes leave the sight of Seiten Taisei's twisted and snarling face.

"Talk, mainly."

"Then he _can_ speak?"

"Talking on _my_ part. He can speak, I think, but…either he chooses not to or doesn't really understand it."

"So…what do you say?"

The watchers catch a little smile pass over Kougaiji's expression, though he suppresses it quickly. It is quite obvious he is pleased to have Koryuu there. "I try to see if I can reach him. Reach the Goku inside. See if he remembers me, if I can jog his memory by telling him things, anything that comes to mind really."

"And…does this…work? I mean, have you made any progress?" Koryuu truly sounds distant and faraway, his feet carrying him closer and closer to Seiten Taisei despite the heretic's increased struggling to get to him.

Another smile flickers. "Well…sometimes…I'm almost positive I see a little of Goku looking back at me. But…to be honest…it never stays long. A little longer each time maybe, but…I've been starting to think something bigger is needed."

For the first time since his initial look at the youkai, Koryuu turns to stare at Kougaiji. "Bigger? Like what?"

"Like…more than _me_." Kougaiji gives a small gesture for Koryuu to go ahead, though the blonde is somewhat stumped as to what he is supposed to 'go ahead' and do. "Just talk, Kory, and be careful. He'll understand you. I think he just doesn't get everything as clearly as he could. So you have to convince him."

Koryuu nods vaguely, perhaps more accepting of the task he has been given than most would be, but he turns back to Seiten Taisei and takes another step closer.

A truly desperate lunge this time, accompanied by a flurry of snarls, has Seiten Taisei very much in Koryuu's face. But the blonde doesn't even flinch.

"Knock it off." he commands.

The watchers are all startled, because the command sounded so much like Sanzo they are reminded rather harshly that Koryuu and their own blonde are indeed the same likeness.

Seiten Taisei too seems taken aback and his struggling stills, though not completely. He seems perplexed by the figure in front of him and sizes him up just as he did Kougaiji. Whether or not he is more impressed by Koryuu is difficult to say, but he does appear to be listening more carefully when Koryuu speaks again.

"I know you can understand me, monkey. So don't play stupid. You're not."

The watching Goku fights back a sudden grin; Sanzo has never once told him he is _not_ stupid, and certainly not with the same force he usually uses when saying he is.

"Stop looking _through_ me and look _at_ me!" Koryuu shouts suddenly, though not at all desperately. He takes another brave step forward, bringing him closer to Seiten Taisei than any of the watchers have ever been without the proximity soon ending in a painful strike. "You know who I am, so tell me." Koryuu says, quietly now but just as demanding. "Who am I…?"

Seiten Taisei looks confused. His fierce, golden eyes are still narrowed and angry, his face contorted, but the gears in his mind are spinning. He hisses, but there is no distinction in it. No words.

"Who am I?" Koryuu says more forcefully, stepping even closer, perhaps close enough now for Seiten Taisei's fangs to reach him if the heretic chooses to lunge forward again. "_Who_? You're not an animal, _speak_!"

Seiten Taisei growls, not appreciating this disrespect towards him but not acting on his anger either. Instead of surging forward he seems to be searching his mind. He strains only enough from his bindings to breathe in Koryuu's scent more easily, using the information to better form his answer if he indeed chooses to give one.

Those watching cannot deny they are a little surprised when he does.

"…Konzen…" the beast says, in a voice that sounds hoarse and unused, very much like his hisses and growls.

Having heard this name several times now, the onlookers are not entirely surprised, though it still makes them wonder, since none of them understand who Konzen is. They know quite well that it is a name used to address Sanzo--the merciful goddess herself and Homura both used it--but _why_ it is a name for Sanzo still escapes them.

Koryuu looks equally perplexed.

"Wrong. That's not my name. Who am _I_?"

"Konzen…" Seiten Taisei growls again, angry at being corrected and looking ready to lunge forward at any moment.

"No. And you know I'm not. My name is Koryuu." the blonde say firmly. "I'm _Koryuu_."

A low growl escapes Seiten Taisei, much lower and more rumbling than before--a clear warning.

Koryuu sighs. He shakes his head, not knowing what more he can say. This creature's mind is somewhere else and doesn't seem too keen on understanding Goku's world. "Don't want to be convinced, huh, monkey?" he says, his voice more gentle now as he resigns himself to think of another tactic. Instinctively, he reaches out to run his hand over the top of the brunette head in front of him, but quick teeth snap in its direction. Koryuu flinches back. "Hey. I said knock that off. I'm not a threat. If I wanted to hurt you, I could. You're chained to the wall in case you didn't notice." He moves quicker this time, suddenly having his hand lost amidst those wilder brown locks before anyone can blink.

Seiten Taisei looks the most shocked, perhaps at the impertinence, perhaps at the speed, perhaps…at the strange feel of affection in that offered touch. But regardless of his surprise, he growls. Those watching think the sound is very different this time though, more like a confused purr.

Koryuu smiles at his apparent success and turns back to look at Kougaiji, his fingers still running through the heretic's long hair. "So what else do you--ah!" His head whips back, eyes wide in pain. In the second he looked away, Seiten Taisei took the opportunity to turn his head and bite--hard. Since Koryuu's sleeves had been rolled up, sharp fangs are now dug deep into the bare skin of his forearm.

Goku takes an unthinking step forward, but stops when he remembers there is nothing he can do. Just behind him, he can hear the varied gasps and shifting of his companions, all apparently filled with the same urge to do…something.

Being the one person who CAN offer aide, Kougaiji advances forward. "Rule one: never turn your back on him." he says, though there is little humor in his voice.

Koryuu holds up his free hand to stop the redhead from coming any closer. Though he is clearly in pain, he looks steadily into the triumphant gold staring up at him. His voice is even as he speaks. "It's okay. If this is what you think you need to do…fine." he says, willing himself not to show how his arm is throbbing. "I don't mind. Like I said, I'm not a threat to you. And I'm not afraid of you, either. Get that through your thick head, _monkey_. Because nothing's going to change that."

Goku smiles. He can't help it, he turns back to look at Sanzo just behind him and offers his recent upturn of lips. Sanzo doesn't smile back, but Goku wasn't looking for that. He just wanted to know if Sanzo feels the same way Koryuu does. The monk's expression clearly answers with 'like _I'd_ be afraid _you_.'

Turning back to the scene, Goku is quite content with that knowledge.

Seiten Taisei, however, is looking confused again and not quite so triumphant anymore. Despite the blood trickling down Koryuu's arm, most likely filling the heretic's mouth, Seiten Taisei is the one looking a little scared now, if at least disturbed. Slowly, he releases Koryuu's arm, pulling his teeth back while keeping his eyes trained on the blonde the entire time. He licks at his lips to take in any traces of blood, but seems much more concerned with the man in front of him.

Struggling to maintain his appearance of apathy, Koryuu holds his arm with his other hand, but does not pay it much mind. Instead, he looks back into the gold watching him. "Thank you." he speaks softly. "See, you don't have to hurt me and I won't hurt you. There's no reason. I love you too much to ever want to hurt you, Goku."

Seiten Taisei tilts his head, as if trying to decipher what those words mean.

When Koryuu smiles and reaches out with his uninjured arm to stroke long, brunette hair again, the watchers see Kougaiji jerk forward, but Seiten Taisei doesn't even blink. He doesn't hiss, or growl, or try again for a bite, he just…looks. And in that moment the watchers see what Kougaiji had been talking about, something those who have seen Seiten Taisei before have only rarely glimpsed.

A little bit of Goku is looking out from behind those slitted eyes.

"The wards are only so powerful, Kory. We have to put this back on him now." Kougaiji's voice sounds strange, misplaced, as if his presence in the room had been forgotten. He steps forward with the coronet.

Koryuu and Seiten Taisei are still staring at one another, but when Koryuu silently steps back, and even when Kougaiji moves to place the band of gold back on Seiten Taisei's head, the heretic doesn't protest.

All too soon there is a shudder and a soft cry, and then the older Goku is hanging limp from the chains, supported quickly by Kougaiji as he releases the young brunette and eases him to the floor. Koryuu is beside them in a second, taking Goku into his arms. He lifts the boy with ease, nods once to Kougaiji to indicate he can more than handle things from here, and heads for the stairs.

Kougaiji remains in the basement, checking over the wards on the chains, and perhaps stabilizing them for use another day. The watchers remain for some time as well, not quite capable of movement when what they have seen seems so very…impossible.

And far too tempting.

"That was dangerous and stupid." Sanzo says. His voice is not angry or biting, but his words leave no room for argument on the subject.

Goku turns back to him. "Yep."

"I mean it." Sanzo presses, assuming Goku means to contradict him.

"I know, Sanzo. Really stupid. On both our parts."

Sanzo opens his mouth to protest.

"Both _their_ parts." Goku corrects, smiling weakly. He turns around fully, leaving Kougaiji and the chains at his back. "It's okay. I said I wouldn't ask. And I won't. I mean…if it really could be that way…if I could really…keep a little bit of _me_ when I'm _him_…that would be great. But if the thought scares you too much--"

"Like _I'd_ be afraid of _you_."

Goku fights back a grin at hearing the words he found earlier in Sanzo's expression. That was the reaction he was hoping for. "Right."

"And since we are not afraid," Hakkai puts in. "Perhaps we could try such a thing ourselves. With the right precautions, of course."

Eased somewhat from how he had felt before, Gojyo looks to Hakkai with mild skepticism, but soon decides to play along. "Yeah, I mean…it'd probably be the smart thing, really, in the long run. If we can control the little brat-with-fangs then…it might be a pretty handy weapon."

And it would certainly ease all our minds, the kappa adds to himself.

Goku would never have pushed for this on his own, but he is more than pleased to have his friends backing up his silent desire. It all comes down to Sanzo though, because Sanzo is the one he would most hate to hurt. Sanzo is the one he trusts to…take care of things…if they ever go wrong. Sanzo is the one…who matters most.

"Do what you like. I don't care." the monk says, offering permission in the only way he knows how. He meets Goku's steady gaze with some reluctance. "If we do this and you get loose or out of hand, I won't hesitate to shoot you."

"I know."

"I'm serious, monkey."

"I _know_."

"_Do_ you?"

Goku's mouth is instantly open for another comeback, but he closes it quickly. Sanzo isn't just asking him if he understands, he's asking if Goku understands what having to shoot him would mean to him. The monk is using it as a weapon, Goku realizes, for just one more reason to turn Goku down in the end.

Sanzo would kill him, and will kill him if it comes down to it. As long as the monk doesn't love him, doesn't care, then it won't matter. But if Sanzo _does_ love, _does_ care, then…

"I get it, Sanzo. Really, I do. But _you_…you still don't."

One step…two…and Goku acts. He is through playing games, through waiting. His arms throw themselves around Sanzo's neck and he leans up until insistent lips meet the shocked and uncertain lips of another. Gojyo and Hakkai's sounds of dismay and surprise are drowned out by the action. Goku is kissing boldly this time, using his advantage of catching the monk off guard to slip his tongue past lips and teeth, tangling it with the waiting tongue of Sanzo's and pushing for as much as he can get.

Just as suddenly, the kiss is over, and Sanzo is standing quite alone and empty-handed while Goku is dashing up the stairs.

There is no precedence to know how to react, not when that was just done IN FRONT of Gojyo and Hakkai. When Sanzo has no choice but to look at his companions, who are both looking rather bemused and grinning like idiots, his wit and patience have reached an untimely end. Without so much as glowering at the others, Sanzo is soon bounding up the stairs after his charge.

tbc...

A/N: But what shall he do when he catches him? Hehehe. Favorite chapter coming up, I dare say, and then things shall start to unravel rather quickly. I might just make my goal of finishing this before returning home to the states. Yay! Well, this new system of responding to reviewers is hard for me. I'll try to be better and actually PM back when necessary, especially since some of you give such amazing comments each time that really help me (where would I be without Diva's nitpicking) but we'll see.

The song Koryuu sang to his students is indeed the translation of a Japanese nursery rhyme of sorts that I learned from my Japanese profesor. She learned it when she was young. It's as direct a translation as I could make it still keeping it rhyming. When it rains I still start in with a round of 'ame, ame, fure, fure, Kaasan ga...' but yeah. Hope you liked Kory being a teacher. It seemed so fitting, and I had that planned since the beginning. Okay, so maybe the song should have been a Chinese one, but that is always up for debate with Saiyuki related things. :-)

Sorry Gojyo and Hakkai are less in the spotlight again. The next chapter should be nice and evenly dispursed, I'd say. I'm especially pleased with the ending I have in mind, but you'll have to tell me. So...I suppose...there's about two or three parts left of this. Amazing, I know! Okay, then, keep being the wonderful reviewers you are and be happy I just gave you the longest chapter yet so quickly after the last update. :-) LOVE!

Crim


	17. Admission & Distraction

Admission & Distraction

* * *

"I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Oh, Gojyo."

"Seriously!" Gojyo asserts, holding up his hands as if to defend himself and his statement at the same time. He gestures with his head up the stairs. "Yay for monkey-boy and all, but…if I have to see those two kissing…no thank you. There was some definite tongue action there, Hakkai. On Sanzo. _Sanzo_. I could honestly hurl…"

Hakkai shakes his head and laughs, amused through and through by his dear friend's completely real queasiness over the issue. "In all seriousness now," the healer says, "You wouldn't want to contradict yourself, would you? You have been rather supportive of Goku's conquest thus far."

"And I still am" Gojyo assures his friend, giving a firm nod. "I think the monkey's crazy and that Sanzo isn't even close to deserving him for what a prick he is, but…love doesn't really care for shit like that, does it? If Goku loves Sanzo and manages to win him over, so be it. Good for them. The whole kissing thing though…that'll take some getting used to."

An unconscious blush rises to Hakkai's cheeks. "Yes…it does…take some getting used to."

Gojyo does not need to ask if Hakkai is still speaking of the monk and monkey. He tosses his companion a sideways smirk, easy and unassuming as if to say, 'yeah, I know just what you mean.'

By now Kougaiji has slipped up the stairs, presumably to then slip out the front door and leave Koryuu and the older Goku alone. Gojyo and Hakkai passed him a few parting glances but have decided to remain in the basement for now. There is no telling what kind of heated words are passing between their companions upstairs after all, and the last thing they want is to interrupt.

The basement is unfortunately filled with only a few scattered boxes, nothing to sit on or help pass the time. The cleanest and most dust free of the walls is the one bearing the chains, so Hakkai makes an executive decision and goes to sit down with his back against it. Thankfully, the chains hang high enough and to the side so that they do not get in the way of him leaning back. Gojyo soon joins him.

Side by side the pair sits in comfortable silence for a few minutes, close enough on the floor for their shoulders to just barely touch. The slight darkness of the cellar is even less apparent now since their eyes have adjusted. It is a small room but not at all imposing even for all the dust. Having spent many nights on the cold ground, no surroundings are really unaccommodating for them anymore.

Gojyo's hand twitches at his side. He feels like a teenager again, his mind filling with apprehensions and second-guesses by being so close to his current infatuation.

_'What should I do?' 'What should I say?' 'Would it be too soon to hold his hand again?' 'Do I dare ask for a kiss?' 'Should I say I love him?' 'Should I ask if he loves me?' 'Should I just shut up and stop worrying so much?'_

Choosing the latter Gojyo almost chuckles aloud, feeling quite foolish. He decides he will go for something mildly bold and reaches his twitching hand across the floor to take Hakkai's. Feeling an instant response has his stomach flipping and again he is reminded of teenage butterflies. But he had never been that timid or nervous as a teenager really. This new feeling is more pronounced, more potent.

And far more exciting.

"We haven't really…talked, ya know?" Gojyo says, eyes downcast with a little smile tugging like a nervous habit at his lips. He feels Hakkai's hand twitch in his. "I'd like to think those kisses yesterday weren't meant to say, 'no thank you, Gojyo,' so…does this mean…you…you're…umm…"

"Starting to see things your way?"

Gojyo could kiss Hakkai purely for rescuing his sentence. Crimson eyes lift, turning to find emerald already looking kindly back at them. "Yeah…something like that."

There is a smile on Hakkai's lips, and it is indeed genuine, but Gojyo is observant enough to see a familiar sadness still saturating that beloved green, tainting how the smile wants so dearly to reach Hakkai's eyes.

Gojyo could almost fear rejection then, but he doesn't. Though he can see sadness and even a little fear, he can see the desire to overcome all that too. He has thought it before and will again; he is an expert at Hakkai-watching. He can see the gears working overtime in the brunette's head, but if he is seeing things as clearly as he thinks he is then it seems those gears are working in his favor.

"Gojyo…" Hakkai starts, his voice dimmer now, like a whisper in the quiet of the room. Hakkai squeezes Gojyo's hand tightly as if to gain and give assurance all at once. "It could never be easy for me to love again. I assumed I never would, after all. But…I would be the worst kind of hypocrite to turn you down. All of us have…done things…lost loved ones…been through so much of the same, sometimes side by side. If you do not see my hands as stained…if you can still…love me…despite all the demons--the one inside me included," he adds, his smile quivering as if it might fall, though he holds it steady, "If despite all that you can still love me…then…I would be a fool to think I am undeserving of it."

Glances and little kisses had been wonderful signs of Hakkai's true feelings, but to hear these words…Gojyo wonders if he might sprout wings and fly. "This is so crazy." he laughs, his smile wide enough to take up half his face. He lifts his and Hakkai's interlocked hands, pulling them tight to his chest, and leans forward. "So crazy…I'd be happy never being sane again."

Hakkai echoes that laugh, the motion in it jolting him forward enough for their noses to bump, and soon both are laughing, more loudly and freely than before. Their foreheads fall to rest against one another, the breaths from their laughing lips passing between them until the closeness is too much of a tease not to act upon.

Their kiss is still gentle and light, politely exploring even when their mouths open just enough for tongues to do further exploring yet, meeting around the remnants of laughter. There is no fear or sadness. There is only the simple thrill of what might come, even if it is a risk, even if it makes the journey more difficult. After tasting the beauty of emotion between them, to deny how they feel would be a million times worse. They have admitted their desires and have happily succumb to them. There will be time enough for further exploration of what this new intimacy between them can bring, but as their kisses still, hands interlocked and tight, they are content to merely sit.

The only anxiety left in them is the faint wondering over whether or not Goku and Sanzo will be able to overcome the last few hurdles as they have.

-----

Sanzo grabs Goku's wrist more roughly than necessary, but believes he is perfectly justified as he jerks the boy around and glowers into the somewhat startled golden eyes looking up at him. They do not remain startled for long, turning quickly confident and defensive. This only increases Sanzo's indignation over the whole thing because he is sick and tired of Goku challenging him with every look and gesture. The monkey used to do everything he could to please his master--'used to' being the important distinction.

Not that Sanzo has ever wanted Goku to be his servant. He told the boy as much and he meant it. But he still does not like this total change, this shift into someone who is too grown up and too willing to speak truths Sanzo is not able to face.

They stare each other down, both daring the other to speak first, gold and violet eyes equally angry and determined.

In the living room with them, Koryuu has laid the older Goku on the couch, who is waking now as he sits up, surprised to find his lover with him. Their conversation is drowned out, however, by the tumultuous din passing silently between Sanzo and Goku. Perhaps the older Goku is apologizing, perhaps Koryuu is being soothing and understanding, perhaps they are reaching a compromise they have never quite had before. But it doesn't matter. Even when the front door quietly shuts, signaling Kougaiji's departure, even when Koryuu and the older Goku are sitting closer on the couch, talking in more hushed tones, none of these things register.

Finally, the younger Goku, wrist still held tight in Sanzo's closed fist, gives a mighty tug and pulls himself free. He turns away from his keeper and stalks off into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Since Sanzo's brain is not even remotely functioning at normal, he immediately follows.

When the bedroom door shuts behind Sanzo's entrance, nothing has changed. The animosity rising between them is still present as Goku faces Sanzo in front of the closed door. Half wondering if he should just sock Sanzo right now or kiss him again, Goku opens his mouth to speak.

"Just shut up." Sanzo says, silencing Goku before the boy can even begin. "I don't want to hear another word from you. _You_…how dare you think you can--"

"What?" Goku breaks in, his voice an odd little growl as if his limiter has been removed. "How dare I kiss you? How dare I do it in front of Gojyo and Hakkai? No, wait. Lemme guess. How dare I _love you_…right?"

The sneer in Goku's last words lingers lewdly on his lips, reminding Sanzo yet again that he is no longer dealing with the same monkey he once saved. "You _brat_, don't you even…start." he says, and though his words are hesitant, his gaze is succeeding admirably at remaining steady. He stalks forward, meaning to get right in Goku's face if only to prove he has not lost all of the upper hand. "You think you understand everything. Maybe I do worry over that damn circlet on your head. You want me to admit it? I admit it! But worrying doesn't mean what you think it does. It doesn't make me _him_."

"I don't want him!" Goku's words come quickly, angry but desperate to be spoken, almost appalled at having to be spoken at all. A single step forward brings him and Sanzo only inches apart. "I want _you_. I get that. I accept it. Why can't you? Why can't you just admit I mean something to you!" This last part is yelled so forcefully, it nearly has Sanzo stepping back.

The monk's anger does not leave him but it dulls, and even though his voice is tight and strained, he says his next words with rare control. "You are not nothing to me." he says, brow still fiercely knit. "You blame me for treating you like you mean nothing to me, but I don't. You're not nothing. Why can't that be enough for you…?"

For Goku's part, the anger in him _does_ leave. It drips away in slow, even drops until only sorrow remains, staring up at Sanzo as if the boy might break down in tears. "Not nothing…and that's supposed to be _enough_?"

Sanzo is too slow, unable to react when Goku's hands shoot out and grab him by the front of his robes, pulling him in so close he thinks the boy means to kiss him again.

"It's _not_ enough, Sanzo." Goku says, and though his hands are fisted in the fabric, he does not sound or appear threatening. He is close for closeness' sake; not seeking intimidation. "Not nothing. Not _nothing_. But what _am_ I…?" Goku's question lingers, his breath shallow and harsh, his face an inch from Sanzo's, if that.

Sanzo is stunned, weary, and so completely drawn in by feelings he knows he cannot deny forever that his anger falls to the floor as if he has been disrobed of it. Nothing petty is in Goku's eyes. Nothing the monkey is after is for anything petty. And as all the emotions Sanzo has been trying to ignore surge up within him, he finds himself forgetting he is supposed to be afraid.

Hands fly up to grip Goku's shirt just as Goku is gripping his robes. "I _hate_…" Sanzo growls."...how you make me feel this way."

A sudden jerk is all it takes to bring lips into heated contact, brought together for the first time by Sanzo's willing intention. There is a clear desperation in it with Sanzo in the lead, as if feeding desperately from the kiss is the only way to still the remaining fear inside his heart.

Goku would be shocked if he wasn't so deliriously happy all of a sudden. Though he smugly thinks the kiss is rather clumsy with Sanzo in control of it, he finds little ways to perfect it without the monk noticing control is not entirely one-sided.

As roving hands slips around equally slim waists to meld the two of them together, one thought remains on Goku's mind other than how much he is enjoying this: he has to keep this going or risk Sanzo taking another two steps back after such a delicious step forward. The monk has done that too many times already. Even now Goku can feel Sanzo starting to tense, starting to listen to the fear again. He holds tight to Sanzo's waist, kissing firmly as he takes slow but purposeful steps backwards.

When Sanzo realizes where they are headed, he tenses considerably more and tries to pull back.

_No_! Goku holds tighter still, cloying for Sanzo's tongue with his own and pulling it into his mouth to suck. A groan escapes the back of the monk's throat, lost within their met mouths, and Goku knows he has succeeded in his distraction.

A voice in the back of his mind tells him not to stop, not yet, not when Sanzo could still regress so easily. So he keeps the contact going, holding Sanzo close, until with a sudden tumble, his legs hit the back of the bed and they both fall down onto the mattress. The impact forces their lips apart and Sanzo's eyes are instantly wide with panic. Goku can see all the warnings flashing through his keeper's head and all he can think of is how he has to stop that flashing. He has to distract Sanzo more, show Sanzo the truth, prove to Sanzo that it can be wonderful and perfect.

He has to show Sanzo just how beautiful love can be.

Goku grabs Sanzo's shoulders and pulls the monk down on top of him. Kissing won't be enough distraction on its own, the boy reasons, so he sets to work using his talented tongue in other ways. He hasn't always known about his talented tongue, but not long ago he was told just that and is inclined to believe it, seeing as how the comment came from Gojyo.

The kappa had been prodding Hakkai to show off how the healer can tie a cherry stem with his tongue, something Gojyo could never quite get the hang of. When Goku popped in a cherry to try it himself, producing a much tighter and more impressive knot in half the time it took Hakkai, Gojyo let out a long whistle.

'You've got some talented tongue there, monkey,' he had said, 'That'll come in handy when you finally get yourself a girlfriend.'

Of course, Gojyo had made a point to state how despite his own inability to tie cherry stems, he is VERY talented with his tongue too. Just in different ways.

Goku takes quite a bit of pleasure in realizing Gojyo had not been wrong about him, at least if he is judging by Sanzo's reactions.

Keeping the monk distracted is what's important, Goku thinks. He doesn't even care that while he is circling Sanzo's ear with his tongue, and pulling the robes down off Sanzo's shoulders, and untying the robe fully to push it onto the floor, that Sanzo is not reciprocating a single act of attention. Every so often he seems to regain himself and tries again to pull away, but Goku is always quick to offer another distraction, usually with renewed use of his tongue around Sanzo's ear, or down his neck, or darting into his mouth for a kiss. Each time Sanzo is similarly distracted, making Goku feel positively devilish.

His distractions manage to get Sanzo's silk shirt and arm covers out of the way, and to dispose of his own clothing and even Sanzo's pants, leaving both of them in only their undershorts in very little time. Still, the only reciprocation from Sanzo is when Goku's distractions come in kisses, and even in that Sanzo has started to allow Goku all of the control.

The monkey knows he is playing with fire but he loves it, he loves the fire he can see smoldering behind Sanzo's eyes whenever he dares meet their gazes. Looking too long usually gives Sanzo time to remember he should be protesting what is happening, so Goku doesn't risk too many indulgences. He has to keep thinking of ways to kiss and nip and lick that will keep Sanzo enthralled.

When Goku decides to go for Sanzo's shorts, he makes a desperate play at Sanzo's chest, running his tongue over a blushing pink nipple and tugging at it with his teeth. Sanzo gasps loudly, hands braced on the bed at either side of Goku's shoulders. He doesn't even notice when his shorts fall to the floor. Goku's follow soon after and it is only then that the difference is understood. Everything is skin then and the shock of it is enough to finally have Sanzo pulling away with some success.

Legs bent at the knee but spread as he straddles Goku's waist to sit up, Sanzo's face shows only fear, as if suddenly waking and finding himself somewhere he never imagined he would be. The radiance of gold looking up at him is the only thing stopping him from scrambling off the bed.

Goku is currently thanking every god that might listen for Hakkai wanting to teach him healing. Those anatomy books he perused for much more than just first aid will certainly be coming in handy.

Sanzo isn't moving, isn't trying to get away, but Goku knows this _can_ and probably _will_ change if he tries to take things to the next level. But having come this far, how can he even imagine not going further? He lifts himself at the waist as much as he can, something surprisingly difficult with his legs trapped between Sanzo's thighsand withthe weight of the blonde on top of him. Sanzo's eyes seem incapable of focusing, darting erratically to avoid making any contact with gold, so Goku doesn't press for contact of gazes; he reaches for skin. Meeting their lips once more, he kisses as deeply as he has yet kissed tonight, straining his neck with the effort. This distraction is the most importantof all.

Within the kiss Goku slips his hands between their bodiesto work beneath Sanzo's hips. He is no longer playing; he is taunting the fire. But he doesn't care. And Sanzo, distracted just enough by lips and tongue and Goku's one free hand running over any spare space of skin it can caress, either doesn't notice the invasion or doesn't wish to protest.

Something in the power play is truly overwhelming for Goku. He has been claiming the upper hand again and again since this strange side trip of theirs began, but this kind of power he never imagined having. He loves it. He loves that Sanzo is letting him control everything. He loves that _he_ is the one pulling _Sanzo_ down onto _him_.

Goku reaches his free hand around the back of Sanzo's head to keep the monk from pulling away, deepening the kiss as he deepens himself within the body above him, giving the first of hopefully many slow thrusts.

A moan rips from Sanzo's lips, ending their kiss at last, but it does not take long for Goku to realize Sanzo is _accepting_ but not truly _reacting_. That isn't what Goku wants. He doesn't want to take or use or force, he wants to share this. He wants Sanzo to want it to. And suddenly, he is desperate for anything the monk might give, even rejection if it is more than this painfully characteristic apathy.

"Sanzo…?" he whispers, mouth right beside Sanzo's ear as he reaches his arms up to cling, half to keep lifted up and half to hold on out of pure need. Sanzo's eyes are closed when he looks into the monk's face. "Sanzo?" he says again. "Please, Sanzo…don't just…sit there like this. Scream at me, hit me, call me a stupid monkey, just…_something_ that says you're still here. Don't make this about me. This is for you too. For _you_…"

A few tense moments pass where Goku isn't sure if Sanzo has heard him, or if Sanzo understands, or if Sanzo ever plans to move again, but then…just when he is losing hope, violet eyes blink open. They turn slowly to look at him, more dazed than ever as if only now aware of what is going on and where they are. A strangled moan slips from his lips and Goku is almost certain Sanzo has just now realized that yes, Goku is inside of him and no barriers are left between them.

But although realization seems to strike Sanzo hard, he does not shift into anger or try to untangle himself. He uses his weight to push them both more fully onto the bed, completely pinning Goku now even while the brunette is the one inside him. Not a word leaves his lips as he settles more comfortably into this new position...and rocks forward, simultaneously pressing down to bring Goku even deeper into his body.

Goku cries out. He had not been prepared for that, for the sheer force and passion in it. His eyes roll back into his head as Sanzo rocks steadily, riding him with slow but purposeful movements that Goku meets, his own hips surging mindlessly upwards. Sanzo's hands are fisted in the bedding on either side of Goku's head, holding him up just enough to avoid crushing the boy with his weight and larger frame.

When Goku opens his eyes again, he wants only to meet Sanzo's gaze and shower the monk in loving looks since his voice couldn't possibly obey him just now; whimpers and unintelligible pleas keep pouring from his mouth. But as Goku searches for Sanzo's eyes above him he sees that they are closed again, clenched tight.

Goku wonders if Sanzo is truly getting out of this as much as he wishes for the blonde. A look at the hard flesh caught between their bodies is sign that he is, but Goku wants to give Sanzo more, especially now that Sanzo is a willing participant.

He thinks back to that anatomy book. It is different for everyone, but…if he had to guess…a little more to the left…

A great shudder rips through Sanzo and the smallest of cries leaves his parted and panting lips as Goku's thrusts hit his prostate, finding it again and again with each reconnection. His elbows start to shake, his arms almost giving out their support of his body. He manages to keep himself up out of sheer will but he will not last much longer, and his eyes betray this when they open and look…just look…down into the pools of gold lovingly looking up at him.

Something Goku doesn't quite understand seems to flicker over Sanzo's face, and as if the contact is too much for the blonde, Sanzo lunges down, capturing those same chapped but pliant lips he has met so many times now. Tongues meet, moving in time to the thrusts of their still surging hips. With a great gasp that pulls his lips from Goku's, Sanzo comes, his elbows quaking yet again and nearly dropping him to land on Goku's chest.

Moaning through his final pumps into the clenching of Sanzo's muscles, Goku follows moments later, pleased that Sanzo came first, as if it validates everything.

The pair remains locked in their ending positions for some time, Sanzo barely holding himself up on unsteady arms while Goku lays positively limp beneath him. Sensing that Sanzo's arms will give out any moment now, Goku is careful as he lifts Sanzo's body up to better remove himself from the monk's body, knowing full well that he just deflowered his keeper, and none too gently. At least, not as gently as he might have if he had been able to focus more.

The monk falls to the side, rolling onto his back beside his charge. There is just enough room on the bed to keep him from rolling to the floor. As before, the pair remains in these new positions for some time, breaths heavy and loud in the otherwise quiet room. When one of them finally speaks, it is Goku's exhausted but content voice that braves the quiet.

"That…" he gasps, a grin spreading the length of his face as he stares dumbly at the ceiling. "…was _awesome_."

Goku didn't expect a response to that, but he perks his ears anyway, perhaps anticipating a huff or amused grunt of some sort, as would be fitting of Sanzo. Tuning his ears, though, only brings him the sound of breath--shuddering breath--uneven and erratic. Goku would love to think he has taken the monk's breath away, but he doubts things are quite that romantic.

"Sanzo…?" he says, turning to look at the blonde beside him. Sanzo has his head turned away, facing the wall. Goku would not mind that so much…if not for how the man is trembling.

Goku has never known Sanzo to tremble. Shake with anger, twitch, shudder--yes. But tremble? Barely, if ever, and certainly not like this. Never his entire body, quivering like a withered leaf, small and vulnerable on the ground. Well, on the bed.

Panic rises in Goku's chest and clamps tight around his heart. "Sanzo…?" he says again, a million fears rearing their ugly heads at him. Has he hurt Sanzo? Did Sanzo not want this? Did Sanzo only give in because he felt…obligated?

That thought churns Goku's stomach. The last thing he ever wants is to be an obligation for Sanzo. He doesn't want it to be because Sanzo felt he _had_ to but because he _wanted_ to. The same goes for when Sanzo found him. Goku refuses to believe Sanzo saved him because he felt he had no other choice. He wants it to be because Sanzo felt some of the same connection he had felt. If sex was all Goku wanted he could have gotten that from someone else--and more easily than any of his companions might want to believe--but sex has never been Goku's motivation.

He wants Sanzo to love him.

But what if Sanzo has no intention--even now--of offering that? What if…for Sanzo, what they just shared was not something _shared_ or even…consensual? The very idea almost has Goku shaking as hard as the man beside him.

Filled with so much fear now, Goku makes a lunge for Sanzo and clutches tight to the monk's quaking chest. "Sanzo…you…you wanted this too, right?" he whimpers, panicking, urgently needing some kind of reassurance. But Sanzo does not turn to look at him. "Please…please tell me you did. It wasn't obligation. Right…? Sanzo…?"

"Shut up."

These words are so steady and soft, Goku almost misses them. "Sanzo…?"

"Just shut up." Sanzo says again, his voice a strained whisper as if…as if…holding back tears. When Sanzo does finally turn to look at Goku, there are no traces of tears in his eyes, but the sound of them drips from his voice as clearly as if they were indeed falling from violet. "Why do you have to be so…annoying."

Goku feels his throat tighten. Sanzo is not pushing him away, allowing the desperate hold Goku has on his chest, but…he might as well be for the look he is giving his charge. It is the fact that Goku cannot read it that makes it so difficult to look at. It is indecipherable. Like nothing Goku has ever seen.

He could _cry_.

"You're such an idiot." Sanzo says, his voice still thick with unshed tears, but otherwise just as unreadable as his intense expression. He is still trembling, but violet locks on gold fiercely. "You're wrong…and you've _been_ wrong from the beginning."

Goku feels the tears welling up behind his eyes, feels them so close to the surface. How can Sanzo do this to him? How can he give him something so beautiful only to take it away? Goku would rather have never known the monk's touch than have it looked on with a sneer. Sanzo is not sneering, but again Goku thinks the monk might as well be.

"Such an idiot." Sanzo says again, his voice becoming more and more a whisper. "I'm not the sun, monkey" he adds, causing the last resolve in Goku to burst as tears stream from erupted gold.

But they are not left to stream. Though he can barely believe it, a pale hand lifts to wipe his tears away and Goku understands then why he couldn't figure out the look on Sanzo's face. He has never seen it before, nothing so vulnerable and intense all at once. Even with Sanzo wiping at his tears, Goku is still crying, but when the monk's next words come, the whimpering monkey honestlythinks he might burst.

"I'm not the sun…" Sanzo whispers. "…_you_ are."

tbc...(I swear!)

A/N: (sigh) I'm sorry I'm such an emotional wreck. I came back from a test to find an accusation of plagerism and...broke down. It was the culmination of many things, but really, to be called on something so untrue and...revolting to me...hurt more than I can possibly say right now. It seems like every time I have attempted to do something nice for someone this week it has blown up in my face. With a flatmate, a remark I made on a lovely piece of art, and the whole mess of having MY work stolen before...I just...grrr. That and I am a little homesick, knowing I'll finally be back in the states on Sunday to be met by all my closest friends. Anyway, I just needed to cool down, and I have, clearly, since I rewrote what I felt needed to be redone. Thank you all who commented to get my butt in gear, even the one reviewer who pretty much...yelled at me.;-) I certainly did not mean to sound so whiny and teenage angst-ridden (seeing as how I am not a teenager!) but...yeah. On the upside, I absolutely love how this chapter flows now, more so than the original, which means I can only believe this mess was meant to happen to help me love this story more. I am simply going to forget I ever thought to honor another fic in a way that missed its point somewhere and just...love this, as I do. Thank you again, all of you who wrote encouragements. I don't deserve you (and I love you all too, so much, because these journeys wouldn't be nearly as fun without all of you). So...no worries about me not finishing. Didn't mean to scare you. I will try to write the final part...tonight. Honestly, thoughI might wait to post until tomorrow depending on how things go. But it will be soon, I promise. Thanks again! And remember, plagerism is a bad, bad thing. I have never done it, but I have had it done of me. Therefore, despite being hurt that I was accused of it, I will always change things rather than accept misunderstandings that can lead nowhere good. Yes, I think that says it all then. Til the last part!

Crim


	18. Attachment's Upside

Attachment's Upside

* * *

"I'm not the sun…" Sanzo whispers. "…_you_ are."

Sanzo's lips are on Goku's before the chimp can even speak, think, or properly breathe. His eyes remain wide, his heart pumping painfully in his chest. This kiss is different. Wholly different. So…tender. Sanzo's tongue is moving with his own in the sweet, wet, wonderful lip-lock, but it isn't driven by passion as it was before. Lust is an afterthought; Sanzo's kiss is filled with _emotion_. Emotion that keeps the stream of Goku's tears steady because he has waited so long to feel it directed back at him.

The pain leaves his chest but the beating barely stills, Goku's whole body feeling light as he coils his arms up around Sanzo's neck, finally closes his eyes, and kisses back. He does not care that his still falling tears are starting to tickle his chin as they gather there, some managing to drip onto his bare chest.

For the first time, Goku is speechless when his and Sanzo's lips part. The pair remains close since Goku cannot bring himself to release his hold on the blonde's neck, and the smallest of smiles is twitching at Sanzo's mouth, having a hard time stretching into anything truly resembling a smile since the monk's eyes are still radiating a good amount of fear.

"Maybe that's why this makes sense…" Sanzo mumbles, violet eyes darting over every detail of Goku's adorably giddy and bewildered face.

Not understanding, Goku tilts his head, still unable to form words.

Sanzo's mouth twitches again, fighting to find his smile. "You _are_ an idiot. But so am I." he explains, and there are traces of humor in his voice even while it retains a bit of what it held before, as if he too is crying. "How could you ever think of me as the sun? Because I freed you? No. The sun is warm and loving and full of life. That isn't me. It's never been me. It's _you_…Goku."

Hearing the monk say his name--his NAME--has Goku certain he is floating. It is the only thing that can explain how the rest of the world has faded away.

"All this time…you're the one who's been _my_ sun." Sanzo continues, his voice steady and soft, his trembling finally starting to still with Goku's arms holding onto him so tightly. "I didn't want to be anyone's sun and I didn't want anyone to be mine. But you were right. You had won before we even began this mess. You're the attachment I never wanted to have, the home Koumyo hoped I'd find. And damn you, stupid monkey, I swear I'll never forgive you if you leave me now. If you…ever…are stupid enough to get yourself killed…I...I just can't...I..._can't_...not again. You hear me?"

Staring so deeply into violet and hearing the grief dripping from every one of Sanzo's words, has Goku wondering when he is finally going to see a tear streak down one of those pale cheeks. But it never happens. The fact that even now Sanzo can still will such visible weakness from coming out reminds Goku that in so many ways Sanzo is always going to be Sanzo.

That thought stills his own tears at last and has him positively glowing.

"I'm strong, Sanzo." Goku says, keeping his eyes locked with the monk's. "And I'll keep getting stronger everyday. I promise. I'm never going to leave you. Not ever. And…and I promise…just like I did that first time you got hurt so bad…that there's no way I'm dying before you."

Sanzo's smile has lost itself somewhere, but all the emotion Goku sees on that beloved face remains. "That better mean you won't jump in to save the day when someone comes after me with a killing blow." the monk says, his words sounding very much like acommand. "No one dies for me. You understand?"

The monkey's brow furrows; he doesn't like where this has gone, but he doesn't want to upset Sanzo when he is finally making true, lasting progress. His hesitation, however, seems to answer for him, and Sanzo's face soon portrays unease and sudden anger.

"Damn you, Goku, you better understand that." he hisses, his hands coming up to grip the boy's forearms hard. The space between them lessens even more as Sanzo speaks on. "Do you get what you're asking of me by making me feel this way? Do you really get it? If I lose you…it'll be Koumyo all over again. I can't live with that a second time. I _won't_. If you want me to give in to you, I…god damn it…I already have, haven't I?" Sanzo sneers, his gaze ripping away for the first time to glare downwards at nothing. "Why do you have to make me feel this way? Why…?"

A gasp escapes the monk's throat. Suddenly Goku is pressed against him, holding him tight with his head beneath Sanzo's chin. "I'm sorry, Sanzo…" the boy whimpers, his stilled tears threatening once more as they glisten at the corners of his eyes. He can feel the monk's pounding heartbeat and shallow breaths, and even the heat of violet peering down at him. "I'm _really_ sorry. I'm sorry you lost your master, and I'm sorry I…I'm sorry I'm still going to save you if I get the chance, even if I die doing it. Because…because it's _you_, Sanzo. And I'm supposed to protect you."

"Idiot. I'm the keeper here. You're my responsibility, not the other way around."

"No, Sanzo. We're _each other's_ responsibility. You don't have to save me or anything if someone tries to kill me, but…_I_ will. I wish I could make you feel better and say I won't, but…I _will_. I won't be able to help it. I love you too much." The last line is breathed barely above a whisper, muffled slightly as Goku digs his head into Sanzo's chest.

A million dissentions boil up inside Sanzo, but…he knows voicing them would be pointless. The monkey is too stubborn, just as he is. This argument, much as it pains him, will never end as he wishes it to. He knew that from the beginning really, which is why it took him so long to give in.

Finally, however, he is not going to allow the fear of loss, the fear of feeling as he did when his master died, keep him from embracing what has been waiting right on his heels for over half a decade.

"You _are_ a stupid monkey…you know that?" Sanzo whispers, wrapping his arms tightly around the boy curled in so close to him. Everything between them is skin, and it feels so good. It feels open and raw and _right_.

Sanzo's chest tickles a little when Goku nods in answer to what he said, the brunette's hair moving lightly over sensitive skin.

"A stupid…monkey." Sanzo says again, laying his head on top of Goku's as he squeezes the boy in his hold. "And damn you…damn you…for making me love you this much."

Goku's arms tighten around Sanzo, a gasp escaping him as if in sudden pain. Sanzo would be worried…if he wasn't feeling the same way, with pain shooting up his body. No, it isn't pain exactly, but a restriction, like being compressed or torn out of time. The feeling lasts only long enough for both Sanzo and Goku to realize they are clinging to one another with all the strength within them, before it stops and neither is clinging to anything.

-----

Hakkai's foot almost slams on the breaks, his body feeling heavy and tired as if having just ended a very long day's travel. The scenery in front of him--endless desert and a sun just starting to lower from being directly above them--is not the sight he remembers looking at moments before. In the end, he does not press down on the breaks, too afraid his mind is playing the worst of tricks on him.

Behind Hakkai, Gojyo is feeling just as pained and panicked, part of him wanting to scream or at the very least say _something_ since he would swear he must be dreaming if he is indeed sitting in the jeep right now.

Goku's heart is still racing, his arms feeling strangely empty as they rest in his lap. For a moment he can only stare at the blonde head in front of him. When he finally finds the strength to move, he turn his head to look behind them, where he would swear he caught the last traces of a swirl of sand settling back to the ground.

Back in front, Sanzo's hands twitch, his arms feeling much like Goku's--empty. Unfairly empty. He swallows hard, his eyes unfocused on the desert scene in front of him as the jeep drives on. He doesn't have to reach into his robes to know his fan, his gun, and his cigarettes are safely tucked within them. He knows they are there. Strangely, he feels no desire to reach for a cigarette, despite feeling as if he has not lit one for several days.

Even at times when most of the them are sleeping in the jeep it is never as quiet as it is right now. A tension, an anxious air floats about them all, hovering over them and causing all of their muscles to tense, as if expecting a battle. When the pulse in the air very much feels as if it might at any moment ignite and explode around them, someone at last manages to speak.

"Stop the jeep, Hakkai."

Hakkai listens to Sanzo's command immediately. He turns off the engine, and slowly four pairs of tired and disbelieving eyes turn to meet in the center of the jeep. Violet, gold, emerald, and crimson. They meet…and it is almost hard to breathe.

"Am I crazy…or were we somewhere else two seconds ago?" Gojyo says in a low voice, hoping the response he gets is not looks of confusion.

There is no confusion; they all remember where they had been.

"How…unorthodox." Hakkai mentions with a strained smile, expecting the varied looks of irritation that turn towards him. "I only mean…it seems rather strange that we would be released so suddenly without ever knowing why we were taken and shown those things. It would seem…barely any time has passed at all in the real world, just as we assumed. But I wonder…what could it have been that triggered our return? Gojyo and I were in the basement talking. When we shifted here, our conversation had turned rather…common really. Was something more important happening between the two of you?" He shifts his gaze between Goku and Sanzo, awaiting an answer.

Violet and gold meet without meaning to, locking a little uncomfortably. Their admissions and revelations had called for time, but they have been robbed of that. Forced so early to think of what passed between them from a more outside perspective has both of them wondering what to say, what to feel even.

Gojyo and Hakkai exchange glances, coming to their own conclusions to explain the silent interaction between their friends. Though they assume something good and possibly life-changing went on upstairs while they were sitting in the basement, they do not even begin to suspect just how far Sanzo and Goku went.

"This is going to drive me crazy." Gojyo grumbles, when the silence of Goku and Sanzo's staring match has grown to be even too uncomfortable for him. He sits back in his seat, seemingly annoyed. "What the hell was that? Some random phenomenon? I mean…come _on_. No way. It had to be someone playing with us. So…who was it?"

"And what was their goal?" Hakkai adds.

Sanzo and Goku finally look away from each other, both their gazes becoming distant.

Hakkai pretends not to notice. "Hmm…it would seem, judging by what we were shown, that our captors wished to elicit our desires and to force us to…accept them." He lifts his eyes to meet crimson briefly, passing a shared look of devious intent. "At least, that is what I would guess since we are now back in our own world after Gojyo and I came to terms with one another, and…well…I suppose I can only assume something similar happened between the two of you a few minutes ago."

Both Gojyo and Hakkai are looking a little too devious now as they look to their companions for some sort of response. But Sanzo is unreacting, turned around in his seat now to stare out at the road ahead. Goku, staring at theblonde's back,is also unreacting, largely due to his keeper's lack of response.

The deviousness in Hakkai and Gojyo fades. Their gazes meet again, this time in distress. Whatever did pass between their friends seems to have been left in the dream-world, in limbo, and though Goku clearly wishes to protest it, he does not. Goku seems regressed back to his more appeasing self, willingly allowing Sanzo to say nothing and to act as if nothing has happened.

As deviousness turned to distress, distress turns to anger. Hakkai opens his mouth to speak.

"Drive." Sanzo commands, before any other words can come.

Gojyo gives an audible growl.

Hakkai clearly wishes to voice disapproval.

Goku…looks down at his lap, saying nothing.

"Drive." Sanzo says again, staring forward. "We're back where we belong. We don't have time to wonder what anything meant. We have a mission to complete. So unless you have forgotten why we are heading west, I suggest you _drive_."

"Sanzo…" Goku speaks at last, sounding strangely tentative in comparison to his resent overconfidence.

Everything else is silent.

"Sanzo…I…"

"Not yet." the monk breaks in, his voice a whisper that is barely heard. In fact, Gojyo and Hakkai are unsure they know exactly what he said, but the person it was meant for has ears that can hear almost anything.

"Okay." Goku replies, giving a small nod, even though it is clear the monk cannot see it since he is still staring ahead.

Whatever just happened seems to be enough for the two, a sign that Sanzo has been given leave to think things over. Gojyo and Hakkai may not like this, but they understand it, and since Goku is not protesting, nothing is said against it.

Hakkai peers over his shoulder to look squarely at Gojyo for a moment and smiles.

Gojyo smiles back. They know where they stand.

A moment later, Hakkai has started up the jeep, and they are heading once more into the west.

-----

"Finished then, I guess. He'll probably make me look over this three days of footage for the next month." Hwan grumbles, chin resting on her hand as she scrolls quickly through the footage taken from the Sanzo-ikkou's collective mind. Though it took only moments to acquire, it does indeed have three days worth of things to look at.

Somewhat disinterested at first, several things catch Hwan's eye as she scrolls, causing her to stop and watch before remembering each time that she does not have three days to devote right now. What she has stopped to look at by the time she gets to the end, however, has been enough for her to have a pretty good idea what her research will show. She has discovered the ikkou's greatest desires and gotten them to not only admit to them, but to embrace them.

Whether or not she wants to share this information with Nii, since he was the one who ordered her to work on this project, is up for debate. She never imagined the ikkou's greatest desires would be…each other. It reminds her that everyone fights for something personal but that it is not always self. In fact it is rarely self, even when people believe they are only fighting for their own cause.

She doesn't think she has it in her to take that away from someone else. Not again.

"Damn you, Nii…"

"Hmm...perhaps. But I don't think you have the authority to do that, my dear."

Hwan feels her skin crawl just at the sound of Nii's voice calling from behind her. She does not turn, even as she senses him walking closer. "Don't call me that." she growls, staring at the screen. Her hand twitches for the control to move it from the place she has ended on, but realizes the futility since Nii is most likely already looking at it.

"My, my…now what do we have here?"

Leaning forward beside Hwan, Nii looks over the image left on the screen with a little too much eagerness as far as she is concerned. Even the monk and heretic deserve a little privacy, she thinks.

Nii's grin turns a little more sinister than usual, and even though his stuffed rabbit is held safely under his arm, his attention is focused entirely on the screen. That is, until he turns his dark eyes onto Hwan. "Good work. Better than you may realize. This might just prove more useful than I thought."

Hwan forces down a shudder, leaning back to escape the warmth of Nii's nicotine touched breath. "What do you mean?" she presses, trying hard not to sound too eager for an answer, despite how much she is indeed anxious to hear one.

"Hahaha…" Nii laughs, and the bunny under his arm is suddenly remembered, brought up to be held out in front of Hwan as if Nii's voice is meant to be coming from the toy. "Because Hwan-san, now they have even more to lose…" Nii's eyes peer over the top of the bunny's head. "…when they fail."

-----

A couple hours have passed with no interruption. The jeep has remained uncomfortably silent the entire way. Goku has not once complained of hunger, Gojyo has not once voiced any jabs or teasing remarks to start a fight, Hakkai has not once laughed in his polite manner, and Sanzo has barely even moved. Even Hakuryuu has started to feel the tension, occasionally voicing a plaintive little 'kyuu' as if to ask what is wrong.

Hakkai has yet to think of an answer.

After sighing for what feels like the millionth time, the healer's eyes focus again on the road before them. He is not sure whether he is pleased or annoyed at the sight that soon greets him.

"I hate to have to state the obvious and inevitable…but it seems we have some company."

Normally such a thing would at least earn a groan if not a few sounds of excitement, but no one is in the right state to even respond. The jeep is brought to a stop, weapons are summoned and readied, and one by one the ikkou removes themselves from their seats.

The riffraff before them is a common lot, none really appearing all that threatening. When they speak, the total expectedness of their words serves only to grate on the ikkou's nerves more. "Hand over the sutra, Sanzo-party, or prepare to die!"

For once not even Gojyo shouts back. The four men merely take up fighting stances and dive in, ridding the area of their opponents only too easily, even without any of their hearts really being in it.

There are only a handful left when suddenly, Sanzo and Goku find themselves looking up across the field of battle to unexpectedly meet gazes. The moment is enough to distract Goku from seeing the youkai about to attack him, but when Sanzo instinctively calls out a warning, and Goku proves to easily react and dispose of the demon, the anxious feeling around them seems to lessen. Goku looks back at Sanzo and smiles reassuringly. Somehow, Sanzo understands the words Goku is too far away to say.

_I can't promise you something won't happen to me one day, Sanzo, but I swear I won't die without a fight._

Right now, that is all the answer Sanzo can hope to get for his questioning heart, and really…it is all he needs.

Soon there is only one youkai left and Sanzo has his boot lodged tightly in the crook of the demon's neck, holding him down and cutting off just enough air to make a point. Sanzo towers above his opponent on the ground, but though his gun is at first raised, it soon disappears back within his robes.

As the other three members of the ikkou make their way to Sanzo's position, all are quite taken aback that the monk has put his weapon away.

Sanzo, however, knows exactly what he is doing. "Who ordered you to come after us?" he questions, his voice as commanding and threatening as ever, even without his gun in his hand.

The youkai seems confused at first and doesn't answer, but the increased pressure of Sanzo's boot into his jugular quickly helps him find his voice. "I…" he gasps, eyes filled with fear but also the hope of somehow getting out of this alive. "…I…was…sent by Lord Kougaiji."

"As I thought. Then you will be expected to report back to him, yes?"

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku exchange glances, wondering if this is heading where they think it is.

The youkai on the ground darts his eyes to the others, but Sanzo presses tighter with his boot again to remind the demon just who he should be paying attention to.

"Y-yes…" the youkai stammers, practically pleading with his desperate look.

"Good." Sanzo says, and suddenly his boot has been removed completely and he is stepping back, giving the youkai room to stand up. Hesitantly, the youkai does. "You _are_ going to report back to Kougaiji." Sanzo continues, his hand hovering near the opening of his robes to remind the youkai of just how easily he could have his gun again. "And this is what you are going to tell him. You are going to say…that Genjyo Sanzo requests an audience. He'll know how to find us. He's never had any trouble before. And tell him that this is urgent. I'm not a patient man."

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku refrain from commenting on that, but all of them are wearing rather large smiles by now. Their expressions prove only to unnerve the youkai more, which can only be a bonus, since all of them are rather eager for the demon to scamper fearfully off and do as requested.

Though the youkai is hesitant, unsure if he is only being tricked, he nods and turns to leave. He moves slow at first, certain a bullet will be following him, but when Sanzo only glares steadily and gives a short nod, the demon is soon sprinting away to wherever his group's dragons had been left.

"Sanzo…I don't suppose you are considering what I think you are?" Hakkai questions, after the youkai has become a distant dot and they have stood silently for some time.

Having waited to turn until one of his friends spoke up first, Sanzo finally faces them. Part of him is deeply craving a cigarette right now, though strangely…only a small part. He meets Gojyo's grin, Hakkai's bemused expression, and even Goku's blinding joy with ease. Well, with as much ease as he has ever been able to meet them before, especially now that he is no longer willing to bow down to the fear inside him.

How could he allow such a thing, after all, when he knows he can have something so much better?

A smirk works its way onto the monk's face. "We want the same thing. What's it matter to me if Kougaiji wants to use the sutra to…free his mother, wasn't it? I was only ordered to stop Gyumaou's resurrection. And I was told to do it with whatever means necessary. In this case--"

"An alliance." Hakkai finishes, his bemused expression having a little difficulty not turning into the same excited look of joy as is currently spreading through Goku.

Sanzo huffs in amusement, and violet turns to meet gold. "Law of averages. That's all. I'm not saying we'll be friends."

"And…you think he'll agree to this?" Gojyo asks, voicing his concern even while he is still grinning.

Still, violet remains on gold. "Why not? If we can believe any of what we saw in that dream-world then Kougaiji has no love for the real villains behind all this. He doesn't care about Gyumaou. If we agree to compromise--his help to stop the resurrection in exchange for borrowing the sutra--there should be no reason for him to say no."

"Does that mean you _do_ believe the things we saw then? The things that…happened?" It is Goku speaking now, addressing his keeper directly for the first time in what feels like ages.

For the briefest of moments, Goku is almost certain Sanzo's normal smirk shifts into something like a true, honest smile. "I don't see how that's any of your business." the monk says, his voice betraying him just as he means for it to.

A moment later and Sanzo is heading for the jeep, not even bothering to look back and see whether or not the others are following him.

Goku is frozen at first, unable to follow.

Hakkai and Gojyo turn to each other with looks of surprise that quickly turn into those of pleased triumph. Something clearly happened between Sanzo and Goku that they may never fully come to know, but whatever has happened it reminds them that they too have gained something in all of this. Adding to that how things between them and the Kougaiji-tachi might actually find a point of sense through the chaos of this mission, and the pair feels like they could take on Gyumaou this very moment.

Knowing they must return to the jeep, and yet not wanting to miss out on this moment when it is right in front of him for the taking, Hakkai reaches out to grab Gojyo by the front of his shirt and tugs. The kiss he pulls the kappa into is much more passionately driven than any they have shared thus far, but still it remains gentle and loving, something that will always be apart of what they share.

When they break apart, Gojyo looking a little cross-eyed, Hakkai blushing madly, and both breathing a little heavier than they were before, they realize rather suddenly that Goku is staring at them with the cutest look of goofy bliss. Turning to head back to the jeep, the three of them find it rather easy to slip into shared laughter.

That laughter dies the second they return to the jeep.

Sanzo is sitting in the _back_, in the spot normally reserved for Gojyo. An unlit cigarette rests between his lips, though he seems disinterested in lighting it. Although he is at first looking out at the horizon, he quickly turns to meet the many flabbergasted looks regarding him. "Are you idiots going to stand there all day? Let's go. Or do you _want_ to end up spending the night out here?"

No one really has anything to say to that. Hakkai and Gojyo have difficulty keeping snickers at bay as they _both_ climb into the front, Gojyo eagerly taking up the monk's abandoned seat. Goku, half wondering if he died of shock during their lovemaking--or long before it--scrambles into his own seat without once taking his eyes off Sanzo.

The jeep starts up and Sanzo tosses his cigarette over the edge, not feeling up to lighting it after all. Gojyo _does_ light one once they get a little further down the road, but doesn't smoke it long, growing bored with it rather quickly. Hakkai and Goku don't mind this out-of-character choice one bit.

A few minutes pass in silence, though not uncomfortably as before. Gojyo and Hakkai seem to be sitting a little closer than should be possible while the brunette is driving, and looking ahead to notice this, Goku quickly gets it into his head to want the same thing. Or at least…to want _something_.

A quick look at Sanzo shows that the monk is not particularly focused on anything, looking ahead, but seeming distant, as if meditating with his eyes open. Remembering his confidence in the dream-world and not wanting to abandon it when it proved to serve him so well, Goku decides to take a risk. Considering all that has happened, he knows it isn't nearly as much of a risk as it would have been before.

Scooting closer to the blonde beside him, Goku reaches up to turn the monks face towards his, meeting slightly surprised violet with a grin. He leans forward without an ounce of hesitation, claiming Sanzo's lips as if they have belonged to him since birth.

Well, in so many way…they have.

The kiss is slow and deep, pushed forcefully deep by Goku's searching tongue. Sanzo kisses back with equal passion, meeting that tongue with his own, and releases a small moan when Goku pulls back. Violet and gold remain locked for perhaps a moment before they are reminded that they are not the only ones in the jeep.

"_Gross_. Still not used to that." Gojyo says, shaking his head while the red of his eyes peers back at Sanzo and Goku through the rearview mirror.

Hakkai's green eyes are smartly looking forward.

To everyone's great surprise, in response to this Sanzo only smirks. That is, until his hand is moving with lightening speed into his robes.

THWACK.

"Ow!"

Ah, the thrill of triumph. "Well, well, would you look at that." Sanzo says, tapping his fan on the palm of his free hand after having indulged in something he was robbed of for far too long. Goku and Hakkai try not to snicker. "Seems I have all of my possessions again, eh, cockroach. Another comment from you and we might have to see what other possessions I can use on you." Sanzo places the fan back in his robes, reminding everyone that he now has cigs, fan, AND gun within easy reach.

Gojyo does not mention how the hit to his head had actually been rather weak compared to past ones, but that is something he knows to keep between him and Sanzo.

Hakkai chuckles politely but stifles it quickly, reaching a hand over to pat Gojyo's knee in sympathy. He quickly finds that hand clasped in another's but doesn't really mind having only one hand free for the steering wheel.

Goku, chuckling happily at Gojyo's expense and even more at Sanzo's antics--because they had been so _Sanzo_ and yet…different somehow--feels rather like he did a few hours ago when Sanzo looked deep into his eyes and called him his sun.

Though he never thought he could feel even more as if he was back in that moment, Goku soon does, because Sanzo, after securing all possessions inside his robes, makes the comment of wanting to take a nap and is suddenly laying down with his head on Goku's thighs. If Gojyo and Hakkai can see this in the rearview mirror, neither says anything. Goku is stunned into silence himself because Sanzo is at first looking right up at him as he looks down.

Sanzo, the pissy priest with no love for anything, is lying with his head in Goku's lap, gazing up at him with a look that speaks the same impossible words Goku heard just before the dream-world ended.

Hakkai and Gojyo, trying not to spy too often by using the mirror at their disposal, are content to hold hands, after awhile switching from that to having a napping Gojyo curled against Hakkai's side. In the back, Goku is soon napping along with Sanzo, the monk's head still resting on his charge's thighs while Goku's hand runs through blonde hair, even in his sleep.

Hakuryuu no longer feels a need to give a plaintive 'kyuu' though he does give one _questioning_ 'kyuu' to which Hakkai answers, "It's a long story, my friend, but as you can see, it may prove to end rather well."

Even being the only one awake, Hakkai does not begrudge his friends their slumber. He knows that they, just as he, has thoughts filled with possibilities they never would have entertained before their little side-trip. Asleep or awake, all of them know just how blessed they are, even if things may become more difficult in the journey ahead. It will take some time before Kougaiji responds to their summons, but that too Hakkai believes to be a blessing soon to come.

When the lights of a distant city finally start coming into view, the healer is most certain that although things will never be easy for them, they are finally starting to get a little better.

THE END

A/N: (falls into hysterical sobbing) Omg, I did it again! I'm...done. Another fic behind me and I love it! I love YOU! You amazingly supportive and wonderful people. (sniffle) These are tears of joy believe me. I LOVE how I just ended this, I love it to DEATH, and I can only hope you feel remotely the same now that we have reached this end together.

Okay, folks, here's the deal. I WANT to write you a sequel. This fic begs for one. Here is what it will include: dealing with the Kougaiji-tachi, practicing with Goku's limiter, furthering both pairs' relationships, and possibly...getting them west. Sound good? You tell me. If the response is positive, I shall do so. Not until AFTER Christmas break, but once I am settled back at school in January, I will begin it for you.

Sorry to anyone especting a little more smut for the 58 in the story, but it didn't seem right. I know, it's crazy, it's me and Gojyo and Hakkai didn't have sex. (what the _hell_) What can I say, I write where they take me and Gojyo and Hakkai weren't ready. They're moving slower. After all, Sanzo and Goku weren't really READY for sex, it just happened because things got so heated and Goku was desperate. Believe me, having already had sex will be an issue for them in the new fic. (must think of a title)

Ummm...okay, hmmm...well I am certainly open to requests if anyone has something they really want me to consider for the sequel. I may not use them, but I'll consider them all. I have a pretty good idea what things I want to explore. The great thing is, this sequel will give me the chance to go into things I have wanted to anyway, and this way instead of just making a whole new fic, I can work from this one, which so many of you have joined me on. (sigh) I'm deliriously happy right now.

I would like to apologize again for my behavior the other day, but the responses I got back made everything better, and I am now much happier with how chapter 17 is. Thank you, everyone.

Okay, I guess that's...it. It's late, I'm tired, and I need to post this for you, so...LOVE YOU ALL, and...as always...see ya next ficcie!

Crimson


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